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Jesus, dude. Well, you'll probably find Kull the Conquerer more to your liking then.
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- Thread starter Xeldar
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Rabbit_Games
Vyemm Raider
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Kull the Conquerer was even more cheesy than Conan. I like Kevin Sorbo... but he couldn't land "By this axe I rule" to save his life. lol
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Chanur
Shit Posting Professional
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Completely disagree. It holds up amazing. It spawned He-man. The toys were repurposed Conan.
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Burns
Avatar of War Slayer
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They killed his mother. They killed his father. They killed HIS PEOPLE!! ...and you don't even care?!?
Not only is Conan one of the top 5 Arnold movies, it is a contender for the best soundtrack of any movie ever produced (perfect album on repeat for gaming too).
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Hell yeah. Basil Poledouris is one of my favorite movie composers. Think about all the classics he did: Conan, RoboCop, Red Dawn, Hunt for Red October, Starship Troopers, etc.
Definitely one of the biggest reasons those movies are so great, and Conan was probably his best.
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I saw it in the theater back in the day. I understand just how bad of a movie it is, even if it's fun and cheesy. I was trying to sucker him in to watching it next, asshole...
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I mean if you just saw RoboCop one and two last back in 2024, I think that's all you need to know.
Had a VHS recording off of HBO for the first one and I saw the second in the theater. The second was actually filmed in Houston, and my step sister got to bring home a prop part of a column because she was an extra one day on set.
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reavor
I'm With HER ♀
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Chanur
Shit Posting Professional
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That movie is THE Swords and Sorcery movie..
INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS
you would probably like Conan The Destroyer better. It's more fantasy adventure.
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Chanur
Shit Posting Professional
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My wife loves that movie. Pretty sure it's on Amazon Prime right now too.
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It's not in the same league as Conan, but for sword and sorcery, it's definitely top tier '80s goodness.
The second one with Michael Ironside for The Beastmaster travels into the future is also pretty fun.
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Chanur
Shit Posting Professional
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There's actually a whole bunch of this type of stuff on Prime right now that I have not seen. Probably try to get the misses to watch some with me. She's a big fan of that kind of stuff.
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INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS
Trakanon Raider
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I think the movie suffers from a series of events rather than fluid story.
instead of “therefor” or “but” in between
I need to finish Conan.I saw it in the theater back in the day. I understand just how bad of a movie it is, even if it's fun and cheesy. I was trying to sucker him in to watching it next, asshole...
I’m currently reading Shōgun and it’s a 1600 page book, so parsing out my spare time accordingly lol.
The issue with Conan the Barbarian (1982) is that a lot of the scenes just aren’t progressing the plot. A lot of them are, but a lot are not.
Each scene should transition with a “but” or a “therefor.” While Conan each scene ends with “and then.”
for example:
Dr Retarded wants me to watch Conan
but
I am retarded and cannot appreciate it.
therefore
I didn’t watch all of Conan.
therefore
I lose street credit on FOH. I could just say I watched it and loved it
But
Personal integrity prevents me from that.
while Conan is:
his family is murdered
therefor
he is enslaved
and then
he is freed
and then
he finds Krom’s tomb
and then
he finds a sidekick.
and then they try to steal from the cult of Set.
BUT
a blond hottie is also stealing from Set.
therefore
they join forces for the robbery, and escape.
but
they are caught and brought to the king they stole from
but
he doesn’t want to kill them. He wants them to help rescue his daughter from the cult of Set.
And then
Conan leaves his team alone and travels to the ocean
and then
he meets up with an old friend
(this is where I stopped).
there is some plot points that drive to others, but there is a lot that just feels like:
Im mid thirties. A lot of old movies that I watched for the first time, even recently, I have appreciated for tight plot structure. Last year I watched Dirty Harry for the first time, and the production has some flaws, but the story is very tightly knit and fantastic. Or Outland (1981) is another example of an extremely good, older movie I saw within the last few years (along with Robocop 1 and 2).
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There's literally narration from the Chinese wizard the entire film telling you what the hell is happening if you can't pick it up from the visual cues throughout all of the scenes. Did you have your TV on mute?I think the movie suffers from a series of events rather than fluid story.
instead of “therefor” or “but” in between
I need to finish Conan.
I’m currently reading Shōgun and it’s a 1600 page book, so parsing out my spare time accordingly lol.
The issue with Conan the Barbarian (1982) is that a lot of the scenes just aren’t progressing the plot. A lot of them are, but a lot are not.
Each scene should transition with a “but” or a “therefor.” While Conan each scene ends with “and then.”
for example:
Dr Retarded wants me to watch Conan
but
I am retarded and cannot appreciate it.
therefore
I didn’t watch all of Conan.
therefore
I lose street credit on FOH. I could just say I watched it and loved it
But
Personal integrity prevents me from that.
while Conan is:
his family is murdered
therefor
he is enslaved
and then
he is freed
and then
he finds Krom’s tomb
and then
he finds a sidekick.
and then they try to steal from the cult of Set.
BUT
a blond hottie is also stealing from Set.
therefore
they join forces for the robbery, and escape.
but
they are caught and brought to the king they stole from
but
he doesn’t want to kill them. He wants them to help rescue his daughter from the cult of Set.
And then
Conan leaves his team alone and travels to the ocean
and then
he meets up with an old friend
(this is where I stopped).
there is some plot points that drive to others, but there is a lot that just feels like:
Im mid thirties.
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INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS
Trakanon Raider
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I understand the story. I think it’s bad writing.
I also read Robert E Howard’s original Conan short story this week, the Phoenix in the Sword. This was a fantastic short story that did not have the same shortcomings as the movie.
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Chanur
Shit Posting Professional
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You stopped like 30 minutes into the movie. That was all the set up and getting the gang together.
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INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS
Trakanon Raider
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FOH: check out this movie!
me: okay, sure. I’ve liked others you recommended. I watched 75 minutes (60%) and didn’t love it and here is why.
FOH:
me: okay, sure. I’ve liked others you recommended. I watched 75 minutes (60%) and didn’t love it and here is why.
FOH:
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