Vicodin, Cigarettes, and My Fake Tits - from the diary of the Megan Fox of Ohio

Ravvenn_sl said:

OH, I called Indiana. They said they will arrest him...if he's ever in Indiana.

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Find some reason to get him to go to Louisville with you, go across the bridge into Indiana to get dinner and arrange for a trooper to accidentally recognize him while he's grabbing a meal. Problem solved and no one can directly pin it on you.

Shit ain't hard.

After you leave the state to escape your floridly psychotic, manipulative junkie schizo brother you need to fire your therapist for not doing a better job with your raging codependency issues.

I say this with love, because I know where you're coming from.

But if you're seriously considering "staying in the same school district" I have to ask if you're fucking retarded. You know better. Stop embracing the abuse, stop talking to your mother, stop feeding into this cycle of dysfunction, and most importantly, stop modeling behavior that you wouldn't want your kid to adopt.

I kind of have to wonder why you're even back in this place and not still in California or... anywhere else really.

/mainscreen armchair quarterback powers turn on

Just lost a beautiful vibrant woman to this. Her brother is thetyrannusof the entire family and the golden child in the apple of everyone's eye. To turn her back on him is to turn her back on her family. One problem. I pretty much called him on his shit from day one. Not so much called him out as I refused to bend to his will the way he was used to. Eventually this made me a pariah in the eyes of her family and after some time, the pressure was applied....'find a boyfriend who can live with your brother'. And she finally caved. Confessed her love to me in a way I was previously convinced only married people ever did and then, adios. For all I know he's still controlling every waking moment of her life.

He wasn't in to drugs. And that is a different animal, certainly. But his manipulative controlling behavior was of the highest grade. People could take lessons from this guy. But the similarity to your story is simply that he made his sister's life very difficult. His concern for her well being extended only so far as what he got in return or what it looked like in public. That is to say, not very far at all. He didn't care about her, not really. And if I can scream at her to leave her brother, I can certainly type it here to you. If family has a problem with it, they are going to need to deal with it. And in dealing with it they may find that they are thankful that someone finally stood up.

So, all that.

Also, and maybe you already know this and if so please don't take offense, but one way I believe youmay(hedging bets) have better success if he gets really out of hand and/or scary one night is to call the ambulance, not the police. Maybe you've done this and got shit on by EMS. If so, I'm sorry they couldn't help. But if not, maybe try it.

I'm a paramedic and I've been called to this 'scene' you describe of him going apeshit before. When cops talk about these scenes, they see a bunch of monkeys behaving badly and get a good laugh. Medics are supposed to see illness. Physical and mental. When you call the cops, they show up and attempt to protect everyone's rights. They want to find what laws were broken. No broken laws? No problems in this house. He takes drugs because he's a piece of shit, they say. I see it every day lady. You should've seen theafrican american gentlemanI had to deal with yesterday. Your problem could be worse. Carry on.

Medics are supposed to find the broken people. He is a piece of shit because he takes drugs, we say. He has the affliction known as addiction. We will also, by the very nature of our job, ask the more intimate questions. We can identify his problem not as a legal one but as a medical one. In 10 years, guess how many times I've looked at a cop and told him that a psychotic and/or drug person needed to go to the hospital and had them refuse me? It doesn't ever happen. They are in no position to argue with me medically and are typically quite happy to have me deal with the problem rather than them. All I have to do is mention the patient's heart rate or something and the cops get all nervous and let me do whatever I want. If the patient gets punchy, they got my back and they act with swiftness and resolve because it's not just them on scene. This time the drug-pushers and the hose-draggers are here, we can't look like we don't care or don't know what to do. When you call for the ambulance specifically, it is immediately classified as a medical call by 911. Only after hearing your story unfold over the phone do they then determine that this is in fact both medical and legal. If the scene isn't safe, if you mention violence, the medics don't go in yet. The cops will still show up first, but this time they will know that they aren't there to solve any 'problem'. They're just there to play bodyguard to the medics. In their minds, the medics have to 'deal with this' and they just have to make sure everyone plays nice.

If I hear a patient admit to drugs or threats against themself or someone else, I am now bound to contact a doctor if my patient won't comply (meaning: go to the hospital with me). The doctor, as you can well imagine, sees the world through a much different lens than the cop does. That isn't to say there aren't uncaring callous fuckhead doctors, but again, the nature of their profession demands they attempt to fix the broken person. Step one: bring patient to doctor. Authorize medic to 'handle dis shit'. Thus armed with this authority, I can invoke the police to do what they wouldn't have done before, force the situation to conclude the way we all knew it should have from the moment we walked into this fucking house....the dipshit loser is leaving now. Buhbye.

Of course, this requires a medic who actually cares about his profession and not about how shiny his badge is when he takes a picture of it to make it his facebook profile picture. If you get that guy, sorry in advance. Obviously all of this would only buy you a few hours or if you're super lucky, days. But I know how people like your brother can get and if in a pinch or if you just can't think of anything else, you can always try to call the ambulance and couch the entire situation in a medical frame.

Or maybe it's not like that and I assume too much. In any case, I hope you find the courage to free yourself from this person. Your concern for others is only warranted if you can reasonably expect them to have the same concern for you.

Gonna keep this short. I'm guessing your post is just wanting to vent, because the solution couldn't be more obvious:

Get away from him. Whatever you have to do. Leave the house, sneak him over to Indiana, anything.Do you know whatantisocial personality disorderis? Guilt tripping you is him manipulating you. That's what ASPD people do. Use your brain. Clearly he stole shit 100% of the time you accused him. He is using your doubt against you because you're a good person and are afraid of wrongly accusing people. He belongs in an institution or prison.

You strike me as the kind of person who takes other people's problems on and suffers as a result. So I'll cut the obvious "you're ruining your own life to support a piece of shit" essay and get to the part that will hopefully strike a chord with your motherly instinct:

you are ruining your child's life by being near this person.

Every day you spend in the house is another step toward fucking your kid up. He's a teenager right? Sensitive time. Highly receptive to parental relationships. He's learning how to be a man. Teenagers learn from people around them. You are teaching your child to be a psychopath.

Get out in any way you can. Ignore the costs, or other damages. The people telling you to help him, why aren't they helping him? Rhetorical question. Being homeless is a better alternative to living with this person. These are the type of people that murder their family. 47% of prison inmates have ASPD. They're the rapists and murderers.

Don't be an idiot. Get the fuck out. Today

Can anyone tell me what happened with the EP engagement? PM if its not welcome on the board or something? This all seems like a drastic change in scenarios to me.

As others have said, focus all your mental energy on how to get you and your son out of the situation as quickly as possible. I cant image how tough it is to have a brother in that position but youHAVEto quit empathizing with him. Its time to be pragmatic about the situation.

Police won't do anything in terms of threats unless he actually hurts you. In some states, they will also be able to arrest if he grabs you and admits to it, even if you aren't actually injured. Of course, with that personality type, I doubt he would tell the truth.

But like others have said, just by virtue of providing a roof and food, you are facilitating his behavior and he emotionally manipulates to guilt trip you into maintaining a standard of living he is comfortable with. Usually with that personality, there is little to no motivation to obtain any manner of meaningful employment. Unless you can get him to voluntarily admit himself to some state rehab program, chances are the only way he would end up there is as part of being arrested due to some drug related charge.

Like others have stated, removing yourself from the equation as a 24/7 safety net is ultimately what you will need to do.

Famm_sl said:

Can anyone tell me what happened with the EP engagement? PM if its not welcome on the board or something? This all seems like a drastic change in scenarios to me.

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I was actually wondering the same.

I was thinking EP finally put it to her - brother or me, and she choose brother, and he said ok, I'm out. It seems very plausible from everything else that she's said, that she would sacrifice quite literally everything for her brother. Including her life if she continues on as she has. Mom is going to die one day, the money will dry up, and he's going to murder-suicide whoever is around him because he won't be able to cope with no longer having a free ride.

Don't get me wrong, I really hope that never comes to pass, but as long as she continues "just one more day, just trying one more thing to help him" that's the road she's on.

I went through a similar situation, listen to the majority; kick him out or get out. Your safety and your childs safety is paramount.

If you can, get him help; but above all else you should worry about you and your child. Nothing good will come from just "waiting" it out.

Hope it all works out. :/

First, you are a brave, strong, kindhearted person. Nothing can diminish that. You have done everything that should be expected of you and more. Everyone has pretty succinctly summed up the most important solution and I think you know it too so I won't bother repeating it. Here are some more specific things that helped me that might be of some help to you as well;

1) Grieve for him as if he were already dead. My mom threatened suicide constantly. I was only able to overcome the fear and start dealing with her when I let myself grieve for her in my head as if she had actually done it. I imagined finding her, the guilt, the tears, the relief (I felt it too, don't feel bad). Compose a eulogy if you have to. Once I had grieved in my head I was able to deal with the possibility of the grief and the threat no longer held any weight because I wasn't afraid. I had explored the possibility and knew that even if she succeeded I could keep on living and be okay.

2) Report his suicide attempt. In my state, that's what made them follow up and take her away. She had attacked my sister but I don't think they cared much about that. They only kept her for a day because my father did not go and specifically request they keep her there for the three day observation. I do not know how it works in your state. It may not buy you much time but if you fear for your life its enough.

3) You will not just have to cut him off, you will have to limit contact with everyone who enables him. Very sad, and very hard but inevitable. They will continue trying to drag you back in. It might take you a while to become okay with this idea but the sooner you start the better. It may feel incredibly unfair that you have to lose so much just to gain basic human treatment, and it is, but you will end up better for it.

4) I don't know if this is sound advice but if you truly fear for your life, I wouldn't give him ultimatums or try to kick him out or tip him off that you want to sell the house (which I think is a good move) . Just buy as much time as you need to get out. Write down every single thing that happens, tell neighbors, tell friends, keep a log here if you have to. Even if you're not religious maybe go to a religious institution and see if they can help (don't know but anything is worth a shot if it gets you out of harms way). Don't feel bad if you have to give him drugs or money or groceries, whatever keeps you safe.

Best of luck and I am sorry you have to go through this.

Listen here lady. You are being stupid. Ask yourself what you would do if this guy wasn't your brother.

A skill you are going to need to learn is how to lead your life without succumbing to the emotions you and your family feel about whatever. You are an adult. So is everyone else in this situation. Except your child. You are forsaking the well being of you and your child because someone's feelings might get hurt? Cut that shit out. You almost have a good place? Too fucking bad. You might not even like it and you might not even get there.

But I can easily see your thought process here. You think you can just tough it out and everything will be ok. Except it won't. Even if you do get this place and away from your crazy brother, there is still the mental fuckery you will have to endure for putting up with your family. You will always be toughing it out, at best. Because after all, you got that house for cheap, you can keep letting your family influence your life because you won't be in control. How can I make that assumption? You were away for 10 years and look where you are now.

Start living your life, not under the thumb of others. Good luck, I know you won't listen because women never do...I still have resentment toward my deceased mother for staying with our bipolar father. After she died I had to take over care for my then 22 year old schizo affective brother who pulled a lot of the same shit only difference was I didn't put up with it. He's now been in state mental care for the past few years. And my life got enormously better when I stopped worrying about him. I still visit him but his life is now in his hands and not my problem.

You said that your son has threatened to stab your brother if he comes after you again. What if he actually does? He could end up in prison (dumber things have happened), or dead if your brother wigs out on him. Do what's best for your son and get the fuck out.

Selfish? Jesus fucking titty Christ. Out of respect for the seriousness of this thread I'll leave it at that. Jesus fucking titty Christ.

It sounds like your family is really dysfunctional. Like mine. Alanon or melody beattie's book on codependency are really good.

As someone who has been off drugs and alcohol 9 years by the grace of God, pain and consequences for addicts is good. I'm lucky I didn't have anyone to shield me from my drug use. I would have never gotten my life together without pain. Memories of my pain help keep me clean. My pain is one of the valuable things I own.

Thorne_sl said:

If this has been going on that long, you can't change it. Take your kid and get out. Nothing you do will fix it.

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You can change it but it will take years. Unfortunately at this point, it sounds so far gone, the first step is to let him go to jail -- which he will shortly after you stop providing for him.

There are things you can do. What you cannot do is to stay and hope it gets better on it's own. Didn't work so well for your mom, and now they're just pushing it off on you. Weren't you gravely ill recently... one of those "a not insignificant chance this might kill you" sort of diseases? You've got one foot on the moral highground, when that recrimination happens.