Dealing with addiction

Borzak

Karazhan Raider
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179d 9h 58m
I've only talked to her a limited time. From the sounds of it she starts drinking about 4pm before her husband gets in at 5 and once he's in bed she's done. She's not out socially drinking from the sounds of it. I really have no idea however. She mentioned several times she never leaves the property anymore. I think she has a plan to get away and has the ability to make a living with a professional degree.
 

Guurn

<Bronze Donator>
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I'm not as familiar with the current solutions for alcohol as I am for other drugs but there are a few things that she can do to help. It's almost impossible for a true addict without support however. If she really has a window like that the answer is removal through activity. It can be a simple as an hour walk with a dog until her husband gets home.

If he drinks with her it's not going to solve anything however. For everything it's pretty much the same general answer in successful programs as far as I have seen. Removal of people from your life that contribute to use in any way. This is why moving can work in the short term. Drugs that block or deter use. This should be like a bridge to true sobriety, it is often used as a long term solution for hard core addicts. Counseling, virtually impossible to find good people for this. I'm honestly not sure they exist. As a substitute for this some people use exercise groups or other activity groups like Phoenix multisport. There are dual diagnosis places pretty commonly if you really think she is depressed and it isn't just alcohol being a depressant. She would generally need a diagnosis of depression it something else for that, I'm not sure if it requires you be on some sort of prescription. That's pretty much the circle, rinse repeat until it takes.

As an aside. Unlike most other addictions there are places for hardcore alcoholics that just let them drink and they know they will never stop. It's kind of like needless exchange except they provide housing etc. Weird.
 
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Borzak

Karazhan Raider
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179d 9h 58m
I'll ask her when I talk to her. No idea if they drink together. I do know she is out on the property working and dealing with animals most of the day. She works out each day and then a partial amount of the day she normally lays out in the sun. First comment I made to her about possible depression was get outside, get some sun and some exercise. From her pic she works out a ton. I know nothing about either one but my first guess is with all the other stuff she has got into as of late the working out, the working on the property I thought drinking might have had been the last straw. I do know she no longer runs around town and does other social things for the most part. She only leaves the home every so often. Also reasons I won't post here came up and she's on the way out due to them. Not only is drinking and depression not my cup of tea listening in general is as well. It's been new. I mentioned it before I think and I asked "why me" and she had a pretty good answer. Because the business is family oriented and she once worked in it all the people she will might talk to about something would be someone you really don't want to talk to as it would spread like wildfire she said and I could see it. Also she mentioned if the other thing that was the last straw if it got out it would be too much. I could easily see that one. Friends choosing sides her/her husband their business interest I could see it getting ugly. I know none of her friends and she lives almost 1,000 miles away.

I mentioned it to my wife and she didn't know much on drinking either.
 

Guurn

<Bronze Donator>
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98d 23h 7m
Sounds like she might be having the old farmer problem. I know this is out of left field but if you grew up in farm country you see it all the time. Farmers work hard. This can't be said with enough weight. The only way people can get any idea of what, let's say dairy Farmers, go through is to mention hours worked. You know when you went through those stretches of work 12-16 hours a day and how burnt out you got after a week or two? Now do that for 20 years.

It could be that she needs change. It might be that simple. Anyhow you could tell her to take a break and go somewhere for a week or two. See if she gets better for the month or two after that.

Ultimately you aren't responsible for her health, she is and you shouldn't take too much of this on yourself. Give her ideas and resources if she asks and forget about it.
 
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moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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74d 5h 20m
If she's getting drunk every night of the week she is either addicted or using it as a coping mechanism for something. She should know which it is at this point.
 

Borzak

Karazhan Raider
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179d 9h 58m
Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm going to file them away for possible future use, for her or anyone else. I no longer need it for her. It's obvious she's is doing it to avoid the husband. She has a multitude of issues and drinking too much is like #5 on the list. It's a shitshow.

We talked again. She had asked me for help. I mentioned multiple times she needed a woman to talk to for at least some of the stuff. I got selected because she knew me "fairly" well and I am not in her circle of friends where she lives now or her friends near where we're from.

She was not prepared to talk to someone that actually listened and she crossed a line. She shut down. I had mentioned a number of times I was fine with listening but there were a number of lines I would not cross. I was fine with putting it in the file of it was late, she was tired, she had been drinking. I sent that to her so I guess we'll see.

I tried to get her to talk to my wife and my wife was OK with doing it. But she wanted to talk to someone she knew.

Thanks everyone. Life sucks, but nothing I can do about this one.
 

Borzak

Karazhan Raider
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179d 9h 58m
I talked to her again at my wifes insistence. I hope she gets help. I learned I'm not cut out for listening to smoeones problems, well actually not cut out for listening to her problems.
 

Borzak

Karazhan Raider
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179d 9h 58m
I felt really bad for her and talked to a few of our mutual friends without really dropping any info and they said she was acting odd for her. I did some digging in her location. They had a AA deal for the lock in and she agreed to try it. She said she got paired up with someone and at least could talk about it. So that's a start. I didn't know what else to do. This is like problem 1 out of 100 for her right now. She mentioned the depression and I said you will have to go to a professional or something to start but if you get the drinking under control it may help, I don't know. She was free to talk to me, but as I said I have less than zero experience in it so maybe who they paired her with will be a help.
 

moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
13,545
23,176
74d 5h 20m
I felt really bad for her and talked to a few of our mutual friends without really dropping any info and they said she was acting odd for her. I did some digging in her location. They had a AA deal for the lock in and she agreed to try it. She said she got paired up with someone and at least could talk about it. So that's a start. I didn't know what else to do. This is like problem 1 out of 100 for her right now. She mentioned the depression and I said you will have to go to a professional or something to start but if you get the drinking under control it may help, I don't know. She was free to talk to me, but as I said I have less than zero experience in it so maybe who they paired her with will be a help.
This is why you limit your problems to 99.