Dating

pharmakos · Mar 18, 2023

Oblio said:
pharmakos A follow up to my post about our first dates. Last night, I was talking to my wife about our first few weeks/months together and she reminded me of something that happened the weekend after our first date. One of my wife's roommates decided to make her feel bad about us spending so much time together the first week.

The plan was I would call her to make sure she was done with her day and then come pick her up to go to a party at my friend's house. Because her roommate was in her ear (for what reason we can only guess was jealousy) she (my wife) answered the call and said something to the effect of things are going to fast and she thought she should stay home that night and hang out with her roommate. The only problem I could tell they weren't her words, they were totally out of character from every other convo we had had over the past week. They were her roommates words, so I asked probing questions as to where this was coming from and why was it the polar opposite of what she was saying just a few hours earlier at the Gym. In so many words she said they were her roommate's words. So I told her just like I did on the first date I don't play games. I said I am sorry you feel this way, but I am not dating you and your roommate. I told her I would see her around and I wished her all the best. I wasn't mean or rude I was just direct, we said our goodbyes and I was bummed because I really thought she could have been the one. The phone rang 30 seconds later and she was singing a different tune. I didn't make her beg or anything, but I did make it clear that it came across as a huge red flag. She apologized and said what she really wanted was for me to come pick her up, so I did and the rest is history.

After I initially asked about your first dates, it occurred to me that the reminiscing might lead to some bonding with Mrs. Oblio.

You should maybe copy some of these into a notepad file or something so you can pass them on to your kids / grandkids someday.

chthonic-anemos · Mar 18, 2023

Women want to be treated like they are forever young and fun. Take them to ticket arcades, ski-ball some toys and claw machine some crap. Go to the zoo. Push their swing at a park. Get her to laugh. If she has a ponytail mess with it. If you can see panties snap the waistband. Later ask her when her parents wanted her home. Smack her ass when you drop her off.

Ditch the phones. Take her camping without her makeup. Invade her space. Fart rape her and laugh. Help her leave society for awhile.

Tv Show Lol GIF by It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Big Phoenix · Mar 18, 2023

Oblio said:
I don't disagree things are different now for the masses, I just wouldn't play by those rules.

Prisoners dilemma. Its not about what rules you play by, its what everyone else is.

In 2023 your potential girlfriend doesnt just have her roommate or a close friend or two in her ear, she has the entirety of social media in her ear along with an endless horde of simps telling her how beautiful she is and they'd do anything for her, while all youre offering is "be an adult, im an adult" mindset.

How do you compete with that as a rational man?

pharmakos · Mar 18, 2023

slippery said:
I don't have overly much to say this point. Seems like down to earth relaxed good person. Our ideal scenarios for good relaxing nights and identical. Good sense of humor, doesn't take things too seriously

Sounds like it might be a low effort relationship if it takes off. Which is the ideal!

pharmakos · Mar 18, 2023

Oblio said:
~25 years ago

/INB4 it was so different back then. I don't disagree things are different now for the masses, I just wouldn't play by those rules. If I were single now I would still go up to woman in person and ask her out in person. I would not use a dating apps to find love, I would only use apps to get laid. I would shoot my shot if I saw a woman in public that I am attracted to, did not have a ring on and appeared to be in my appropriate age range. What is the worst case scenario? She says no? I would smile and wish her a good day and walk away. Or if she gets mad at me for approaching her? I know this happens now and fucking lol at it! I would just respond with "based on your reaction we are not compatible, I had nothing but good intentions and I wish you all the best." If she continued to get mad I would just walk away, I would not apologize for finding her attractive, I would not apologize for asking her out or for her number.

I think that in person approaches like this probably don't happen as much in 2023 as they did before dating apps / social media took over. It might genuinely be refreshing to many women our age, as long as you can do it without creeper vibes.

slippery · Mar 18, 2023

pharmakos said:
Sounds like it might be a low effort relationship if it takes off. Which is the ideal!

Exactly. That's exactly what I said to her. I want someone that gives me energy and I want to spend time with, not someone who drains my energy.

Oblio · Mar 18, 2023

Big Phoenix said:
Prisoners dilemma. Its not about what rules you play by, its what everyone else is.

In 2023 your potential girlfriend doesnt just have her roommate or a close friend or two in her ear, she has the entirety of social media in her ear along with an endless horde of simps telling her how beautiful she is and they'd do anything for her, while all youre offering is "be an adult, im an adult" mindset.

How do you compete with that as a rational man?

There is a saying in sales, you have to go through the No(s) to get to the Yes(s). While I am not suggesting you ask out a million women I am saying the sooner you figure out that she allows all that shit (social media) to influence her then the sooner you have found out she is not the one for you. I understand that it won't be easy and you certainly won't be batting 1000. But again it only takes one, for me it would be the woman that does not have FB, IG, TT, SC etc. Or if they did and mostly is it used to stay in touch with friends/family. But if she used social media to seek attention then I would nope the fuck out. This would be obvious on post history. The occasional selfie is fine, but post after post would be a hard pass.

Also, quit viewing your self as the prisoner. If you ask them out online good luck. If single I would personally approach women at the grocery store, bars, restaurants, parks, beaches, social gatherings hosted by friends, coffee shop, community events, charity events, comedy clubs, country clubs etc. I probably would not approach them at the gym unless there had been multiple times of eye contact and smiles over a few week period.

As much as colleges have become liberal shit holes the one reason I still want my kids to attend is the opportunity to meet some one of the same age and same status. My wife and I met broke and built everything together. I know that now a days a lot of college women are dating men in their late 20s early 30s who are established and can buy them shit etc. Sometimes that works out and sometimes it doesn't. Again if I were in college those are not the girls I would pursue.

Khane · Mar 18, 2023

You can approach women wherever you want. If they're single it's 99% certain they are using dating sites as well. It's just how people meet each other now.

It's the reality we live in. And it's going to be very difficult to meet a woman who isn't on social media. So while it would be nice to be able to set that as a criteria, you'd be unlikely to find a single woman who fits it.

This is the disconnect you will have while in this thread. You don't understand, and that's not even a knock on you, why would you understand all of this? There's no need for you to pay attention or care about these things.

I have not had any social media presence in a very long time. I hate it all. But people definitely look at you in a different light when that is the case. Just look at how people react to someone who has an Android in their chat group. WHO THE FUCK LET THE ANDROID IN?!

It's wild Oblio...

Chukzombi · Mar 18, 2023

Oblio said:
Whatever you need to tell yourself Champ. My guess is that you are a weak man and woman smell it on you, it is why you are all alone. If you were as awesome as you try the make yourself sound on here then you wouldn't be alone. Just because I remember how big of a Beta you were in the other thread doesn't mean it keeps me up at night. Clearly you have no idea how to attain what you so desperately want, because if you did you would have it. And lol at perceived success. You mean the thing that I have and you don't, but you wish did? If it isn't a success then what is it? A failure?

I am not your enemy, I am not the reason you are single. All your failed relationships aren't the fault of your exes. Some might be, but not all. Learn from your past and do better. I am rooting for you Champ!

if an ugly fuck like me can pick up girls and have normal couple dates, Slipdude has no excuse. the two key elements that work for me is to have confidence and always look women in the eye when talking to them. if you cant make eye contact or take charge, then you need to work on it. i remember one time i walked into a club in "the city" (NYC) on Halloween and i saw this cute chick dressed up as a vampire, well i didnt see her, my friend said "hey that spanish chick is waving at you", i turned around and i stare at her and give a big friendly smile and she comes up to me and acted like we knew each other for years. two total strangers. we ended up spending the night together, my best friend played wingman and hooked with her girlffriend. dropped her off in the Bronx at 5am and my friend in the car on the way home says to me. "how the fuck did you do that?" i'm like "dude, i have no idea ". all i did was walk in with a smile.

-edit not slipdude, sorry. also i have no idea what that chicks name was, so if you can find her from a 25 yr old picture then have at it. she likely has no idea who i was, i didnt ask her number and she didnt ask mine, we just had a good time on Halloween. that was taken in The Bank. a goth club and we left after a while and hung out at St Mark's Place and CBGBs.

Oblio · Mar 18, 2023

Great post Chuck!

At Khane I do understand, I just wouldn't waive the white flag and certainly wouldn't play their game expecting the results I want. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I am use to beating the odds. Based on childhood trauma I should be a statistic, but I am not. I beat the odds and was a D1 athlete. I then beat the odds again and became a starter. I have had success in business where others have failed. I have managed to beat the odds and not get divorced. It is just my mind set. That isn't a dig at you, that is just me being me because I don't know how to be anything else. So while I agree and admit there is a chance it could be difficult, I am just used to going after and attaining what I want. I have had plenty of failures in my life I just treat them as learning opportunities once I am able to distance myself from the emotional pain/frustration of said failure.

I am also looking at this from the stand point of only being single because my wife passed away. I think women would view a widower of 20+ years in higher regard than a divorcee of 10 years or a lifetime bachelor. I have no evidence for this other than it makes logical sense to me, because that is how I would view them. I think my confidence and proven track record of a successful relationship would go a long way in the dating world. Again, if a lady doesn't see it the same way then she ain't right for me, so on to the next.

Rajaah · Mar 18, 2023

Control said:
Ehhh, have you met a woman that knew what she wanted? Also, women hate each other.
Watch what people do, not what they say. Did the last five shitbags she dated do the things she's telling you to do? (rhetorical, but pretty broadly applicable imo)

Just saying what has worked for me, and worked for me quite a bit. Women may not know what they want out of life, but what they do know is what's attractive and what looks good and what makes a good first impression. Things like what to wear and where to go. And yeah, I highly advise having a few female friends. I'm down one as of late but I still have a couple left and I'm definitely gonna need their help when I try the dating game again. From what I'm hearing, post-2020 when it comes to dating, everyone's shit's all retarded.

Oblio said:
said I am sorry you feel this way, but I am not dating you and your roommate.

I would have angled for a 3-way.

I'll say this though, nothing gets women worked up like you standing up to them and walking out (in a calm and assertive way). I found myself a lot more appreciated a couple times when women were giving me a hard time and I said "well, it sounds like you don't want me around...if that's the case then I'll be on my way" only to have them quickly back down.

My very first girlfriend (J) rejected me for a couple months, until I was at a party with her and met another girl there (S). Caught S's attention, mutual flirting happened, and got asked out on a date by her while J stood there watching all of this happen. Funniest part was that S actually asked J for the all-clear to ask me out because she thought J and I were together based on how we were on each other's arms.

The next day after months of rejection J was suddenly texting me all day and wondering what I was up to. Spent the week asking if I'd gone out with that other girl yet, and how it went. Seemed like she was "cheering me on" like I found someone who isn't her, great... except it wasn't that at all, she later told me she was actually turned-on by the whole thing. Went out with the other girl 3 times. First two dates with S were sexy, third was us sitting down for dinner and her psycho-analyzing me. After that I was like "I don't like being psycho-analyzed, I think you're way overstepping your bounds here" and emphatically shut her down. Which I never did back then so I must have been pretty annoyed. Went home and got a Facebook message from S telling us we should probably just be friends, never heard from her again after that.

Next day I hung out with J, told her it didn't work out and I was glad it didn't, and she got this smile that seemed kind of relieved. Then we went for a hike and out in the wilderness we were pretty touchy with each other for the first time ever, lots of hugging and stroking and her leaning on me. Couple days later she planted a full kiss on me after my birthday party, and that's how I got my first real legit girlfriend. Months of chasing her for naught, then I get her jealous and she went full hot and bothered in like minutes.

Chukzombi · Mar 18, 2023

while I'm thinking about it and my parachute hasnt taken me away yet, if you love metal and you find yourself a single metal chick. hold onto that bich because she will be ride or die with you. not that pussy metal like bonjovi or poison. i'm talking Ozzy/Sabbath, Priest, Crue, Slayer type of metal. every serious relationship i have ever had has been with chicks deep into the metal. why thats a thing, no idea, i just know that i was deep into metal and i can talk all kinds metal trivia for days and metal chicks dig on that shit because all their friends likely thought they were crazy weird bitches so its like two kindred spirits meet up and it was meant to be. the problem is that metal chicks are old hags now, what you got to do is find yourself a nice brazilian woman, Metal is still big down there, my best friend dated a brazil girl and she was a big fucking Scorps fan, he would play World WIde Live in the car and she would sing along like that shit just came out and not 30 years previously. Scorps are still big in Europe, for some fucking reason that Winds of Change song blows women's minds.

Khane · Mar 18, 2023

Oblio said:
I am also looking at this from the stand point of only being single because my wife passed away. I think women would view a widower of 20+ years in higher regard than a divorcee of 10 years or a lifetime bachelor. I have no evidence for this other than it makes logical sense to me, because that is how I would view them. I think my confidence and proven track record of a successful relationship would go a long way in the dating world. Again, if a lady doesn't see it the same way then she ain't right for me, so on to the next.

You do have to understand that there isn't much regard for what you think you present because you're just one of many. And the single women you'll be dating are single. Meaning... you have no idea why they are single other than what they are willing to tell you. So... they might be a female version of me. Even though you don't know anything about me, just go with your own preconceived notions and try to understand that, you can't really control your own dating life outside of just watching for signs, which you're keen to, obviously. But there is no way to really know.

The worst thing you can do for yourself while dating is set unrealistic expectations. You should absolutely know what you want and are looking for, but you should never expect other people out there are going to be as forthcoming as you. Meaning, presenting yourself a certain way doesn't really mean much, other than you can be comfortable that you are putting yourself out there in the way you want to be seen. Which is a hard thing to wrap your head around if you haven't dated in a while.

Big Phoenix · Mar 18, 2023

Oblio said:
I understand that it won't be easy and you certainly won't be batting 1000. But again it only takes one, for me it would be the woman that does not have FB, IG, TT, SC etc. Or if they did and mostly is it used to stay in touch with friends/family.

Its pretty rare to find a woman who uses social media for nothing more than staying in touch with friends. While not all are thots, they consume it and follow the trends and ideas it pushes.

But that is certainly one of the things I look for. If I see a woman posting lots of selfies or has simps thirstpost on stuff they put up, Im out.

Oblio said:
Also, quit viewing your self as the prisoner.

Im talking about the game theory;

Prisoner's dilemma - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Oblio said:
If single I would personally approach women at the grocery store, bars, restaurants, parks, beaches, social gatherings hosted by friends, coffee shop, community events, charity events, comedy clubs, country clubs etc. I probably would not approach them at the gym unless there had been multiple times of eye contact and smiles over a few week period.

While approaching women in public certainly does give you a confidence advantage, at the end of the day that woman is still on dating apps and social media talking to other dudes as Khane said. This isnt 30 years ago where if you approached a woman you where likely one of the very few men to interact with her on a personal level. Now whether a woman is approached in public or not shes being pursued and interacting with dudes all day long.

Its a different universe. Youre dealing with dynamics that never existed in the history of humanity in the dating arena now(and socially in general). So if youre a well to do individual who wants a good healthy relationship, well thats incredibly hard to find. I wish I could find a good woman to have a few kids with.

Control · Mar 18, 2023

Big Phoenix said:
she has the entirety of social media in her ear along with an endless horde of simps telling her how beautiful she is and they'd do anything for her

How do you compete with that as a rational man?

If she wanted the simps, she'd be married to one already. Anyone worthwhile isn't in the market for a simp.
You compete by doing the opposite. The one who cares less has the power in a negotiation.

Big Phoenix · Mar 18, 2023

Control said:
If she wanted the simps, she'd be married to one already. Anyone worthwhile isn't in the market for a simp.
You compete by doing the opposite. The one who cares less has the power in a negotiation.

Sounds like cope talk to me.

Control · Mar 18, 2023

Big Phoenix said:
Sounds like cope talk to me.

Then maybe I don't understand what "cope talk" means? If you think acting like a million other simps is the key to a solid relationship in current year, well ok...

Big Phoenix · Mar 18, 2023

Control said:
Then maybe I don't understand what "cope talk" means? If you think acting like a million other simps is the key to a solid relationship in current year, well ok...

Bruh, I vehemently despise simps. Their behavior is why dating and general interaction with women is the state its in.

Rajaah · Mar 18, 2023

Chukzombi said:
she comes up to me and acted like we knew each other for years. two total strangers. we ended up spending the night together,

Latinas are cool like that. They make everything easier for some reason. You can just come right out and tell them that they're hot and you want to take them out and it's fine. No jumping through hoops or tiptoeing around like with suburban white chicks who get offended that a guy is looking at them. I love Latinas. Everything with them is just easier and relaxed.

chthonic-anemos said:
Women want to be treated like they are forever young and fun. Take them to ticket arcades, ski-ball some toys and claw machine some crap. Go to the zoo. Push their swing at a park. Get her to laugh. If she has a ponytail mess with it. If you can see panties snap the waistband. Later ask her when her parents wanted her home. Smack her ass when you drop her off.

Ditch the phones. Take her camping without her makeup. Invade her space. Fart rape her and laugh. Help her leave society for awhile.

This is some really terrific advice and I can second a lot of it that it works. A lot of the time on dates I'd be stuffy and nervous, or stoic, and those often didn't go anywhere. However when I was fun / kid-ish and took them to playgrounds or fairs, they'd always have a blast and we'd probably hook up or go out again. It's easy for me because I'm naturally super immature so "acting like a kid" is probably just me being normal. Unfortunately I'm also probably bipolar and other times I just lock up. Different people probably have totally different ideas/memories of me depending on what kind of day they caught me on.

A playful slap on the ass with a "git outta here, you" is a real moistener. I've had women turn around and grab me by the collar and drag me in after that. Best of all, I doubt very many guys do stuff like that anymore because they're so cowed and submissive, so you're really setting yourself apart as a strong guy who sees something he likes and lets it be known. Just don't do it if it's an inappropriate situation, like if she gives you a goodnight hug and has platonic vibes. If it's a goodnight kiss, then smack that booty when she turns around.

I also realize that my overpowering levels of "white guy confidence" (as it is now derisively known by the moral busybodies and ethics police of the world) make all of this stuff really easy for me, and for more normal guys, it probably won't be easy. To that all I can say is... just have confidence. Get your eye contact skills up and view yourself as a catch and it's amazing how easily you get confidence surges when you need them.

Animosity · Mar 18, 2023

These forums should 100% be where you don’t go for dating advice.

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