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Araysar

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My wife befriended a single mom a year ago in our town. She has a daughter who's same age as mine, they play together once in a while.

The single mom mentioned to my wife the other day that the school or wherever her daughter goes (she's 4) thinks the daughter has ADHD. The daughter can be unruly sometimes but I have known for a long time it's because her mom exercises minimal discipline at home because she's basically tired of fighting her 4 year old.

I think most ADHD cases are simply a child growing up in a home lacking discipline, often a single parent home.

But instead of taking responsibility and straightening out her kid, she will just probably let the school diagnose her with ADHD and then put her on a multi-year diet of garbage drugs that will probably eventually include SSRIs which will eventually fuck her up.

1. Am I wrong in my belief?
2. Is it my place to say something in this regard?
3. If it is, what should I say? The mom works in the medical field, I think shes has a nurse type job but makes way less money, I don't know what they call that. I don't want to end up dispensing medical advice to someone who probably thinks it's not my place to dispense medical advice to begin with.

I think this kid is fine, just needs boundaries and a father figure would be nice (which by the looks of it will probably never happen)
 
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Hateyou

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Araysar said:
My wife befriended a single mom a year ago in our town. She has a daughter who's same age as mine, they play together once in a while.

The single mom mentioned to my wife the other day that the school or wherever her daughter goes (she's 4) thinks the daughter has ADHD. The daughter can be unruly sometimes but I have known for a long time it's because her mom exercises minimal discipline at home because she's basically tired of fighting her 4 year old.

I think most ADHD cases are simply a child growing up in a home lacking discipline, often a single parent home.

But instead of taking responsibility and straightening out her kid, she will just probably let the school diagnose her with ADHD and then put her on a multi-year diet of garbage drugs that will probably eventually include SSRIs which will eventually fuck her up.

1. Am I wrong in my belief?
2. Is it my place to say something in this regard?
3. If it is, what should I say? The mom works in the medical field, I think shes has a nurse type job but makes way less money, I don't know what they call that. I don't want to end up dispensing medical advice to someone who probably thinks it's not my place to dispense medical advice to begin with.

I think this kid is fine, just needs boundaries and a father figure would be nice (which by the looks of it will probably never happen)
Click to expand...
1. Probably not
2. Not Really. It won’t do anything but piss the mom off and probably your wife.
3. Even more likely to get pissed if she’s medical field and you give medical advice.
 
Araysar

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Hateyou said:
1. Probably not
2. Not Really. It won’t do anything but piss the mom off and probably your wife.
3. Even more likely to get pissed if she’s medical field and you give medical advice.
Click to expand...

Sucks, but that's why I'm glad I asked.
 
Arative

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Araysar said:
My wife befriended a single mom a year ago in our town. She has a daughter who's same age as mine, they play together once in a while.

The single mom mentioned to my wife the other day that the school or wherever her daughter goes (she's 4) thinks the daughter has ADHD. The daughter can be unruly sometimes but I have known for a long time it's because her mom exercises minimal discipline at home because she's basically tired of fighting her 4 year old.

I think most ADHD cases are simply a child growing up in a home lacking discipline, often a single parent home.

But instead of taking responsibility and straightening out her kid, she will just probably let the school diagnose her with ADHD and then put her on a multi-year diet of garbage drugs that will probably eventually include SSRIs which will eventually fuck her up.

1. Am I wrong in my belief?
2. Is it my place to say something in this regard?
3. If it is, what should I say? The mom works in the medical field, I think shes has a nurse type job but makes way less money, I don't know what they call that. I don't want to end up dispensing medical advice to someone who probably thinks it's not my place to dispense medical advice to begin with.

I think this kid is fine, just needs boundaries and a father figure would be nice (which by the looks of it will probably never happen)
Click to expand...

The school would have to fill out a document called a conners 4 and the mom would also fill out one and the pediatrician would then take that information and then make a determination about meds.

I don't think a doctor would put a 4 year old on meds. Too much is developmental.
 
Gavinmad

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You could say something if you don't mind permanently destroying that relationship.

She ain't getting ADHD meds before 6 anyway.
 
Araysar

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Gavinmad said:
You could say something if you don't mind permanently destroying that relationship.

She ain't getting ADHD meds before 6 anyway.
Click to expand...

I don't mind.

But my wife might be a tad salty about it.
 
ToeMissile

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I’d wager that the increase in AD(H)D is due to increased screen time, sugar consumption, poor sleep hygiene, and a variety of other modern environmental factors. Single parent family sure isn’t going to help.
 
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Kobayashi

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My 2 cents:

1) I'd say you're probably correct.
2) Saying something direct will probably just end up offending her and not changing anything.
3) I'd try the indirect route of planting some seeds in her head. If it comes up again, say something like "I hope she doesn't have ADHD, I heard those medications have some nasty side effects like sleep and eating issues." Hopefully, if nothing else, it would make her second guess going down the lazy pill route and potentially seek alternatives. It would also hopefully not offend her since you're not directly calling out her parenting.
 
Hateyou

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Nah don’t say “I heard this” as an approach. Keep in mind this is a western woman we’re talking about. If a man gives any kind of advice, she’s going to go the opposite direction just because. Just play stupid and ask what kind of side effects there are because you’ve never researched. Or act like you’re on her side and say “how come you have to wait til 6, if she needs it now” Asking questions and making people say things out loud is the best way to make them realize how stupid their actions sound.
 
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Araysar

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Hateyou said:
Nah don’t say “I heard this” as an approach. Keep in mind this is a western woman we’re talking about. If a man gives any kind of advice, she’s going to go the opposite direction just because. Just play stupid and ask what kind of side effects there are because you’ve never researched. Or act like you’re on her side and say “how come you have to wait til 6, if she needs it now” Asking questions and making people say things out loud is the best way to make them realize how stupid their actions sound.
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"you should double the dosage to make sure she's twice as attentive"
 
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Oblio

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Araysar said:
My wife befriended a single mom a year ago in our town. She has a daughter who's same age as mine, they play together once in a while.

The single mom mentioned to my wife the other day that the school or wherever her daughter goes (she's 4) thinks the daughter has ADHD. The daughter can be unruly sometimes but I have known for a long time it's because her mom exercises minimal discipline at home because she's basically tired of fighting her 4 year old.

I think most ADHD cases are simply a child growing up in a home lacking discipline, often a single parent home.

But instead of taking responsibility and straightening out her kid, she will just probably let the school diagnose her with ADHD and then put her on a multi-year diet of garbage drugs that will probably eventually include SSRIs which will eventually fuck her up.

1. Am I wrong in my belief?
2. Is it my place to say something in this regard?
3. If it is, what should I say? The mom works in the medical field, I think shes has a nurse type job but makes way less money, I don't know what they call that. I don't want to end up dispensing medical advice to someone who probably thinks it's not my place to dispense medical advice to begin with.

I think this kid is fine, just needs boundaries and a father figure would be nice (which by the looks of it will probably never happen)
Click to expand...
1. Yes, you are wrong.
2. No, but has that ever stopped you before?
3. Whatever you feel the need to say to make yourself feel better, because that is all you will accomplish.

My youngest has a very healthy dose of ADHD. My home does not lack discipline. We do not give my youngest any meds, we give him vitamins and supplements like magnesium, b6 and theanine. We also do our best to make sure he gets rigorous exercise daily. Even with all our efforts his impulsivity comes out daily. It is a what it is, as he gets older and matures it will get better, but until we just deal with it. Our biggest concern is keeping him safe so he can grow up and mature.
 
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Araysar

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Oblio said:
1. Yes, you are wrong.
2. No, but has that ever stopped you before?
3. Whatever you feel the need to say to make yourself feel better, because that is all you will accomplish.

My youngest has a very healthy dose of ADHD. My home does not lack discipline. We do not give my youngest any meds, we give him vitamins and supplements like magnesium, b6 and theanine. We also do our best to make sure he gets rigorous exercise daily. Even with all our efforts his impulsivity comes out daily. It is a what it is, as he gets older and matures it will get better, but until we just deal with it. Our biggest concern is keeping him safe so he can grow up and mature.
Click to expand...

1. I said "most", not all. After I made the post I went to look for medical studies on the subject and found some that seem to support my belief

2. All the time. You wouldn't believe how much I filter.

3. Just trying to help bro, you should dial it down a bit. I've decided to say nothing.
 
Oblio

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Araysar said:
1. I said "most", not all. After I made the post I went to look for medical studies on the subject and found some that seem to support my belief

2. All the time. You wouldn't believe how much I filter.

3. Just trying to help bro, you should dial it down a bit. I've decided to say nothing.
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Dial down what? The honesty?

I am not Folder bro, no need to tell me to dial it down.
 
Araysar

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Oblio said:
Dial down what? The honesty?

I am not Folder bro, no need to tell me to dial it down.
Click to expand...

Oh you like honesty? I'll make sure to pass some your way outside the Grownup forum the next time we run into each other.
 
Oblio

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Araysar said:
Oh you like honesty? I'll make sure to pass some your way outside the Grownup forum the next time we run into each other.
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I can't tell if this schtick or if you are serious? I am baffled if you actually took any offense to my reply.

Come at me bro?
 
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Gavinmad

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pretty sure YT has hundreds of amazing dad saves. My favorite one is when the dad supermans over the pool fence to grab his 1.5 year old son.
 
Hateyou

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I had one dad save that was pretty amazing. Neighbors toddler stood up at the top of a playground ladder and just went straight backwards head first. I didn’t even realize what was happening, my arms just shot out and caught him a couple feet from the ground. Also caught a neighbor kids shirt collar right before he face planted onto the sidewalk.

No great saves for my own kid however.
 
Gavinmad

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Hateyou said:
I had one dad save that was pretty amazing. Neighbors toddler stood up at the top of a playground ladder and just went straight backwards head first. I didn’t even realize what was happening, my arms just shot out and caught him a couple feet from the ground. Also caught a neighbor kids shirt collar right before he face planted onto the sidewalk.

No great saves for my own kid however.
Click to expand...
Now that you mention that I did have one similar to that. Friend's son was standing on my lap while I was sitting on a couch and all of the sudden he just throws his arms straight up and dives backwards off of me towards the floor. His mom saw it happen and said it looked like I started moving even before he did but I only got partial credit for the save because I shouldn't have been winding him up before bedtime in the first place.
 
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