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Dairy Queen is to McDonalds like Target is to Walmart.

This guy went to a bar...long story short, he met this broad and they went back to his place. Before they got undressed to do the horizontal mambo, he said, "Listen, I'm sorry but I don't think we should have sex right away". "Why's that?" she said. "Well you see, I'm hung like a baby, and...

A man who had just died was delivered to a local mortuary and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however...

Shadows of Self and the Mistborn Mega-Series

What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool. The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?" Then the little Dimitri, all excited, answered: "Yes! I do!" The thing is, the little Dimitri has no arms. So the lifeguard doesn't really trust him but the little...

What winks and fucks like a tiger?

I get 85 thru my cable. I didn't get the full speed on wireless until I got a laptop with AC wireless. I get a link speed of 1.3gb with it. Awesome stuff.

Who wouldn't make this trade?

Dell just refreshed the XPS 15 with the super-thin bezel that the 13" version has, along with Skylake. Looks like a decent machine.

There's a costume party, and this guy shows up dressed in nothing but a pair of jeans. The host yells at him: "You were supposed to dress up man, and you just show up shirtless?" The guy replies: "I'm a premature ejaculation. I just came in my pants."

Damn girl, are you a Rubik's cube?

Dairy Queen has impressed my belly once again with their double cheeseburgers. It was dripping with lots of melted cheese, the patties were thick, and it tasted great.

The bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant & at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a...

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut. The barber smiles at her and says: "You're gonna get hair on your muffin!" "I know", she says... "I'm gonna get tits too, you dirty old bastard."

A guy went to the doctor and the doctor said, "Don't eat anything fatty." The guy asked "No bacon? No burgers?!" To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! "

This stuff was the bomb during my childhood. Plus, the bear looks stoned. Edit: And the terrariums actually worked.

A magic trick

Speaking of cereal

I jerked off to this picture. I am not ashamed. Southern fried chicken sandwich with poached egg.

Two pilots and one stewardess survive a plane crash and drift for days in the ocean until they reach a small isolated island, in the middle of nowhere. After some days, they get the idea that no one is coming to rescue them. It's a sad moment but life goes on, and the survivors sets up a camp...