Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
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This. Do NOT try and convince her of anything. Nothing you say, no matter what it is or how you phrase it, will come across as anything other than "pressure" in her mind, and pressure will make her run away from you even faster. Leave her alone and develop the mindset that it"s over so that you have a good handle on your emotional state. Leaving her alone completely is pretty much the only way she"ll come to the realization that she wants to be with you if she is going to.Bladefury said:
Eomer
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Actually the story I posted about one of my buds a few weeks back seems to have resolved itself. The chick moved in with him and all seems good. They"ve just decided that they can"t be anywhere near each other when drunk.Zehn - Vhex said:
Yeah, that"s kind of what I figure as well. But at the same time, it would also be so convenient if it was just screwing around.Soygen said:
I disagree. At work you"re pretty much sure to see them, and if its awkward or uncomfortable it will make work a place you don"t look forward to being at. That can make your work suffer, and all around just be a sucky part of the day to look forward to 5x a week.Eomer said:
At home for all you know you might never see each other at all, and if you do you can always just up and leave and go out. Not something you can do at work. I would much rather fuck some chick living next door and have it go sour than a chick I work with and have that go sour. Trust me I"ve tried the work thing.
Thanks guys, yea I don"t know.
I tried to be supportive, I told her straight up I don"t have the answers but I care about her very much and despite the fact it sucks for me right now that i"m not going to let my pride get in the way and throw everything away. I said to take her time and her happiness is paramount to all the bullshit. I know better then to try to force someone in this situation.
I just can"t see the outcome being very good. I"m hoping it was just a "holy shit" reaction, and it derived from a place of fear and insecurity that I think everyone gets when considering serious commitment. Hopefully that, rather then deriving from a place of negativity and resentment - which I don"t think can be recovered from. Either way it doesn"t bode well.
Just bullshit that i"m sitting here miserable while shes weighing the pros and cons of our future. Really sucks. I can be on to the next without a problem but for the first time in my life i don"t want to.
I tried to be supportive, I told her straight up I don"t have the answers but I care about her very much and despite the fact it sucks for me right now that i"m not going to let my pride get in the way and throw everything away. I said to take her time and her happiness is paramount to all the bullshit. I know better then to try to force someone in this situation.
I just can"t see the outcome being very good. I"m hoping it was just a "holy shit" reaction, and it derived from a place of fear and insecurity that I think everyone gets when considering serious commitment. Hopefully that, rather then deriving from a place of negativity and resentment - which I don"t think can be recovered from. Either way it doesn"t bode well.
Just bullshit that i"m sitting here miserable while shes weighing the pros and cons of our future. Really sucks. I can be on to the next without a problem but for the first time in my life i don"t want to.
Seriously, that sounds kind of crazy to me. Did you bring up possible future marriage, living together, kids? I can see that scaring someone off, but just being official after 5 months of dating does not seem like a valid reason to get cold feet.Palum said:
The whole "settling down and not knowing" doesn"t make any sense. Relationships end all of the time, and if you don"t live together it really isn"t that complicated. Sounds like that while she may be the girl of your dreams, you"re not exactly the guy of hers, and she"s still waiting for him to come along. I"m not sure how being in a relationship opposed to just dating someone changes that though. Maybe she thinks she"d have too hard of a time letting go of you at that point.
Either way, like others have said, there"s not much you can do. I agree with what Seths said. Just wait it out, let her contact you, start getting into the mindset that it isn"t going to continue.
Question:Chaotic said:
If she says that she"s not ready to be in a committed relationship, but just wants to continue to date like you have been, what do you say?
The man who claims to be a "player" finds himself out played by a woman who is a greater player. Now his feelings are hurt. Good advice to you is to read the book "He is not that into you."Chaotic said:
Here we go! I was going to say something to this affect before I read this post. I actually study psychology and from my experiences the best way to help solve problems... not just females but it definitely works better in those situations. You want to ask them questions like well what do you think would help? Or things like that. It"s the same as someone going to a psychologist (and that"s how girls see it when they are asking for problems. It"s really just us guys being their psychologist that they sleep with).Heylel Teomim said:
A psychologist doesn"t just ask questions and then tell the person what their problem is and/or fix their problem. They ask what their problems is and then tries to get the person to figure it out themselves by asking them questions that they answer by themselves. It rarely works out if you "tell" them what their problems are and how to fix them. They are more likely to listen if they think they are coming up with the solution. It works with both sexes. Us guys don"t really WANT to be told what to do all the time lol... but if we are given options or at least pointed in a direction and then we happen to find the address we were looking for... we are happy because we feel like we didn"t actually get help from anyone
Yeah wtf. Girls look for someone with confidence etc. Tell her what you want, don"t ask what she wants, if she"s serious about you, etc. That"s the second she starts doubting you. Fucking shit. Be a man and wear the goddamn pants. If you want to move to the next level, say "I want to move to the next level, you can either come or gtfo." Don"t ask if she wants to move to the next level, that just shows that you are doubting yourself, just assume that you are gods gift to man and that she would be a fool not to.AlexTheDictator said:
Girls don"t know what they fucking want, they just want status. If she doesn"t think you will help her gain status, there is no reason she won"t run off to be with someone who will get her more status. It sucks you have to manipulate women this way, but it"s how they are programmed.
Dandain
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Its not a I wish I was pretty thing - at least for my experience some very attractive girls perhaps 7-9"s get all hung up on a flaw or two to the point that they have literally little to no self esteem. I guess they measure themselves to the perceived 10. Can"t say I understand it, but it isn"t uncommon. Its not like attractive people compare themselves to the elephant man, but to the one that"s "more" attractive than they are.Grumpus said:
This is where my pride kicks in. Originally I was very dismissive of the thought. Then my brother was like "You"re going to lose her over that? Just let it happen man" and I realized that I would continue on.STFU said:
It"s just a slippery slope letting a women have all the power, however it"s past that point now.
As far as the confidence thing / initiating the talk etc she knows how I was in the past. I"m making no excuses for it. I was not the best guy whatsoever. To this girl though, I was. I was trying to make her happy and do right by her because I figured that"s what she wanted (being official) her response being "Haven"t we been this whole time? I cant!" threw me for a loop.
The status thing. Without delving too much into that shit, I have the career and income that most women brag to their friends about. I think that"s a large part of why i"m able to land the women that I normally do. It"s not my killer skills at mashing LMB in diablo 3.
I also realize that unfortunately, manipulating women is a large part of the traditional dynamic. I"m just not willing to do that with her. Or wasn"t. She"s also pretty fucking smart and i"m a bad liar so I don"t know how it would even go over.
I know i"m the guy of her dreams. I know there"s no one else, at least not now. Her problem is "I can"t ever imagine finding someone better to marry" but being in relationships in the past where she sacrificed alot of herself and her ability to grow (her words) and not wanting to do the same again. You can"t talk someone out of that mentality. She knows if she allows herself it will get to that point, and shes scared.
I havent initiated any contact. Sucks my fucking balls. I"m so tempted to go meet or hang out with women, old hook ups etc but i won"t disrespect her like that even now. It would be a coping mechanism and bullshit. I"m just venting, makes me feel better just to write stuff. I definitively have the mentality that it"s over though - I just can"t wrap my head around the way people think sometimes.
As an aside. I had a lady today that was trying to take her kids home (3 and 5) she is 25. Her ex husband shows up with his new girlfriend (whom have been sending porno videos of themselves in an attempt to hurt our original lady that she"s brushed off) I guess this infuriated them. He ends up holding her down while this other girl beats the fuck out of her. Then he begins to punch her in the stomach over and over again, wherein she lost a kidney, half her ribs, fractured pelvis and is just a jarbled mess of scar tissue from an accident they were in together years ago calling her a worthless stretched mark cripple. This poor girl comes to me absolutely unable to control just her pure fucking anguish let alone her grief for her children.
Sometimes things are about perspective. I tell myself things are so much worse for much better people then me.