Here's the entire EQ lore dump:
Classic
A bunch of young bloods decide to step up to The Man and start causing a ruckus. We get smacked down a bunch but keep coming back stronger like a bunch of medieval fantasy Saiyans. One of the places we go to is a pretty little house on a hill, and the lord of the manor is named JOHN CEN- I mean Mayong Mistmoore. Dave’s not here, so we go crash a bunch of dragon frat houses, beat up a nerdy fish man, base jump into elemental infested ruins, and TP the lawns of a couple of gods.
Kunark
Someone kidnaps the sexiest booty in the land, so we head to the land down under and meet the Iksar. We decide that they are pretty alright, but The Man thinks they suck and won’t let them drink at any of the good bars. We proceed to kick ass and chew bubble gum, blasting goblins, giants, sarnak, and frogloks with our pimp cane. We meet a really angry, really floaty undead iksar emperor at a train station and proceed to kick his ethereal ass. He yells at us rotten kids being all up on his lawn and how Captain Planet will pay for this. In response, we beat up his girlfriend. Then we go resolve the stupidest lovers spat in history by beating up both the King and Queen of the sarnak, totally emasculating the King in front of his bros. We then go have a chat with the biggest, smelliest maybe undead, maybe just cursed dragon we’ve ever seen. He laughs at our demand to know where the beef is, so we turn him into really stinky, totally dead for sure now guts. Finally, we ask to be taken to the volcano and light that place up like Hiroshima and finally recover Dat Ass. Something, something Combine Empire.
Velious
It’s getting hot in here, so instead of taking off all our clothes, we go find the coldest place on the planet. Gnomes build a really nifty ice cutter, starting a trend of gnomes being the driving force behind all of the world’s problems. The very first thing we see is the wicked cool looking tower. Who built it you ask? Well if it wasn’t our favorite absentee uncle, Mayong Mistmoore. He isn’t here either, but we get to meet one of his wanna-be baby mammas and all I got to say is “DAMN!” We get resolve to resolve the single longest running three-way dick waving contest by killing absolutely everyone involved and rummaging through their pockets for loose armor. Someone tells us there is a kegger over at the Temple of Veeshan, so we head out there and drink all their beer and kill them all in thanks. We decide to get our Lara Croft on and raid the Sleeper’s Tomb. It really isn’t a tomb and no one is actually sleeping, but the Stasis Prison doesn’t sound so good for a fantasy game. Anyways, we kill the wardens and set up to face The Big Dog himself. It turns out that management has decided he is going to win beforehand whether the audience likes it or not though. Oh well. We make up for it by pooping in a few more gods’ yards. One of them even laughs about it.
Luclin
One of The Man’s gnome minions steals the black man’s research and we are off to the moon we didn’t know existed. We meet the Vah Shir, who are great big Thundercats, and the furries rejoice. We go looking for a fight and find a couple of cities who spend all their time hurling harsh language at each other. Something, something Combine Empire something, something assassination attempt. We meet Lcea, who is a monumental King Kamehameha biatch. She’s also a robot, a vampire, or a robot vampire. Either way, we do her a solid and go powerbomb the Space Pope and steal his horse. Lcea gives us some sweet bling as payment. Then we go for space walk, a “moon walk” you might say, and meet a bunch of slithery snake…men. We find out a bunch of stuff about them, something something Greenmist, but don’t care cause we’ve got people to meet and asses to kick. We find their emperor and tombstone pile-drive him and steal HIS horse. Then we head around the other side of the moon and try and figure out what is going on with all of Goro’s cousins. Turns out we have yet another civil spat, so we apply our tried and true method of problem solving: a pointy metal object through the neck and a 2x4 to the knees. Luclin is ungrateful and we will pay her back for that eventually.
PoP
One day, about a year later, we were walking along just like normal when all of a sudden, magic books appeared. Because we’d never seen a horror movie before, we decide to read the things. We find ourselves whisked into the realm of the gods. We make a bunch of new friends there and proceed to punch the gods that are making all of our new friends miserable. While we do that, they teach us their cool “secret language”. It turns out a bunch of the gods are REALLY unhappy about us TPing their houses and pooping in their yards, and a few of them want to wipe us out of existence and try again. We say, “Fuck you!” and kick them in the face with our energy legs. Our friends tell us we have to seek out the elemental lords and take their mojo if we want to learn the rest of the “secret language”. So we do that and discover that Planes are the Time, are the place, are the motion. The gods all REALLY don’t want us here, so obviously this is the place to be. We beat down all the gods and kick their dog…dragon…creature….thing. Some crazy gimp pops out of an egg and is about to tell us who wins next year’s World Series when Druzzil Ro comes in and lobotomizes us.
Ykesha
Some utterly meaningless stuff happens with frogloks and trolls and pirates. But we learn how to make maps, so that’s good. One of the trolls has Jack Sparrow’s compass.
LDoN
The Miskatonic University sets up shop on Norrath as The Wayfarer’s Brotherhood. They get ahold of the compass and it leads them to a bunch of buried places we didn’t know existed that had they stayed buried would probably have meant life would be way simpler. We go mollywhopping all the baddies in these places until we find enough stuff to make the compass point us out across the Vasty Deep. We also learn all about bedazzling and start sticking little plastic gemstones all over our armor.
GoD
Someone with a desperate need to overcompensate builds us a ridiculously large ship and we set sail for the Mountains of Madness aka Taelosia. Which we didn’t know existed. Starting to see a pattern here. Instead of Lovecraftian horrors though, we find a bunch of pasty midgets and Hellraiser and Alien ripoffs. Turns out some cockboys called Discord invaded and are trying to take over the world. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat, so we start mailing all the horror movie rejects back to Ed Wood where they belong. We get to the Big Bad Evil Guy and drop the Rock Bottom on him, only to find out that he isn’t even The Guy. This displeases us greatly. Some of us absorb gamma rays and learn how to Hulk out and start hitting things exclusively with big ass axes and stuff.
OoW
Since we are all hopping mad about not getting to beat The Guy, we counter invade the staging ground of the Discord army in Kuaa. Which is in another dimension, which we didn’t know existed (except for the tricky ass priests who were always trying to convince us to kill each other). Anyways, we politely wedge our size 9s up every bad horror movie buttock and convince the guys who make their invasion portals to, ya know, fuckin stop. Then we don our Batcapes and infiltrate Arkham Asylum of Anguish. We keep our pimp hand strong and put all those pansy asses back in line until we find the real Big Bad Evil Guy, a dragorn who used WAY too many roids. His roid rage doesn’t help him and we kill him till he dies from it only to find out he isn’t The Guy either. We say fuck this and go home.
DoN
The hottest new startup is this really cool gnomish mining company that digs a tunnel, digs-digs a tunnel until they literally come out in Chin- I mean the nesting lands for all of dragon kind. Turns out Nancy Reagan didn’t get the message out here and all the dragons out here are hooked on crack cocaine and making really bad decisions. We go out there and teach them drugs are bad, m’kay and find out that medieval Pablo Escobar lives underground.
DoDH
So we head on down with the help of our ridiculously eager gnomish friends. We meet Cthulu and all his friends, who are having yet another really inane civil disagreement. Once again, we break out the pointy object except this time we don’t kill EVERYONE, just most everyone. While we are at that, we notice there are a bunch of drachnid giving us the stink eye. So we go to their hive and shove their queen out an airlock with a power loader. We notice this really ornate, evil looking tower popping out of the top of the hive, and since we’re good neighbors we go and kick the door in. We finally get our introduction to the man, the myth, the legend: Mayong Mistmoore. He is a great big sparkly vampire dude who tells us how we all got played and he got that angry floaty iksar to fund the mining operation to kill the dragons so he could take over the world. We don’t like that much so we proceed to get all Victorian penile allegory on him i.e. we stab him to death. We then find out that was his grand plan all along cause now he's a god. Goddamnit.
PoR
Now that Mayong is a god, he sets off “disrupting” the establishment. Except instead of pushing stupid gimmicks, he is running around attempting to murder or corrupt any demigod he can find. He starts causing a lot of problems for Druzzil Ro, so she comes and apologizes for lobotomizing us and can we please evict this stupid Twilight reject? We do so and then go to the house of the real Prophet of Rage, Sullon Zek. It’s metal as fuck. We do a bunch of tasks to get a key to the Plane of Music cause poor Ayonae is shy and naïve and gives into peer pressure too easily. Sure enough, we get there and holy shit vampires. Someone queues up the E Nomine, and we start doing our best AMV murder compilation on all the now corrupt inhabitants for their own good. Mayong is now officially the Demigod of Being A Dick.
TSS
Someone decides to climb Mount Whothefuckcares or something cause we discover this previously unknown land full of genetically modified organisms known as drakkin. C’mon man this is literally in the middle of the goddamn continent. How did we not know this stuff was there? Anyways, turns out there is YET ANOTHER GOD DAMN CIVIL WAR!!!! The beatings will continue until the civil war stops! We help a bunch of good guy dragons and their clone army beat up a bunch of bad guy dragons and their clone army on the top of Titty Mountain. We discover a scale of Veeshan, and the size of it convinces us that messing with her would be a Very Bad Idea. Meanwhile, we meet a bunch of giants who are actually kinda cool and help them with their undead problem. None of this matters at all.
TBS
Ok so after Mayong became a demigod, he basically decided to fuck with everything and then kill the sun. In stopping that and FINALLY killing the cocksucker, we had to go unda da sea and also discovered Tsaph Katta was frozen in carbonite. Also the Combine were dicks and did experiments on the kedge. This would come back to bite them in the ass.
SoF
Meldrath, the world's angriest gnome, built a giant flying fortress, stole some nuclear weapons, and decided to hold the world hostage for one hundred billion platinum. We nip that in the bud and discover the lair of Kerafyrm and finally get to put that prismatic love child down. We even get loot for it this time. Not sure if this story had any other ties to anything. Felt really self contained to me.
SoD
So then suddenly we're in the Void, talking to Zebby. Those Discord sons of bitches decided we were all gonna go dying, so they sent agents back to critical moments in Norrathian history to screw things up. As a result, all the gods are dead and everything is destroyed. Zebby helps us fix all of history so it plays out like it should. Qeynos gets founded, the Battle of Bloody Kithicor plays out like it should, the Sebelisian Empire falls, the Rallosians fail to conquer the Rathe, and something happens in the Bloodfields and Dranik. I slept through that part so I don't remember. Then we proceed to counter invade the Discord headquarters and finally give some Sweet Chin Music to their leader. Or who we think is their leader. No one really knows.
UF
Since we've now gone to outer space, it's time to go underground. Underfoot involved a dimensional portal dropping a copy of Atlas Shrugged in Underfoot and a bunch of dwarves converting to Objectivism, but Brell doesn't tolerate Ayn Rand and needed us to kill John Gal - I mean The First Creation to get them back in line. In the meantime, Fippy Darkpaw almost became a God and there was a big insect problem going on too.
HoT
So then we head back out to the Feerott cause the damn lizardmen did something. We handle them and discover a wild looking mansion in the swamp. It's full of crazy nightmare creatures paying homage to Cazic Thule. We try and figure out what the hell is going on and why the floating statutes are looking at us funny, fighting through nightmares of famous personages and common folk. We finally confront Cazic himself and kill him, only to learn we actually killed him killed him and he isn't gonna use the Dragonballs to come back again. His kids trapped him here for that purpose alone. Terris tries to absorb daddys power and gets killed to death, so all the power goes to Morrell. It drives him crazy so we go put him down only to find out that the Thule siblings were patsies to another party.
VoA
We track down that party to the hitherto unknown continent of Alaris. We find out they are trying to use that sexy Cazic juice to respawn their gods. Apparently that didn't sit well with everyone, cause they've got a civil war going. We help the good guys, then help Rallos and Sol Ro shit kick the god killer faction. We beat back all their machinations until finally we crush their would be gods reborn. At which point, alllllllll that Cazic goodness explodes cause it has nowhere to go.
RoF
The little Cazic shower babies get flung all over the world and start corrupting everything. A bunch land on Velious and screw with Tormax and the dwarves in Crystal Caverns. ZekshiKar decides to try and get frisky since we kicked his ass in the Tomb all those years ago. A piece lands over near the Dragon Necropolis and we find out that dragons think death is kinky cause they put their breeding ground next to the corpses of their elders. Xorbb finds a shard and tries to finally have his way with the filthy Hobbitses. Befallen gets a whole lot bigger and meaner. We even go to the moon and kick Luclins ass for all the trouble her ridiculous minions caused us. We end up fighting through the heart of Cazic’s power and discover one of the wanna be gods trying to get big on us, so we shit on his hopes and dreams and bring Cazic back to life. Thus ends all the Cazic stuff for now.
CoTF
Probably due to all the previous shenanigans, a dragon from EQ2 makes the Kessel Run and rips open space time and let's a bunch of nasties in. Zebby does a captain obvious and tells us this is bad and sends us scurrying around to mess with bixies, ghosts, fire elves, and one really messed up dark elf couple to get what we need to send the dragon back to the land of bad video games. Lanys and Firiona get involved. We end up having to punch Zebby and Lanys to get the dragon gone. Lanys gets her hands on Firionas staff and discovers Tsaph is still alive.
TDS
So we end up back unda da sea, because the angry kedge have decided to drown Katta. We stop that but then Lanys comes along with some more crazy rebel Combine and kidnaps Tsaph. After wasting time giving pep talks to all of Firiona’s friends, we finally get to the home of the rebel Combine. We find out they're the ones who did the experimenting and we do a lot of ass kicking that results in Lanys getting her butt kicked finally and Tsaph is alive.
TBM
When the dragon came through, one of the things she brought was crazy ass Anashti Sul. Anashti tries to conquer both the realms of Bertoxullious and Rodcet Nife by rehashing old zones and reusing map templates. We beat her up a bunch and yeah that was fun. Not.
EoK
Since Tsaph is back alive, he's all ready to start rebuilding the Combine Empire. And since his old capital was on Kunark, that's where he starts. Except the Sarnak are major players there now that they've sorted out their civil problems. They've got a dragon and the crazy powers of a long dead Iksar emperor too. We do a lot of investigating and butt kicking, shutting down the goblins in Droga and killing the prince and queen of the sarnak. Then we go re-bury old Atrebe and shut down his labs.
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