Kids? or No kids?

C

cosmic_cs_sl

shitlord
109
0
chaos_sl said:
Do you not think the reasons people have provided are honest?
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Most of the "reasons" provided aren't really reasons at all. In the list I provided, only #3 is a reason; the others don't explainwhya particular person had kids. For example, if you've always wanted kids, what is the underlying reason? I'm trying to dig deeper than some superficial thoughts.

If I were to explain my reason to have kids, I'd say that although I don't mind being alone, I absolutely love sharing my skills, ideas, knowledge, and thoughts with other people. I have nothing to hide and love being open with people. I'd love to have the opportunity to share these aspects of my life with a person who hungers for knowledge and experience. I'm sure I can say a lot more, but that's just what I think right now.

Edit: what I want to know are the emotional reasons (if any). Did any of your reasons include fear of being alone, boredom, or monotony? Were you pressured at all by your parents / wife / society? Did you have an image of a great family life before having kids (and that's what you've been chasing all along)? Did you do it for the challenge? Did you do it because the love you had for your significant other? Was your significant other a big part of the decision or would you have done it despite your significant other's hesitancy?
 
chaos

chaos

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If you're looking for something quantifiable, I doubt you'll ever find it. Or something that can be summed up in a few sentences. I'm sure people could write books on my they had kids, the background and intricate detail of their lives that led them to that decision. If they try and boil it down to something simple it just comes off sounding trite.

If I had to say something, I would say that I always wanted kids and I don't know exactly why. I know some reasons sure. I wanted to be the leader and patriarch of my family, influence young minds and the future in that way, take care of them and ensure their future. My family is so important to me, I view that as my life's work. But these are silly and trite explanations and don't really get into it. And they don't get into the reasons behind these feelings because I really don't know. I could fire off some armchair psychobullshit I picked up from watching half an episode of Dr Phil, but why bother? To me, that is what it has always been about. Ran through all these skanks to find "the one" and build a life with her. Build a life with her to have a stable support structure for us both. Use that stable support structure to build a family. Support those children as they go out into the world and create lives for themselves. It is really weird to me to think that there are people who don't want that, even on some level. Like, having to explainwhyis such a strange thing.
 
C

cosmic_cs_sl

shitlord
109
0
No offense, but there has to be some descriptive reasons as to why you wanted kids. Yes, you may be able to write a book, but even a book has a few main points, and I'd love to know people's main points
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I'm not looking for anything quantifiable. I'm actually looking for qualitative answers that describe your emotional and/or situational reasons for having kids.

I think my perspective stems from the fact that my father passed away when I was 7, and I didn't have much interaction with my mom because she was working all the time. I'm assuming people who have kids also had a high level of intimacy with their families, even though they may not like kids.
 
Alex

Alex

Still a Music Elitist
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The need to have kids is greatly biological. I don't think it is quite something you can explain. That's just what we're programmed to do.
 
S

Silence_sl

shitlord
2,459
4
Kaige_sl said:
Raising children is not selfish, but having them surely is...how can you say otherwise? Its your decision to have that child. No one showed up with a suitcase full of money and begged you to serve your country by breeding.

How many men and women have kids to satisfy their significant other? That's selfish, because they know there's consequences to it.

Do we even need to get into the numerous amount of families who do it for tax breaks or government handouts?

Do we need to get into the parents that had kids yet didn't bother raising them?

Westboro Baptist Church? You think they're out breeding lawyers and hate-mongers for the good of society?

What about terrorists who have multiple wives and make an effort to have as many sons as possible for the future of their agenda? (I'm exaggerating, obviously.)


Its situational. Every single instance has to be measured in its own way.

Saying single people are selfish is weak, and parents who preach it are only doing so to make themselves feel benevolent. If you're doing a solid job of parenting, that's worthy of respect...but don't forget you created that obligation of your own will, so you damn well better be doing just that.

In some ways, your kid is indirectly our responsibility too. Many of us pay a ridiculous amount of taxes that go towards schools, playgrounds, and other things single people have absolutely no connection. I can't recall how many times I've had to cover a shift for someone due to reasons of their family. They had to leave early because their kid is in the principal's office, they stayed home because their wife and kids are sick, or they couldn't work overtime because of obligation to their household. I don't remember how many Saturdays I gave up for the sake of fathers.

Don't think because you fucked your wives into production that it gives you bonus points with anyone but your own peers. We all wouldn't hesitate to grab your kid by the scruff of their neck to keep them from walking into traffic, or pay our taxes so they have teachers to educate them. I don't know how many stupid questions I've been asked by kids that I answered. I did it free of charge, and I didn't even swear in front of your child. My generosity knows no limits.

Personally, I'm just going to get a cat.
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Wow, holy Jesus. Go tie a rubber band around your nuts and keep your crazy to Utah or wherever you and yours inbreed.
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

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For most of my life I didn't want children. I took the purely cynical view that they cost a ton of money, cried, stressed out your marriage, hampered "fun", and inevitably after years of supporting and loving them half end up resenting and hating your guts anyways.

Then around 35 I realized that I had accomplished most of what I wanted from life. Sure, I still had a bucket list, but I had achieved what I had long desired in terms of job and travel, and most pleasures in life at this point didn't carry the same level of joy and excitement as they once did. You start to think about mortality, your legacy, and what you have to possibly offer someone else, in particular your own child.

I think it really hit home when my mother was terminally ill and in the hospital. When she became sick her entire world was her children, and our entire world was our mom. The woman in the bed across the room had no children, and would weep when we came to visit. She would end up dying alone, occasionally visited by her neighbor.

In the end all you will have is your family, and if you have done a good job raising them they will be there for you just as you were for them when they were young. Everybody dies, and nobody wants to die alone. Family is your legacy and in the end, what you will care about most.

I think ironically the quote from Conan says it best:

King Osric: There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left is a father's love for his child
 
C

cosmic_cs_sl

shitlord
109
0
Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
For most of my life I didn't want children. I took the purely cynical view that they cost a ton of money, cried, stressed out your marriage, hampered "fun", and inevitably after years of supporting and loving them half end up resenting and hating your guts anyways.

Then around 35 I realized that I had accomplished most of what I wanted from life. Sure, I still had a bucket list, but I had achieved what I had long desired in terms of job and travel, and most pleasures in life at this point didn't carry the same level of joy and excitement as they once did. You start to think about mortality, your legacy, and what you have to possibly offer someone else, in particular your own child.

I think it really hit home when my mother was terminally ill and in the hospital. When she became sick her entire world was her children, and our entire world was our mom. The woman in the bed across the room had no children, and would weep when we came to visit. She would end up dying alone, occasionally visited by her neighbor.

In the end all you will have is your family, and if you have done a good job raising them they will be there for you just as you were for them when they were young. Everybody dies, and nobody wants to die alone. Family is your legacy and in the end, what you will care about most.

I think ironically the quote from Conan says it best:

King Osric: There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left is a father's love for his child
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Thanks for sharing.

Today, I was thinking about how having children is like introducing more excitement, wonder, and curiosity into the world. As you say, as we grow up, our excitement for new experiences fades; our curiosity dwindles because of the vast knowledge we've accumulated (or maybe some people don't care at all lol). I guess if you surround your life with a bunch of old farts, then life would be rather dull, and children help to rejuvenate your sense of wonder, everything from the wonder expressed by the kids themselves to the wonder of life and human development.
 
Sir Funk

Sir Funk

Lord Nagafen Raider
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I want kids just to continue on my genetic line. It's the closest thing I'll have to immortality and the human race deserves to have my genes out in the world.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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I want to have kids so I can live my childhood through them.. I'll get them into sports and dancing and stuff and when they get famous I'll be right there famous too. I will go to every single sports meet ever screaming as loud as humanly possible and yelling at them when they inevitably fail.
 
L

LadyVex_sl

shitlord
868
0
I am very adamant about never having kids. Before entering any relationship I've always told my S/O that kids do not enter the equation. Ever. If that's an issue, see ya, because that's not changing for me.

Hell, my best friend just got pregnant and is due in April; my legitimate first, second, and third reaction was instantaneous fear. My fourth reaction was selfishness - wtf, now when we just want to do random shit I have to fucking do it around your kid?? Christttt.

For me, I'll be 30 this year, and yet right now, I don't ever see myself doing things differently. I've always jumped around, decided to just move to random parts of the world, start taking random classes - everything from kung fu to drawing, so I mean...having a kid hampers that. Kids are your #1 priority - I know that when you have them it's less about what you can't do and more about what you have, but I like that there's no one else except the S/O that I need to consider when making a decision.

The other side is is that I have all this rad shit that I want to share with the younger generations. My friends have kids and I am like, dude, does he want to see my power ranger collection? Ok, tell him to go WASH HIS FILTHY CHILD HANDS, and he can see them.

I don't ever think that side will outweigh the other though.

There's also the fact that in my entire family there hasn't ever been a good mother/daughter relationship, and if I had a girl I'm terrified it will just be a replay of history. Sometimes I think if I could guarantee I'd have a boy, I'd do it, especially since the S/O is such a catch part of me wants to create a copy of him for another girl to have, but there's that chance...that there will be too many x chromosomes and then I am screwed.

No kids. =(
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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The constant fear of having a downs baby really does it for me. I have this friend who had his first child nearly suffocate to death very early on. A cop was luckily driving by and saved the childs life (it was only a few months old). It's now completely messed up. Can't speak or move much, permanently in a wheelchair. He then had another kid that has down syndrome. I can only imagine how much your life feels over in that scenario. They're on Welfare too...
 
mkopec

mkopec

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I cant imagine life with no kids. I mean, yeah it sucks sometimes, especially when me and the wife were younger. Oh, and they are expensive as shit. But they add so much to your life that its well worth it. Nothing like seeing their little personalities develop right in front of you. Its also pure unadulterated love that cannot be really put into words. And this love is reverberated right back at you.

Life would also be boring as fuck without kids. When you get into your 30s and then 40s the partying and all the other crap just gets old. What the fuck would I be doing daily without kids? Cant even imagine the boredom. And Im sure it would even get worse the older you got, who is coming over for Christmas when you are 50-60, would we be alone? I just cannot imagine.

I love spending time with my 2 dudes. Even just watching them play their latest Black Ops 2 with their buddies on xbox just gives me joy. Or getting into discussions about zombies and how they really dont exist, having them tag along when you got to the store or whatever. Spending time with them doing shit my parents never did with me, like getting that awesome nitro powered RC truck and letting them go at it at the local park. Watching their faces at Christmas or birthdays when they open up their gift and just that look in their eyes of awesomeness and excitement. Even our vacations are planned around our kids. We have more fun seeing the kids have fun than spending a week in some resort by ourselves getting drunk with people we dont even know.

There is also bad times, when they dont listen or dont do what they are told. When they are sick and it breaks your heart. But you deal with it like any parent does.
 
JVIRUS

JVIRUS

Golden Knight of the Realm
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cosmic_cs_sl said:
Most of the "reasons" provided aren't really reasons at all. In the list I provided, only #3 is a reason; the others don't explainwhya particular person had kids. For example, if you've always wanted kids, what is the underlying reason? I'm trying to dig deeper than some superficial thoughts.

If I were to explain my reason to have kids, I'd say that although I don't mind being alone, I absolutely love sharing my skills, ideas, knowledge, and thoughts with other people. I have nothing to hide and love being open with people. I'd love to have the opportunity to share these aspects of my life with a person who hungers for knowledge and experience. I'm sure I can say a lot more, but that's just what I think right now.

Edit: what I want to know are the emotional reasons (if any). Did any of your reasons include fear of being alone, boredom, or monotony? Were you pressured at all by your parents / wife / society? Did you have an image of a great family life before having kids (and that's what you've been chasing all along)? Did you do it for the challenge? Did you do it because the love you had for your significant other? Was your significant other a big part of the decision or would you have done it despite your significant other's hesitancy?
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29 now with a one year old daughter, it has been an interesting and fun experience thus far. Earlier in life I felt neutral on the matter, I did not feel some powerful biological directive pushing me to spawn. Nor did I feel particularly threatened by a perceived ( or real ) lack of freedom should I ever have children . My wife wanted kids, and I said 'why not'. She got off BC and blammo a tiny human erupted from betwixt her nethers not too long after.

Could speak volumes on the matter, but as for quantifiable reasons; I personally am *extremely* interested in holding a conversation with my kid later on in life. Not to minimize the way there, but when my daughter is old enough to understand, the thought of being able to Trololol my daughter with some ancient meme and have her stare at me like I'm a total dumbass is irresistible. I practice my running man TO THIS DAY so that at the worst possible time I can show her what passed for radical when I was ten.

Joking aside, the mere possibility of discussing history, politics, social media or any subject with my own child deeply fascinates me. It would be a validation of my way of life, knowing that how my family raised its children produced healthy and hopefully well adjusted people to go out into the world and do stuff. A totally new human that could not have existed without me feels both empowering and challenging. The challenge being to overcome all the unknown variables and minimize my own negativity to improve our lives simultaneously. Empowering to know my balls contain the essence of life, ya baby!
 
M

Molly_sl

shitlord
10
0
For myself, I've known most of my life I don't want kids. And that is something I share with every potential bf before we ever start dating. If they are not ok with that, it's not going to work. I have to admit though, I make one kiss ass aunt!
 
Cyni

Cyni

Lord Nagafen Raider
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I find women who have NO DESIRE at all to have kids really offputting and strange to be honest... And if some chick randomly threw that out immediately before a first date i'd think "Ok, so you're completely selfish and self-absorbed... cool, this is starting out great.", it is always the old "Then I couldn't do what I want... like get my nails done or go partying!!!11"

Ever notice that all of these girls are never married well into their 30's? Its a HUGE red flag.
 
Selix

Selix

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For me I have two girls and now that I have them I couldn't imagine going back to life without them. It's not even so much that I need them as it is that they are now an extension of myself.

To use an analogy it's like trying to explain to someone what it is like to go through their first major breakup. No amounts of words will ever explain the experience yet people do survive an entire lifetime without ever going through a major breakup after falling in love.

Or it's like explaining to someone what it is like to live without an arm and a leg. You might be able to get them to comprehend the experience for a short term but never what it would be like to live without those limbs for a year or a decade or a lifetime.

That said people live and survive just fine without those limbs. My point being if you never have the experience of having children you won't die or even be emotionally harmed as a result. Just my two cents.
 
F

Flank_sl

shitlord
499
0
Alex_sl said:
The need to have kids is greatly biological. I don't think it is quite something you can explain. That's just what we're programmed to do.
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You said it better than I could. People who are not wired to want kids are evolutionary dead ends so the result is that most people want children for no reason other than having children.
 
Cybsled

Cybsled

Avatar of War Slayer
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Cyni_sl said:
I find women who have NO DESIRE at all to have kids really offputting and strange to be honest... And if some chick randomly threw that out immediately before a first date i'd think "Ok, so you're completely selfish and self-absorbed... cool, this is starting out great.", it is always the old "Then I couldn't do what I want... like get my nails done or go partying!!!11"

Ever notice that all of these girls are never married well into their 30's? Its a HUGE red flag.
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People have different reasons. My last girlfriend didn't want any, but the reasons she gave to me were along the lines of "I'd make a horrible mother", which I had heard many times before from friends or relatives who had a similar stance, had kids, and ended up being good mothers. Of course, that complicates things, because now you're in a relationship situation where you don't know if she 100% means that or if it's just the "fear of the unknown" type of answer.
 
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