The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

Dalien

Dalien

Registered Hodor
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TheBeagle_sl said:
So i called this whore and she was on her way but started haggling for an extra $40 and I realized just how fucking late it is and she has no tits so I totally pussed out. I need to get drunk earlier in the day
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Bro, if you're doing the Backpage thing don't ever have them come to where you actually live. Even if everything goes as expected, shit can haunt you. Like you have a real girlfriend and you're watching a movie and some ho you saw on backpage a year ago shows up at your place randomly hoping to get some money out of you. It doesn't end well. Not that I'd know.
 
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Dabamf_sl

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Jesus aychamo you're a fuckin lunatic. I say that with all the love and affection I can offer. Things like "I got to treat her like a human being and have a conversation" are in actuality the exact same thing as getting an autograph. You think she gives a shit about telling her future plans and all that other crap to a complete stranger? The beneficiary in that exchange is 100% you, just like an autograph. She doesn't get a lick out of it. If she even remembers you for more than 2 seconds, you are "that weird guy who showed up 2 days in a row, I hope he doesn't stalk me," which is exactly what you're currently trying to do.

And sending her care packages and flash drives? Christ man.

P.S. Your wife may be "cool" with a pseudo obsession with some other chick who is a same but hotter version of her, but the level you're heading towards (correction: at) is not cool with any human being.
P.P.S. Fuck you Yvonne is mine.
P.P.P.S. Please PM pics of your Yvonne-lookalike wife
 
McCheese

McCheese

SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
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No dead girlfriends. Aychamo's story is disappointing.

*edit* although given his insane obsession we might get a story about a dead Yvonne Strahovski in a few months. Psycho.
 
Louis

Louis

Trakanon Raider
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Aych confirmed creep. Find it amusing that I basically forgot about how strange the first story was by how bad the second one was.
 
Aychamo BanBan

Aychamo BanBan

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Dabamf_sl said:
Jesus aychamo you're a fuckin lunatic. I say that with all the love and affection I can offer. Things like "I got to treat her like a human being and have a conversation" are in actuality the exact same thing as getting an autograph. You think she gives a shit about telling her future plans and all that other crap to a complete stranger? The beneficiary in that exchange is 100% you, just like an autograph. She doesn't get a lick out of it. If she even remembers you for more than 2 seconds, you are "that weird guy who showed up 2 days in a row, I hope he doesn't stalk me," which is exactly what you're currently trying to do.

And sending her care packages and flash drives? Christ man.

P.S. Your wife may be "cool" with a pseudo obsession with some other chick who is a same but hotter version of her, but the level you're heading towards (correction: at) is not cool with any human being.
P.P.S. Fuck you Yvonne is mine.
P.P.P.S. Please PM pics of your Yvonne-lookalike wife
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I totally agree btw and felt the same way as what you describe. I know she completely forgot about it a minute later, but I think the whole thing was cathartic (and selfish) for me. I dunno, I guess after years etc and being a uber nerd and early thoughts about my wife involving her made the whole thing weird. But yeah, it was completely forgettable for her, but I was just glad I got to have a small convo instead if just treating her like an autograph machine. Touched her a few times too
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(the creepiness deepens)
 
T

The Ancient_sl

shitlord
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Hoss_sl said:
At this point I realize the bitch could have gotten off pretty easy, as it would have taken about 30 seconds of her touching it to get it to pop. I get in my truck and pull into a parking space where I can see her front door. I waited for at least an hour without her mom showing up. I was calling her a lot during this time, towards the end pointing out I could have been done twice by now and been on my way. She didn't always answer, so I wound up leaving a lot of messages. Finally, an old woman and some kids show up. Right about now, I realize it was bullshit and that she'd called her mom and asked her to bring the kids over. Actually, I think she was hoping I'd leave and called her mom (or babysitter or whatever) after 30-45 min of me waiting. At this point though, I'm invested in this pussy and she is still saying she will give it up. So I wait. They are in there for at least an hour. I'm still calling her and leaving messages regularly. Eventually she answers again and says she has something she must go take care of right now. It's about 6:00 and she says her car is at the mechanic and she needs to go get it before he closes. She promises she'll be back in like 30 min, tops and when she gets back she will be alone and will rock my world. She evens says the kids will stay the night with mom and I can stay with her. So I wait some more. They leave about 30-45 min later.

...

I got to thinking that she was probably waiting for me to tell her I was packing up and leaving before she came home, so I decided to just keep calling her every 10-15 min on the way home leaving voice mail messages so she'd have to stay away. I really wish I had a recording of all the messages I left her that night. Most were probably pretty pitiful, but on the way home I was pissed and went way over the top. Can't recall if I threatened her life, but I know I got kinda stalkery and rapey and professed my undying love for her. And I think I threatened the life of any one else she might be sleeping with. Also during the course of the messages, I posited that she was a hooker (not in a mean way, I would understand if that's what a sinlge mom had to do to put mac n cheese on the table), had a pimp, and then promised to kill the imaginary pimp I made up. Shit like that. I think my last message was that I was sleeping in my truck right outside her door, and that my phone was dying so I couldn't call her anymore.
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You are a fucking nutbag.
 
Springbok

Springbok

Karen
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aychamo_aycono_sl said:
Stuff
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Hahahaha WTF dude. That's a good story whether true or not. I have a hot girlfriend as well, and have a pretty massive crush on Minka Kelly (it doesn't get any better for me) and if I did even half that shit I'd be cooked. Might be because my old lady is tall and blonde and Minka is literally the exact opposite of that, but I don't know. Bitches be crazy.

Good luck - I was in LA last summer with some friends for a Bachelor party and one of them fucked L.C. from the Hills on the first night. Not a real celebrity or anything, but girls are girls. Not like Yvonne is some superstar either. I think with some effort and timing she could be got.
 
Springbok

Springbok

Karen
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Salshun_sl said:
That's more social engineering that hacking. Buy a burner, find her talent agency and press agent, call with an offer, and ask to speak about her with her said agent. Fake a name from a legit company, if the company is legit odds are they aren't going to pursue it (I don't know why they would at her level of the game). If she sounds like she's walking, has non-office background noise, obviously, assume cell and you have it. If not, make the conversation work and ask if you can call her back directly because you need to consult with your backers. She's not going to make a deal without her agent's approval, but she'll still talk on her own without him there.

That'll be $50, adjusted for effort.
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You could definitely do that. In the oil business there is a conference called NAPE twice a year, and a lot of these big oil companies hire out ridiculously hot bitches to pass out pens, prospectus', etc. Anyways, 2 years ago my partner and I showed up, bought a booth and were trying to get our name out there/educate conference goers on what we were selling etc. About 10 minutes in to the thing, I stumbled upon what I thought was the hottest chick I'd ever seen in person. Literally. 5'11", maybe 118 lbs of pure Scandanavian sex. The entire rest of the show (its 3 days long) I walked by the shitty Noble Royalties booth probably 150 times, eye fucking this chick. The last night there (its just one big party after hours full of hookers, drugs, and steaks) I see her at the bar at the 4 seasons, and am just fucked up enough to approach her with a similar offer to what you proposed - As the owner of a massive company (ooops) I'd like her to come into our offices in OKC for some promo work. $1000 a day. She looked at me dead in my eyes and said - "that sounds great, but I always bring my husband with me to things like that." Me - "You're married?" Her - "Ya, my husband is Stephen Mcgee backup QB (and huge faggot) for the Dallas Cowboys". Me - "Well never-fucking-mind then. I don't do threesomes".. Haha.

I've been back 4 times since and she's still doing shitty promo work for Noble, and gives me the fuck you eyes everytime I walk by. Obviously if she is still doing bullshit work like that Stephen Mcgee ain't doing too hot.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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aychamo_aycono_sl said:
I totally agree btw and felt the same way as what you describe. I know she completely forgot about it a minute later, but I think the whole thing was cathartic (and selfish) for me. I dunno, I guess after years etc and being a uber nerd and early thoughts about my wife involving her made the whole thing weird. But yeah, it was completely forgettable for her, but I was just glad I got to have a small convo instead if just treating her like an autograph machine. Touched her a few times too
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(the creepiness deepens)
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Sorry my reading comprehension must be off today, but I couldn't find anywhere in your response an expected timeline for getting those wife pics to me
 
Pigbenis

Pigbenis

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So I had a pretty interesting sexual encounter the other night. I dunno if it's the strangest for me, but it's up there. I was at the Suicide Girl's place and sooner or later we ended up in the bed. Things start going and she jumps on top of me, and right away things DO NOT feel right. My junk feels very very crowded in her gina. After like 2 seconds I tell her hey something doesn't feel right, stop. I quickly remember that she had just got off the rag.... She stops, and I could tell by the look on her face she forgot about something, something very important. She quickly jumps off my cock and begins to finger herself ferociously, and I realize at that point what had happened -- she left her tampon in. Bro's, the awkwardness of the situation was epic level. She's was literally crying while trying to fish this thing out of her which is now out of sight and out of reach. I actually asked her if she needed help lol. We never actually mention what happened, but we didn't have to. After like 5 minutes of her trying to fist herself and me consoling her she says she has to go to the hospital. As she was leaving I told her good luck lol. We haven't talked since. I'm actually surprise that doesn't happen more often.
 
Aychamo BanBan

Aychamo BanBan

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PigBenis_sl said:
So I had a pretty interesting sexual encounter the other night. I dunno if it's the strangest for me, but it's up there. I was at the Suicide Girl's place and sooner or later we ended up in the bed. Things start going and she jumps on top of me, and right away things DO NOT feel right. My junk feels very very crowded in her gina. After like 2 seconds I tell her hey something doesn't feel right, stop. I quickly remember that she had just got off the rag.... She stops, and I could tell by the look on her face she forgot about something, something very important. She quickly jumps off my cock and begins to finger herself ferociously, and I realize at that point what had happened -- she left her tampon in. Bro's, the awkwardness of the situation was epic level. She's was literally crying while trying to fish this thing out of her which is now out of sight and out of reach. I actually asked her if she needed help lol. We never actually mention what happened, but we didn't have to. After like 5 minutes of her trying to fist herself and me consoling her she says she has to go to the hospital. As she was leaving I told her good luck lol. We haven't talked since. I'm actually surprise that doesn't happen more often.
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Our ER had a remote control in a guys butt the other night. I wasn't on, but I saw the x-ray. It honestly looked like a Logitech Harmony One. But haha, that's funny she couldn't find the tampon. A vagina isn't very deep, I would have fished that shit out.

Edit: Added some pics of a guy who "fell on a piece of PVC pipe". These are from, I don't know, a decade ago or so. I think I posted these here back then, I don't know. It's from a mission trip to Nicaragua, so there's no HIPPA or anything. They invited half the hospital in to watch because it was so funny.

Mods, I sincerely apologize, I do not know how to spoiler attachments.

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D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
1,472
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PigBenis_sl said:
So I had a pretty interesting sexual encounter the other night. I dunno if it's the strangest for me, but it's up there. I was at the Suicide Girl's place and sooner or later we ended up in the bed. Things start going and she jumps on top of me, and right away things DO NOT feel right. My junk feels very very crowded in her gina. After like 2 seconds I tell her hey something doesn't feel right, stop. I quickly remember that she had just got off the rag.... She stops, and I could tell by the look on her face she forgot about something, something very important. She quickly jumps off my cock and begins to finger herself ferociously, and I realize at that point what had happened -- she left her tampon in. Bro's, the awkwardness of the situation was epic level. She's was literally crying while trying to fish this thing out of her which is now out of sight and out of reach. I actually asked her if she needed help lol. We never actually mention what happened, but we didn't have to. After like 5 minutes of her trying to fist herself and me consoling her she says she has to go to the hospital. As she was leaving I told her good luck lol. We haven't talked since. I'm actually surprise that doesn't happen more often.
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I've lost condoms up there before, which I imagine are harder to grab. It's easy to fish out. Probably harder for her due to angle. You could have probably sat her up on a bathroom sink spread eagle and gotten it easy. And not going with her to the hospital - she's probably pissed at you. Perfect out to stop dating this lunatic
 
Aychamo BanBan

Aychamo BanBan

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^ lol I got an "infraction"
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What is this, high school? Fucking faggots. They're medical images, from an OPERATING ROOM in a HOSPITAL.

(jimmies rustled!)
 
Aychamo BanBan

Aychamo BanBan

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Salshun_sl said:
That's more social engineering that hacking. Buy a burner, find her talent agency and press agent, call with an offer, and ask to speak about her with her said agent. Fake a name from a legit company, if the company is legit odds are they aren't going to pursue it (I don't know why they would at her level of the game). If she sounds like she's walking, has non-office background noise, obviously, assume cell and you have it. If not, make the conversation work and ask if you can call her back directly because you need to consult with your backers. She's not going to make a deal without her agent's approval, but she'll still talk on her own without him there.

That'll be $50, adjusted for effort.
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Very interesting! But how do I get *her* on the phone? Not that I'm going to do this, but you said call and speak with her agent. But how do you get the celeb on the phone without going through with the offer?
 
kegkilla

kegkilla

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will one of you fine moderators please reverse this retarded infraction the dumb American Inventor Grimlockk gave me? thanks.
 
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