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What. The. Fuck. Are you into 400+ pound chicks or what?

Uhh...porn is good.

You forgot the marker:

"ITS NOT A MULLET!! GRR!! My real-life friends keep saying "mullet" "mullet" Haha!! I live in the south, and I see tons of ultimate mullets. Mullets like you would not belive. I mean, total head shave, and the back of the hair goes halfway down the dude"s back. Complete with a tucked in purple...

I dunno, Tom Cruise with a mullet and side burns is a hard thing to pass up...