Parent Thread

So yesterday I was driving home from work air guitaring and rocking out and apparently missed 10 calls from my wife. Come home and she's in the doorway crying going "HE FELL OUT OF THE SWING HE FELL OUT OF THE SWING"

Turns out she left him in his swing, unbuckled, and went upstairs to get my other son who had just woken up. Heard crazy crying downstairs but figured he was just hungry. Came downstairs to find him facedown on the floor.

She ended up calling the doctor who said "watch for these symptoms" or otherwise he was fine. She spent the whole night basically in crazy shutdown mode over how he'll never love her now.

Guys... It seems my paternity leave ended just in time.

Definitely resilient. Cried for like 12 seconds

The two year old on the other hand... He knows how to put on a show

One of my oldest fell out of a tree on to her head. Probably 6 feet, she was 11. Did the whole ER thing, she had a concussion, and she was stiff as crazy for a few days, but here we are 5 years later, no lasting effects. But holy crap is it a scary thing rushing your kid to an ER, and it is so easy to think of yourself as a failure of a parent. My wife does it too. The conversation went something like this:

Her: What the fuck was she doing up in that tree, and why wasn't I there to watch her.
Me: She's 11. We don't have to watch them every second, we need to teach them what's okay.
Her: Obviously I'm not there enough, she was in a tree and fell.
Me: She's 11. We don't have to watch them every second, we need to teach them what's okay.
Her: What can I do to be more attentive to my children?
Me: Sacrifice everything in your life, have no social time, allow your children no social time, be with them all every second, causing irreparable Psychological damage to yourself and all five kids that can't be undone by therapy and will not allow them to function adequately when they enter adulthood.
Her: Do you think you might be overstating it a little bit, you jackass?
*tremendous sex happened later.

Subtext: I'm sitting there the whole time thinking "Why the fuck did I let my 11 year old daughter fall out of a tree on her head?!" I got over it almost immediately, but the initial instinct to blame yourself when your children are hurt or scared or whatever is strong.

My son, as a teenager, was helping us get our house ready to move into right after we bought it..

He was carrying a window AC unit down the stairs to toss, and decided it'd be easier to just pull it by the cord as he walked down. This resulted in the thing sliding past him and slicing his leg open. Nothing deep, but it was pretty long and bleeding a good bit.

I called him a little pansy for crying over it.

Does anyone want to buy five children?

Today sucked the west end of an east-bound horse. We were all up late last night, and everyone seemed to wake up early today, and they were all so bloody grumpy. They were pissy to me and my wife, and they were totally intolerant of each other. It's 10:18 and they are all in bed, lights out, under threat of no phones or screens for a week. If they're like this again tomorrow, my wife and I are going to the beach without them, and they can lord of the flies it at home.

lurkingdirk said:

Does anyone want to buy five children?

Today sucked the west end of an east-bound horse. We were all up late last night, and everyone seemed to wake up early today, and they were all so bloody grumpy. They were pissy to me and my wife, and they were totally intolerant of each other. It's 10:18 and they are all in bed, lights out, under threat of no phones or screens for a week. If they're like this again tomorrow, my wife and I are going to the beach without them, and they can lord of the flies it at home.

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Dirky, you're posts always make me smile.

You're my e-crush

So, who here has a son?

Did you decide to circumcise, or leave it for them to decide later in life?

Just wondering what people think.

Yeah I had them circumsized at birth to match my equipment. It's like a one minute procedure and they'll never remember it

Had my son cut at birth

Ours son is uncircumcised. Didn't feel there was any medical need to do it so that's that.

Don't have any kids myself. But if you had a daughter would you cut her clit off? Why do that to your son? There is no need to do it unless your Jewish I guess.

Yeah, no way my son is having his bits sliced unless its medically necessary.

Therage said:

Don't have any kids myself. But if you had a daughter would you cut her clit off? Why do that to your son? There is no need to do it unless your Jewish I guess.

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Yes. This is an exact equivalent. Very astute.

Therage said:

Don't have any kids myself. But if you had a daughter would you cut her clit off? Why do that to your son? There is no need to do it unless your Jewish I guess.

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Go fuck yourself

It's already been explained why most of us do it

ZyyzYzzy said:

Pretty sure there is no correlation between birth weight and gestational beetus

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Macrosomia occurs in 12% of babies in normal women and 15-45% of babies of women with gestational diabetes. More glucose is passed to the fetus and it is stored as fat.