Elderly Parents and Looking Out for Them

BrutulTM

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My Mom is 74 and she's determined that she's not old but a lot of shit is getting hard to ignore. She still goes horseback riding fairly regularly and wants to be out on the 4 wheelers fixing fence and chasing cattle and whatnot. She can still do it pretty well but it surprises me how weak and incapable she is a lot of the time. She can't get gates open or closed that I can do without even exerting any force. She couldn't get the cap off of our portable fuel tank the other day and when I took it off for her I couldn't even pretend that it was tight. She's in good shape and health for her age but the physical decline is just undeniable. One of our neighbors is 75 and has been a horse guy all his life but just got a new horse a few weeks ago and it bucked him off and broke his pelvis. He could already barely walk because of past horse injuries but he's determined to get back in the saddle. I think he'd be way better off to accept reality and stop while he can still function at all, but on the other hand, people who quit living their lives tend to die pretty quickly so who knows?
 

Borzak

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After talkig to my parents looks like they are changing their minds on moving. They had wildly unrealistic ideas of what they could get for X amount of money. Not to mention moving at 80+ is not the same as when they were younger.

Like I said before they thought they could buy a fully modern/upgraded house on 25+ acres and be minutes from a metro area and pay the same or less than they paid for their house they live now that they bought 15 years ago in a very rural area.
 

moonarchia

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Took my dad out for breakfast this morning. We reminisced about about his dad. He said one of the regrets he had was not being able to spend more time with him towards the end. And he was glad to be back close enough to see me every week.

Thankfully he is still healthy, but his mom and youngest brother both died of cancer, so that could change in a hurry.
 
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Denamian

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I've got nobody else to vent to, so here you guys go.

Dad is 80, was told about 2 years ago that he had mild aortic stenosis, would probably need a TAVR in the future. He's a control freak that is deathly afraid of any form of anesthesia, so when things progress to the point that he's winded after walking 50', he still wants to put it off. A few months ago his VA cardiologist tells him that things had progressed and he's at moderate to severe aortic stenosis, shit can't be put off any longer.

I take him in for his pre op cardiac cath and they find 2 80% blockages and 1 90%. TAVR is off, he needs a CABG, triple bypass. 2 days later we've got an appt with a cardiothoracic surgeon who shows us the imaging from the cath and it's fucking obvious that shit is not good. He says dad's lucky he hasn't already. had a heart attack. Aortic valve replacement, triple bypass an while they're in there, a left atrial appendage closure to prevent his afib from throwing clots. Hunky dory.

Surgery was this past Friday. Other than his neck immobility delaying things, surgery goes as planned, no complications. He's sedated, intubated and sent to the ICU, where he is expected to be for the next 24 hours. We come to visit him the next morning. He's still fully sedated and intubated, dead to the world. Every time they dial down the sedation in prep to extubate him, his BP tanks and he starts fighting the ventilator. Resume full sedation and everything is cool, he stays that way for the entire weekend.

Monday comes and they order a head CT checking for a stroke. All clear so they check his chest. Bilateral pleural effusions, right lung collapsed. No fucking shit they can't get him off ventilation. He has a history of pleural effusions that I brought up in the pre op appts, why did they not check for this sooner?. Diuretics are resumed (he had been off his torsemide since 24HR pre op), meds are added to boost his BP and he is slowly weaned off sedation as tolerated.

Yesterday I grab my mom and we make the hour drive to the hospital. He's still intubated but now his eyes are open and very occasionally he's responsive. I ask him if he's in any pain and I got a slight grunt and shake of the head once. Occasionally I remind him to blink and he does so. Very disturbing overall and he sometimes looks like he's crying, but it's his eyes watering from blinking so infrequently.

Talk to the cardiothoracic PA about things and giver general ICU consent to do what they need to. Plan for the day is a bronchoscopy and chest tube. Things go well and they successfully extubate him around 9pm last night. I grabbed mom after work this morning to see him.

We get there and he's away from the ICU for another CT. When we can finally see him, I am met with the most disturbing thing I have ever experienced. He's awake and responsive, but it's like he has aged 20 years and developed advanced dementia overnight. Greatly delayed responses, erratic and extremely slurred speech, severe UE weakness. What responses I get from him are almost child like. The man who raised me is nowhere to be found.

I talk to the ICU attending and that was the reason for the CT, checking again for a stroke. Only the primary report was in, but it looks clear. Neuro consult has been requested and we'll hear from them later today. They're doing cultures on the fluid from the chest tube and what was suctioned out during the bronchoscopy, but have started antibiotics just in case.

The ICU Dr. says that most likely this is all because of the anesthesia and extended sedation. That recovery will just take more time than initially expected. I want to believe that, but part of my mind keeps wondering if this is how things are going to be from here on out.

Over the last few years I have joked that that I'm the parent nowadays. Now that it seems to be coming true, I just don't fucking know if I can handle it. Then again I could just be overreacting to things not going as expected.
 
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BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
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That's got to be tough seeing him like that. Getting old is a bitch.
 
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moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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I've got nobody else to vent to, so here you guys go.

Dad is 80, was told about 2 years ago that he had mild aortic stenosis, would probably need a TAVR in the future. He's a control freak that is deathly afraid of any form of anesthesia, so when things progress to the point that he's winded after walking 50', he still wants to put it off. A few months ago his VA cardiologist tells him that things had progressed and he's at moderate to severe aortic stenosis, shit can't be put off any longer.

I take him in for his pre op cardiac cath and they find 2 80% blockages and 1 90%. TAVR is off, he needs a CABG, triple bypass. 2 days later we've got an appt with a cardiothoracic surgeon who shows us the imaging from the cath and it's fucking obvious that shit is not good. He says dad's lucky he hasn't already. had a heart attack. Aortic valve replacement, triple bypass an while they're in there, a left atrial appendage closure to prevent his afib from throwing clots. Hunky dory.

Surgery was this past Friday. Other than his neck immobility delaying things, surgery goes as planned, no complications. He's sedated, intubated and sent to the ICU, where he is expected to be for the next 24 hours. We come to visit him the next morning. He's still fully sedated and intubated, dead to the world. Every time they dial down the sedation in prep to extubate him, his BP tanks and he starts fighting the ventilator. Resume full sedation and everything is cool, he stays that way for the entire weekend.

Monday comes and they order a head CT checking for a stroke. All clear so they check his chest. Bilateral pleural effusions, right lung collapsed. No fucking shit they can't get him off ventilation. He has a history of pleural effusions that I brought up in the pre op appts, why did they not check for this sooner?. Diuretics are resumed (he had been off his torsemide since 24HR pre op), meds are added to boost his BP and he is slowly weaned off sedation as tolerated.

Yesterday I grab my mom and we make the hour drive to the hospital. He's still intubated but now his eyes are open and very occasionally he's responsive. I ask him if he's in any pain and I got a slight grunt and shake of the head once. Occasionally I remind him to blink and he does so. Very disturbing overall and he sometimes looks like he's crying, but it's his eyes watering from blinking so infrequently.

Talk to the cardiothoracic PA about things and giver general ICU consent to do what they need to. Plan for the day is a bronchoscopy and chest tube. Things go well and they successfully extubate him around 9pm last night. I grabbed mom after work this morning to see him.

We get there and he's away from the ICU for another CT. When we can finally see him, I am met with the most disturbing thing I have ever experienced. He's awake and responsive, but it's like he has aged 20 years and developed advanced dementia overnight. Greatly delayed responses, erratic and extremely slurred speech, severe UE weakness. What responses I get from him are almost child like. The man who raised me is nowhere to be found.

I talk to the ICU attending and that was the reason for the CT, checking again for a stroke. Only the primary report was in, but it looks clear. Neuro consult has been requested and we'll hear from them later today. They're doing cultures on the fluid from the chest tube and what was suctioned out during the bronchoscopy, but have started antibiotics just in case.

The ICU Dr. says that most likely this is all because of the anesthesia and extended sedation. That recovery will just take more time than initially expected. I want to believe that, but part of my mind keeps wondering if this is how things are going to be from here on out.

Over the last few years I have joked that that I'm the parent nowadays. Now that it seems to be coming true, I just don't fucking know if I can handle it. Then again I could just be overreacting to things not going as expected.
Give it a few days before seriously freaking out. Between the drugs and abject exhaustion it can be a bit before you recover. Back in early Covidia days they forced me to hang out in the hospital for couple days when I came in for something minor. After all that bullshit I was zonked the fuck out for the better part of a week after I got out. I cna only imagine how draining that would be at 80.
 
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Denamian

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Give it a few days before seriously freaking out. Between the drugs and abject exhaustion it can be a bit before you recover. Back in early Covidia days they forced me to hang out in the hospital for couple days when I came in for something minor. After all that bullshit I was zonked the fuck out for the better part of a week after I got out. I cna only imagine how draining that would be at 80.
Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself. He had been drugged up for days, it's going to take time to recover. Things have been trending in the right direction, his current state is just disturbing as fuck. He was an alert, annoyingly chatty guy and now he's like a zombie with Alzheimer's.