Alex
Still a Music Elitist
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Read the thread for why it's not; at all. Some people just don't like wasting time.
Recommend a dating site
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- Start date
Kuriin
Just a Nurse
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As others have said, in a dinner, you're kind of stuck with them until the end unless you're a complete dickwad who leaves DURING dinner or says "uh no, not interested,". Not to mention, you're eating dinner. You're preoccupying yourself with food when you should be talking to the other person. Lets not even go into the fact that what if you order something that she (or he) has a total bitchfit about?
In a coffee/walk scenario, you get a cup of coffee, and you chat.
I'm having a bit of trouble with the translation in Soysauceonrice's post.
For the translation of women's tastes it says "which is a healthier pattern than guys? pursuing the all-but-unattainable" but then goes on to portray that in a negative light and indicate women's thought processes are in some way broken. Surely this implies that a male's looks aren't the most important factor for him finding a female mate/date on the site?
Does the chart not suggest that either the model (chart) is missing some factor or other? Perhaps that women are choosing men who they feel are more likely to find them attractive or that the men using this particular online dating site are ugly?
What would be interesting would be to see the values crossed slightly, so "women's attractiveness as rated by males" and the "distribution of messages sent by those women". Also vice-versa. (This data isn't in the existing charts.)
For the translation of women's tastes it says "which is a healthier pattern than guys? pursuing the all-but-unattainable" but then goes on to portray that in a negative light and indicate women's thought processes are in some way broken. Surely this implies that a male's looks aren't the most important factor for him finding a female mate/date on the site?
Does the chart not suggest that either the model (chart) is missing some factor or other? Perhaps that women are choosing men who they feel are more likely to find them attractive or that the men using this particular online dating site are ugly?
What would be interesting would be to see the values crossed slightly, so "women's attractiveness as rated by males" and the "distribution of messages sent by those women". Also vice-versa. (This data isn't in the existing charts.)
T
...
If you want mathematical proof that female expectations in regards to dating are fucked up:
Translation: Men rate women's looks fairly, and send all their messages to the really hot, out-of-their-reach women. They're realistic about a woman's looks, but they like to reach for the stars anyways.
Translation:
As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys? pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren?t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.
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I can understand if you just don't want to pay for someone's meal, but eating is the ultimate social event and I don't really see how going to a restaurant would be more uncomfortable. To be honest, I think the bigger issue is meeting someone in person without really getting to know them. Finding someone on a site like okcupid affords you the opportunity to develop feelings before you even meet.
Celebrindal
Golden Squire
- 516
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Last week, I received an articulate message from a girl who lives about an hour away from me. I had 5 starred her a while ago but never messaged her because of the unlikely meetup because of distance. I found her attractive, witty, intelligent etc. I was surprised with the message because I usually get "hi
" or some dumb one sentence message. So, I wrote back, also being articulate with my response. I was pleasantly surprised she took to my response and we seemed to hit it off. We moved from ok Cupid to phone texting, and shortly after, talking on the phone.
while I agree normally to what was written earlier, don't go to a restaurant first date, this girl and I really hit it off. So I said fuck it. I got a reservation for an Italian restaurant for Saturday night. We had a fantastic time, ordered some good food, and I paid the $125 bill happily. I figured I'd splurge for something like this that I thought was right, otherwise I would've just bought another Jiu jitsu Gi with the money. We finished dinner and headed to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the UFC card, only taking my car. I had to park like 6 blocks away though. At around 11pm I could tell she was super tired, so I told her it was ok to call it an early night. We go downstairs to head out, and it was pouring rain outside. We decided to wait it out and continue watching the MMA Card. I the ran into a few friends who I train BJJ with, and they proceeded to be a bunch of bros and big me up in front of her.
after the event was over, the rain had let up a bit and we briskly walked to my car. At around block 4, the rain came pouring down again and we found shelter in an alcove of a store front. I jokingly said that if this was a movie, we'd be kissing at this point and she replied "yes please". By the time we stopped, two hours had passed. Never had I just made out with a girl for that long. Still raining, we made it to my car, I dropped her at her car, and kissed her good night. I get home and she sent me a text saying that this was the best first date she had ever been on and that I was one in a million.
tl;dr - found a girl I didn't want to just fuck, had a great date, looking for something serious with her.
We are both willing to commute to see each other. She is coming over on Wednesday to relax and watch movies, then watch me train at the bjj academy. Friday I will be going up there. Ideally, I prefer if she was closer, but she seems like too good to pass up.
while I agree normally to what was written earlier, don't go to a restaurant first date, this girl and I really hit it off. So I said fuck it. I got a reservation for an Italian restaurant for Saturday night. We had a fantastic time, ordered some good food, and I paid the $125 bill happily. I figured I'd splurge for something like this that I thought was right, otherwise I would've just bought another Jiu jitsu Gi with the money. We finished dinner and headed to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the UFC card, only taking my car. I had to park like 6 blocks away though. At around 11pm I could tell she was super tired, so I told her it was ok to call it an early night. We go downstairs to head out, and it was pouring rain outside. We decided to wait it out and continue watching the MMA Card. I the ran into a few friends who I train BJJ with, and they proceeded to be a bunch of bros and big me up in front of her.
after the event was over, the rain had let up a bit and we briskly walked to my car. At around block 4, the rain came pouring down again and we found shelter in an alcove of a store front. I jokingly said that if this was a movie, we'd be kissing at this point and she replied "yes please". By the time we stopped, two hours had passed. Never had I just made out with a girl for that long. Still raining, we made it to my car, I dropped her at her car, and kissed her good night. I get home and she sent me a text saying that this was the best first date she had ever been on and that I was one in a million.
tl;dr - found a girl I didn't want to just fuck, had a great date, looking for something serious with her.
We are both willing to commute to see each other. She is coming over on Wednesday to relax and watch movies, then watch me train at the bjj academy. Friday I will be going up there. Ideally, I prefer if she was closer, but she seems like too good to pass up.
You can never really "get to know" someone when all the interaction you've had with them is purely online. There's nothing wrong with a dinner date, it's just not the best idea as thefirstdate. I agree with the general consensus that coffee is best. You can still talk and get to know one another, but it doesn't require the same commitment in time or money. And speaking to my female friends who have also tried online dating, most girls are apprehensive about meeting a guy they meet online. Choosing a neutral and public place like, say Starbucks, goes a long way to help them calm their nerves.
If you're serious about online dating and you find someone you think you like, (and you're not just trying to get laid) the goal of the first date should ALWAYS be to confirm everything you've learned about them. People tend to exaggerate or outright lie when they present their online persona. Once you've confirmed that they are who they say they are and not using their high-school pictures as their profile picture, then you can sink more time, money, and effort into a more substantive date. But when you meet someone you've met online for the first time, everything is an unknown; an elaborate dinner date isn't prudent.
Eomer
Trakanon Raider
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What he said. I would add though that it's probably a good plan to have a backup date planned if coffee goes great. Even if it's as simple as heading to a bowling alley, pool hall, driving range, mini-golf course or whatever. I find that "activity" type dates are really good, so long as both people have the appropriate personalities or interests.
I had been talking to 4 girls. One was interesting, the other was kind of pitiful and the 3rd was the good kind of aggressive and the 4th seemed disinterested but kept it alive anyway.
Distinterested girl gave me her number and messaged me on facebook. I messaged back and didnt get a reply for 2 days so I messaged again and she blocked me on Facebook. (psycho bitch i guess)
Interesting girl said she would give me her phone number later, we chat over pof for about a week talking about things but she never offered her number and declined my meetup suggestions. Yesterday she pussed out saying she wasn't feeling well so I waited a few hours and then told her I had met someone and good luck etc. (time waster)
Pitiful lived far away, like 6 hours away. Shes pretty, but she doesn't have a car and looking for a job. We talked for a few days and she's disappeared but she didnt block me or anything. She had a minor surgery the 20th. (did she freakin die?)
Aggressive made the first move, and messages right away. We burned through eharmony stages in about 15 minutes. We're texting now. Though she has major problems, she's been transparent about everything up front so I do admire the honesty. I doubt it'll go further than a meetup but I've decided she's earned a chance by how well she's treated me so far.
Distinterested girl gave me her number and messaged me on facebook. I messaged back and didnt get a reply for 2 days so I messaged again and she blocked me on Facebook. (psycho bitch i guess)
Interesting girl said she would give me her phone number later, we chat over pof for about a week talking about things but she never offered her number and declined my meetup suggestions. Yesterday she pussed out saying she wasn't feeling well so I waited a few hours and then told her I had met someone and good luck etc. (time waster)
Pitiful lived far away, like 6 hours away. Shes pretty, but she doesn't have a car and looking for a job. We talked for a few days and she's disappeared but she didnt block me or anything. She had a minor surgery the 20th. (did she freakin die?)
Aggressive made the first move, and messages right away. We burned through eharmony stages in about 15 minutes. We're texting now. Though she has major problems, she's been transparent about everything up front so I do admire the honesty. I doubt it'll go further than a meetup but I've decided she's earned a chance by how well she's treated me so far.
Kuriin
Just a Nurse
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Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Bowling is an activity for established relationships. It's a terrible first few dates activity. Unless you like just getting drunk and completely ignoring each other. You just can't really bowl AND have a conversation. It's impossible.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Becoming Facebook friends before a real relationship has developed seems like a really stupid idea and an excessive amount of work. What if she really is psycho? Now she can see all the people you're friends with on Facebook and harass them. What if you forget to block her and one day, 5 months later she sends all kinds of fucked up messages to some other girl you've been seeing and are FB friends with?
Bad idea...
Yeah I have really good privacy settings. Non friends can't see much except public posts and my likes. Her message goes in to a folder called "other" and I had not friended her yet. But yeah, gotta be super careful, I agree.
Don't become a pen-pal or else you'll just friendzone yourself. I stick to minimal communication before the first meeting.
iannis
Musty Nester
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If you wouldn't consider fucking each other it's a waste of time. Men know this and women know this. You gotta check that box first. You've got to. There is an implied intent here, don't be afraid of admitting it. Honesty is romantic. That is like the opposite of texting her pictures of your penis and it's bad for many of the same reasons.
It's ok to want to make sure the other person isn't a hag/creepy rapist before you start writing each other flirty letters.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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I believe he means that both parties are using an online dating site not a friends/club site. It is expected that both participants are interested in meeting someone for more then just friendship.
Also don't text pictures of your genitals as it is not romantic and likely to have negative results.