Recommend a dating site
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This exact same shit happened to me with the girl I dated for a couple of years. Everything is AWESOME until she gets one to many drinks into her and then she goes batshit. I made the mistake of thinking she would "grow" out of it or eventually settle down but after 5 years it was the same old shit. I loved that girl but I had to end it cause it would end up happening at family parties, at work, etc. It sucks but it will never change.
This is true in my experience. Dated a girl that started getting raped by her father before she was even a teenager. While normally an extremely caring and loving person, its was not uncommon for her to turn into a raging lunatic after a few drinks. And the other stereotype...sex so good that I often wonder if it will ever be matched by a more balanced non damaged woman. A depressing thought
All spot on and good advise IMO. How to deal with rage mode: Do not criticize (in fact dont even do it when they are in normal mode, its pointless, they have no positive coping mechanism for it) and calmly disengage from the situation. If the rage is not directed at you and you have no control over the situation...good luck and have fun picking them up later at the county jail (true story)
Long term and for some reason you want to stick around, somehow convince them to go to therapy, which could be a very long process before results appear, if at all. Otherwise get the fuck out, these women are damaged goods for life, theres not shit you can do about it and they will eventually nuke your life from orbit in a hulk like rage. But the sex is so great you'll probably stick it out for too long and pay the consequences =p
Forgot to add this in the other post. Start looking at the Cluster B personality disorders. Maybe starting with the Borderline type...hard to tell though without more information but theres only 4 types of Cluster B and you can probably read brief outlines of all of them in 15 minutes.
DBT is quite successful for treating borderline personality disorder..and if its anything, its probably that
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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I like all the different perspectives that each of us have on this. Whatever works for you works, though I take slight offense at the suggestion that paying for a first and second date makes me a "sexless loser". Especially in the eyes of women. That couldn't be more untrue. Women don't make assertions on your sexual activeness based on whether or not you pay. You know why? Because they made that assertion hours before the check even came, you know... when you first started talking.
I pay because it's gentlemanly and I'm not just trying to get laid, I'm looking for someone I connect with. I'm not playing some stupid game with stupid women about who has the upper hand or who can give less of a shit to try to get them in bed.
Everyone has a past. The funny thing about that is we're supposed to "learn from our past mistakes" all while "leaving the past behind us". So how are we supposed to follow those two sagely pieces of advice when they are completely contradictory? As for me, I was in 2 relationships I thought were going to end up in marriage, neither one worked out and both times it was because I came to the realization they wanted me to take care of them and that just doesn't work for me. So now, when a woman doesn't offer (offer, not actually pay, just offer) on the second date I get flashbacks and run for the hills.
I pay because it's gentlemanly and I'm not just trying to get laid, I'm looking for someone I connect with. I'm not playing some stupid game with stupid women about who has the upper hand or who can give less of a shit to try to get them in bed.
Everyone has a past. The funny thing about that is we're supposed to "learn from our past mistakes" all while "leaving the past behind us". So how are we supposed to follow those two sagely pieces of advice when they are completely contradictory? As for me, I was in 2 relationships I thought were going to end up in marriage, neither one worked out and both times it was because I came to the realization they wanted me to take care of them and that just doesn't work for me. So now, when a woman doesn't offer (offer, not actually pay, just offer) on the second date I get flashbacks and run for the hills.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Yeah, I've looked into those. I don't think she's BPD because her rages are mostly when drunk and aren't frequent enough. Also, there's never been any indication that she's suicidal, nor does she cut herself-- both of which are supposedly hallmark BPD traits. She's got the vanity of a narcissist, which initially came off as a positive thing as she always dresses to the nines, does perfect hair/makeup, smells like a million bucks, etc. However the downside to that after awhile is that she needs CONSTANT affirmation that she looks good. Last week she changed her hair color and no shit she asked me 15 times (I counted) in the space of 24 hrs if I liked her hair. No answer, no matter how positive, seemed to satiate her insecurity. Then of course when I got annoyed she took it as a personal attack. She doesn't have any signs of grand delusions or thinking she's great, which again seems to be a major quality of a NPD. Histrionic seems to be the closest layman diagnosis, as she needs constant reassurance, is hyper-sensitive to criticism, dresses provocatively, and blames others. If HPD included rage, then I would say it was a slam dunk diagnosis.
I think we can boil this down to three types of women and the two types guys want. Women that want to be equals, women that want to be treated like ladies (be taken care of), and women that want both. Guys will probably know which type they want and both have their pros and cons as long as the woman isn't lazy. But if a bitch wants to be both types...fuck that.
I'm moving from the northeast to TX next month.
Met a waitress on a whim down in texas and for the hell of it went out with her to some crap ass bar since I was from out of town and had nothing better going on.
She drank 3 beers and 2 shots in under an hour, told me about her kid and her drug dealer baby dad.
Stay classy Texas. Should this be the southern norm I should expect? lol
Met a waitress on a whim down in texas and for the hell of it went out with her to some crap ass bar since I was from out of town and had nothing better going on.
She drank 3 beers and 2 shots in under an hour, told me about her kid and her drug dealer baby dad.
Stay classy Texas. Should this be the southern norm I should expect? lol
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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You think there aren't women like that in the northeast? I've lived in NY and New England my entire life. Plenty of broads like that here.
Nah where i'm from their poison is pinterest. No boyfriend but their whole wedding is planned.
Really that was more of a joke - that sounds exactly like my graduating high school class.
Really that was more of a joke - that sounds exactly like my graduating high school class.
Sounds exactly like my ex BPD. Not all of them are going to self harm. But you could be right, you know her the best and I'm just an amateur of this pseudoscience =p
You said she just changed her hair color, is this a frequent thing? Tattoos and always wanting new ones? Does she have a history of her identity (hobbies, preferences, beliefs, style etc) being dependent on who is in her life at the moment? Lots of male 'friends' aka dudes that want to fuck her and she keeps around for no good reason? IF mostly yeses lean towards BPD, if not lean towards HPD. Though in reality it may not mater which one it is as they can co-occur with each other, have a lot of overlaps, and some professionals believe that HPD may not actually be distinguishable from BPD.
In any case it sounds like she needs therapy otherwise she will not improve and you will eventually reach your breaking point. Therapy or GTFO is my advise bro.
And again in case it did not go without saying, I am not a professional, take everything I said with a grain of salt and form your own conclusions etc...
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Therapy AND gtfo works too. Honestly, if someone drinks and rages out they have something going on. It could be everything talked about here or simply alcoholism. Either way, I suggest you sit down and talk when you're both stone sober. Things like this just get worse if "ignored".
McCheese
SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
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The only way to deal with crazy is to run away. Far away. Working it out, therapy, understanding, whatever...it's all futile. Let the crazies find each other and the sane people enjoy their happy relationships without knives, poisons, and dead animals.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Borzak
Bronze Baron of the Realm
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Hoss
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no reason crazy can't be fixed. It's just a matter of whether you're willing to try. If she has daddy issues, then be the daddy she wished she'd had. If its mommy issues ... well that might be hard, is your mom cool? She could be the substitute mommy. Tell her Rule #1 is if she ever thinks she is offended by something, she has to run it by you first.
Edit: And this is not necessarily meant to take the place of therapy. It might work without therapy, but it might not.
Edit: And this is not necessarily meant to take the place of therapy. It might work without therapy, but it might not.