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Russians do not express surprise. They are already dead inside and are simply waiting to go.

Yes

I think you also misunderstand what "reduce the deficit" means, Merlin. If federal healthcare spending is projected to go up by $100bn per year, and after Obamacare was passed it goes up $50bn per year, that is deficit reduction. Not an increase of $50bn per year.

Tour de Pants?

A customer at my job today tipped me with a bottle of beer. It wasn't cold enough.

They should watch instant replays post-match. If someone dives in an obvious way (grabs thei face when they get hit in the leg, etc...) red card them for their next two matches. It wouldnt affect stoppage time since it would all occur postgame. And you could be damn sure people would stop...

Hernandez is up there....

Well, not all of us were dead on the inside as children.

I'm sure Dumar is offended, and it's somehow capitalism's fault.

Unless you're an illiterate religious fanatic. Then he's just a dick.

AfricaHawks

Pats at 32. Sounds about right.

And sometimes it's not. Life is a game of shootin' latters.

Just walk your dog into wherever you want with your eyes closed. And if anyone says "You have a chihuahua, or whatever, as a service dog?" Just reply with "They gave me a chihuahua!!?!? Problem solved.

Every time I pick up my toaster crumbs fall out, negating the counter wiping I have just done underneath it. FML.

Vu Ess Aylas

At least Tim Howard is a badass.

Iraq

Who owned the cowboys before Jerry Jones?

L. Ron Hubbard

He also invented steroids. Becoming the single driving force behind the Steelers dynasty of the 70s. Srsly though. RIP coach Noll

I would hope that at the highest competitive tier of a global athletic competition, that the athletes might have some incentive to not fall over.

I'm still young (26), but I've always wondered whether the pace of technological progression outpaces an aged mind's ability to adapt to it. Or whether, it is simply a generational issue.

Your tagline is hilarious when you read it in this voice: Just hilarious for the wrong reasons

Done

Sealand

Jerry on an iPad. \ And I'm pretty sure he shot himself in the chest, not the head.

I'd personally go with Junior Seau. You could have Jerry control him from a skybox like a marionette.

Pssh. Dan Snyder gives people tens of millions of dollars who arent ever going to play football in the NFL again.

And taken off with Shame just before February.

And the charity has agreed to "donate" mental health care to Brandon Marshall in return. (kidding aside, its always nice to see people with money use it on something that benefits others)

Fossil fuels have their applications, but they're noWhale Oil

While you make an interesting point, have you considered the fact that she has huge titties?

#MichaelScam Start that shit. I dont twitter

The only way out from Russia