And I can't just up and move out, I'll never get custody if I do, it'll be argued that I abandoned the family.
What I'll end up doing is moving out all non essential stuff in a few weeks to storage, file, and then work on getting him to be able to move with me.
Like I have said before though...she loves our son. She's not a bad mom...she just has mental issues. Even with all of this I think I'm going to draw something up that may benefit us both. Split daycare, no child support with 3 days with her, 3 day with me with the odd day being switched out every week. I'll present this as this will give her time to have her alone time to "recharge" and most important, it doesn't rip my son away from her (good for both him and her), and will have less of an impact on him. I'll also get it in writing that we switch off claiming him on taxes.
This will have to be presented again, once things blow over. If she rejects it, I'll have to go for the throat...which I'd rather not do.
Consider that she isn't a good mom, just for a moment. I know that people make judgements based on small paragraphs, I know more than anyone, so maybe we just don't have enough information, maybe she's great and just had a bad day or two. But, just as a thinking exercise, consider that she is not a good mom, that maybe you say things like "she's a good mom" because that's a kind of story you tell yourself, similar to how we all do, to dull the bad things that happen.
I say this because the kind of abuse you mention (her screaming at your son how his father is a piece of shit, that's abuse) will likely continue. My mom was like this. Is probably still, I don't know, we don't talk. Her crazy lunatic shit drove me to write her off, and when my sister couldn't it drove her to drugs and other "acting out" behaviors. My sister died about five and a half years ago due to drugs. I fully, 100% blame my mother for that. I look back with nothing but regret every time I think about her, I think about what I could have done, SHOULD have done, and didn't. And really it isn't my fault, but I still carry that guilt and did before she died, that was just the topper.
Consider that, even if it's not her fault, she's a bad mom and harming your son, and think about things in that light. Then hey, if that's not really her then throw that thought away. But if it is, bro, you have to stop telling yourself stories to make yourself feel better. We all do.
