New movies that dont deserve their own thread.

That can't be the premise for an entire movie. It would be a 10-15-minute segment in a compilation where a guy ironically gets exactly what he wishes for, but as a feature-length movie, there's no way that there is enough material to keep that going. It's a bad episode of The Twilight Zone length premise. There's only one way that it works:

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"Meet Doug, he's having the worst week at work"

Then he's a manager at Applebee's or something and a kid tosses applesauce in his face

Then corporate calls him in and he gets fired for how he dealt with the situation

"Doug is having the worst luck with women"

Then his girlfriend breaks up with him and it's Melanie Lynskey so it's the chub every-woman to make him a lower-middleclass, relatable turd

"Until Doug makes a birthday wish that will change his life forever."

Then his brother sends him a birthday present from his trip to Japan and it's an ancient idol that he found there on an archaeology trip

"I wish that women liked me, no, I wish that women loved me"

And that's a red herring; he stubs his toe and yells gibberish, but the words are the Japanese phrase that activates the idol for whoever is holding it

It turns out that the idol is an old pied-piper failsafe created in Japan that only attracts black women to you and they desperately want it back to get all of the black women out of the country, so they can lead them into the sea

All of the black guys are super excited because they can now completely focus on giving each other aids without black women harping on them and, also, fucking fat white women, so black guys are high-fiving him as he runs down the street from mobs of crazy black women

So the first act is that Doug is sad and then he is excited because he gets a ton of Tinder matches, then he gets overwhelmed and starts trying to figure out how this thing works

The Yakuza are hired by Japan to retrieve the idol and Doug learns that the Japanese are incredibly racist, so the idol is on the one-drop rule, after a half-black woman starts chasing him

He is watching reruns of A Different World and he gets the idea to go to the south and find a fractional black woman

Maybe J B Smoove is his friend and he tells him that he's looking for someone "High Yellow," so we reintroduce that word into the cultural lexicon as something not to say as well as saving this shit premise

Black guys get super mad at him for messing around and finding a loophole because all of the black women that he won't fuck are even more irate and angry now and taking it out on black men so we've got a situation where black women are chasing him to fuck him, black men are chasing him to beat the shit out of him and the Yakuza is chasing him to get the idol back

He meets some fractional blasian woman and chaos is erupting outside as he tries to actually date her so he's always having to reposition her so she can't see through windows and they have a few nice dates until she figures out what is happening and she leaves because the percentage black that you are dictates how much of a sex frenzy the idol puts you under

The Yakuza captures her to use as leverage and Doug has to go to a meeting spot and trade the idol for her but black men and black women bust through the gates wherever they are and a giant fight ensues

He saves her and then also saves the head of the Yakuza and they all escape on a helicopter then they're in Japan and Doug is married to the blasian and they have a bunch of kids and are happy and he kisses her goodbye for the day and his new job is to drive a kei truck around Japan really slowly and pied piper all of the black women into the sea once a week

Then he drives off into the sunset and it transitions into a Japanese flag until we see a Honda logo appear on the screen and it says, "Honda, we'll get you where you need to go."

The whole thing is a paid advertisement for Honda officially releasing kei trucks to the US

A loud gong hits

title card - "Black Fatigue"