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Went to the bathroom for my morning shit and realized I left my phone in the truck. But I'm fucking crowning, and there's no way I can go get it. No magazines in the bathroom either. So I have to shit like a caveman this morning with nothing to entertain me.

Slap on the wrist. At least this time the kid didn't get her caught cause of his big mouth. Mom and dad snooped on him. And the friend who was lookout ... he could have spilled the beans too but he knew to keep his trap shut. The youth of today aren't a lost cause.

Yeah. I wish they'd given him more.

Hey you're not amod. Your anadmin. Stay in your lane bro.

Wife keeps wanting to blow me in the shower. I prefer she blows me in bed where I can lay down and she can tickle my feet. But she likes the shower better where she can more easily play with my butthole.

@Johnny53 we need an update. Last update was that he was faithful to his wife and they were living happily ever after.

I just can't hate football coaches anymore. No matter how bad they are or what they do, I compare them to buddy ryan and realize they're not THAT bad.

@splorge What's the red one?

it's still there in screenshots, just buried from disuse. Dig it up and use it so you can post those pics i know you have. I think J49 might have ruined it for the rest of us. That's where his epic story of saving meth whores with his magic machine gun dick got started.

Good catch. Fixed it.

Has she tried drinking first? I bet she's gunna pee.

I just figured out I'm lactose intolerant too. Lactaid makes pills that work like a fucking champ. also figured out that egg yolks tear my guts up too (there'g gotta be a fancy name for that like lactose intolerant). Fortunately, egg white omelettes are pretty damn good. It used to be that...

Pinkeye twice within a month. Can I just have my eyeballs taken out and soaked in bleach? I'm pretty sure I was reinfected from some sunglasses. Bought some clorox wipes last night to clean everything I touch. What's worse is that yesterday I was working in the yard in 100+ degrees and...

This happened on April 1st. I thought it was staged and a joke at first until I saw more pictures. Fucking trash pandas rappel down cat6 cables and steal print jobs from the accounting department. Actually turned out it was a pregnant female.

Just got back from working in a hellhole with the stupidest internet filtering I've ever seen. Here's a brief summary: Blocked Firesofheaven words with friends star wars comamander (that's a disney company) A local auction house Line Showtimes at my local movie theater Allowed gunbroker...

I have some for 2 reasons. First because someone's gotta pay for the shit and if you dont buy the things you think are good, then how will they know to keep making it? Second and more important for shtf scenarios. My porn collection will be worth more than gold when the internet is dead.

Glen is probably being underutilized. Wasn't he a kid in the hall? I wonder if the corkscrew uterus was ad libbed.

Used to love the articles and jokes in playboy. After I was spent from jacking off I'd read those until i was ready to go again.

I'd be more worried about kids being infected with the SJW virus than seeing some porn.

I keep cash on hand but only use it for tipping, hookers, and guns. Last week I left my wallet at home when I went to the grocery store so I had to use some of my hooker money to grocerate. It was terrible.

Apologize to him and promise to use American Inventor or Wakandan in the future.

Had a safety meeting today where they taught us about ergonomics. At one point the guy was telling us everything about the way I sit is wrong. I was like, motherfucker, I'm basically a professional sitter. You're a teacher who wears safety glasses. Stay in your fucking lane.

Your stories are boring.

Have video running the first time you ask for those passwords please. I bet you'll find out you raised some tiny lawyers.

Ok then it will be cheap? Just name a price.

But it's important because you wanted a price and I heard fucker charges by the inch.

Got about a half dozen star wars books signed by timothy zahn a couple weeks ago. It was pretty cool, and he's a nice guy. I asked him how many I could get signed, he looked at the bag I was carrying and said, pull them all out. I couldn't find them all, but at least I got the new thrawn book...

That thing has male pattern baldness. So when you say 'clit', do you mean tip of the dick?

I'll give this a shot. If it's not the same ham handed SJWism that supergirl is, I'll watch it. If I'm in the right mood, the SJW shit in supergirl is humourous. I am in the right mood today so I just watched most of season 4 while I worked from home. I mean, LOL at the tranny superhero...

I have heard that too, but I never bothered to confirm it. Supposedly some laws were so poorly written than if an adult woman had sex with an underaged boy, the boy was the only one who could be charged with statutory rape. Just think how that would change the teachers fucking students epidemic.

I went to a panel with energy vampires at a convention. They said they wore the fangs to get the reaction. It was so fucking funny, I had to leave after 5 minutes to not be rude. I did not get to ask if they were energy vampires before this show or because of it. This show was the first...