Suck that it happens, but I dont know why youre so shocked about it. It happens in every aspect of life, friends, marriage, work, school. Gotta deal with it and hopefully it works out now. Personally, I would have denied it all.
Betrayed at Work
- Thread starter Dhameon
- Start date
Namon
Blackwing Lair Raider
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Number two rule of the workplace: don't make any friends ever. I worked at a fortune 500 company, and I just simply clammed up. I wasn't a dick or anything, but I definitely didn't socialize much at all. I have kids to feed and a mortgage to pay. I'm not going to let some stupid fuck twist words I said into a weapon to get my ass canned. I completely feel for you and the fact that a friend of a decade just basically gutted you in public, but that is exactly why I do just that. I learned the hard way too and lost a job because I was overheard saying something construed to be bad. I didn't even have a chance to defend myself since I was still in a entry level temp position. I was just called and told to not come back. Ever since then, I just realize I'm not there to socialize but to do the work and get paid.
I got shafted when I was quite young, I really had no idea what was happening and they got me to sign something so it is on my record now. Not that it was a big deal.
But denial denial denial. Any admission of anything is 10x worse.
Of course if there is more than one person involved then it just doesn't matter if you said anything or not.
Musab
Molten Core Raider
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This shit right here. Socialize and all, but always be plotting and thinking ahead.
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Yeah, there is a fine line you have to walk at work. You cannot be the Milton from office space, and yet you cannot be the buddy buddy either. You have to strategically plan your acquaintances to work in your favor. You still have to socialize and be normal, but at the same time keeping your distance.
I have a little story to tell you guys along the same lines. Back when I was young, like 20 or 21 and a co-op student, I did like any other normal dude at work. Naturally coalesced into a clique and basically talked shit about the others which were not part of our clique like everyone else did. I specifically remember taking shit about this one dude, way older than me, which was essentially a no talent ass clown. Well fast forward a few years, I get a call for a job offer, end up taking the job, and who was behind mentioning my name and a manager? The dude I talked shit about.
I have a little story to tell you guys along the same lines. Back when I was young, like 20 or 21 and a co-op student, I did like any other normal dude at work. Naturally coalesced into a clique and basically talked shit about the others which were not part of our clique like everyone else did. I specifically remember taking shit about this one dude, way older than me, which was essentially a no talent ass clown. Well fast forward a few years, I get a call for a job offer, end up taking the job, and who was behind mentioning my name and a manager? The dude I talked shit about.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Brand
Molten Core Raider
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Julian The Apostate
Vyemm Raider
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Shonuff
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Having worked for two Fortune 500 companies, I can attest to this. Politics are B.S. After getting stories made up about me by people I thought were friends (in my first corporate job out of college), I learned that you have to keep your distance from people. There is difference between a friendly relationship and a working relationship. The only thing that matters is being able to work with people. Get friends somewhere else.
I'd like to think that I don't have to deal with this, now that I'm self employed, but you have politics everywhere. All I can do is crush it when I see my employees start up with politics amongst themselves. I've heard it said that politics are good, because people are arguing about the best way to do things, or over resources. Supposedly, that leads to greater efficiency. I'll let them argue that, but when they start taking shots below the belt at each other, it's over. Also, being in a small business, it's easier to get everyone to believe that it's "Us Against the World."
Shonuff
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Do what this man says. I can remember when I worked for one Regional Vice President, he encouraged us to be at each other's throats. You didn't have to talk shit about anyone, they would just say you did anyway. You could be sitting in your office, working and have someone make a story up from scratch and go tell it to the boss.
Ten years after I worked with someone (that we just didn't get along), I ran into him during an interview. And he was the person making the hiring decision. I didn't get that job. You never know who you'll run into again.
Just deny everything, unless you sent shit via email (in which case you are fucked) if you never then all they have is his word against yours, just turn the table around on him.
Some managers get offended when you don't act all buddy buddy with them, if you don't gossip with them they will hound you till they find or just make something up.
I had one manager that kept asking about what I do on Sundays, I always politely changed the subject, he got so pissed off that he stopped me one day and wanted to know why I wasn't doing the "pee pee" dance before I headed towards the bathroom.
Dis
Confirmed Male
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- 45
I work at a Fortune 500 company myself. I am not with some folks that say clam up, and go from there. Socializing, in most cases, is a genuine component in moving up the ladder. In your case, I guess I need some context into what was the actual problem that HR had to get involved. Simply "talking shit", unless it involves sexual harassment does not warrant HR interviews. So as such, if you were really saying things you would not want the public to hear, I would have to chastise you for using poor judgement in your judgement of character.
Take it as a lesson learned, try to keep gossip and rumor mongering for your wife or life partner. Also, what Tuco and Springbok said, deny everything. And keep the guy who fucked you over on professional terms. Trust me when I say, if upper management sees a teamwork issue because of some HR conflict, someone is going to get let go.
Take it as a lesson learned, try to keep gossip and rumor mongering for your wife or life partner. Also, what Tuco and Springbok said, deny everything. And keep the guy who fucked you over on professional terms. Trust me when I say, if upper management sees a teamwork issue because of some HR conflict, someone is going to get let go.
McCheese
SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
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Work socializing is a skill. You need to know how much to say and to whom so that it benefits you, while not crossing into "too much" territory and getting into situations like the OP.
Personally, I'm terrible at it so I sit in my cubicle and hide from everyone as much as possible. Then again, I have no desire to advance up the corporate ladder.
Personally, I'm terrible at it so I sit in my cubicle and hide from everyone as much as possible. Then again, I have no desire to advance up the corporate ladder.
Dis
Confirmed Male
- 748
- 45
Truth, also I should point out, that there are friends that were not necessarily a threat because you were not in their direct chain of command or career path, but some how over time you did end up in that situation (because of a promotion etc). That change in status should cause you to reevaluate your relationship with said person.
I had a coworker who I had a normal working relationship with, a good one, but not what I would call buddy-buddy because we were in each others direct line of fire. Well he got promoted out of the IT Department, to our Digital Marketing department. Pretty much at that point we became really, really good friends since then because of the fact that we had completely removed the competitive aspect of our relationship out of the equation. Now we kind of keep our ears out and relay any pertinent information that might help one another. Plus we have a deal that if we get free tickets to the Texans game we will give each other the first right of refusal to the additional ticket. ;P
Joeboo
Molten Core Raider
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Never trust anyone at work. Supervisors, subordinates, people on equal ground, or even anyone that you consider a friend.
At my previous job that I was at for 8 years, my immediate supervisor became one of my best friends. Hanging out all the time away from work, large group of mutual friends, etc. My work had a no-dating policy if you had any sort of influence over their position(i.e. manager/employee), but you could date as long as your positions never interacted within the company. I started dating a girl I met, told my boss(my friend) about it immediately on the record, and even went to HIS boss(our regional director) and told him immediately about it. Confided to both after just 1 date what was going on, to tell me right now if it was a problem and I would cut it off, etc. Both guys were fine with it.
Fast forward 2 years and I'm living with the girl, things are pretty serious, and we still don't work anywhere near each other(not even at the same physical location, we work in opposite sides of town). I have to fire one of my employees for basically gross incompetence and repeated poor performance(with months and months of write-ups and documentation) and he immediately calls our corporate HR to file a complaint that I only fired him because my "girlfriend" didn't like him. I think she had actually met him maybe twice. I basically get an ultimatum from corporate HR that we either need to cease the relationship, or one of us needs to find employment elsewhere. Well, at this point we were living together, so just randomly breaking up wasn't an option. Both my boss(my good friend) and his boss(our regional director) played 100% dumb like they never knew we were even dating. I took the high road and didn't throw my friend under the bus, even though me and my girlfriend had been to his home dozens, if not hundreds of times together. He did not return the favor and fess up that he OKed anything.
I ended up quitting, I had more experience and could find other equal employment easier than my girlfriend could, even though I had been advancing and getting promoted quickly at my current job, and had a great reputation there. Starting over somewhere else and building up that reputation again would take some serious time.
Then 6 months later she cheated on me and I threw the bitch out, so I was real happy about leaving my job for her at that point, lol.
At my current job, I am pleasant to people in my office, but I have no desire to be involved with any of them socially. I don't do things with them after hours, I barely even speak to them unless it's work-related. I don't want to know about their family, and I don't want them to know much about mine. I will always keep work and social life seperate from now on, only bad things can come from combining the two.
At my previous job that I was at for 8 years, my immediate supervisor became one of my best friends. Hanging out all the time away from work, large group of mutual friends, etc. My work had a no-dating policy if you had any sort of influence over their position(i.e. manager/employee), but you could date as long as your positions never interacted within the company. I started dating a girl I met, told my boss(my friend) about it immediately on the record, and even went to HIS boss(our regional director) and told him immediately about it. Confided to both after just 1 date what was going on, to tell me right now if it was a problem and I would cut it off, etc. Both guys were fine with it.
Fast forward 2 years and I'm living with the girl, things are pretty serious, and we still don't work anywhere near each other(not even at the same physical location, we work in opposite sides of town). I have to fire one of my employees for basically gross incompetence and repeated poor performance(with months and months of write-ups and documentation) and he immediately calls our corporate HR to file a complaint that I only fired him because my "girlfriend" didn't like him. I think she had actually met him maybe twice. I basically get an ultimatum from corporate HR that we either need to cease the relationship, or one of us needs to find employment elsewhere. Well, at this point we were living together, so just randomly breaking up wasn't an option. Both my boss(my good friend) and his boss(our regional director) played 100% dumb like they never knew we were even dating. I took the high road and didn't throw my friend under the bus, even though me and my girlfriend had been to his home dozens, if not hundreds of times together. He did not return the favor and fess up that he OKed anything.
I ended up quitting, I had more experience and could find other equal employment easier than my girlfriend could, even though I had been advancing and getting promoted quickly at my current job, and had a great reputation there. Starting over somewhere else and building up that reputation again would take some serious time.
Then 6 months later she cheated on me and I threw the bitch out, so I was real happy about leaving my job for her at that point, lol.
At my current job, I am pleasant to people in my office, but I have no desire to be involved with any of them socially. I don't do things with them after hours, I barely even speak to them unless it's work-related. I don't want to know about their family, and I don't want them to know much about mine. I will always keep work and social life seperate from now on, only bad things can come from combining the two.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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This. It's all about knowing how to read people well. Those who can't, should probably limit their socializing. Those who can, know where to draw the lines, etc.