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In that case, stick to being nice. You"re somehow worse at being an asshole.

If there was a backstory to that, I clearly missed it. Are you trying to fuck this girl?

David Blaine her with one of the bros she"s banging for car parts.

Have you tried marrying her yet?

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Oh, I agree. When I threatened Cracker Barrel, I fully intended to go get a table for one and enjoy some badass french toast if she didn"t change her mind. That never happened, though. If that place was open 24/7 and served alcohol, I don"t know if I"d ever go anywhere else. I"d also probably...

Hate that shit. I"d say something along the lines of, "Fuck it, I"m going to Cracker Barrel because I want some fucking french toast at 9 p.m." Difference being the response is usually, "Fine, let"s go to Olive Garden." Bitches love Olive Garden.

Why do you even want to make this relationship work? Maybe I missed something, but I don"t recall you saying anything good about her other than she"s "pretty", and we need pics to properly help you.

I"m sure things are fantastic.

Girl I knew in high school just recently made a Facebook account and we"ve talked a bit, catching up on the past 8 years. She just got out of a longterm relationship and thus has an extra ticket to see Rammstein in San Antonio (May 24). She has offered this ticket to me. Figures I"d already have...

I would hypothesize most fake tits that you don"t personally pay for are going to be shitty. My reasoning is that if they are not shitty, they were likely expensive, and the idea of women paying for their own shit is preposterous. If a woman has someone to pay for her shit (tits), unless she...

I"ll just do my damnedest to dodge both those awful scenarios.

Few things kill my boner quicker than lopsided or cross-eyed balloon tits.

Is this the first time she"s had to take the drug (since you"ve been dating)? If she"s taken it before, what were the effects?

All of them. All of the highlighters.

Not lulzy.

Lulzy

Pretty sure that nose is the only thing Truckasaurus has that could fill a D cup.

A most elegant solution.

Fair enough. Good point.

I think you just inadvertently complimented Truckasaurus" body, bro.

^

David Blaine her with one of those easy guys.

No.

Only if you"ve got the money to do it right. Shitty titty jobs are the fucking worst.

He should write her a letter from America so she knows what life"s been like without her.

He should Proclaim his love to the whole wide world.

Who fucking knows? Scottish gibberish as far as I"m concerned.

Yeah, but would you walk 500 more?

As long as she"s flying down to visit you or she pays your air fare to visit her, this is acceptable.

Hey, to each their own, I just didn"t want anyone getting the wrong idea and going on a tiny titty hunt under the assumption they"ll never go bad.

Even if it wasn"t, we"re talking about the future version of electrical-tape-pasty girl, when her tiny tits become tiny flapjacks... possibly. So, basically, I don"t know what we"re talking about anymore. Pancake girl still sucks until you post some pictures (preferably holding a plate of...

I have no desire to ever see the tits Col. Gathers and Brock are talking about. Even in animated form.

This is absolutely not true. Tiny tits can still become tiny flapjacks. It"s depressing.

I don"t know where it begins or ends.

Her knees are too sharp, she"s fat, she needs to eat a sammich, but she"s not quite Shelly.

You raise a valid point.

No.

Pics or she"s fucking lame.

My county used milk bags during the majority of my childhood. We never threw the bags. Instead we would stuff pieces of food in a corner of a bag, then smash the opposite end with a fist. Food would fly across the entire cafeteria, and the maneuver was undetectable by the shitty frame rate our...