Friends

Sheriff Cad

scientia potentia est
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That's why I don't bother with offsite company events. I have nothing BUT work stuff to talk about with these people.
I keep a pretty solid line between work people and real life. People at work know basically nothing about me, I don't talk about my life at work at all. I generally don't go to the work social events either except the ones we're mandated to go to, and I just appear, have a drink, shoot the shit for 20 minutes, and sneak out.
 
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Gutterflesh

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I have have a circle of people that I hang with, but I only have two real friends.

I’ve known these two dudes for 4 fucking decades. One of them I joined the Marines with.

The three of us met in middle school playing D&D. Good times.
 
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moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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Checking in as well.

I don't have a solid friend core, just a bunch of transients that enter and leave my life over time. Some repeat customers.
Get the minivan started up again and some of those transients will have a place to stay.
 

Mario Speedwagon

Log Wizard
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No trolling in the grown up section.
I keep a pretty solid line between work people and real life. People at work know basically nothing about me, I don't talk about my life at work at all. I generally don't go to the work social events either except the ones we're mandated to go to, and I just appear, have a drink, shoot the shit for 20 minutes, and sneak out.
I also do this and for some reason it gives everyone the impression that I am hyper-competent and always busy, to the point that people apologize for interrupting me when they enter my office because they "know how busy I am". Which is good, they should apologize for interrupting my latest jew post on a 30 year old elf simulator forum.
 
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Borzak

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Anyone you work with who talks about work while hanging out is a fucking asshole.

My boss and I spent 4 hours at the range last Saturday. Exactly zero words spoken about work other than "alright man, see ya Monday"

Some guys can't, especially when alcohol is involved. People are normally listening when someone gives you free tickets to the football game and such. Not really a friend thing however.
 
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Xarpolis

Life's a Dream
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From a teenager to mid twenties I had so many, many awesome and unforgettable experiences with friends (albeit different friends over time). Like fishing, computer games, movies, just hanging out, all kinds of stuff. But in late twenties it just fizzled out. I'm not sure why, maybe people grew up and I didn't. Or maybe I grew up. In any case, I've been trying to get that back for 20 years but to no avail. I am grateful I had all these experiences to look back at, but it sucks that it is not coming back.

Am I the only one?
I personally have no idea. I try to be extremely outgoing anymore, but I find myself keeping to myself most of the time. But when I speak with others, I'm very friendly and inviting. However, that comes off too strong for most. I have some VERY good friends from my youth up through high school. Well, 2 specifically. Then lots of people I'm friendly with, but that's about it. I usually sit home alone (well, with my wife and kids) and I'm fine with that. As a result, I don't spend a lot of money just trying to hang out with people. So, I don't really have any advice for you. Sorry.

EDIT: To update on this, I've made (1) good friend since moving to Hawaii. Someone that I actually go out regularly with. I met him from working at Sam's Club. He's a big customer of ours, because he owns the #1 vending machine company on the island, so he's always coming to us for items to fill his machines with. We weren't really friends at first, that was a fluke. We just had a respectful co-existence. He likes that I am able to perform all the various requests he has from the company, where as so many other people just can't, or complain that he's asking for too much.

Anyway, I made a reservation to this "secret" restaurant that has a 3-month backlog. When the time finally came for my dinner (with my wife), she was suddenly unable to attend. I think it was due to her work, and she gets priority on all decisions like that. It was an expensive place, and I know my co-workers are mostly cheap and would never drop $100/person on a dinner, so I asked if he would like my reservation. He decided that he did, so him, his wife, and his brother went, and he asked if I wanted to join him as well, so I did. We had a damn good time (and he paid for everything). We've been friends ever since. I go up to his house regularly, and he'll come hang out at the pool at my place with his wife and kids as well. He's a Bulgarian guy, and I've met a LOT of other Bulgarian's as a direct result of knowing him. Turns out there's quite a large population of them over here. So yeah, it was a fluke that we became friends, but it worked out great. I've been friends with him for probably 4-years now, though I first met him maybe 6-years ago.
 
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Haus

I am Big Balls!
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P pwe , I've been through this exact process. Like many have mentioned (and Cad Cad even had a chart) this is normal as you age. Many people pick up a spouse along the way, and that's definitely a type of friend, but obviously not the same as a fraternal friend. In my life I went from having a good social circle in high school (I was looped into the "nerd herd" and it was a solid crew). In my 20's I was pretty much the social butterfly at the center of a social circle oriented around, of all things, an IRC channel that was geo-centric. (as in parties once or more a month with 25+ people, weekly Wednesday night happy hour get togethers, etc...).

For me, I realized that I wanted a wife and a family. And looking around I realized none of the women in my social circle were the type of wife material I wanted.... Once I met Mrs. Haus Mrs. Haus things shrank considerably.. Went down to around 6-8 friends, regular poker nights a few times a month, only "party" any of us wanted to throw was a rotating Super Bowl party. And as I've aged further life in general just pulls people apart in many ways, as does what I value spending my time on.

Now I can count it up on a short list.
  1. Mrs. Haus Mrs. Haus - insert all the corny "married my friend" stuff here...
  2. One super close friend I met through work and we are still tight and talk all the time even though we no longer work together and they live in NYC now a days. Only the wife knows me better, and this is the other person I really consider a solid confidant when I need. If I ever had a need to have a backup comitting "nobody ever finds out" levels of violence, this is the one number I call. They'd show up with a shovel, a tarp, and wearing good work shoes.
  3. One person I work with who is what I'd call a "light tier friend" in that we'll still be in touch even when we don't work together any more.
That's it. And if you'd have told me that when I was 20? 25? 30? I would have been aghast and terrified. Now? It feels right and comfortable for whatever reason.

Although I'll admit I file a bunch of you jackwagons as "likeable acquaintances"
 

pwe

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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P pwe , I've been through this exact process. Like many have mentioned (and Cad Cad even had a chart) this is normal as you age. Many people pick up a spouse along the way, and that's definitely a type of friend, but obviously not the same as a fraternal friend. In my life I went from having a good social circle in high school (I was looped into the "nerd herd" and it was a solid crew). In my 20's I was pretty much the social butterfly at the center of a social circle oriented around, of all things, an IRC channel that was geo-centric. (as in parties once or more a month with 25+ people, weekly Wednesday night happy hour get togethers, etc...).

For me, I realized that I wanted a wife and a family. And looking around I realized none of the women in my social circle were the type of wife material I wanted.... Once I met Mrs. Haus Mrs. Haus things shrank considerably.. Went down to around 6-8 friends, regular poker nights a few times a month, only "party" any of us wanted to throw was a rotating Super Bowl party. And as I've aged further life in general just pulls people apart in many ways, as does what I value spending my time on.

Now I can count it up on a short list.
  1. Mrs. Haus Mrs. Haus - insert all the corny "married my friend" stuff here...
  2. One super close friend I met through work and we are still tight and talk all the time even though we no longer work together and they live in NYC now a days. Only the wife knows me better, and this is the other person I really consider a solid confidant when I need. If I ever had a need to have a backup comitting "nobody ever finds out" levels of violence, this is the one number I call. They'd show up with a shovel, a tarp, and wearing good work shoes.
  3. One person I work with who is what I'd call a "light tier friend" in that we'll still be in touch even when we don't work together any more.
That's it. And if you'd have told me that when I was 20? 25? 30? I would have been aghast and terrified. Now? It feels right and comfortable for whatever reason.

Although I'll admit I file a bunch of you jackwagons as "likeable acquaintances"
I am married, without children. But nothing has come close to "the good old days". I do have a few friends but we don't talk a lot and almost never do anything together. And when we do it is nothing like it used to be. The other day I was thinking about nigh fishing with a friend. Watching the stars, cooking food over a fire, watching the sun rise with all the birds going crazy. Catching some awesome fish (tench). It was amazing. And that is just one of many experiences. I haven't felt anything remotely close to that for the past 30 years.

Anyways, just rambling. It seems like I am the only one reminiscing about the past like that. It's not healthy either.
 

moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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I am married, without children. But nothing has come close to "the good old days". I do have a few friends but we don't talk a lot and almost never do anything together. And when we do it is nothing like it used to be. The other day I was thinking about nigh fishing with a friend. Watching the stars, cooking food over a fire, watching the sun rise with all the birds going crazy. Catching some awesome fish (tench). It was amazing. And that is just one of many experiences. I haven't felt anything remotely close to that for the past 30 years.

Anyways, just rambling. It seems like I am the only one reminiscing about the past like that. It's not healthy either.
Take the wife out for a camping trip then. Or if that's not her thing talk to your family. Dad, uncles, cousins, nephews, etc. Find someone who also enjoys that kind of stuff and just make a plan to spend a weekend doing just that.
 

pwe

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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Take the wife out for a camping trip then. Or if that's not her thing talk to your family. Dad, uncles, cousins, nephews, etc. Find someone who also enjoys that kind of stuff and just make a plan to spend a weekend doing just that.
I don't know anyone who would do something like that. Or pretty anything else, for that matter. Anyways, it's time I stop rambling.
 

Sheriff Cad

scientia potentia est
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I don't know anyone who would do something like that. Or pretty anything else, for that matter. Anyways, it's time I stop rambling.
You would be surprised. You never know until you ask. If you really want to go do such things, people aren't going to break down your door begging you to go camping or night fishing. Just start asking everyone you know if that seems like something they'd be interested in. If not, no harm no foul. If so, "hey I'm free like 2 weekends from now, what do you think about Lake ____? Have you been there?"

If you want to do it, find people to go do it with.