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Orgasms are not as satisfying since getting snipped. FUCK!!!

What do you call a Mexican quarterback? El Paso.

I would rather see a one-man musical stage play of Point Break than the garbage that will be spewed out of the gaping, prolapsed, sphincter this comes from.

Don Hertzfeldt Simpsons Intro

John Candy has been dead for 20 years.

Mr. Carson is Deja Vu. My mind cannot comprehend...

The hair growing back on my shorn testicles.

I'm going to hang that up in the call centers associated with my job as the new credo/mission statement.

Getting a vasectomy tomorrow.

I want to buy new Transformers for the collection, but my display space is too full.

While I respect not leaving a tip after shitty service, I think a purposeful BAD tip sends a stronger message. On a 25 dollar bill, leaving no tip could be perceived as forgetfulness or not having enough money, etc. Leaving a $1 tip shows that the service was not worth 25%, 15%, or even 5%...

Goddammit, I still got Moon Moon!

I claimed Kayden as my own on Page 1. I'll second Eve Lawrence, when I'm in the mood for a dimpled ass.

Representing blondes: Keri Sable Kayden Kross Trina Michaels Shawna Lenee

I was really hoping the third picture would include the most hated football team by section of the Galactic Cluster. Oh well.

One of my groomsmen called me one day needing to borrow money. I wasn't flush with cash at the time, and thought he'd made some bad decisions, so I told him no. He was distraught, and I didn't hear from him for a couple years. I ran into him, and he had some more kids, but was on track. He just...

People listening to headphones while driving.

Just came back from awesome sushi dinner. Now my wife and I are too full to bone.

This must be fake. No Joses? Not a Juan in sight? Really? I don't think so...

I commute from Beaverton to Salem everyday. Kill me in the face.

No one counted down the seconds to blast off like he did...

I have that UHF poster signed by Al. When I presented it for him to sign, he seemed shocked and asked me where I had gotten it. All I could come up with was "Ebay". Fail for me, but still awesome to meet the man and get a little bit of wonder out of him. I was not cool. I was a...

I remember '06 well...

I predict that Rust will secure new home for humans while all humanity slowly dies off. Rust will return to Earthin the past as an old manfor mass migration of humanity to new home, fulfilling promise to his daughter, but dying of old age. Humanity gets to die, then live again via time...

I stopped reading at that point. Jimmies unrustled. Thanks mures!

I'm pretty sure that if he's going to ask the community for assistance, we need tits up front. Just sayin'... Rules are rules.

FUCK YOU DOUBLE POST!!! Rustled.

Ignored. How does one get to Mordor?

Star Wars figures, Han Solo in Hoth Gear. I broke the head off, but kept playing with him. Just started calling him No-Head. He became the first one to die during play. To this day, I still collect No-Heads. What's for dinner?

I am not here to judge either way, but trying to make your point by bagging on Serenity in this forum is a horrible plan of attack.

Pretty sure I was breastfed. I don't really remember. It seems like a lifetime ago... Why don't they make "Forever Alone" Kleenex for the single man's date-night?

I contemplate it now! Seriously though, I would not. If the world were ending tomorrow, I'd get laid by the wife, open the liquor, sit back, enjoy the shit-storm before fading off into a pharmaceutical oblivion. Vacation options: 4 days in Barcelona and 2 days in Tangiers, OR 8 days in Ireland?

That almost all societal and economic problems can be traced back to overpopulation. If folks didn't have 3 kids at 18, then those kids have 3 kids at 18, we wouldn't have 3+ generations in the workplace. We also wouldn't need to produce/consume as much, and most social assistance programs...

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Loc-Nar. You die."

You sick fucks complete me. Here's hoping we all get laid!