Bidets, and why you should buy them

Voyce

Voyce

Shit Lord Supreme
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So I bought this about two months ago:

Aquaus 360 Bidet - 5" Extension Included! Premium Hand Held Bidet w/ Dual Ergonomic Thumb Pressure Controls on Both Sides of the Sprayer for EZ Pressure Control - Made in USA - 3 Year Warranty - - Amazon.com

and I have no clue why the American public has not adopted them as standard bathroom utility, it's so much better than TP, better than butt-wipes, efficient, time saving, TP saving, and much more sanitary. Best hygienic product I've bought recently, best product I've bought recently.

One might wonder if they don't purchase one that hooks up to a heated source (which they do sell), if the cold is unbearable, I've found that the water is streamed like a jet and doesn't feel cold but instead like a high pressure shower. The water does get colder the more you apply it, but the beauty is its so efficient it doesn't need excess application, by the time the temperature decreases you're about done.

Obviously when I finish up, I always do a follow up wipe just for confirmation, but after developing some technique, I've always come back squeaky clean.

A must own.
 
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Lanx

Lanx

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yea that sucks, just get the one you attach to the seat of the toilet
lluxe bidet neo 320

i got the most advanced one, yup i wanted hot water, fuck that cold water shit. yup plumbing was easy peasy, this is the first time i've ever done any sort of plumbing, they give you everything (even a worthless plastic wrench, obviously go use a real wrench), even the plumbers tape.

yup there's a cover for the nozels too. Why is this important? cuz i don't want to pee on my nozels, simple

yup these nozels have a self cleaning option too

yup, i got it for the wife mainly, and there is a "female" setting, at first i thought it'd be for her pee, but she says thats annoying. She's found it works amazing when she has her period tho. Word of caution if you have a wife and she uses this setting, watch out, it'll hit your balls as a man, the way it's angled.

I think the hand held is stupid, too lazy
 
DirkDonkeyroot

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I took a shit in a toilet in Bangkok that had one of these built into it. Thing must have had human control because it hit me dead center of my asshole, cleaned up good though. A+
 
jayrebb

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I figure you still want wet wipes with a bidet (as much as people strongly dislike the fact they cannot be disposed of discretely, wet wipes have the most merit)-- that is if you are going for maximum cleanliness.

Toilet paper is stupid, without getting into the details.

But as far as bidets go, I'd imagine its a cost-cutting thing during the housing explosion after the GI bill bought everyone a house after WW2. The suburban template didn't include any plan for a bidet, its considered a luxury. So they built suburbia up without a bidet included in the standard package, and from there the Middle Class just accepted the fact that bidets are abnormal and its just those rich eccentric fellows at those really nice houses who have them.

Most houses of well-off people (large houses in prime real estate areas) have bidets I've noticed in America. Its a luxury thing here, whereas over there in parts of Asia it seems to be considered an essential. Cultural difference.
 
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Voyce

Voyce

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Lanx said:
I think the hand held is stupid, too lazy
Click to expand...

I like the hand held because it gives you more control, and I'm big into being in control when it comes to things pointed at my asshole. Honestly having no experience I thought the toilet seat version looked cheap, and was afraid it wouldn't do a good enough job, problem is, no experience with them so I went with what I figured would have the least potential for failure. Now you're telling me I can be both hygenic and expend less energy, fuck.... Actually it does serve a dual purpose, easy way to clean the toliet, even the floor and areas behind the toilet.

Either way you go, I just don't get why people don't have these, and scoff at the idea. My Mom and Dad both, making close to 90K individually (or around there at some time or another). Never crossed their mind, not even a hand held shower. Actually my GF has a hand held shower, I think that's around when I was like, "Yeah I should get one of these for my butt." But even she thinks the bidet is strange, I don't think I've ever been to a house, older, newer, expensive, mid range, low end. Never see them, its baffling.

It's a weird slow adoption, everyone I know now owns butt-wipes, so we've established that TP doesn't do a good enough job on its own, but wet paper does a better job--it shouldn't be much of a logical jump from there.
 
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Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

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Y'all are doing it wrong. Hands free with a remote or GTFO. This is basically a video game for your asshole. It's literally one of the best purchases I've ever made-- the clouds basically parted and angels descended from the heavens upon first use. You'll feel as if you've spent your whole life in filthy ignorance once that warm pulsating jet blasts your anus. Also, the ladies love it and you're guaranteed clean pussy 24/7.

The "Shit I just bought" thread
 
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kegkilla

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Why are you people so concerned about the cleanliness of your assholes? Unless you're getting rimjobs on the reg I can't see why this is an issue.
 
Abefroman

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Because then your wife can't say her butt is too dirty.

Roll-Safe-1485964928.jpg
 
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lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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I wish J49 (or whatever number it is now) was still an active poster. Remember he hired Wolf to ensure the hookers butt holes were tidy enough? I bet he endorses bidet use.
 
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Gravel

Gravel

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DirkDonkeyroot said:
I took a shit in a toilet in Bangkok that had one of these built into it. Thing must have had human control because it hit me dead center of my asshole, cleaned up good though. A+
Click to expand...
I installed a Luxe bidet like a year ago. I hate it. Hits my anus dead on and kind of hurts.
 
kegkilla

kegkilla

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lurkingdirk said:
I wish J49 (or whatever number it is now) was still an active poster. Remember he hired Wolf to ensure the hookers butt holes were tidy enough? I bet he endorses bidet use.
Click to expand...
I can't imagine the hookers walking the streets of Camden have bidets installed at the crack houses they crawl out of.
 
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lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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kegkilla said:
I can't imagine the hookers walking the streets of Camden have bidets installed at the crack houses they crawl out of.
Click to expand...

But when Johnny takes them home he could request they wash that butt.

Edit: or perhaps we should just call Wolf "hooker bidet."
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

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kegkilla said:
Why are you people so concerned about the cleanliness of your assholes? Unless you're getting rimjobs on the reg I can't see why this is an issue.
Click to expand...

1) No more underwear skids
2) Your ass always feels super clean
3) eliminates hemorrhoids
4) reduces toilet paper usage
5) warm seat feels awesome
6) Anus jet spray feels marvelous
7) Bowl auto clean keeps things shitstain free
8) Motion activated night light means no more "use the force" midnight aim for the toilet bowl in the dark
9) Built in ionizer can disarm the fumes from even the most vicious of Buffalo wing dumps.

It's ok, when I tell people about it they look at me as if I've lost my marbles, then they come visit and exit my washroom REBORN-- immediately ordering one for themselves. You just can't understand until you've taken one for a test drive. If you live in a major city, hit up a high end Japanese restaurant for a trial, they usually equip their bathrooms with them.
 
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kegkilla

kegkilla

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Frenzied Wombat said:
1) No more underwear skids
2) Your ass always feels super clean
3) eliminates hemorrhoids
4) reduces toilet paper usage
5) warm seat feels awesome
6) Anus jet spray feels marvelous
7) Bowl auto clean keeps things shitstain free
8) Motion activated night light means no more "use the force" midnight aim for the toilet bowl in the dark
9) Built in ionizer can disarm the fumes from even the most vicious of Buffalo wing dumps.

It's ok, when I tell people about it they look at me as if I've lost my marbles, then they come visit and exit my washroom REBORN-- immediately ordering one for themselves. You just can't understand until you've taken one for a test drive. If you live in a major city, hit up a high end Japanese restaurant for a trial, they usually equip their bathrooms with them.
Click to expand...
How can it possibly eliminate hemorrhoids? those come from straining really hard when taking a shit.
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

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kegkilla said:
How can it possibly eliminate hemorrhoids? those come from straining really hard when taking a shit.
Click to expand...

You're right, but since I've had one (almost 3 years) I haven't had a single flare-up whereas I used to get an attack every year or so. I'd have to guess it's a combo of the soothing warm water, overall cleanliness, and no abrasion from using toilet paper.

Brondell
 
Voyce

Voyce

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It reminds me of those people who argue with you when you tell them the next thing to upgrade on their PC is their old mechanical HDD.

Not as annoying though, considering said people come to you to discuss their PC based on your knowledge of it.
 
Abefroman

Abefroman

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A Bidet is stress free shitting. No worrying about smell or if you got everything so it helps stop hemorrhoids because your butthole opens up in perfect harmony like Moses parting the Brown sea leading the Israelites to the promise land.
 
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Lanx

Lanx

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Voyce said:
I like the hand held because it gives you more control, and I'm big into being in control when it comes to things pointed at my asshole. Honestly having no experience I thought the toilet seat version looked cheap, and was afraid it wouldn't do a good enough job, problem is, no experience with them so I went with what I figured would have the least potential for failure. Now you're telling me I can be both hygenic and expend less energy, fuck.... Actually it does serve a dual purpose, easy way to clean the toliet, even the floor and areas behind the toilet.

Either way you go, I just don't get why people don't have these, and scoff at the idea. My Mom and Dad both, making close to 90K individually (or around there at some time or another). Never crossed their mind, not even a hand held shower. Actually my GF has a hand held shower, I think that's around when I was like, "Yeah I should get one of these for my butt." But even she thinks the bidet is strange, I don't think I've ever been to a house, older, newer, expensive, mid range, low end. Never see them, its baffling.

It's a weird slow adoption, everyone I know now owns butt-wipes, so we've established that TP doesn't do a good enough job on its own, but wet paper does a better job--it shouldn't be much of a logical jump from there.
Click to expand...
the toilet seat is bombastic for control dude. you don't just sit in one spot, you can shuffle a little to the right, left front back, in your seat and get ALL OVER clean coverage.

but i highly recommend hot/cold water, i have an old house with freezing pipes, that shit will giving you and icicle ass.
 
Voyce

Voyce

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Lanx said:
the toilet seat is bombastic for control dude. you don't just sit in one spot, you can shuffle a little to the right, left front back, in your seat and get ALL OVER clean coverage.

but i highly recommend hot/cold water, i have an old house with freezing pipes, that shit will giving you and icicle ass.
Click to expand...

Hot water would be ok, but even living in NY with 2' of snow outside it hasn't been a problem for me, the water pressure from the head is strong enough to negate a lot of the cold sensation. It does get cold the longer it is in use, but I've never ran it against my butt for that long.

I don't have any second thoughts on going with the handheld route, It's proved extremely useful for a secondary use, which is cleaning the toilet and the bathroom.

I have an Apartment, the bathroom is very small. I can reach everything but the tub with the handheld, and it's very high pressure. I did a thorough cleaning this morning, as the beard trimmings and grime had built up.

So much more effective with this than a bucket of water and a mop. Cleans smears and lime scale in the toilet, grime and beard trimmings that get stuck in the grout. Just like a garden hose with a nozzle, an awesome solution in my case.

Speaking of beard trimmings, another thing I purchased just from Walmart, that I've been meaning to do for a while, a shower mirror with command strips. shaving over a vanity is just a recipe for little fucking hairs getting in everything. It's just much more practical to take care of your beard in the tub.
 
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Jysin

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Been contracting and living in the Middle East for a while now. As much flak as we give these desert cavemen for their sheer ignorance in most things, I will say they do appreciate clean undercarriages! You won't find a single public restroom without one. I wouldn't even consider what you guys linked as "bidet". That's really just an ass sprayer hose. We have actual standalone bidets in all 3 bathrooms of my house.

The actual toilet itself has a built in stream aimed at the butthole. There's a large knob on the side of the toilet to control flow / pressure. Then, next to the toilet is an actual standalone bidet for doing all kinds of cleaning up. Hell, I use that thing all the damn time. It's amazing for a quick wash down post-sex. It's also great in the summer heat when you have built up a case of swamp ass. Hop on the bidet and get a cool refreshing wash down front and back.

Standalone bidet looks like:

bidet-stock-today-160826-tease-01_83e47837314a52b9f5ad9783d3b5500e.today-inline-large.jpg



I will never own a home without one!
 
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