Lendarios
Trump's Staff
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- -17,424
I don't want to move. This place is the place to have our kids grow a healthy suburban americana lifestyle. It just takes some adjustments coming from a city setting.
Losing Interest
- Thread starter Cukernaut
- Start date
Cukernaut
Sharpie Markers Aren't Pens
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heres the fucking kicker -- i offered to take her to destin (flight taken care of, free house to stay on the beach) for 2 weeks. she said she doesn't want to go anywhere with the kids because its just parenting in a different place in an inconvenient way.
shes clearly having her own crisis which is really fucking annoying. she has no job and I am going to get her a full time nanny for 2 kids in school as soon as I can. but this thread isn't about her its about me.
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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I am just suggesting you take a real vacation while you have a lull. Dump the kids with grandparents or other relatives and go someplace nice. Get drunk and fuck like bunnies for a week or two. Clearly you need a shake up of some kind to the routine, but there are a lot of excuses being tossed out there why you can't do this or that. Maybe narrow down a list of what you CAN do that is outside your normal routine. Again, these little lulls start drying up more and more as you get older (especially once your business takes off as you describe), so make the most of them.
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Kiroy
Marine Biologist
- 34,617
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there are a shit ton of great heartland type suburban areas with access to some of the funnest shit imaginable - but you're on the wrong side of the Mississippi
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Cukernaut
Sharpie Markers Aren't Pens
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would be great - i agree.
1) i wish i could find someone to leave the kids with -- will keep thinking about this seriously
2) if I found that there would be a chance of this happening
Cukernaut
Sharpie Markers Aren't Pens
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i honestly dont think it is- but I could see it becoming that if something doesn't happen on my deal AND I don't do something about it.
I think Phaz it right for the next few weeks I should just fuck off and have fun -- hopefully including my wife, but probably even if my wife isn't participatory in it.
the bigger picture stuff you guys are all mentioning are all longer picture items I can keep thinking about and considering and will probably need to address eventually.
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Get yourself some gen3 NV, go out at night and look up. That'll keep you busy as fuck for a while as you figure out wtf is flying overhead shooting rainbow beams only visible in NV.
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Cukernaut
Sharpie Markers Aren't Pens
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Cukernaut
Sharpie Markers Aren't Pens
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the more i think about this the more I agree with you. it seems like common sense. heres the breakthrough though for me.
my wifes life is about to get infinitely easier (tons of money, nanny, whatever) and she will have a lot of support. she is having the hard time now (regardless of what I do)
My life is about to get crazier. so just for this moment, it IS about me. and I need to make it that way.
Asshat wormie
2023 Asshat Award Winner
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Since you are already exercising why not optimize that? Learn the biochemistry and the nutrition science. Watch lectures and read books. Implement what you learn to improve your health, longevity and life satisfaction. Make a serious hobby out of it and work at it constantly to get better.
Cukernaut
Sharpie Markers Aren't Pens
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maybe that could be my "my thing" if my wife isn't cooperative. just go for it for 2 weeks straight and sacrifice work a little bit (which realistically I could).
get things kickstarted and make some progress.
i would be open to suggestions on books etc.
Cutlery
Kill All the White People
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A lot of this has already been covered, but, been there, done that.
My youngest was born when I was about your age, and it was about that time that I decided I don't have time for mmos anymore. I still play video games from time to time, but it's mostly winter and when it's 9:30 and I've got a half an hour to myself.
You need hobbies, something to look forward to and something to get your mind working on. The first thing I did was taught myself to play guitar. No, I'm not joining a band, and you won't see me on YouTube anytime soon, but it's something that I can do by myself, put a little bit of effort into, and get great joy out of. I grew up listening to Slayer and having the ability to play thru about 80% of the Slayer catalog whenever I feel like it is awesome (fuck you, Angel of Death). By the time my daughter went to school, my ex was asking me if I had music playing or if it was me playing. That is supremely satisfying, and still to this day, I will just take a weekend and learn whatever has been stuck in my head for the last month.
Then I got divorced, and I realized I needed more shit to do because I had way more time to myself. The first thing I did was get my gaming group together. Now, Saturday night is Gloomhaven night and has been for a couple years. The guys come over, we fire up the grill or the smoker and we play board games for 8-12 hours. My GF fucking hates it, but I don't give a shit. I've got a 2500sq ft house, I spend 6 days a week with you, go fuck off, I'm playing games. If I was still married, I'd do the same, I would just make sure there was a kid watching rotation so my wife could do something similar and it would be "equal." My kids are at the age now where I don't have to be concerned with that because they have lives of their own, but you will have to be.
After the bullshit of the last couple of years, I got back into guns, like has been suggested. I joined a 250 member private gun range and I've hit every monthly meeting since. Why? Because you've gotta meet people. Even though it's the same 30-40 of us every month bitching about how the sign-in shed needs to be replaced and the mice are fucking up the gate, I still meet people and get to learn new shit from guys who have more experience and come from all walks of life. It's awesome, can't imagine not being a member anymore.
The latest thing I'm doing is woodworking. Just like guns, I grew up doing this stuff and it just kinda fell away. Life has a way of doing that when you pair up with someone. You meet a woman, she becomes your wife, and she becomes your life. That life turns into a couple of extra lives running around and next thing you know you forgot what you liked to do. Getting divorced was the best thing that ever happened to me because I forgot who the fuck I was and what I liked to do. Now, I'm not saying you need to get divorced, but you do need to figure out who you are and what you like to do so you've got some passion in life. Don't give me this work shit, either. No one is ever gonna remember you for what you did at work. But your kids are gonna remember when you all bought bowling balls and shoes and joined that league, or that coffee table you built in the garage out of that tree that fell over in the back yard.
Gotta spend some time finding yourself again. It's easy to get lost in the hustle of a monogamous relationship who are running a household and a couple of Rugrats running around. It's easy to forget that you used to do things with other people and you had things you did alone. Go find that stuff and those people and do it again. You don't need 168 hours a week to be married and work.
My youngest was born when I was about your age, and it was about that time that I decided I don't have time for mmos anymore. I still play video games from time to time, but it's mostly winter and when it's 9:30 and I've got a half an hour to myself.
You need hobbies, something to look forward to and something to get your mind working on. The first thing I did was taught myself to play guitar. No, I'm not joining a band, and you won't see me on YouTube anytime soon, but it's something that I can do by myself, put a little bit of effort into, and get great joy out of. I grew up listening to Slayer and having the ability to play thru about 80% of the Slayer catalog whenever I feel like it is awesome (fuck you, Angel of Death). By the time my daughter went to school, my ex was asking me if I had music playing or if it was me playing. That is supremely satisfying, and still to this day, I will just take a weekend and learn whatever has been stuck in my head for the last month.
Then I got divorced, and I realized I needed more shit to do because I had way more time to myself. The first thing I did was get my gaming group together. Now, Saturday night is Gloomhaven night and has been for a couple years. The guys come over, we fire up the grill or the smoker and we play board games for 8-12 hours. My GF fucking hates it, but I don't give a shit. I've got a 2500sq ft house, I spend 6 days a week with you, go fuck off, I'm playing games. If I was still married, I'd do the same, I would just make sure there was a kid watching rotation so my wife could do something similar and it would be "equal." My kids are at the age now where I don't have to be concerned with that because they have lives of their own, but you will have to be.
After the bullshit of the last couple of years, I got back into guns, like has been suggested. I joined a 250 member private gun range and I've hit every monthly meeting since. Why? Because you've gotta meet people. Even though it's the same 30-40 of us every month bitching about how the sign-in shed needs to be replaced and the mice are fucking up the gate, I still meet people and get to learn new shit from guys who have more experience and come from all walks of life. It's awesome, can't imagine not being a member anymore.
The latest thing I'm doing is woodworking. Just like guns, I grew up doing this stuff and it just kinda fell away. Life has a way of doing that when you pair up with someone. You meet a woman, she becomes your wife, and she becomes your life. That life turns into a couple of extra lives running around and next thing you know you forgot what you liked to do. Getting divorced was the best thing that ever happened to me because I forgot who the fuck I was and what I liked to do. Now, I'm not saying you need to get divorced, but you do need to figure out who you are and what you like to do so you've got some passion in life. Don't give me this work shit, either. No one is ever gonna remember you for what you did at work. But your kids are gonna remember when you all bought bowling balls and shoes and joined that league, or that coffee table you built in the garage out of that tree that fell over in the back yard.
Gotta spend some time finding yourself again. It's easy to get lost in the hustle of a monogamous relationship who are running a household and a couple of Rugrats running around. It's easy to forget that you used to do things with other people and you had things you did alone. Go find that stuff and those people and do it again. You don't need 168 hours a week to be married and work.
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Lambourne
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
- 2,713
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I find that sometimes losing interest in things is really just a way for the mind to signal that it needs a little break from constant stimulation. So many of us work all day, drive home listening to music or a podcast, eat in front of the TV, play games/watch netflix most of the evening, and then go to bed and fall asleep reading shit on our phones. It's constant stimulation that would have been utterly impossible even a century ago, it's just not something our brains are evolved to deal with for years on end.
Ever find yourself at a campfire just staring into the fire doing nothing, and and remember how relaxing that feels? That's the sort of mental unloading/defragging humans used to get all the time for most of history and now don't. Personally, I take walks and don't take any electronics along with me, just walk for a while and let the mind wander. If you don't want to do that, try just turning off the radio during your drive home. I find this helps greatly with finding both the motivation to get shit that needs doing done, as well as finding enjoyment again in games.
Ever find yourself at a campfire just staring into the fire doing nothing, and and remember how relaxing that feels? That's the sort of mental unloading/defragging humans used to get all the time for most of history and now don't. Personally, I take walks and don't take any electronics along with me, just walk for a while and let the mind wander. If you don't want to do that, try just turning off the radio during your drive home. I find this helps greatly with finding both the motivation to get shit that needs doing done, as well as finding enjoyment again in games.
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Ridas
Pay to play forum
- 2,867
- 4,111
Be very, very careful with drinking out of boredom. It can become a very bad habit and slowly expands itself to more days, because you get used to it.
I had to cut back on it, because it is such an easy way to lighten up your mood in the evening, when you are tired from work. But you get dependant on it and screws up your sleep and daily routine.
At least that's my experience with it.
I had to cut back on it, because it is such an easy way to lighten up your mood in the evening, when you are tired from work. But you get dependant on it and screws up your sleep and daily routine.
At least that's my experience with it.
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Hateyou
Not Great, Not Terrible
- 16,288
- 42,316
Drinking is just a bad idea when you realize you’re checked out and looking for a way to fix it. If you find a social group that’s bbqing or playing bloodbowl or w/e and social drinking is part of it then go for it. Otherwise avoid.
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