Girls who broke your heart thread

Salshun_foh

shitlord
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So the girl I"m hanging out, I got word she"s super scared about anyone being clingy, so I give her a wide berth. It"s fun when we"re together but I don"t really text her much or talk on the phone (I do it 8 hours a day, you better be dying or your girl left you if you want to call me), then I get a "Why are you mad at me?" text today.

Stupid games, land mines and eggshells.
 

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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Getting a "why are you mad at me?" text is 100x better than smothering her and getting a "i need some alone time" text.
 

Antarius

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Tenks said:
Getting a "why are you mad at me?" text is 100x better than smothering her and getting a "i need some alone time" text.
Exactly, a girl asking why you are mad at her is actually good. That"s her admitting that she cares about how you feel about her. But it"s also a shit test.

Answer with Soandso told me that you hated clingy guys tells her that you A)talk about her behind her back, B)think about her when she"s not around, and C)care what she thinks and feels. D) You avoiding her was just a game you were playing and not how you would naturally act.

Which is the exact opposite of what you should do.

A good response would be something like Hey, I"m not angry with you, just been a little busy with my work schedule and then I also had x going on.

If you start sending her a million texts, she"ll realize that your avoidance thing was an act and are actually one of those clingy guys that she hates (BECAUSE EVERYONE SANE HATES CLINGERS, NOT JUST THIS GIRL). The only way to win... is not to play (much like global thermonuclear war).
 

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Antarius is right on, except he"s still overthinking. There"s no need to explain yourself because you haven"t done anything wrong. "huh? I"m not mad..." The end. Her worry is her problem. She can ask directly and then you can tell her, if you want, why you haven"t been talking to her much ("no reason. How about we do x on y day").
 

Kirun

Buzzfeed Editor
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Dabamf said:
Antarius is right on, except he"s still overthinking. There"s no need to explain yourself because you haven"t done anything wrong.
This. Women set these sort of traps all the time. They are fucking masters at it, and most of the time, we respond withwaytoo much information, usually without even realizing we are doing so. Women use this tactic as a defense to try and find out potential creepers/losers/clingers/etc. Using a "less is more" approach and/or questioning why she wants particular information without being weird/mean about it goes a long way.
 

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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Dabamf said:
Antarius is right on, except he"s still overthinking. There"s no need to explain yourself because you haven"t done anything wrong. "huh? I"m not mad..." The end. Her worry is her problem. She can ask directly and then you can tell her, if you want, why you haven"t been talking to her much ("no reason. How about we do x on y day").
Exactly. When talking with girls I find less is more. Guys make mistakes about going over their entire thought process and reasons for actions (because that is how we think) but girls don"t work like that. Keep it short and you have less bullets to shoot yourself in the foot with.
 

CnCGOD_foh

shitlord
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0
Tenks said:
Exactly. When talking with girls I find less is more. Guys make mistakes about going over their entire thought process and reasons for actions (because that is how we think) but girls don"t work like that. Keep it short and you have less bullets to shoot yourself in the foot with.
I have had good luck explaining my thought process. But only when it is clear something had a negative effect. I would reverse the question. Like "I am not mad, what makes you think so?" Then if she says it hurts her feeling when you don"t talk to her much you can say that you got the impression that she would prefer you communicate less and that you would be sure to be more open moving forward.

Girls do work like that if they are A) Intelligent and B) Older than 25. If either is not the case, you might want to try the less is more approach. There is clearly a marked decline in crazy from 25-30 at which point they hit 30 and are either still batshit (avoid avoid avoid as this is permanent by 30) or finally know what the fuck they want and thus can be treated like sane human beings.

My rule of thumb is just assume they are sane and be honest with them as much as possible about what you think, why you do things, what makes you tick. If this causes problems or drama then move on. You will leave a trail of crappy women in your wake and eventually find a good one. Took me till I was 30 to find a sane, intelligent, and attractive enough woman with a career that didn"t suck but once I did I knew immediately what a rare find she was.
 

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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CnCGOD said:
Then if she says it hurts her feeling when you don"t talk to her much you can say that you got the impression that she would prefer you communicate less
This translates to: Instead of being myself, I change my behavior to what I think pleases you.
 

Eomer

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I said I"d update on what ever became of the neighbor thing, so here it is as short as possible. A week or two after the movie night where I failed to make a move, there was a music festival in town that I go to every year and a ton of other people do as well. We"d texted back and forth a bit and it came up that I was going and she wasn"t. It runs Thursday to Sunday, and on the Thursday I jokingly gave her a hard time for not coming down since a ton of her friends were down there. So Friday afternoon she texts me and asks if I"m walking down to the grounds later, I respond that I"d intended on cabbing as usual but that I could be persuaded to walk.

We walked down there together (25 minute or so walk), met up with some friends, hit the beer gardens, and had a good time. We weren"t joined at the hip or anything, we didn"t hang out like we were there "together" or anything and kind of came and went through the evening. And again I didn"t really feel like there was much physical or verbal flirting at all, if any really. Either way when the show was coming to an end and I was supposed to meet her and her friends, at first I couldn"t find them. As it turned out most of her friends had left earlier, and she was waiting for me to find her and walk home with her.

So we walked back to our building. I have the slowest elevator in the world, and generally use it as an excuse to make a move if I"m returning home with a date. But it just didn"t feel right at all, it felt more like I was just hanging out with a friend, and the conversation didn"t really have any breaks or moments to dive in. So the door opens to our floor, we walk down the hallway to our doors and I"m thinking "k dude, don"t fuck this up, sack up and kiss her." So we get to our doors, and she makes a comment along the lines of "well that was an awesome night, this is so convenient!", I say something similar, she turns to face me, and I fucking hug her and tell her to have a good night. Ugh. What the fuck is wrong with me? As I was doing it my mind was like "nnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooo!"

The festival continued for a couple days, but she decided to take it easy for the rest of the weekend and didn"t have tickets anyway. Since then there"s just been the occasional chat back and forth, and I"ve asked her if she wanted to hang out once or twice, but have gotten soft refusals ("oh that would be fun, but I"ve got a presentation tomorrow and have to get it done, next time!"). Near as I can tell, and perhaps I"m retarded for not being totally sure of it, she was interested but has now either decided I"m not interested, I"m gay, or I"m a gigantic pussy deserving only of the friend zone. I"m thinking the last, at this point.

But then she throws me curveballs. Tuesday she texts and asks me if I can come by her place and show her how to shut the water off, as she"s having issues with her washing machine. So I go by, show her how to shut the water off to the machine, chat for a minute or two, and go on my way. Super friendly and chatty as usual, but if there was any flirting it was totally over my head.

So then yesterday I see that Stone Temple Pilots are in town, there"s still tickets available, and I don"t know anyone going. So naturally I figure what the shit, and ask her:

Me: Hey, whadya doing tonight? Interested in Stone Temple Pilots? Just realized there are still tix available.

Her: I"m going for a run tonight! I"m kind of meh on concerts. Except the Biebs!

Me: hmmm, there I go with the judging again (I had joked I was judging her when she didn"t come for more of the festival)

Her: I will convert you one day... after a full ski roadtrip with the Biebs on repeat... you"ll be singing along

Firmly friend zoned, I do believe. She"s serious about going on a ski trip this winter, I think, but I"ll just be tagging along as the non-gay gay friend.

Good news is I was camping last weekend with a group of people I didn"t know well (knew just one person out of 8 or so), a single friend of the group showed up Saturday afternoon (it was mostly couples), asked if I wanted a beer (I had none as I was on my Ducati and the one person I did know forgot to bring me a case), proceeded to go beer for beer with me for the next 10 hours, and then we banged in a tent while the other 7 or so people tried to sleep 10 feet away. Former college volleyball player and current phys ed teacher at a private catholic school, for bonus points. Actually does seem like a really cool chick, but she lives in Calgary so not good for anything other than a booty call. Shame. Helps with the mojo, though.
 

Haast

Lord Nagafen Raider
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Eomer said:
Failure, chapter 374
It"s almost hard to read. Opportunity knocks, Eomer ponders whether or not he should answer until it gives up and fucks someone else.

Can someone give him a colored text title, "FoH Friendzone Champion"? Pretty sure he"s earned it twice over, even if it wasn"t a formal contest.
 

Seananigans

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Should create an RRP-style lockout for him called Friendzone, and it only has access to the PGT, so he"s surrounded by hot chicks he"ll never fuck.
 

Heylel

Trakanon Raider
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Eomer said:
Firmly friend zoned, I do believe. She"s serious about going on a ski trip this winter, I think, but I"ll just be tagging along as the non-gay gay friend.
Sounds like you bricked it man, sorry. It happens, but it"s a neighbor anyway so you might have dodged a bullet.

Unrelated, but I realized earlier today that I bought my girlfriend a silk robe for her birthday, among other things, and it made me laugh remembering your kimono story.
 

Grumpus

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Eomer said:
She"s serious about going on a ski trip this winter, I think, but I"ll just be tagging along as the non-gay gay friend.
At Whistler? I live on Vancouver Island bro, invite me along and I"ll hit it. Or we could just meet up in Gas Town and get some free garlic bread at the Old Spaghetti Factory!
 

Eomer

Trakanon Raider
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ugh, Spag Fag? Worst food ever. And no, she means Canmore/Banff as her parents have a place there she goes to a lot, and it"s a 4 hour drive instead of 14 hours.

Haast said:
It"s almost hard to read. Opportunity knocks, Eomer ponders whether or not he should answer until it gives up and fucks someone else.
Keep in mind though, that I don"t post every or even most aspects of my dating here, just particular ones I"m curious about or think are funny or otherwise worth sharing. And while I do a good job of making a mess of some of my adventures, occasionally I pull my head out of my ass as well and I don"t necessarily run here and post about it first thing.