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I've found GRRM's doppelg?nger.

Happy Father's Day

A doctor, a priest, and an engineer go golfing. After only a few rounds, they get caught behind the worst group of golfers they've ever seen. After growing impatient from waiting for them to finish their holes, they go into the clubhouse to complain. "Let me explain," says the manager. "You...

A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I...

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then. God, I love my new Taser...

Women are like hurricanes. They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

Katie is looking good.

This guy has a 12 inch cock. He's always wanted to know what it feels like to get it all the way inside a girl, but the girls he has been with have all had shallow vaginas. So, he goes to a whore house and asks the front desk manager "I'd like your 3 best and deepest girls please." The man gives...

J.C. Penney, 1975

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living. He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single...

Bacon wrapped onion rings.

I'm stopped at light in the left hand turn lane. For some reason, the big water truck in front of me decided to start backing up. I laid on the horn to no avail. He didn't stop until he hit me. Scratched up the entire nose of my car. /rustled

I'm gonna take up gardening.

Is User Account Control turned off? I've seen that problem and it required turning it on.

I'm listening to the audiobook. The narrator does a perfect job. Once again, I am reminded why I love Abercrombie's writing. Gritty, yet funny.

Taco Bell has the cheesy double beef burrito for $1. Best deal in fast food, IMO.

I'll watch it no matter how much it sucks.

Three blonde women were on one side of a river wondering how they will get across. The first one decides to pray saying "God please make me smart enough to get across this river." so God turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river. The second also prays saying "Dear God, please make...