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I mean, we always pulled out, too. Would rather not take chances.

FWIW, I’ve been depressed long before I ever got put on birth control (depressed since I was 9, didn’t get on BC until I was 28) and even if I wasn’t on it, my life’s still a bag of shit and I’d probably feel the same way. I also sometimes feel like chicks get put in a no-win situation on this...

Can't you blame the squirrels?

Monthly bullshit won't happen without it thanks to the tumor (also didn't want kids anyway).

Nah, I do my best to not take any shit unless I have to. Right now that's tumor meds, blood thinners and the birth control. Sometimes I just stop pooping; don't know if it's just a stress thing.

It's what I would prefer to do if possible. Parents have also said multiple times "don't worry about the house" and that they're not going to let me lose it. This of course just makes me feel more guilty because I don't want them covering for me like that. I know they've always just tried to...

Didn't even need to edit that one!

Attended some online depression support groups yesterday and today. Was mostly just planning on sitting in and listening, but ended up just chiming in and sharing anyway, which felt pretty decent. Signed up for another on Wednesday. I know it's not as good as in-person, but I'm keeping an eye...

I already feel like a failure even considering it (among other things) and I’ve told them as much. Just also seems unnecessary to burden them when I have a perfectly good place to live already. I also don’t mind the not having to give a fuck since there’s no one else here, but I’m not sure if it...

I had talked to my parents again about moving in with them when they were up here. They seemed super gung-ho about it, but then once I asked about it again, they kind of backed off on it, wanting me to wait it out and see if I feel better after a few months and also concerned about me having too...

Still just getting by day to day, but still feeling pretty dumpy. Went to the Highland Festival with my parents for a bit, which was nice, but I do kind of feel like a bit of a loser being a lone grown ass adult hanging out with my parents. Had tried to get info on that support group and the...

How many pounds have you gained since Monopoly started?

I feel attacked in some way.

It was at least entertaining. Just wasn't good, haha. But yeah, something different, at least.

Knocked out a couple of movies young me wanted to see but never got to: Reign of Fire: heard this was a pile of shit and it didn’t disappoint. Fucking awful, lol. Labyrinth: weird as hell but entertaining. Obviously would have made more of an impact as a kid, I’m sure. I’ll give it bulge/10.

For accuracy, it was him that spotting Bruce in the pond on his way home from work. I was just the one that went out there to try and trap him.

Broke down and got one. Lovely little build and really neat putting all the components together inside it. The buttons are also a blast to just fuck with.

Only really started collecting vinyls since the ex had gotten a record player and there were a lot of records I found that I really loved the artwork on. Ex took the player, though, so I'll eventually have to get a new one. Was nice to set it up on the porch and just play some music while...

All my dogs have passed away and I miss them terribly. I’ll still choke up thinking about my first dog, Furlough. I had brought him to the park I mentioned going to last week when I got broken up with years ago. I put together a little basket of hard boiled eggs, some deli meats, and some treats...

No jack-o-lanterns here, but I do have these cute little cat figures I found at a gift shop that matched Arya and Bruce. Made sure to hide them before the ex moved out because I wanted to keep something of my little man.

Better day today. Missed my two gym days last week due to parents being in town, but got back to it today and had a good session. I don't usually decorate shit for seasons/holidays, but went ahead and busted out some Halloween stuff for the kitchen and the porch and set that all up. Also...

I got some marketing shit that said you had to like pre-register for this shit on the app? Sounded lame. Are they not doing the classic tabs on the packaging?

Hm, don't think so? Would be awkward trying to reach keyboard/mouse around whatever handles/console most stationary bikes would have, unless there's some more minimal/compact ones out there I don't know about. There is a DeerRun one that should work that's only $200ish that I might give a try...

Yeah, don't really have room for a whole treadmill, since I use this with my standing desk/while raiding. The DeerRun one looks decent, but man the Engrish on the site isn't giving me hope, haha.

For as much Food Network in general that I used to watch, including Good Eats, you'd think I'd be a lot better at cooking.

To no one's surprise, my Chinese walking pad's motor is pretty much toast already, just from using it a couple hours, four times a week. Considering this is most of my exercise I could use a new, quality one. Anyone have any recommendations for something that's gonna last longer?

Honestly thought about just putting a big ass note to call my brother on my gun case with like a picture of my family or some shit, just in the event I get to the point where I go to pull it out. Sounds sappy and dumb as shit, but.

So, she tried to get me on Prozac. I declined. Told her I'd rather just try to bump up the dose on the trazodone I was already taking for the insomnia instead to see if that makes any difference. Considering she was also implying me being on Prozac for like a year or more, I really didn't...

I’m not committed to getting anything yet. Kind of leaning still towards no, but at least going to have the appointment and talk about it. Was reminded of a JP clip I watched a bit ago where he has an example of talking with someone who has no job, no social life, no relationship, etc. and the...

Trust me, I absolutely don’t want the pharma shit and I feel like a failure for even considering it, but yes, there is a significant part of me that wants to be finished. I’m already a damn zombie, dragging myself out of bed and around the house and barely even surviving at this point. I have 0...

I can’t really stress enough that there just isn’t shit here for me to go out and do that I’m remotely interested in, and I’m not going to go drive an hour+ one way regularly to go try to hang out with random, insufferable DMV people. I’ve talked with my parents some more about moving in with...

Seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow to possibly put me on anti-depressants. I don’t want to, but I don’t want to be admitted either, which was starting to become a possibility. I want to die, but I don’t want to want to die, if that makes any sense. Again, I don’t want to be on some bullshit, but...

I did want to get one to make my friend's mayo recipe sometime. Would have been helpful here, too.

Because I don't know what I'm doing.

Tried my hand tonight at making my own pasta sauce. Didn’t quite turn out like I expected but it was still quite good! Coated the bottom of my pot in olive oil, added half a stick of butter, 2 cloves of garlic, then half an onion. Let that go for a few minutes then added a pound and a half of...

Careful, you’re gonna get banned from the subreddit!

Will do.

I mean, I'm doing the exercise, I spent the day out at the park my parents would take us to when we were kids (seemed to have made a tradition of going here after relationships finished, since that's what I did last time my one ex ghosted me after two years), I touch alcohol maybe once every few...

I still feel like shit. Sure, there's some relief and feels like a weight's been taken off, but I don't really feel any better and I certainly don't feel happy or even content. My goals in life were job, marriage, house and 2/3 of those were failures. I have no goals anymore. I'm never going...

Finally found these. Only had to take a trip to Annapolis to get them. Hadn’t seen them anywhere near me yet.