Girls who broke your heart thread
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Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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How in the hell do you approach the idea of "becoming official" after 5 months, meeting parents, and going on vacation together? Not to say that she was pretty dumb and out there with thinking you didnt feel the same after such a period of time, but damn man.Chaotic said:
If the roles where reversed and a girl tried talking to me about that after doing what you have done I would be pretty pissed off.
Cutlery
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Was thinking the same.Big Phoenix said:
Chaotic...has she been fucking around on you this whole time and you have no clue? Because that"s the ONLY way you date a girl for 5 months and she freaks out about actually becoming your girlfriend. The only logical explanation for her behavior is that you just asked if she"d stop blowing every guy she meets and she refused.
Dandain
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Or maybe he hurt her feelings by asking this stupid question considering all the shit they"ve been doing. The fact he opened the door that it "wasn"t" that much to him for the previous 5 months, and she felt neck deep regardless of what she"s saying verbally.
My bet is on the exclusive talk making her jump to conclusions about his commitment for the previous 5 months.
My bet is on the exclusive talk making her jump to conclusions about his commitment for the previous 5 months.
That whole situation sucks. After 5 months and going on a vacation together I think it would be assumed you were together. I have never had the talk with a woman I was with, it just happens. I wouldn"t recommend ever having a talk about something like that. If a chick wants to be with you she will and it will be known pretty much.Chaotic said:
I didn"t want to be the one to say it first but this was my thought as well. You don"t date someone that long, and do those sorts of things together, only to have them freak out over the being exclusive thing unless she"s got someone else on the side.TheCutlery said:
She may not be sleeping with that other person, but there is deffinately someone there. That"s why she said things like she didn"t want to be tied down, because the other person has triggered thoughts of maybe she wants something / someone else.
She wants to maintain the level you"re at but not be tied to you. Sorry man, but that screams something else on the side.
Multiply the number a woman gives you by 25. That means she"s slept with 100 guys before you dude. I bet that shit is loose.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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You just might be right. I mean, it was my initial thought. I"d like to think we are very open and she"s not a liar - it"s what I know about her and she"s not the type. However, I don"t think anyone is ever like "yea, my girl is totally the kind of girl to lie and cheat!"
I asked her that pretty straight up and she said def not, and was offended - but unless shes as mentally unstable as she claims (she says she doesn"t know what she wants from day to day, or as a person, is in an emotional dead zone as a defense mechanism atm etc) then I can"t see anything else making sense.
Absolutely nothing to be done in any circumstance. You guys have me thinking down that dark path though, but whatever. Things are what they are. I"d just like to assume someone is being honest.
I asked her that pretty straight up and she said def not, and was offended - but unless shes as mentally unstable as she claims (she says she doesn"t know what she wants from day to day, or as a person, is in an emotional dead zone as a defense mechanism atm etc) then I can"t see anything else making sense.
Absolutely nothing to be done in any circumstance. You guys have me thinking down that dark path though, but whatever. Things are what they are. I"d just like to assume someone is being honest.
Cutlery
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If she was into you, this never would have happened. It literally just doesn"t happen. No way, after 5 months, this girl thinks you"re "Just friends." No fucking way. She"s either batshit insane, or she"s not telling you the whole truth. She might not be lying, but she is definitely not saying everything. "I don"t know what I want" is basically code for "If I tell him what"s really going on, he"s gonna be pissed and probably pimp slap me."Chaotic said:
It"s over, man. Sorry. Pack your shit and move on, this one"s never coming back.
chthonic-anemos
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This, she basically realized that she"s only ever fucked 4 guys in her entire life, and isn"t ready to settle down, she wants to experience more variety (dick).Seths said:
Zehnpai
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For what it"s worth, it"s important to have had a relationship like that so you know a truly good one when you"re in it. I think the batshit insanity I put up with in past relationships made me realize that when my wife is mad at me all afternoon because she thinks I hid the blue cup on purpose when we don"t even have a blue cup...it"s not that big of a deal. I just sigh, play some puzzle quest on my phone and don"t wear boxers to bed for when she wakes up, realizes she was upset for no reason and now wants to "apologize."
So when you meet the next girl, the one who is slightly smarter, slightly hotter, makes you laugh slightly more and fucks slightly better. After 5 months when you say, "So we"re officially boyfriend/girlfriend yeah?" she"ll look at you, smirk and go, "No shit Sherlock."
So when you meet the next girl, the one who is slightly smarter, slightly hotter, makes you laugh slightly more and fucks slightly better. After 5 months when you say, "So we"re officially boyfriend/girlfriend yeah?" she"ll look at you, smirk and go, "No shit Sherlock."
So I"ve been dating this girl for about six months, and recently things have started to get strained. There are two main problems:
1. She is a Christian, although she doesn"t buy into much of the dogma that plagues modern Christianity -- she believes in helping the poor and disabled, not blaming them for their own problems, donates much of her (sizable) income to charity and doesn"t believe homosexuality is a sin. She believes in evolution, but is unsure of its place concerning how God created us in his image. She is also one of the smartest people I"ve ever met.
I"m not religious -- I am a firm believer in evolution, and believe that everything about us, from our emotions to our society is a product of this mechanism. We"ve had several fights during our relationship, all of them concerning religion. I"ve tried to keep and open mind -- we"ve read and discussed the Bible together, and I"ve attended several of her Church functions and have even tried praying on several occasions (with strange, mixed success.)
A few days ago she gave me a book to read, claiming that it had answered many of the questions she herself had about Christianity, and that I might find it enlightening since she knew I had been struggling with her faith -- I read about 30 pages of the book, and then had to put it down. It felt like the author was writing to fifth graders, fifth graders that already believed in God and Jesus and all that jazz, but maybe had a few concerns about the whole thing. 20 pages into it, the author attributes the inherent conflict found within humans (such as why we do bad things when we know they"re wrong) to (lol) "TEH DEBIL". Never mind evolution having created within us a maelstrom of powerful forces that wage constant battle, it"s all about Satan causing Original Sin.
When I put the book down, we had a long argument about it, because she was dissapointed that I had not liked the book and I was dissapointed because it"s not what I thought the book would be. That has lingered for the last few days, and yesterday I had to basically get drunk just to keep from wondering just what the hell was wrong with people that they would believe this crap. Which brings me to the second problem...
2) We spend way, way, way too much time together. Every night, in fact. It is literally driving me insane. When I do have free time I have to spend it doing shit that I haven"t been able to do because I"m busy with her. Part of me feels like a dick for wanting more alone time, but it"s not like I don"t care about her or don"t want to spend time with her... I"m not sure how to approach the subject because, honestly, every time I"ve felt this way in a relationship, I"ve just broken up with them and moved on. Now, with someone I want to stay with, I have no idea what to do.
1. She is a Christian, although she doesn"t buy into much of the dogma that plagues modern Christianity -- she believes in helping the poor and disabled, not blaming them for their own problems, donates much of her (sizable) income to charity and doesn"t believe homosexuality is a sin. She believes in evolution, but is unsure of its place concerning how God created us in his image. She is also one of the smartest people I"ve ever met.
I"m not religious -- I am a firm believer in evolution, and believe that everything about us, from our emotions to our society is a product of this mechanism. We"ve had several fights during our relationship, all of them concerning religion. I"ve tried to keep and open mind -- we"ve read and discussed the Bible together, and I"ve attended several of her Church functions and have even tried praying on several occasions (with strange, mixed success.)
A few days ago she gave me a book to read, claiming that it had answered many of the questions she herself had about Christianity, and that I might find it enlightening since she knew I had been struggling with her faith -- I read about 30 pages of the book, and then had to put it down. It felt like the author was writing to fifth graders, fifth graders that already believed in God and Jesus and all that jazz, but maybe had a few concerns about the whole thing. 20 pages into it, the author attributes the inherent conflict found within humans (such as why we do bad things when we know they"re wrong) to (lol) "TEH DEBIL". Never mind evolution having created within us a maelstrom of powerful forces that wage constant battle, it"s all about Satan causing Original Sin.
When I put the book down, we had a long argument about it, because she was dissapointed that I had not liked the book and I was dissapointed because it"s not what I thought the book would be. That has lingered for the last few days, and yesterday I had to basically get drunk just to keep from wondering just what the hell was wrong with people that they would believe this crap. Which brings me to the second problem...
2) We spend way, way, way too much time together. Every night, in fact. It is literally driving me insane. When I do have free time I have to spend it doing shit that I haven"t been able to do because I"m busy with her. Part of me feels like a dick for wanting more alone time, but it"s not like I don"t care about her or don"t want to spend time with her... I"m not sure how to approach the subject because, honestly, every time I"ve felt this way in a relationship, I"ve just broken up with them and moved on. Now, with someone I want to stay with, I have no idea what to do.
Zehnpai
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Do you want to be a christian or are you just doing it hoping it will make you argue less? Because it won"t. You"ll just find some other shit to argue about. Couples do that. Healthy ones even. I would just tell her straight up that you want to be together but it"s not who you are, you can"t force yourself and it would be disrespectful to her and her religion to pretend.
Zehnpai
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As for the second part, don"t tell her you want alone time. Figure out what you want to do with your alone time and just tell her you want to do that. My wife knows that StarCraft is really important to me and if I don"t get a few games in every night I get cranky. She usually sits in the corner and knits or plays some dragon breeding game on her phone.
It will get better with time too.
It will get better with time too.