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Who the fuck uses skype to call their employees into work? Jeeze.

You need to add a few dicks at the end of this to make it a functional haiku.

Combine the two accounts into one, and name it PooNoodle. Then, force them to share an account for one year. It's the only way.

The only anniversary we celebrate is first time butt stuff. We're really not into anniversaries. We're not big on birthdays, either. We've tried to make it special for the kids, but as they get older, their interest is waning, too. We do some Christmas stuff, but not huge amounts. We just try...

See, this is the avenue to take with your wife.

You miserable shitlord. I only had one full sized chocolate bar from each of my children's stash.

Tell him not to. Not his day, he shouldn't be a selfish twat.

Yes, this is really a thing for sale on Amazon. The comments are glorious.

Wow, that's a lot of screwing up in a short period of time.

Uncomfortable with for Michigan and for the Irish. Crazy season.

Is Kansas the only team that hasn't yet won this year? Charlie Weis: your legacy is strong.

Mist is Millie

What a massive pileup at the end of that game.

Yeah, Texas couldn't score against Iowa State? That's rough. Michigan didn't look so solid. They're going to squeak out a win, though. Notre Dame looking better as the game goes on. Thank God for defense.

Is Memphis legit, or do they just have such a cupcake schedule they're still irrelevant?

Well, I believe the interception we gave up was the changing point in the game. The Irish likely will not regain the lead. If they do, it will not be easy, and they sure as shit don't look like a top ten team. Fuck.

Notre Dame does not look sharp. If they lose to Temple, I'll not watch one of their games again this year.

Memphis in trouble. They're not a top 25 team, let's be real.

I was watching football, and want to watch more, but I was streaming it, so the remotes won't work. I have to get up and walk across the room to change it. Is this the fucking stone age? sheesh.

Did you say peanut butter with chili?

So. Does anyone have a guess as to when Johnny and Capri get back together for a "date" next? He's cut off at home, so besides not getting blow jobs, he's not dipping the noodle. He went from regular wife noodle dipping with augmented heroine hooker blowjobs and public fucking to nothing...

I just use my largest stock pot.

Mom could start demanding money now, too. Add another envelope for cash to your glove box, Johnny!

How do you describe paying a heroine addict for sex to your children?

So your marriage is over, and now it is merely an arrangement for money and children. Will you continue to see Capri?

Wow. There's enough information there to absolutely screw you over even more than you are currently screwed. Shit's getting real.

Not if you want them to make money.

As you have three kids you should really get two of them to play violin and one cello. You have an instant trio, and they'll be able to make so much money playing weddings and shit, they'll have college paid for by the time they get there. I shit you not.

They look pretty good. How's the mother? That's a pretty good day's work right there! Congrats. Your life isn't over. It's different, and it's going to be awesome. Congrats!

I'm not a provolone fan. I find it difficult to get good provolone that has a distinct flavour.

I shall bake my bread and get only the finest cheese. What's your recommendation for this method? Cheddar is always good, but something a little more substantial could be good, too. Perhaps muenster or even gruy?re.

I must try this baked cheese sandwich. Sounds easy enough, and you could do more at once, so everyone gets their sandwich at the same time.

I think this show is absolutely worth the watch. It's a great show. It has some weaknesses, but when they took it off Netflix, I was pissed. I would periodically go and watch a random episode, and the whole story arc would come back to me, and it was good feels. But seriously, fuck Baltar.

Wait, open faced cheese, or two pieces of bread with cheese in between? I'm unclear on your cheese location.

He's a bright lad. And his mouth doesn't hurt at all today and he's his usual chipper self. Thank God.