Recommend a dating site
- Thread starter W4RH34D_sl
- Start date
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
- 12,012
- 29,310
I have to say, I can't wrap my head around men in this thread apparently activelywantingan ambitious career woman, as opposed to an equally intelligent/engaging woman who would rather play the role of woman/mother. I mean, I understand how it happens, this society has completely warped gender roles, but I would have figured it would be largely women brainwashed into thinking they need to play the man role, and then men just kind of going with it because they... sort of have to? And then just dealing with it. But Khane/BrotherWu are saying they actively seek this out. Hmm.
But then I guess Wu said he came to partially regret it later, which is of no surprise. There's a solid body of research that suggests most women who have chosen this "man" path are somewhat regretting it too.
But then I guess Wu said he came to partially regret it later, which is of no surprise. There's a solid body of research that suggests most women who have chosen this "man" path are somewhat regretting it too.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,836
- 13,354
You call it a "man path". There is no brainwashing here. I want to continue living as well, or better than I do now for the rest of my life. I want to own boats, take fun, exotic vacations, own nice cars and live in a nice house. I want to be able to keep my membership at my private country club, spend ridiculous amounts of money at good restaurants and on fine wine and craft beers. I want to be able to do all those things and not have to sacrifice my lifestyle simply because I met a woman. I'm perfectly capable of paying my cleaning lady to scrub my floors and toilets. I'm perfectly capable of doing the dishes and my own laundry. I'm a pretty decent cook. I don't need a woman to take care of domestic necessities for me.
Traditional gender roles are antiquated. Technology has made housewives all but obsolete. I could see needing someone to hold the fort down back in the days of hand washing clothes and butchering your own meat. Nowadays? Not so much.
Traditional gender roles are antiquated. Technology has made housewives all but obsolete. I could see needing someone to hold the fort down back in the days of hand washing clothes and butchering your own meat. Nowadays? Not so much.
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
- 12,012
- 29,310
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
- 14,730
- 31,802
^ This and This and THIS
And it has nothing to do with kids. You can have kids and do all of the above. If the guy makes a good living, and the wife makes at least a decent living, you can hire maids/nannies to clean the house and shop for food. I don't want to de-legitimize the "stay at home wife", but I can't even remember the last time I dated a girl that even demonstrated the skills necessary to be good at this "job". Ironing has become dry-cleaning, sewing has become the tailor, and baking has become "I'm swinging by the dessert department". And you know what? That's ok with me, because if we earn a good living and both work, there will never be any contention over any of these things.
Huh, crazy, I'm in the 98th percentile. I thought I was a lot lower, but I was comparing myself to all households, not just singles. I said it in the other thread, but it really doesn't matter how much you make, as long as you make more than her. (And you strategically flaunt it). If you're making 100k and driving a 7 year old Honda, unless it's an s2000, you're not taking advantage of your assets.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,836
- 13,354
I absolutely want kids. That has nothing to do with what I'm saying. You don't need a stay at home parent to raise children.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,836
- 13,354
That 103k being top 3% doesn't mean much because it's over the entirety of the US. I live in the northeast in between both NYC and Boston. I make just over $150k/yr. That's probably only top 10% in my region though. A far cry from if I made that money living in say South Carolina.
Still puts you in the top 2%, actually. Both nationally and for your region. The difference between South Carolina and New York only averages 13k. Though if you think 150k isn't impressive, I can see why you think girls won't either. This is a reality vs perception issue. The reality is anyone making that much money is unusual (in statistics anything that happens less than 5% of the time is usually considered unusual). The perception is you probably hang out with a fair number of people who make that much money and still complain about not having enough money. Ditto date girls who etc.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,836
- 13,354
I find it hard to believe that I would be considered top 2% in Manhattan, Boston, Fairfield County CT, Essex County CT, Westchester, Long Island, etc etc etc. Do you have those statistics handy? I should have been more specific about what I considered a region. I mean as small as a local county, not the entirety of New England, or the Northeastern Seaboard. And I should have mentioned I meant salaries specifically in NYC (not the entirety of NY, which is mostly poor outside of NYC and Long Island) vs South Carolina, which probably isn't a fair assessment, I just don't know of specific areas in South Carolina.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
- 44,660
- 93,338
I did state to state comparisons. So New York vs South Carolina. Census website has all the data if you want to dig into it. Though NYC is poor too. Median household income in NYC is still only 52k. You're not alone though, Slate did an article about the misconception of NYC being a rich city. Reality is most people are pretty poor.
New York City census data: Manhattan and Brooklyn are much poorer than you think.
If you want to cherry pick the highest income areas 150k isn't going to look so hot. But I think that is a little absurd, sorry. If you can walk ten miles and be in a place where the income is back to being +-10k from the national average, you're not in that different a world. Rich people tend to live next to other rich people, you could do that literally any place there are rich people and have a really skewed view of things. If there was a whole state with that level of discrepancy, sure, but there isn't, it is a few tiny areas all within spitting distances of places where the wealth level is in the other 95th percentile of the country.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,836
- 13,354
Well thinking about it more and reading all that I see that I was way off base considering most of NYC are restaurant workers, cab drivers, public servants and starving artists. But the point remains I know I have a good life and I don't want to sacrifice my lifestyle to such an extent that I am sole provider for an entire family. Not only would I have to give up a lot but I'd also sacrifice a lot of professional freedom. Freedom to move to a new job without worrying about what might happen to my family if it didn't work out or taking a big pay cut to work at a promising start up with equity shares or start my own business, etc. It's a lot of pressure.
That is fine and perfectly understandable. I just think it is important to step back and realize where you are financially. For one it should give you a huge amount of confidence now that you realize and for another women who think you don't make enough, you can point out how insanely out of touch they are with reality.
Though I will say you don't make the cut for any of the gold diggers I knew growing up, they expected a minimum of a million per year. That was in 1990s dollars, so probably like 2.4 million these days.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,836
- 13,354
I have no lack of confidence, nor have I ever had an issue meeting women both through dating websites or out in person. I've also never had a woman say "you don't make enough", I just thought it was interesting the one time I actually put my income on the dating sites it was a huge beacon in the night for women who I just was not interested in and seemed to turn off women I was interested in. Of course that could have just been timing too since I only did it for about 2 weeks. Hardly a good sample size.
I didn't say you lacked confidence, but confidence doesn't have a ceiling either. Also it isn't a one-off thing, you can be more or less confident in certain areas. Being hit with the reality of where you are financially, when you thought you were much lower down the economic totem pole, can only be a confidence boost in that area. All I meant.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 19,836
- 13,354
According to this calculator I was right. I'm not even top 10% for my region:
What Percent Are You? - Interactive Feature - NYTimes.com
Even if I was with someone who made exactly what I make we would only be top 4% in the region.
What Percent Are You? - Interactive Feature - NYTimes.com
Even if I was with someone who made exactly what I make we would only be top 4% in the region.
Hard knocks there khane. You might have to make your eldest son sow the fields so the younger ones can have the opportunities to learn a trade. I hear the wheel-makers guild is a really good outfit and it's a fine, respectable profession.