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One year anniversary today. Haven't fucked it up yet and she hasn't turned into a cunt yet. Seems alright.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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I didn't mean to suggest just up and leaving. The advice to get his affairs in order makes sense. I just think he should leave and forget about giving her another chance after he's separated all his assets and found a place of his own, etc. She just showed him she doesn't really care about him all that much and her attitude about whether or not she wants to be with him changes on a whim. Why try to patch things up with a person who is willing to screw you over completely at the drop of a hat?
Crone
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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Venting...
My 2 kids are chilling, on this lazy afternoon. The wife started up some Netflix, and she's down to Netflix and chill later. Sounds like a great Holiday afternoon, and so I'm like hey, I'm gonna go play Overwatch. She's like cool. Like 8 minutes in, because I got 1 match in when it happened, she yells out, hey we should probably feed the kids. WTF? I don't disagree, but why you yelling at me about it? As I type this out, its starting to make more sense that she was calling out hoping I'd take care of it, but why does this shit have to come up in your head minutes after I start doing something I want to do?
This is like others have said in this thread, where their woman has an uncanny ability to want shit done all over the house the second you start to game. Fucking bullshit. I'm triggered as fuck.
Edit: And as a parent, it probably should have came up in my head that they need fed as it's 5:30pm and dinner time. Dad of the Year I guess, but man, I just wanted to play some OW.
Shit, now I feel bad I got mad.
My 2 kids are chilling, on this lazy afternoon. The wife started up some Netflix, and she's down to Netflix and chill later. Sounds like a great Holiday afternoon, and so I'm like hey, I'm gonna go play Overwatch. She's like cool. Like 8 minutes in, because I got 1 match in when it happened, she yells out, hey we should probably feed the kids. WTF? I don't disagree, but why you yelling at me about it? As I type this out, its starting to make more sense that she was calling out hoping I'd take care of it, but why does this shit have to come up in your head minutes after I start doing something I want to do?
This is like others have said in this thread, where their woman has an uncanny ability to want shit done all over the house the second you start to game. Fucking bullshit. I'm triggered as fuck.
Edit: And as a parent, it probably should have came up in my head that they need fed as it's 5:30pm and dinner time. Dad of the Year I guess, but man, I just wanted to play some OW.
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Khane, I don't disagree with you at all, but throw kids in the mix, and shit changes. I know everyone sounds like a douchecanoe for saying it, but here I go: I would put up with a metric fucktonne of stuff if it meant I could continue to live where my kids were. Like ungodly amounts. It's very hard to understand without children of your own, and I in no way mean disrespect with that, nor do I mean to demean you, nor do I mean to disrespect you in any way. For me, it was impossible to understand before I had them. Now? If I need to drag my balls through all of J49's whore's used needles in order to save my relationship with my kids, I would.
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Have you considered vaping or cuckolding yet? You could still pull this off.
Falstaff
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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What does this even mean? When life gives you limes, hit your wife in the head with a shovel?
Abefroman
Naxxramas 1.0 Raider
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j00t
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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Yeah I have no idea either. By the order of the picture I thought it meant to take a shovel and beat her into limeade pulp... I didn't want to sound psychotic so I left it alone
j00t
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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Hey, get out of this thread with that "I am in a well-adjusted and happy relationship" nonsense
Chanur
Shit Posting Professional
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Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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Rhuma, she's already showed her hand. You've been given a huge break here because she wants to make nice (for a while, at least). If you don't use this time to have a plan for transport and temporary living, as well as putting away some cash she can't get to for an emergency fund when things go south again (and they probably will), then it's on you. Once you've got your safety net figured out, then you can see if the relationship is worth salvaging.
Arinath
Trakanon Raider
- 16
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So yes, I have reached the point where I need to ask for help, from anyone, anywhere. I haven't even gone to family yet. I'm a lurker here and have been for the past 13 years, but I respect a number of you and know there is a lot of wisdom to be had from some of our posters. I don't care about humiliation or embarrassment anymore. And maybe writing this down, making it more than words spoken, will help, even if no one replies. This will be long, so if you're still reading bear with me.
I have been married to a woman for over 16 years now. We met online in 1997 - I lived in New York, she in California. My brother lived in San Diego and my job was national, so after a year of "online dating" I decided to uproot my entire life and give it a try - I moved to San Diego to live with my brother while we dated in the "real world." 6 months later she and I moved in together, and 18 months after that we were married. She had two children from a previous marriage, they were 5 and 4 when I moved in.
For the most part, we are awesome together. I grew to love her kids and they called me dad. I watched them grow up, and they are now both college students living at home. I've always felt that my wife is my soul mate. But now, I just don't know.
About 5 years ago, sex began tapering off. I mentioned it once or twice and things sort of got back on track. Full disclosure: We have money problems. We have a massive amount of debt. We both have awesome jobs and can pay our bills, but the debt is like a second mortgage each month. So there is stress, oh yes. Eventually it had been 5 months since we made love.
Move forward to November of 2014. I confronted her about the sex - she said she simply felt no desire at all, for anyone. I assumed it was stress from bills, stress from her job, anything. I point blank asked her if it was me. She swears she is happy with me. She made me feel a little bad about it, like ALL I wanted was sex from her. I think that was a bit unfair after 5 months of being patient.
I am a highly sexual person, and believe intimacy is crucial in marriage. I am perfectly happy with my wife in all other respects. So I decided to see what would happen if I tried to "tough it out."
Well, you can probably guess what happened. Lots of no sex. Yesterday (yes, 18 months of no sex) I realized nothing would change if I continued to suffer in silence. I tried to talk to her. I told her how important physical intimacy is to me, and hell to ANY healthy marriage. She said its not me, but that she "doesn't miss sex." I asked her if we could compromise. She said and I quote "how? Do you want to rape your wife?"
I don't know what to do. In every respect except the physical, this woman is my soul mate. But she seems perfectly happy to be in a "platonic marriage." I don't want a roommate. I want a wife. She even asked if I was divorcing her. I told her I didn't want to leave her over this. I asked her is she still loves me, and she swears she does. But could someone who actually loves me be this unwilling to do something about my unhappiness? Am I being unreasonable?
I tried to see if all the other things in our relationship are the problem, but she closed down after I confronted her yesterday. We barely spoke two words after our talk in the early AM.
I am shattered. I feel like a failure as a man and a husband. I've come to love her children as mine. Granted, they are adults now, but I still feel the same. I am tired of being unhappy. I wish I knew what to do.
Anyway, thanks for listening if you're still here fellow ReRollers. I guess its a sign of how hurt and desperate I am that I am really going to hit the button to post this. I think its time to call some family and see if anyone can help.
I have been married to a woman for over 16 years now. We met online in 1997 - I lived in New York, she in California. My brother lived in San Diego and my job was national, so after a year of "online dating" I decided to uproot my entire life and give it a try - I moved to San Diego to live with my brother while we dated in the "real world." 6 months later she and I moved in together, and 18 months after that we were married. She had two children from a previous marriage, they were 5 and 4 when I moved in.
For the most part, we are awesome together. I grew to love her kids and they called me dad. I watched them grow up, and they are now both college students living at home. I've always felt that my wife is my soul mate. But now, I just don't know.
About 5 years ago, sex began tapering off. I mentioned it once or twice and things sort of got back on track. Full disclosure: We have money problems. We have a massive amount of debt. We both have awesome jobs and can pay our bills, but the debt is like a second mortgage each month. So there is stress, oh yes. Eventually it had been 5 months since we made love.
Move forward to November of 2014. I confronted her about the sex - she said she simply felt no desire at all, for anyone. I assumed it was stress from bills, stress from her job, anything. I point blank asked her if it was me. She swears she is happy with me. She made me feel a little bad about it, like ALL I wanted was sex from her. I think that was a bit unfair after 5 months of being patient.
I am a highly sexual person, and believe intimacy is crucial in marriage. I am perfectly happy with my wife in all other respects. So I decided to see what would happen if I tried to "tough it out."
Well, you can probably guess what happened. Lots of no sex. Yesterday (yes, 18 months of no sex) I realized nothing would change if I continued to suffer in silence. I tried to talk to her. I told her how important physical intimacy is to me, and hell to ANY healthy marriage. She said its not me, but that she "doesn't miss sex." I asked her if we could compromise. She said and I quote "how? Do you want to rape your wife?"
I don't know what to do. In every respect except the physical, this woman is my soul mate. But she seems perfectly happy to be in a "platonic marriage." I don't want a roommate. I want a wife. She even asked if I was divorcing her. I told her I didn't want to leave her over this. I asked her is she still loves me, and she swears she does. But could someone who actually loves me be this unwilling to do something about my unhappiness? Am I being unreasonable?
I tried to see if all the other things in our relationship are the problem, but she closed down after I confronted her yesterday. We barely spoke two words after our talk in the early AM.
I am shattered. I feel like a failure as a man and a husband. I've come to love her children as mine. Granted, they are adults now, but I still feel the same. I am tired of being unhappy. I wish I knew what to do.
Anyway, thanks for listening if you're still here fellow ReRollers. I guess its a sign of how hurt and desperate I am that I am really going to hit the button to post this. I think its time to call some family and see if anyone can help.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Ask her about getting a mistress, if she says no and nothing changes, do it anyway.
The j49 school of marriage commands that you take charge, no one who wallows in misery and self pity gets pussy.
The j49 school of marriage commands that you take charge, no one who wallows in misery and self pity gets pussy.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Look bro, I'm not going to say "leave your wife". Plenty of other people will say that. Just realize this isn't your failure. If anything you stuck around for 18 months in a clearly unhappy relationship in order to try. You've gone above and beyond what basically anyone else would do. You're covered. Stop beating yourself up and look at this thing logically. What is the problem you're trying to fix here? If your wife is not willing to do counseling or something, you have to make that hard decision.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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This is kind of a crazy story man. Almost 2 years since you've had sex with your wife? That's not even a relationship anymore. That's exactly what you called it yourself. Platonic. The fact that she refuses to talk to you about it is probably the most troubling thing.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Even though sex is only one facet of a relationship that has probably 10 facets, "usually" sex is a reflection of the health of the other facets. Lets face it, sex is really nothing but rubbing sensitive parts of our bodies together. If you feel no connection to the person (assuming you are sexually compatible with them, i.e. not bromance), you won't want sex. If you are feeling a connection with them and the other facets of your relationship are working, then you will.
The fact that she has suddenly decided she doesn't want sex, even if you pressure her, means something is wrong. Did she go through menopause? Can you pull her blood tests from her recent checkups and look at her FSH levels? Does she have her period every month?
The basic fact of any successful relationship is communication. If she won't communicate with you about what is a very fundamental subject, something is up. I won't go all Khane/Lithose and say she's probably cheating on you, but something is up, whatever it may be. I'd be SUPER suspicious about everything and get to the bottom of whats going on. Whether it be hormones, some undiagnosed illness, an affair, or plainly what you're saying it is: Stress/dissatisfaction with her life due to debt and disillusionment.
The other thing is, she may be checked out of the relationship and so the lack of sex is exactly what you think it is: she doesn't love you anymore. But maybe she can't live her life without you as a provider so she wants you on that hook and tells you what you want to hear.
Be suspicious, figure shit out.
The fact that she has suddenly decided she doesn't want sex, even if you pressure her, means something is wrong. Did she go through menopause? Can you pull her blood tests from her recent checkups and look at her FSH levels? Does she have her period every month?
The basic fact of any successful relationship is communication. If she won't communicate with you about what is a very fundamental subject, something is up. I won't go all Khane/Lithose and say she's probably cheating on you, but something is up, whatever it may be. I'd be SUPER suspicious about everything and get to the bottom of whats going on. Whether it be hormones, some undiagnosed illness, an affair, or plainly what you're saying it is: Stress/dissatisfaction with her life due to debt and disillusionment.
The other thing is, she may be checked out of the relationship and so the lack of sex is exactly what you think it is: she doesn't love you anymore. But maybe she can't live her life without you as a provider so she wants you on that hook and tells you what you want to hear.
Be suspicious, figure shit out.
I would suggest doing something special, women in my experience get tired of the same old shit.
Nothing like dildoes and sex swings but candle light dinner and all that cliche shit that sounds corny but actually works and also get the fucking kids out of the house for a night, tell them you need some time alone with their mom give em some cash to get out for a while.
Whatever you do, don't mention sex.
Nothing like dildoes and sex swings but candle light dinner and all that cliche shit that sounds corny but actually works and also get the fucking kids out of the house for a night, tell them you need some time alone with their mom give em some cash to get out for a while.
Whatever you do, don't mention sex.