Midget Poem
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious website of my favourite porn,
While I grunted, fastly fapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`Who the chuff is that?' I muttered, `Go away, I?m watching porn.
It?s my favourite: midget porn.'
Ah, distinctly I remember I was watching Dirty Brenda,
She could suck the longest member like some Dyson-vacuum slut.
She could take a football team and make each player start to cream
In scenes that come from a wet dream, the wet dreams found in midget porn
The dreams that come to those who watch and wank and yank to this art form
Dirty Brenda?s midget porn.
She?s only three foot in her heels but Dirty Brenda shrieks and squeals,
As she tries to cop some feels from well-hung blokes above her head
Grudgingly I paused the movie, they?d taken her in a Jacuzzi
There she swallowed cum-filled smoothies: in freeze frame she looked forlorn
With her little milky moustache, Dirty Brenda looked forlorn
Never pause your midget porn.
So I marched up to my door whilst stomping loudly on the floor
Shrilly shouting, ?I deplore to have my wank time broken so.
Who the chuff thinks it is done, to interrupt my lonely fun
Of watching midgets drinking cum?? Here I opened wide the door.
Answering this interruption, open wide I threw the door.
Darkness there and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
Hoping I?d find Brenda waiting, ready for a mismatched mating
Ideally nude and masturbating, as I?d seen her times before.
But there was no one waiting there and, angrily, I slammed the door
and unpaused Anal Midgets Four.
Back onto my PC sat I, quickly I unzipped my pants? fly,
But soon again I heard a tapping, somewhat louder than before.
?Chuffing kids,? I darkly mumbled. ?Fuck off home,? I loudly grumbled.
Watching Brenda, still I fumbled, savouring my midget porn.
But the mood was truly broken so I went back to the door
A midget stood there: three foot four.
?Hello,? said she. ?My name?s Bridget. I?m your neighbour. I?m a midget.
Please don?t think that I?m an idjit but I?m here to ask for aid.
In my bedroom where I sleep, across the ceiling I watched creep
A scary spider ? made me weep: Could you help me catch it please?
Please I beg you, you long-legged you, please,? she whispered, ?Please.?
?Would you?? she begged, on her knees.
o I put away my digit, and rushed to help my neighbour, Bridget,
With the help of the vacuum?s widget, I sucked the spider from her roof
Bridget keen to try and thank me, said, ?Perhaps you?d like to spank me??
And so we had some hanky-panky with her and her midget friends.
A pantheon of grateful midgets all bouncing on my nob-end
I wished that night would never end.
But I woke up the next morning, in my own place, weary: yawning
Curtains open, sunlight dawning. Slumped in front of my PC
Was my neighbour really Bridget? Had I fucked a troupe of midgets?
Was the whole thing really legit? Or just a dream gone with the dawn?
My porn?s still playing, the keyboard?s crusty and, deep inside, I feel forlorn.
I?d dreamt whilst watching midget porn.
