Hey folks,
I"m not dead. I didn"t run off to join the CIA. I"m not Lumie. And whatever other rumors are out there, we can cross those off the list as well.
I"m writing a very brief message on these boards because I want to clear up some misconceptions about my recent absence. First of all, I have only banned a small handful people in the entire history of "internets" on these boards -- the two or maybe three of whom were banned for posting comments that were trollish and rude to an excessive degree. If there"s some sort of rumor going around that I"d secretly banned a ton of people over internets or rep, those rumors are unequivocally false. Clearly the court of public opinion has turned on me in recent months, and in so doing, it"s tried to spin those rumors as the truth. But they"re simply not true. At all. Period.
Why did I leave? Well, for one thing, I"m a lot busier now than I have been in years. School is tough. Married life is tough. Figuring out the next steps of my career is tough. And I"ll admit something that has probably become plainly obvious to most of you for quite some time: I"m not really having much fun here anymore. I"ve always found administering these forums to be a labor of love, but in recent years it had become 99% labor and 1% love.
Contrary to rumors or speculation, I was not forced out of the boards for any reason. What basically happened is this: Ravvenn and I had a disagreement on the administrators" board over banning or not banning a particular poster who had trolled me repeatedly but also happened to be a guild member. I wanted to ban this person; Ravvenn did not. Furthermore, she was quite vocal in her distaste for the way I had been handling the situation. I felt that, if she was really that disgusted with the way I was doing my job here, it"s just not worth doing my job here in the first place.
And frankly, I think Ravvenn was correct. 100% correct. I had let the poster in question get to me in a way that I shouldn"t have. Frankly, I"ve let lots of posters get to me in ways I shouldn"t have. Honestly, why should I care at all what people think of me? Why should I care at all if people want to think I"m a man? It"s stupid. The fact that I always, very visibly, let those types of trolling get under my skin was childish and pointless. I really, really, really messed up in my handling of such insults and speculation. From here on out, I"m just going to let insults slide past me. I"ve really come to realize how absurd it is to get worked up over them.
Why did I get worked up in the first place? I"m an emotional person. I suffer from clinical depression. Mean people get to me pretty easily. I"m an easy target. And I can get carried away in responding to being hazed, teased, badgered, or trolled. And this has always been my biggest weakness as an administrator. I think I"m great at building a community (as the folks in the various media House forums hopefully agree), but less than great at policing a community (as many of the Screenshots folks probably agree). A good administrator should always be both. Truth be told, being the "bad cop" on these boards was a task better suited for someone else. I was pretty darned awful at it from time to time, and I didn"t like doing it. It"s not me at all.
At the end of the day, I"ve enjoyed my time on this board and with you all. I will continue to enjoy my time on this board and with you all. It"s been a fun ride. I"m not sure when I"ll be back, but I"m sure I"ll be back someday in the pretty distant future. You are all good, smart people (well, most of you), and I consider many of you friends. Once again, contrary to popular belief, I"m not leaving the boards on bad terms with Requiem, Ravvenn, or others on the admin team. I like them and I respect them. I hope that feeling is mutual, despite whatever recent disagreements there may have been.
If anyone wants to keep in touch, go right ahead. My e-mail is [edit]. Please hit me up there if you want to talk about any of this, because I probably won"t be back to the forums until I graduate (in 2010) from b-school. I need to make a full time commitment to my real life, so my virtual/gaming life is going into the deep freezer for a few years.
I wish all of you the very best, and I hope that fohguild.org will remain an exciting and interesting place well into the future.
Peace and love,
Alyssa
I"m not dead. I didn"t run off to join the CIA. I"m not Lumie. And whatever other rumors are out there, we can cross those off the list as well.
I"m writing a very brief message on these boards because I want to clear up some misconceptions about my recent absence. First of all, I have only banned a small handful people in the entire history of "internets" on these boards -- the two or maybe three of whom were banned for posting comments that were trollish and rude to an excessive degree. If there"s some sort of rumor going around that I"d secretly banned a ton of people over internets or rep, those rumors are unequivocally false. Clearly the court of public opinion has turned on me in recent months, and in so doing, it"s tried to spin those rumors as the truth. But they"re simply not true. At all. Period.
Why did I leave? Well, for one thing, I"m a lot busier now than I have been in years. School is tough. Married life is tough. Figuring out the next steps of my career is tough. And I"ll admit something that has probably become plainly obvious to most of you for quite some time: I"m not really having much fun here anymore. I"ve always found administering these forums to be a labor of love, but in recent years it had become 99% labor and 1% love.
Contrary to rumors or speculation, I was not forced out of the boards for any reason. What basically happened is this: Ravvenn and I had a disagreement on the administrators" board over banning or not banning a particular poster who had trolled me repeatedly but also happened to be a guild member. I wanted to ban this person; Ravvenn did not. Furthermore, she was quite vocal in her distaste for the way I had been handling the situation. I felt that, if she was really that disgusted with the way I was doing my job here, it"s just not worth doing my job here in the first place.
And frankly, I think Ravvenn was correct. 100% correct. I had let the poster in question get to me in a way that I shouldn"t have. Frankly, I"ve let lots of posters get to me in ways I shouldn"t have. Honestly, why should I care at all what people think of me? Why should I care at all if people want to think I"m a man? It"s stupid. The fact that I always, very visibly, let those types of trolling get under my skin was childish and pointless. I really, really, really messed up in my handling of such insults and speculation. From here on out, I"m just going to let insults slide past me. I"ve really come to realize how absurd it is to get worked up over them.
Why did I get worked up in the first place? I"m an emotional person. I suffer from clinical depression. Mean people get to me pretty easily. I"m an easy target. And I can get carried away in responding to being hazed, teased, badgered, or trolled. And this has always been my biggest weakness as an administrator. I think I"m great at building a community (as the folks in the various media House forums hopefully agree), but less than great at policing a community (as many of the Screenshots folks probably agree). A good administrator should always be both. Truth be told, being the "bad cop" on these boards was a task better suited for someone else. I was pretty darned awful at it from time to time, and I didn"t like doing it. It"s not me at all.
At the end of the day, I"ve enjoyed my time on this board and with you all. I will continue to enjoy my time on this board and with you all. It"s been a fun ride. I"m not sure when I"ll be back, but I"m sure I"ll be back someday in the pretty distant future. You are all good, smart people (well, most of you), and I consider many of you friends. Once again, contrary to popular belief, I"m not leaving the boards on bad terms with Requiem, Ravvenn, or others on the admin team. I like them and I respect them. I hope that feeling is mutual, despite whatever recent disagreements there may have been.
If anyone wants to keep in touch, go right ahead. My e-mail is [edit]. Please hit me up there if you want to talk about any of this, because I probably won"t be back to the forums until I graduate (in 2010) from b-school. I need to make a full time commitment to my real life, so my virtual/gaming life is going into the deep freezer for a few years.
I wish all of you the very best, and I hope that fohguild.org will remain an exciting and interesting place well into the future.
Peace and love,
Alyssa
- 1
