Start your job get your stuff in order, your life will open up to a whole new set of possibilities and as you move on you will forget about Norway head case chick .. Besides in the mean time if you work it right you can have no attachment sex with her, otherwise she will eventually do the same thing until she leaves any how..
The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread
- Thread starter Wintermute
- Start date
Malkav
French Madman
- 2,686
- 1,583
Maybe that after four years with you not finding a fucking job, she became kinda desperate and the whole "I'm going back to Norway in one or two years" is a form of ultimatum for her?
It's not like she was saying "I'm leaving next month". Seeing as you already had talked about moving there together at some point.
And for fuck sake, you've had your SIA under your belt for "a few months" after your friend offered you a fucking job, and yet you're still standing here with your dick in your hand, what's up with that? I could kinda understand why she would be fed up with it.
There is a difference between going in a relationship with an unemployed bum thinking he will try to find something at some point, and contemplating the fact that 4 years later things still have not changed.
Sorry for being harsh, but I may get where this is coming from. I've also been in the whole "failed at a relationship because I was an unemployed bum not moving my ass" thing.
It's not like she was saying "I'm leaving next month". Seeing as you already had talked about moving there together at some point.
And for fuck sake, you've had your SIA under your belt for "a few months" after your friend offered you a fucking job, and yet you're still standing here with your dick in your hand, what's up with that? I could kinda understand why she would be fed up with it.
There is a difference between going in a relationship with an unemployed bum thinking he will try to find something at some point, and contemplating the fact that 4 years later things still have not changed.
Sorry for being harsh, but I may get where this is coming from. I've also been in the whole "failed at a relationship because I was an unemployed bum not moving my ass" thing.
Aaron
Goonsquad Officer
- 8,119
- 17,958
Drinsic
privileged excrementlord
- 5,644
- 5,921
Not on what he promised but his hilarious bullshit more than paid off in other ways. Keg finding his dating profile, Trex buying and sharing his hysterical novella, and his fucking YouTube videos were all awesome.
They mentioned a website called Backpage earlier. I guess a website for hookers to hock their wares?
I get a kick out of reading stuff, forming an opinion, then reading others' opinions to find it they are complete opposite to mine. Jarec, my perspective is this: you are unemployed for 13 years. That's your entire adult life. She may have feelings for you and love you, but right now you are a loser. No woman wants to be with a loser. I'm not saying that to be mean. I wouldn't say it if it was unchangable. You can get out of it, but right now I would say if she stays with you, there's something wrong with her. She probably hoped you would get your life together, and now is tired of waiting. It doesn't matter that you seem to be on course now. Her feelings likely changed a while ago. And feelings don't change just because new facts have appeared. You now have to show her you are an appealing mate all over again.
I think you should move out. Get your job. Work on leaving moms house. Get your life together, then contact her and show her your new self. But even then, she makes six figures and you'll be a security guard? Whatever, it's a start. Whatever her issues are with relationships, if any, and whatever her "plans all along" may be said to be in retrospect, you being a loser is the #1 reason, despite what she says. Change it.
I think you should move out. Get your job. Work on leaving moms house. Get your life together, then contact her and show her your new self. But even then, she makes six figures and you'll be a security guard? Whatever, it's a start. Whatever her issues are with relationships, if any, and whatever her "plans all along" may be said to be in retrospect, you being a loser is the #1 reason, despite what she says. Change it.
I'm not gonna go into my whole depression story, but it was serious enough that I was signed off work for 7 years, try getting a job with a 7 year gap on your CV/resume, it's depressing, so depressing in fact that it almost put me back to square one, rinse and repeat. As I said in my original post, she knew all about this and was completely supportive, her support has been one of the main reasons I've been able to pull my shit together and get this sorted.
I should have been more clear about the SIA license. I took the course in October, they took 2 months to send me the certificate, I then had to send off to get a copy of my birth certificate as part of the ID check which took another month or so. Soon as I had all the documentation, I sent it all off, and the wait to get the actual license is at least 3 weeks. So no, I'm not standing here with my dick in my hand. She knew all this as well.
Btw, she is planning to go back to Norway before even looking for a job there, she just wants to move in with her parents. This isn't relocating for her career, or just wanting to change her lifestyle, she is panicking because of her responsibilities (which she had before I was around).
So because I've struggled with getting myself sorted in the 4 years I've known her, she is abandoning everything she has built up since leaving University, and setting herself back to square one. I'm sorry but that just doesn't add up.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
- 28,326
- 43,170
You make it sound like 4 years isn't enough time to give you to "sort yourself out". I won't begrudge you the fact that you have issues, but love does not conquer all. Reality always sets in eventually and if that reality is shit, then you can figure out what the natural progression is there...
Malkav
French Madman
- 2,686
- 1,583
That's what you don't get. She is threatening to give everything up, she's not yet doing it.
She said "one or two years", she didn't say she would leave tomorrow morning. When you want to throw everything away, you just do it, you don't say "in two years". Saying that means that it involves some kind of planning.
But, oh well, if it's easier for you to think she's just crazy and that you're not at least partly to blame for her decision, go ahead.
She said "one or two years", she didn't say she would leave tomorrow morning. When you want to throw everything away, you just do it, you don't say "in two years". Saying that means that it involves some kind of planning.
But, oh well, if it's easier for you to think she's just crazy and that you're not at least partly to blame for her decision, go ahead.
kegkilla
The Big Mod
- 11,320
- 14,738
listen you crumpet eating faggot, no one feels sorry for you. you sat on your fat ass doing fuck all for 10 years while the rest of your foul smelling countrymen paid your bills. just be thankful you found someone willing to put up with your pathetic self for that period of time and move on with your life.
You're saying that as if it was a 30 second discussion. It wasn't. Altogether we were discussing this for about 6 hours just on the weekend, not to mention the rest of it this week. She wouldn't budge an inch, her position on the subject did not change at all. I still hope she'll change her mind somehow, but I have to protect myself in the likelihood that her mind isn't changed.
Edit: She is staying to clear her debts first, that's why she isn't going immediately. She's already given one of her horses away, and she's selling the other one soon.
It wasn't fucking easy btw.
Malkav
French Madman
- 2,686
- 1,583
Nothing you could have said in 6h that you didn't say in 4 years wouldn't change a damn thing.
It's come to the point where you needed to prove that it could change, not with words, but with actions.
Instead of taking the hit, giving it a month to think of a plan and acting to prove that, you just left over the weekend. How is it supposed to change her mind?
It's come to the point where you needed to prove that it could change, not with words, but with actions.
Instead of taking the hit, giving it a month to think of a plan and acting to prove that, you just left over the weekend. How is it supposed to change her mind?
McCheese
SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
- 6,891
- 4,253
It seems to me that she's already made her decision to leave, and it's not related to him being an unemployed loser. If she put up with him for this long already I doubt she would suddenly have a change of heart. And even if she did suddenly decide that she can no longer be with a bum with no future prospects, why would she make the decision to start selling her shit and leave the country? If she were unhappy with him she'd just give him a direct ultimatum or dump him outright.
The fact that she's leaving a good job and a seemingly good life to go home and live with her parents makes it sound like there is some deeper issue there. That's not something normal people do.
Edited to add: Anyway, at this point, the only chance he really has to get her back is to just move the fuck on and get his life together. If he can get a steady job, move into his own place, and maybe even start dating in the next year or two before she leaves then he just might lure her back. But staying around with her in this weird relationship limbo won't help him get his life together and it won't help her respect/love him more.
The fact that she's leaving a good job and a seemingly good life to go home and live with her parents makes it sound like there is some deeper issue there. That's not something normal people do.
Edited to add: Anyway, at this point, the only chance he really has to get her back is to just move the fuck on and get his life together. If he can get a steady job, move into his own place, and maybe even start dating in the next year or two before she leaves then he just might lure her back. But staying around with her in this weird relationship limbo won't help him get his life together and it won't help her respect/love him more.