Depression

Moonarchia_sl said:

When I think about you I touch this thread?

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More along the lines of Mrs. Gravy killing the thread.

Tarrant will probably handle punishing that thought crime for you

Just nothing new to report, aside from the shame of having nothing new to report.

Looking to try out medication for anxiety & depression to compliment the CBT I'm currently doing, but I'm having a kick in the dick of a time trying to find a psychiatrist through my health insurance website. Anyone have advice for finding one that accepts A) new clients, B) my health insurance? I haven't had a PCP for 10+ years because I'm stupid, so that's sort of out of the question.

It's ironic that I get such bad (social) anxiety because I interact with 60-500 strangers a day for 20+ hours a day at work and have no problem with it, but during my off time I feel like I'm wallpaper if I'm not with friends or I'm not in a safe environment.

businesscats_sl said:

It's ironic that I get such bad (social) anxiety because I interact with 60-500 strangers a day for 20+ hours a day at work and have no problem with it, but during my off time I feel like I'm wallpaper if I'm not with friends or I'm not in a safe environment.

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Same style I have... I think it's an "icebreaker" thing from what I've found.

At work there's always a reason to initiate conversation and with friends, they're friends because you already know what works.

get a pcp and get a referral from your pcp.

I took care of my social life. I have one now. Not a huge circle, but I have friends.

But now I've run into a bigger problem. I have no future. I'm stuck in a dead-end job with no job skills and no avenues to get any. The things I wanted to do are closed off from me permanently.

I was doing so much better mentally. But now it's all gone down the shitter.

Troll_sl said:

I took care of my social life. I have one now. Not a huge circle, but I have friends.

But now I've run into a bigger problem. I have no future. I'm stuck in a dead-end job with no job skills and no avenues to get any. The things I wanted to do are closed off from me permanently.

I was doing so much better mentally. But now it's all gone down the shitter.

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It's called community college. Have fun.

^^

Troll_sl said:

I took care of my social life. I have one now. Not a huge circle, but I have friends.

But now I've run into a bigger problem. I have no future. I'm stuck in a dead-end job with no job skills and no avenues to get any. The things I wanted to do are closed off from me permanently.

I was doing so much better mentally. But now it's all gone down the shitter.

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Did you want to be a helicopter pilot and you lost a big toe?

It's a really simple plan but you're going to have to get confidence to pull it off.

1. Go to the gym, exercise regularly and eat well (if you don't).
   This will help even out your mood, give you time in your own brain away from the rest of life and build your confidence.
2. When in a good mood deconstruct some of the things you find fulfilling/engaging into their base parts (sales, problem solving, customer relations, technical challenge, turning wrenches, etc.).
   This doesn't necessarily mean things you ENJOY, it means things that challenge you and make you focus, things that you do that you feel accomplished after finishing.
3. Search for jobs that share those qualities but NOT what you perceive is your 'dream' or 'things you like'. Find something that seems interesting but not as a hobby.
   The idea isn't to do what you enjoy, it's to do what makes you feel accomplished. It's too easy to confuse the two and until you have the skillset and capacity to tell the difference, you need to work to build the self and increase your abilities first.
4. Apply for jobs. Take every interview you can. Look for entry level positions, even ones with adjacent roles that will help you begin to understand the industry. Tweak your resume endlessly to get any response.
   Expect to fail, you're here to gain experience and knowledge. Do your homework - research and talk to people in the business. After every interview, ask about how you did and where your positives and negatives are to the interviewing manager and what things would make you a better candidate.
5. Take that information and get knowledge. Research new developments in the field, take classes, get a certificate, get your basic degree. Whatever it is that is needed to get your foot in the door.
   Nike that shit up. Work 80 hours a week between your job and preparing yourself for your career.
6. Come back to round 2, dress professionally, speak confidently, get a career.
   Fin.

Good luck.

So yeah... I've been dealing with some shit. Wasn't sure if I wanted to post this or not and still don't know if I'll hit the button but I'm dealing with a lot and maybe it will help just typing it out.

Two weeks ago my wife attempted suicide. She took a lot of anti-anxiety medication with a lot of rum. She's been struggling with anxiety and depression for a bit and one day something just snapped. She called me at work and sounded OK but I could tell something was wrong. I left for home and her mom called asking if I had heard from her. Her mom was closer than I was so I told her to go check on my wife. When I got home my wife was passed out on the floor semi-conscious. I called 911 immediately and they took her to the local hospital which isn't equipped to deal with mental health issues. When she finally woke up and was able to remember things she said that it didn't start out as a suicide attempt and she was just trying to get the anxiety to go away but she overdid it. She said thinking back it had to have been an attempt but that wasn't her thought process at the time.

Since then the last couple of weeks have not been fun. She goes through periods where she is super depressed, periods where she is super angry and then periods where she's almost normal. Her therapist and psychiatrist who she was seeing for the anxiety made arrangements to start seeing her a bit more often and both wanted her doing in-patient care. My wife refused that for awhile. The compromise was that she'd start an intensive outpatient program (IOP) but things got worse. Last Friday she had an appointment with her psychiatrist and she really didn't like what she was being told to do (start new medication get labs done and so on). We fought all Friday and Saturday because she was just so angry. Sunday she woke up more depressed than angry and finally realized she needed help. She did research into a facility that provides the kind of help she needs and we went out for a visit. They did an assessment and agreed that she should be admitted but my wife, being as stubborn as she is, didn't want to be admitted that day since she wasn't ready (she felt she needed to talk to her doctors and she needed to pack her stuff up). Monday, thank God, we were able to get a hold of her psychiatrist first thing who agreed that she should go. We went back and they asked her to voluntarily sign herself in. Was a bit touch and go for a bit but the intake nurse was excellent and my wife signed.

The early diagnosis is that my wife is bi-polar. Some people are born with it and some people don't come down with it until later in life. My wife is mid-30's which is a pretty standard time for something like this to hit. Even though her mom is fine now I guess it runs in the family. Also she wanted children very badly but some medical conditions make it very hard for her and that has a lot to do with this as well. She realized that it's not really going to happen and has taken it really hard.

I only get to visit a couple of times a week but I get to talk on the phone daily with her. She's sounding a bit more like herself but it's obvious there's still something wrong. She's still having suicidal thoughts but the part that is really her recognizes that those are not normal and they need to be dealt with. So I'm thankful she's in the place she needs to be but I know it's going to be awhile.

As for myself... I'm taking things day to day. Yesterday was hard. I was a wreck. Today I'm a bit more numb. I try to keep my brain occupied but it's not easy. I know I've got issues to work through so I'm seeing a therapist a bit later today to start that. Dark Souls 3 showed up a couple of days ago and I totally forgot that I pre-ordered it. Normally I'd be playing the shit out of it but for obvious reasons I've barely touched it. I talked to her psychiatrist who told me that this is my time to be selfish and focus on me while my wife is getting help but that's easier said than done. It doesn't help that I've always been a bit of a loner and don't have a ton of friends in real life. It's cliched but my wife is my best friend and as long as we had each other I didn't need a lot of other friends.

Start talking about adoption when she stops being suicidal. Or if you have someone who would be willing, try to find a surrogate. Lots of options out there. Being bipolar can be due to an actual physical issue or something that is entirely psychiatric. Do your due diligence to figure out which it is before starting drug regimens. Those types of drugs can fuck you up in the long run.

That's a big reason they wanted her in an in-patient program so they could focus on medication. Right now her anxiety is still really through the roof so they're still just trying to bring that down to a baseline. They know they also have to tackle the depression side of things as well. I guess that's the "good" thing of being diagnosed as bi-polar right off the bat so they can address it head on. I've heard too many horror stories of people who were bi-polar but doctors tried to treat one side or the other and it left them worse off because the untreated side would take charge.

When I talk to her the mornings are the hardest. She's usually the most depressed and anxious then. As the day goes on and I talk to her later she sounds more and more like herself. I mentioned that to her therapist who said she saw the same thing. My guess is that as the day goes on her medications are taking effect and allowing her to function. But overnight they're wearing off so the mornings are a bit rough.

Not sure where you are, but I highly recommend checking something like this out:Find a support Group - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

I actually attend a weekly group (less than weekly unfortunately) and I find it quite nice. It's for both those who suffer from this shit, but also their loved ones. Our group has a few spouses of bipolar people, and I know they find it really useful to talk to bipolar people (who they have no emotional investment in) to get a much better understanding of what's going on, and it's helpful to hook up with other spouses of sufferers to get ideas of how they handle things. Chances are your wife has this for life. If you're going to stay with her, something like this (even if not this organization itself) would really help you, and her. No commitment, no fees - worth checking out especially now that you have a little time to yourself.

Thanks Pharm.

Right now it's day to day. I can only visit every couple of days but we can talk on the phone throughout the day when she's not in Group and nothing else is going on. One thing I've noticed, and so have her doctors, is that she is always at a low point in the morning where she's very depressed and low energy. As the day goes on she becomes more like herself. Lot of different things could be contributing to this. The body naturally produces serotonin throughout the day which is what helps us sleep at night. As it gets released into your system it makes you feel more content and "happy" as you get sleepy. At night the serotonin is wiped out so you wake up with none. In addition she gets medications throughout the day with a big dose about half an hour before bed. But by morning, I'm guessing, they're running their course. Like I said the doctors see this too so they're looking at it.

One of the doctors thinks she might make a good Electro Convulsive Therapy (Shock Therapy or ECT) candidate. It's something to keep in mind but she wants to go traditional routes first since she's already started them. She's not ruling out ECT because she does think it would help but it's not her first choice right now.

For myself I'm trying to get my own life back together. Today is my first day back at work but there's not a lot going on for me. I'm a Government drone so when it's slow it's VERY slow. But we're both getting FMLA and I'm being allowed full time Telework to keep an eye on her while we work through this. She doesn't expect to come home this week as they're still making modifications to her medication schedule but we both think it will be early next week. They can't keep her indefinitely but at the same time the longer the better I say (not because I don't want her home but I know she's safe there and getting help which I can't give her).

Angelwatch_sl said:

One thing I've noticed, and so have her doctors, is that she is always at a low point in the morning where she's very depressed and low energy.

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Significantly depressed mood in the morning is one of the markers of melancholic depression (basically a subtype of major depressive disorder, and can also occur in depressive episodes of bipolar) -Melancholic Depression: Symptoms, Treatment, Tests and Morehas more info.