Girls who broke your heart thread

ham said:

Yeah actually the third day I hung out with her she told me that. She said he was really nice and stuff at first then just started getting angrier as time went on and was breaking shit or something. Anyway I don"t know enough about any of that to have a real opinion on it

She asked if she could pick something up she left at my place today (she lives less than a mile away) but I said I"d bring it over later. I walked over there, assuming I was just dropping and going and she asked if I wanted to order a pizza and watch a movie - I thought finally some alone time but within minutes of agreeing her roommate and her boyfriend came home and wanted to get in on the festivities. So one pizza became two pizzas and two people on a couch became four. Very loose butthole, I shouldn"t have gone

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I think any abusive piece of shit is cool in the beginning, or it never would"ve gotten off the ground. At least she"s not making bullshit excuses (he only hits me when I"m bad or similar shit) so that"s a point in her favor.

That 2nd paragraph there really hit home with me, the whole other people thing. It"s not exactly like what you"re going through but reminded me of it anyway. I"ve just started seeing a girl that recently got out of a relationship. Fucked up point? She still lives with him, sleeping in the spare bedroom. He knows about me, knows what she does when she comes over, she says he"s got his own things going on, but it"s throwing up a ton of red flags. I"m way too early into this to say "You living with him bothers the fuck out of me", but it"s a roadblock that is making all my brakes lock up. Now I"m not even doing it consciously, when at the beginning it was "come on over" it"s become "can"t make it, cool, no worries" and not even thinking about it for a week. Pretty good sign of things to come right there.

oh I typed that weird. Her roommate and her roommates boyfriend came over. She doesn"t hang out with her ex anymore

your situation sounds like a nightmare

ham said:

oh I typed that weird. Her roommate and her roommates boyfriend came over. She doesn"t hang out with her ex anymore

your situation sounds like a nightmare

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No, I got you, I didn"t think her ex showed up, just made me think of it anyway. Too many cooks in the kitchen bullshit, that"s all.

Salshun said:

I"m way too early into this to say "You living with him bothers the fuck out of me",.

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No, you are not.

concur ^

to be honest, I wouldn"t even deal with that situation, and I consider myself one of the more rational and understanding people in the thread

ham said:

concur ^

to be honest, I wouldn"t even deal with that situation, and I consider myself one of the more rational and understanding people in the thread

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Some part of me, and it"s sad, thinks I should just live in this fucked up delusional vacuum when I"m around her and just accept the friendship/sexual aspects of it. Absolutely no part of me thinks this could ever turn into anything, she"s got her issues, I have mine, but just a night or two a week shut down the rational parts of my brain, get drunk, flip her around a few times, and wake the next morning and go to work and put it out of mine until my phone rings again.

Some consistent form the proverbial booty call and leave it at that.

I met my first girlfriend in college and she was still living with an abusive (emotionally) ex-boyfriend. We dated for 5.5 years until I broke up with her because I wanted to fuck other girls.

Warning sign doesn"t mean anything other than a warning.

Salshun said:

Some part of me, and it"s sad, thinks I should just live in this fucked up delusional vacuum when I"m around her and just accept the friendship/sexual aspects of it. Absolutely no part of me thinks this could ever turn into anything, she"s got her issues, I have mine, but just a night or two a week shut down the rational parts of my brain, get drunk, flip her around a few times, and wake the next morning and go to work and put it out of mine until my phone rings again.

Some consistent form the proverbial booty call and leave it at that.

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hey if you like her and can deal with what"s going on, keep the door cracked at least. Just keep your expectations low and you should be okay

Jabberwhacky said:

I met my first girlfriend in college and she was still living with an abusive (emotionally) ex-boyfriend. We dated for 5.5 years until I broke up with her because I wanted to fuck other girls.

Warning sign doesn"t mean anything other than a warning.

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I wonder how many warning signssheignored. Not that you aren"t a total stud, mostly just mean that if after 5 and a half years you dumped her that easily for that reason, you were clearly not that into her and my bet is there were plenty of warning signs of that fact. Just a first relationship and not sure how to do it right or break it off? Perpetuating her victimization? Who knows, but that"s a long time to then casually just end it so you can fuck other chicks (but at least you did end it first, I suppose).

I do agree with you (maybe) that a sign warning "deer crossing" doesn"t mean there"s going to be a herd of deer standing on the road around every turn. Sometimes shit happens. I had a female friend of years that became a girlfriend, she moved in mostly for financial reasons and the fact we were mostly friends, we ended it very amicably because we realized we just weren"t that into each other, and she still lived in my second bedroom on the other side of my house (as she always had) for several months. Had she started dating, yeah, it would have been a warning sign, but there was so much nothing going on between her and I that the warning wouldn"t have been a big deal to any guy dating her that wasn"t a complete asshole or internet tough-guy writing off any and everything that isn"t conjured from a magazine in Weird Science.

Warning signs mean investigate, not run. And anything can be a warning sign if you"re looking for one (omg sharp elbows wouldn"t hit!). And the other person is probably dealing with a lot of her (and her friend"s) warning signs because nobody is perfect anywhere but on teh internetz while giving advice to other guys.

My ex that cheated on me in India is now my room mate. Chicks seem to eat that crap up. I have a half a dozen chicks at work that I"m fairly certain I could get with because of that whole situation. I like the girl I"m seeing now though for the most part. Younger than me by a little more than 6 years (she"s 21 I"m 27). My only real issue with her is how gung ho she is already. We hooked up because we had been in similar situations, both coming from long term relationships, of an on again off again nature with jackasses. Never realized how into me this girl was until I let her stay the night after a friends bday party. But she is more in the stage where she has had a lot longer to get over her big ex and she"s ready for Mr. New and Mr. Right, which she has determined is me somehow. I have been completely up front with this chick since day one, even straight told her at first me and her weren"t going to date because I was still planning on testing the waters when my ex got back from India. She stuck it out a couple months and I did fall for her a bit, so we wound up dating. But she doesn"t seem to realize that I want to take it slow and easy. I just got out of a relationship where I was ready to marry someone else. We"ve had the "taking it slow" talk so many times it hurts, I"ve literally sat her down and told her if she doesn"t chill out, I"m breaking up with her. We almost broke it off once which seemed to cool her heels for a bit, but she just doesn"t know how to relax and just chill. She is too clingy and way to pda. Any suggestions on things I can do to chill her out. I like this girl a lot and she is a pretty cool chick to put up with me living with my ex as a room mate the way she does, but I want some time to figure out if she is wife material.

so tonight I"m leaving bike polo and get a text to come hang out at an ice house with new girl. I showed up an hour later and convince her and her friend to go meet up with my friends at a place with $1 wells. good times all around

then I get the "want to make sure we both just want to stay friends right now" text when I get home. I"ve been incredibly flirty and tossed in some of the "I"ll earn the key" type of moments you guys told Eomer to do. Oh well, a few days down the drain and another girl who wanted me there just so she wasn"t alone. Told her I wasn"t friendzone boyfriend replacement material and she was being incredibly naive if she thought I was just looking for a new best buddy to see all the time and buy drinks for. fuck. she got all butthurt saying I was being shitty but fuck her and fuck that whole situation. I just met your stupid ass, I don"t owe you my friendship just because we get along.

ham said:

so tonight I"m leaving bike polo and get a text to come hang out at an ice house with new girl. I showed up an hour later and convince her and her friend to go meet up with my friends at a place with $1 wells. good times all around

then I get the "want to make sure we both just want to stay friends right now" text when I get home. I"ve been incredibly flirty and tossed in some of the "I"ll earn the key" type of moments you guys told Eomer to do. Oh well, a few days down the drain and another girl who wanted me there just so she wasn"t alone. Told her I wasn"t friendzone boyfriend replacement material and she was being incredibly naive if she thought I was just looking for a new best buddy to see all the time and buy drinks for. fuck. she got all butthurt saying I was being shitty but fuck her and fuck that whole situation. I just met your stupid ass, I don"t owe you my friendship just because we get along.

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Eh, sounds like you were being shitty, dude. She was probably (subconsciously) testing to make sure you weren"t just there taking advantage of her fragile state. If you say something supportive about being friends, then she thinks you"re worth being more than that. If you throw a hissy, then she proves you were just there to score. You done goofed.

popsicledeath said:

Eh, sounds like you were being shitty, dude. She was probably (subconsciously) testing to make sure you weren"t just there taking advantage of her fragile state. If you say something supportive about being friends, then she thinks you"re worth being more than that. If you throw a hissy, then she proves you were just there to score. You done goofed.

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Wat. Are you trying to troll ham?

Seananigans said:

Age her 5 years. At least, if the technology is available, I"m not sure if they have it in your area.

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Pretty much. She"s 21 acting like 21-year-olds do.

That "I"ll earn the key" advice was terrible.

I wasn"t that weird about it. I just mean i sent signals that I wasn"t looking for a buddy very early into us talking to each other. I mean as a girlfriend she was already coming across as needy, I can"t imagine how she thinks that"s acceptable levels of attention to ask from a friend... one she just made. I was pretty fucking drunk last night, so I"m glad people could understand what I was saying at least and that I didn"t get too butthurt in my replies. She"s literally already texted me this morning too. We have plans tonight to go out with friends to an event that requires tickets, I get in free because I know people working there and she was my +1. No problem taking her since it"s not a 1 on 1 event, but briefly considered going full on dickhead and telling her change of plans

ham said:

"I"ll earn the key" .

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Not attempting to nitpick, but as a general statement, that"s a really, really bad way to say something. It voluntarily puts you in the position of being assessed and her as the judge. Youneverwant to do that ever ever. You want to put her in that position. Playfully: "If you"re good, maybe I"ll take the key" etc. Something like that, or nothing.

If you"re a guy and you ever say things to girls like "I"ll show you I"m xyz" or any kind of statement trying to prove yourself, framing her as the judge, it"s over forever. I see tons of people do that all the time, especially at bars. Cut that shit out alone and you"ll improve 200%.

popsicledeath said:

Eh, sounds like you were being shitty, dude. She was probably (subconsciously) testing to make sure you weren"t just there taking advantage of her fragile state. If you say something supportive about being friends, then she thinks you"re worth being more than that. If you throw a hissy, then she proves you were just there to score. You done goofed.

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No, that was exactly how he should have handled it (minus being "hissy," which I don"t think he was). Agreeing to be friends with a chick you don"t want to be friends with is wrapping your balls up in butcher paper and handing them to her. We"ve already seen at least 1 person here go from the friend zone--which I thought was impossible to recover from--to dating a chick based ONLY on making the same kind of reply Ham did.

Drinsic said:

Wat. Are you trying to troll ham?

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No. It sounds like acted like a dick, one way or another. Not saying he is, just acted abitimmature there.

She was acting a bit insecure and wanting reassurance (NOT wanting to just be friends, wanting to be assured she wasn"t being used again), and his reaction was to either confirm what she feared by being a dick to her, or by coming to an internet forum and over-blowing what happened with a typical, canned "fuck her" response because he apparently can"t handle even the emotions involved in a chick he"s not even kissed looking (awkwardly on her part) for some reassurance from a guy she obviously likes.

That"s the thing. She"s basically saying: I really like you but am afraid to be hurt and don"t want to be friends but I"d be more comfortable if you"d be willing to just be my friend even though I don"t really want that because I really like you.

I guess it"s a learning lesson if he didn"t pick up on that. It"s the perfect time to make a move (not trying to get your dick wet, trying to earn the trust from another human being). Not the good time to go all "fuck her" even if it"s just to his internet homies.

Proper reaction: roll with the punches, keep on keeping on, which is what ended up happening, which is cool... because she obviously doesn"t just want to be friends. But, yeah, that wasn"t exactly cause to slap high fives like ham was the man pulling off some magic with the ladies. More like he"s either really lucky she didn"t pick up on things, read this, or have him say what he said to us to her. Or, he"s really unlucky because she"s a doormat and she did pick up on his not-quite-supportive-or-cool reaction and is still moving forward. Hopefully the former.