Betrayed at Work

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Dhameon

N00b
58
18
You think you know someone, but you really don't. I work at a medium sized company for nearly 10 years, worked my way up from the office clerk to #2. Along the way, I became friends with another manager that had worked there for more than twice as long, but has never really moved on up because he has screwed up (a few times) in the past. We've eaten lunch together for over 5 years, talked about our families, shot the shit, talked a lot of trash, and I thought, were friends; he even came to my baby shower. We had a recent change in management, new #1, and he threw me under the bus. We had our usual unsavory banter where we offend each other, talked shit about other people at work, he called up human resource, and I got the shit grilled out of me. Human resource didn't want to tell me who it was, but when they told me I had to write down everything we just talked about (7+ pages), I asked whose office these conversations were in so I could at least put a location. They gave me his name, and my gut hit the fucking floor. To add insult to injury, 30 minutes before I got that surprise meeting from human resource, him and I were discussing business, chit chatting, laughing, and having a good time; he was actually the one that called me "because someone wants to speak to you." After the meeting, he wasn't in there, he wouldn't look me in the eyes, and didn't talk to me.

In all the years I've worked there, I have never been counciled or spoken poorly about, and on the contrary, I was critical to turning the business around (hence why I am #2). I've only gotten one "component" in my yearly evaluations, with every other year being "above average" or "outstanding." I've gotten years of work performance bonuses. Yet, the shit that was laid down on me was so fucking bad it was just terrible. I hope I don't lose my job. I didn't plan to leave anytime soon because I want to be running the place, there is no way to avoid this person, and he basically can't do anything else so I doubt he would ever leave. While I almost always know what to do or say, I'm completely dumbfounded and speechless.
 

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
42,274
50,242
You think you know someone, but you really don't. I work at a medium sized company for nearly 10 years, worked my way up from the office clerk to #2. Along the way, I became friends with another manager that had worked there for more than twice as long, but has never really moved on up because he has screwed up (a few times) in the past. We've eaten lunch together for over 5 years, talked about our families, shot the shit, talked a lot of trash, and I thought, were friends; he even came to my baby shower. We had a recent change in management, new #1, and he threw me under the bus. We had our usual unsavory banter where we offend each other, talked shit about other people at work, he called up human resource, and I got the shit grilled out of me. Human resource didn't want to tell me who it was, but when they told me I had to write down everything we just talked about (7+ pages), I asked whose office these conversations were in so I could at least put a location. They gave me his name, and my gut hit the fucking floor. To add insult to injury, 30 minutes before I got that surprise meeting from human resource, him and I were discussing business, chit chatting, laughing, and having a good time; he was actually the one that called me "because someone wants to speak to you." After the meeting, he wouldn't look me in the eyes, and didn't talk to me.

In all the years I've worked there, I have never been counciled or spoken poorly about, and on the contrary, I was critical to turning the business around (hence why I am #2). I've only gotten one "component" in my yearly evaluations, with every other year being "above average" or "outstanding." I've gotten years of work performance bonuses. Yet, the shit that was laid down on me was so fucking bad it was just terrible. I hope I don't lose my job. I didn't plan to leave anytime soon because I want to be running the place, there is no way to avoid this person, and he basically can't do anything else so I doubt he would ever leave. While I almost always know what to do or say, I'm completely dumbfounded and speechless.
Was the year your review said you were 'component' the same year they asked you to spell the word 'competent'?

Aside from that, it sounds like you were in shock during the meeting and didn't really defend yourself, so you may want to arrange another meeting with HR and explain that these were 2 way conversations, not just you talking trash about the rest of the company. If you honestly think your job is in danger, you should talk to a lawyer.
 

iannis

Musty Nester
31,351
17,656
That really sucks, but never lose sight of the fact that management are scumfucks. Even the ones that you like. You deserve better than that and it's probably too late to fight back. Not your fault, just office politics.

You have to be trusted
by the people that you lie to
so that when they turn their backs on you
you've got the chance to put the knife in
 

Springbok

Karen
<Gold Donor>
8,970
12,474
I've always approached every corporate job I've ever had like this: Nobody is my fucking friend, I don't trust anyone, and everyone "thinks" I'm friends with them. Everyone. Meanwhile, I'm doing everything I can behind their backs to plot my ascent. Eventually though, the politics involved in those office environments is just grating and nauseating, so I said fuck it and started out on my own.

Your situation though is unique as you genuinely thought the guy was a real friend. People get weird around money (or the thought of it), and you really only see peoples true colors when there is a chance of attaining more of it. A tough lesson to learn, but one you won't have to learn twice. Don't think there is anything you can do should they decide to fire you (maybe there is), so all you can do is grovel. Grovel. Grovel. Grovel... and suck the dick of the new #1.

Alternatively, you could flat deny all of it. I'm sure the years of this dickheads fuck-ups are well documented within the company, and you say you've been a (relatively) model employee. Who are they going to believe? Not as if they have any legitimate proof of your shit talking. If it were me, I'd become that piece of garbages best friend again and pretend nothing ever happened. And wait. He's "telling on you" to deflect attention away from himself for whatever reason so use that to your advantage, and catch him with his hand in the cookie jar, then expose him in a way that isn't "Waaaah he's a bad employee".
 

Dhameon

N00b
58
18
Honestly, I don't know if I really want to speak to this person beyond required business matters as it just really, really hurts my soul because I truly thought this person was my friend. We weren't best friends forever, but we've spoken to each others wives, talked about children, showed baby pictures, and he's held my baby on numerous occasions. I just can't even think of ever being friendly with this person again, not after the near decade of working together, especially after how we respected each other. If the long term goal was to get friendly so I could stab them in the back, I just don't think I could do it. I got to where I am very quickly (some managers are my fathers age) because I kept the company my number 1 priority regardless of how much politics was involved. For me to throw it all away, to change who I am, I just don't think I can do it. Maybe I need to grow up.

Not sure on the lawyer part, what can realistically be done? You are right about the shock part, I held my shit in as best as I could, said I couldn't recall those conversations, and was required to write everything I spoke about down after the fact. HR was real smart because they started with asking about a new program I implemented, had barely anything to do with what they wanted me for, and at pretty much the perfect moment because I still hadn't realize I was going to get wrung, they just started slamming down the shit one by one; it was literally 30 minutes of everything else, 10 minutes of going through the grinder. If I knew what was going on, I wouldn't have said anything. Good idea on an "ideal employee," I think I'll definitely use that line. I'm not sure what the next phase is or if I get a rebuttal at all. Unfortunately, no second chance with human resource because they were sending it up the chain right after our meeting.
 

chaos

Buzzfeed Editor
17,324
4,839
I'm with Springbok. deny, deny, deny. Unless there are other witnesses to these conversations or recordings or whatever, never admit ANYTHING.

I would give it some time, I really doubt they are going to fire you on the word of one problem employee given your performance record and work relationships with other people in the office. Be proactive in your defense, engage with HR about what you can do to counter these malicious lies.

... and start looking for another job. Don't get fucked because of your inaction. Look for something else in case you need to bail.

This is really shitty, really really shitty. I've never had anything like this happen to me, thank god, but
 

Springbok

Karen
<Gold Donor>
8,970
12,474
Honestly, I don't know if I really want to speak to this person beyond required business matters as it just really, really hurts my soul because I truly thought this person was my friend. We weren't best friends forever, but we've spoken to each others wives, talked about children, showed baby pictures, and he's held my baby on numerous occasions. I just can't even think of ever being friendly with this person again, not after the near decade of working together, especially after how we respected each other. If the long term goal was to get friendly so I could stab them in the back, I just don't think I could do it. I got to where I am very quickly (some managers are my fathers age) because I kept the company my number 1 priority regardless of how much politics was involved. For me to throw it all away, to change who I am, I just don't think I can do it. Maybe I need to grow up.
Look, I get that. My best friend in the world (best man at his wedding, my "partner" in my first business, etc - similar deal) fucked me over for $34k. Genuinely screwed me out of money, and I was completely done with him. Stopped talking to the guy for 2 years, dissolved our enterprise and distributed our assets through mediation for gods sake.

Then a business opportunity arose, which (for reasons I won't elaborate on) he was necessary to completing. Swallowed my pride, negotiated the deal for he and I and made him some money for selling some assets he didn't even know he had. Made him $40k for doing nothing, and I was his best friend again. I made $90k and didn't even fucking own anything, never told him how much I made and only talk to him now when it benefits me financially. Inside, I still fucking hate his guts, and even though I've "gotten him back" (and then some), I will never forgive the first betrayal. Ever. In a way I should be grateful the lesson only cost me 34 grand, because I don't go into any business dealing or new relationship trusting ANYONE (at least initially). It sucks to lose the friend, but at the end of the day the guy wasn't sincere, and if the worst thing to happen from this is a lost job or a hostile office - lesson learned and move on. You can certainly finesse the office back to your side too.

Point is, you'd be amazed at the amount of shit you can swallow for money/career advancement, etc. You know this loser already thinks nothing of you. Use that anger and betrayal that you feel to your advantage. I know the first instinct is (it always is) to either punch this guy in the nose, or flat ignore him, but neither of those does you any good. There will only be division at the office if you allow it to happen. Deny it, and go about your business as usual. Scumbags like that guy will ALWAYS end up stuck in it at some point, and that is when you make your move.
 

Brand

Molten Core Raider
1,159
313
Honestly, I don't know if I really want to speak to this person beyond required business matters as it just really, really hurts my soul because I truly thought this person was my friend. We weren't best friends forever, but we've spoken to each others wives, talked about children, showed baby pictures, and he's held my baby on numerous occasions. I just can't even think of ever being friendly with this person again, not after the near decade of working together, especially after how we respected each other. If the long term goal was to get friendly so I could stab them in the back, I just don't think I could do it. I got to where I am very quickly (some managers are my fathers age) because I kept the company my number 1 priority regardless of how much politics was involved. For me to throw it all away, to change who I am, I just don't think I can do it. Maybe I need to grow up.

Not sure on the lawyer part, what can realistically be done? You are right about the shock part, I held my shit in as best as I could, said I couldn't recall those conversations, and was required to write everything I spoke about down after the fact. HR was real smart because they started with asking about a new program I implemented, had barely anything to do with what they wanted me for, and at pretty much the perfect moment because I still hadn't realize I was going to get wrung, they just started slamming down the shit one by one; it was literally 30 minutes of everything else, 10 minutes of going through the grinder. If I knew what was going on, I wouldn't have said anything. Good idea on an "ideal employee," I think I'll definitely use that line. I'm not sure what the next phase is or if I get a rebuttal at all. Unfortunately, no second chance with human resource because they were sending it up the chain right after our meeting.
I'm no longer surprised by what pieces of garbage co-worker "friends" can be...You just have to bite your tongue and deny everything you reasonably can deny. Just wait, fuckers like that always step in the shit later...I'd bet he is on the hot seat right now and this is his attempt to buy his way out by throwing you under a bus. I'd be buddies with him and ask him what happened and if he needs help...And then when you figure out the reasons behind it...Bury him.
 

Sulrn

Deuces
2,159
360
You know on one hand I'd be counting my blessing that this "friend" wasn't the opposite sex as this sounds almost exactly like a hostile environment/sexual harassment case. Getting baited into a conversation that the other party "is too uncomfortable" to personally defuse or walk away from while you're thinking you're just having comfortable banter with a buddy.

No matter what you do from this point you're doing it from a weak position as it doesn't sound you initially defended or justified yourself. If you're seriously concerned about where things go from here, you might want to consider a legal consult and arrange for a statement of character be prepared based off coworkers or evaluation history and sit with HR again with all your ducks in a row.

If you're going to readdress the situation go all out and don't hold back, otherwise it looks like you're just trying to bs an excuse to CYOA. Just keep yourself cool, collected, and well prepared and be honest.
 

Cybsled

Avatar of War Slayer
16,295
11,938
Corporate management can be extremely cutthroat. Once you get to a certain level in the company, there are very limited options for advancement.
 

TXjohnny

<Bronze Donator>
111
44
I cannot believe you fell for one of the oldest interrogation techniques in the book!! "We don't have enough evidence so let's see if we can get the guy to confess!" They had one persons report of what was said. Who are they going to believe, an exemplary long-term employee or an employee with a record of fucking up? Why would you ever give them the evidence they need to screw you with?

p.s.: I do feel bad for you. I cannot frickin stand it when a good person gets screwed over like this.
 
6,216
8
Was the year your review said you were 'component' the same year they asked you to spell the word 'competent'?

Aside from that, it sounds like you were in shock during the meeting and didn't really defend yourself, so you may want to arrange another meeting with HR and explain that these were 2 way conversations, not just you talking trash about the rest of the company. If you honestly think your job is in danger, you should talk to a lawyer.
gavinrad you are seriously the dumbest person on this forum. i hope you forget the web address, don't ever post in a thread that's not about MMOs, because you're a fucking fat stupid neckbeard.. honestly.
 

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
42,274
50,242
gavinrad you are seriously the dumbest person on this forum. i hope you forget the web address, don't ever post in a thread that's not about MMOs, because you're a fucking fat stupid neckbeard.. honestly.
Coming from you that means absolutely nothing.
 

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
42,274
50,242
you are so useless that i had to derail this thread. how dare you even post your pollution in a thread outside of diablo 3 or whatever the fuck you spend 15 hrs a day playing.
Cool story bro. Try to unbunch your panties and take it somewhere else.
 

nuday

Golden Squire
203
8
I think a lot of you seem to be forgetting an important factor when you're dealing with friends you make at work: just like you, they're only there to make money. If they see an opportunity to make more money or progress, they're going to take it. It's rare that you're going to find a true "good soul" work friend that refuses an opportunity to advance in some tiny little way. I think the OP's situation is pretty shitty, but fuck, if that guy was there before you started working there and watched you move up the ranks to #2 while he sat dormant, shouldn't you expect some secret resentment?

I've worked in a huge warehouse for the last three years. "Friends" take seasonal management roles, seem to forget that it is a temporary job, and then have such a difficult time smoothing over all the relationships they demolished for that two months of power that they end up quitting or transferring to other departments. It gives you a pretty good example of what any little opportunity to move up really does to a person's mind.

I've always told myself that the stupidity that I see on a day-to-day would not exist if I worked in a normal corporate setting (our corporate folks are required to work on the floor with us), but it looks like that isn't the case at all.
 

spronk

FPS noob
22,478
25,386
watch game of thrones, be more like littlefinger

think hard if you said or did something that could have pissed him off. it may not help you, but at least knowing where he is coming from could help you avoid that situation again. Maybe he is having an affair with someone and you joking about her triggered alarms in him. Or he is stealing money from the company and something you said as a joke made him afraid. Or, as you suspect, he is sucking up to the new boss although this seems like a really bizarre way to do it. People's motivations are greed, love, and fear so figuring out what made him suddenly rat you out could help you better deal with him.
 

Tuco

I got Tuco'd!
<Gold Donor>
45,320
73,377
lesson learned: don't trust people at your work, don't talk shit about people at your work that you wouldn't want others to hear. I make a rule not to say something about someone that I really wouldn't want them to find out about.

As for what to do, deny and let it blow over. Meanwhile watch yourself and don't retaliate.
 

Numbers_sl

shitlord
4,054
3
Spread a rumour that their personal secret information will be released and watch everyone act like morons and enjoy yourself immensely without actually doing anything.
 

Abefroman

Naxxramas 1.0 Raider
12,586
11,901
Number one rule of the workplace. Everything you say can and will be used against you.