Friends

P

pwe

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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From a teenager to mid twenties I had so many, many awesome and unforgettable experiences with friends (albeit different friends over time). Like fishing, computer games, movies, just hanging out, all kinds of stuff. But in late twenties it just fizzled out. I'm not sure why, maybe people grew up and I didn't. Or maybe I grew up. In any case, I've been trying to get that back for 20 years but to no avail. I am grateful I had all these experiences to look back at, but it sucks that it is not coming back.

Am I the only one?
 
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Koushirou

Koushirou

Log Wizard
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Had a similar thread here: Making friends

But to answer your question, sounds like no, you're not the only one. I have no advice, though, as I haven't had friends in person outside of my ex-husband's since like elementary school.
 
Kithani

Kithani

Vyemm Raider
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This seems pretty natural as people grow up, get married and start families tbh. It has been affecting my childhood friends particularly those who were only children.
 
Gravel

Gravel

Mr. Poopybutthole
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Absolutely, although I've only recently realized PTSD from 3 deployments kind of fucked me up and made it difficult for me to connect to people, leave the house in general, and be sociable.

It's been hard to cope with realizing that the last 20 years I've essentially had no real friends outside of my wife.

I've had work acquaintances. I play video games every few months from different states with my brother in law and one of his coworkers. I like hanging out with my drum teacher, but I see him every other week for a couple hours, pay him for it, and he's also in his 70s (although as I get older I don't particularly care about age differences). But I probably haven't had a close friend since I was about 20 years old.

But I look back on grade school and I was friends with so many people. I had friends in multiple cliques and basically just got along with everyone. I miss just hanging out shooting the shit.
 
Hatorade

Hatorade

A nice asshole.
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Any hobby that other people do, go do it, become best friends. Best part is you never see them unless you doing that hobby, makes your free time more valuable. For me that is currently dirt bikes.
 
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Cad

Sheriff Cad

scientia potentia est
<Nazi Janitors>
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You're definitely not the only one, people get more socially isolated as they get older, mostly by choice.

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Think about what "hanging out with your friends" meant when you were young. How much time did you spend just sitting there doing mostly nothing in the company of your friends and you guys just shot the shit and and fucked off?

You don't want to do that anymore as an adult, right? You got shit to do, you want your entertainment productive and timely and not a waste of your time. You can't go sit at your boy's house and wait for him to get ready, wait for friends, someone forgot their wallet, have to run to their house... by the time you get to the "out" place, it's 11:30pm and you're thinking about shit you have to do tomorrow.

My $0.02 - if you want to feel like a kid again, act like a kid. Go do dumb shit. Ask your friends (or prospective friends) if they just want to hang out. Bring some drinks or some joints or whatever your poison is, and just hang out. No expectations.

But also Hatorade Hatorade is exactly right - for men most friends are activity friends, like a car racing friend or a video game friend or a sport friend. Thats how you met, thats the stuff you do together. Thats fine too, but I'd make activity friends and then try to convert them into general-purpose friends.

Friendships as an adult take work, they take patience and forgiveness, and they take you not doing your #1 preferred activity all the time (and the friend too).

It's no wonder most people just talk to randos online, people suck and take work, and nobody feels like they have time to waste while they also doomscroll 6 hours a day.
 
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Borzak

Borzak

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A lot of variance on what people consider a friend. I know people that claim they are good friends with someone I knew years ago. They say they do things often together. Then I ask what that person is up to, what kind of work are they into, where did they move to? Umm I don't know. I would put them into aquaintence category.

I have a very small number of actual friends that we do things a couple of times a year together and have for about 30-35 years. As mentioned I know some people that at least claim to do things with their friends multiple times a week.s I know a lot of people from work over 35 years dealing with a number of companies. I would not consider any of them friends.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
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Checking in as well.

I don't have a solid friend core, just a bunch of transients that enter and leave my life over time. Some repeat customers.
 
Identikit

Identikit

Redneck Pornographer
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I remember struggling with this when I was in college and my mom telling me "Usually after highschool or college, there are no friends, it either really matters and is a relationship, or its not". At the time I didnt believe her, but now at 40 its for the most part true.

The one advice I can give is have a skill or talent that you can share and experience with others. I ended up moving out of state from my core group of friends that I bonded with when I was younger. We still talk on discord and sometimes rarely play jack box while drinking or some shit, but we all have kids and lives worth being invested in now.

Luckily I have been into making art, and music since I was very young, and have always been able to use that to bond with others that are interested in sharing some sort of musical/creative relationship for a while. I dont really want to make it big with music or art and just see it as a means for expression or therapy. Usually the people I connect with are veterans/exmil around my age and have similar music interests oddly enough. Lately I have been jamming with a group of veterans. Its fun for now, I doubt it will be a permanent sort of friendship but we all are enjoying ourselves for now.

Ultimately what I am saying is that if you are in your post friend era, the best thing you can do to get yourself around new people to connect with is have a care free hobby, or constructive hobby that you can execute with others. You might be lucky and find a few friends, but dont get too attached to it if thats something you would see yourself doing.
 
Wantonsoup95

Wantonsoup95

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Friendship in your 40s is not talking to people for months on end and then picking up right where it left off. Don't think more into why no one is contacting each other, it's the grind stage in life.
 
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