embarrassing/odd unplanned sex moments.

Hoss_sl said:

Another odd event was the first time I saw a nuva ring. I was going down on a chick and I felt it first with my tongue, so I started fingering her. The only explanation I could think of from how it felt was that it was a condom. I was like, WTF, did this bitch really lose a condom up her cooch and I'm down here eating her now? ....

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Calling bullshit on this one, chief. There ain't a snowball's chance in hell a lady is just going to lie there while you're fishing her birth control out of her (especially if it slipped so far down that you could 'feel it with your tongue.')

Mine's tame, think already posted. I'd just started college and it was Thanksgiving break. I had banished my roommate to her girlfriend's place, and my boyfriend was flying in from across country. It'd been a long-distance relationship that was, unfortunately, timed with the usual monthly womanly vexations.

Tried to make the best of it, but it turns out he was a lunatic (both in and out of bed). His long-term relationship before then had been through the ages of 13-18 with a woman (a friend of the family's) in her mid-fourties. She had a son his age at the time. By the time he got around to me, he'd apparently been indoctrinated into complete and total submission. He would lay there for 1-2 hours with his arms plastered to his side and eyes closed, making...whiny puppy noises. By the second day in when he was digging through my room looking for things to tie him up with I'd figured out it wasn't going to work.

I ended up talking to him 4-5 years later. He was shacked up with some off-base army broad with three kids by her mid-20s, all by different fathers. He proceeded to tell me that his social standing with his 'friends' had plummeted because they had been circulating rumor he'd graduated from being a submissive to scat play and getting pissed on by his girlfriend. The first and last time I talked to him after the fact.

Fucking the girlfriend and our dog jumped up and started licking my balls from the back.



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Also, my girlfriend cried last night after I fucked her. Reason: Her friend is moving back to New Zeland today......women, wtf.
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One of the first times we had sex was at a friends place, I went in to bite her ear lightly and she moved at the same time, I accidentally caught my teeth on a dermal piercing she has on her cheek in front of her ear and almost ripped it out. Blood all over both of our faces, she asks me what the fuck I was doing. My response: "What? You've never had Blood Sex before?"

I have also had a chick make me choke her with a belt during sex to the point that her lips were blue.
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She also gave me a blowjob inside a Nativity Scene out front of a church.

Evernothing_sl said:

Blood all over both of our faces, she askes me what the fuck I was doing. My response: "What? You've never had Blood Sex before?"

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17 first time anal with girlfriend(in the shower), despite fucking her every which way for months with a condom I cum after like 30 seconds due to tight asshole and no condom. Was glorious but I didn't want her to know I came so fast so I try to keep going but flacid dick and tight ass forced me out she turns, sees my wilting cock and asks whats wrong. Stupidly I say this feels wrong or something like that, she gets a weird look and we never talk about it.

19, sex in car in front of my parents house, shortly after finishing cop taps on window and asks "who finished first?" I say she did i think, he checks my ID i guess to match the address and then leaves.

Got really drunk one night with some random girl I met at a bar, ended up in her bed and right before we were about to start fucking, I threw up all over her bed, got up and took a cab home and that was the end of that night. Never saw her again.

Yeah. I don't get the choking shit. I was fucking this physical therapist before I met my current chick and every fucking time it was a choke out session at her request. Sometimes I just wanted to fuck without the choking her.

Ex wife vomited on my leg first time I shot down her throat. That was disgusting.

Went down on a couple girls and they farted mid orgasm. I let it slide but one was mortified to the point I never saw her again.

Oh god. In high school, went to finger a chick and cottage cheese fell out after swimming. She had a yeast infection. Was awful. Just awful.

Got caught by one girls sister. She flipped out. Was already about to cum and it shot in the air because the girl pushed me off her. Her sister watched fly up and land on the bed sheets. I caught the next shots in my hand. God that was awkward.

Also that moment at the gym when you've just cum in your girl before leaving and she has a giant wet spot between her legs doing squats. Yeah. Panty liners can be useful for that, especially if your chick likes keeping it in on some sort of "I have a bit of you inside me" fetish.

Caeden_sl said:

Yeah. I don't get the choking shit. I was fucking this physical therapist before I met my current chick and every fucking time it was a choke out session at her request. Sometimes I just wanted to fuck without the choking her. .

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I havn't met a chick since who didn't enjoy light choking. It's the ones who want to be nearly physically injured that's fucked up.

I guess I should say I meant the nearly abuse style. Light stuff is fine. I mean I was squeezing this chick hard. I never got into spanking. I do like to back a girl up to a wall and watch her try to stand during an orgasm.

A girl I dated briefly after my marriage ended love to do "spit and go" anal with hair pulling. She was pretty fucked up with tons of issues though.

In HS got busted getting a hand job on a church van with a girl I dated briefly.

Also same chick tried to pull a "I'm pregnant" bs which was impossible unless she was poking holes magically in the condoms I had. Told my grandmother (yep) who gave her coldest advice ever: "don't talk to her. This will go away. Some girls pull this shit for attention. Ignore her." I was 16 I think.

ghetto216_sl said:

Though if she liked it then if I could her either during an argument I was the biggest p.o.s. ever

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Wut?

I had to Google poop noodle. WTF

Last saturday I was fucking my girlfriend in the shower. After finishing up I accidentally inhaled some water, and coughed until I puked. Some of it got on her. She took it well. Had to toe it through the drain guard.

My ex got me a great dane puppy for my birthday. Named him Duke, was an awesome little shit, but destructive as most large breed pups can be. So he's been at my place a few days and my ex comes over to finish giving me my birthday present, giggidy, and since I've discovered Duke doesn't play nice alone, I locked him in the room with us. At the time I had a bed with no frame, just a box spring, and the mattress on the floor. I've got my ex's legs over my shoulders, her knees almost touching her face, and I'm just railing her, some of the best sex of my life.... So I've got my ass up in the air, I come down and hold it while I play with her clit a little, bad move. No sooner than I stop humping, Duke decides he wants in on the action. For anyone who's never had a great dane, they love to give big wet slobbery kisses, which is what Duke did from the back of my balls, all the way up my ass crack, and didn't stop till he was half way up my back. Fucking stunned doesn't even begin to describe my reaction. I was so stunned he got in a couple more slurps before I could contort and goblin kick his ass off the bed. My ex wouldn't stop laughing and I was so traumatized I couldn't finish, one of the most surprising moments, and best stories of my life.

That really is funny.

HEY BUDDY.

We've had sex with my fat ass cat on the bed, who's far too lazy to get up even with all the bouncing and shit going on, but don't think I'll ever beat that story! Nor do I want to.