Funeral Advice

Jx3

Riddle me this...
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Long story short I'm dying. Had my boo-hoo moment in Health Problems, whatever. Fuck funeral homes and funeral directors being fucking money grubbing fuck faces. What's the cheapest I could go? I honestly don't give a shit about anyone visiting my grave, I'll be dead, who gives a shit. I'm also not trying to fuck over my family by having them spend 5 grand to put my ass in a fancy box or to melt me down to briquets.

Doing the google thing just brings up a bunch of funeral home ads, shocking, I know.

Anyone dealt with this before, know the cheapest way to dispose of my big ass once I run out of go juice? I assume doing it mafia style (wrap me in a tarp, weigh me down with blocks and chuck me in the river) is frowned upon in most jurisdictions.
 

Jx3

Riddle me this...
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175
10h 39m
I know my organs are fucked, thanks chemo, but I suppose I could ask if they want this worn out husk.
 
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Lanx

Dark Yellow White Passing Supremacist
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Long story short I'm dying. Had my boo-hoo moment in Health Problems, whatever. Fuck funeral homes and funeral directors being fucking money grubbing fuck faces. What's the cheapest I could go? I honestly don't give a shit about anyone visiting my grave, I'll be dead, who gives a shit. I'm also not trying to fuck over my family by having them spend 5 grand to put my ass in a fancy box or to melt me down to briquets.

Doing the google thing just brings up a bunch of funeral home ads, shocking, I know.

Anyone dealt with this before, know the cheapest way to dispose of my big ass once I run out of go juice? I assume doing it mafia style (wrap me in a tarp, weigh me down with blocks and chuck me in the river) is frowned upon in most jurisdictions.
my sister used to work in a blood sucking funeral home

what you want is (i had to look this up, most of this i know in chinese) called

direct creamation

basically the short story is, the funeral home will come pick up your remains, ship it off to the creamatorium (they're usually at different places, you can't really like creamate in the city)

there is no memorial service, no viewing, nothing, they'll put you in a cheap box (by law you have to be in a container) and then you request either the ashes back or they spread em somewhere.

the funeral home then takes care of the paper work(theres a bit of paperwork to legally declare you dead, they will handle it)

i'm not giving you fluff, just info, sorry, take care godspeed.
 

iannis

Musty Nester
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Sorry to hear it big jx3.

If you have anything left of value to give away, do it before you can't any longer. If you haven't already done a living will, type one out (you can find them online for your state) and appoint an executor.

I imagine you've already done both of those things, but if you haven't. Also leave your family instructions about the minutae they may not be aware of. Things like what accounts you have open in your name. They'll have to close utilities and notify the state and all that, or else they'll be getting mail for you for who knows how long. Basically if you have any credit card accounts or a car loan, give them all the info for it. If you've got any money in the bank and haven't already, get a family members name on the account as well. without a joint account the bank will lock up that money until paperwork clears. Which can take some time.
 
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Springbok

Karen
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my sister used to work in a blood sucking funeral home

what you want is (i had to look this up, most of this i know in chinese) called

direct creamation

basically the short story is, the funeral home will come pick up your remains, ship it off to the creamatorium (they're usually at different places, you can't really like creamate in the city)

there is no memorial service, no viewing, nothing, they'll put you in a cheap box (by law you have to be in a container) and then you request either the ashes back or they spread em somewhere.

the funeral home then takes care of the paper work(theres a bit of paperwork to legally declare you dead, they will handle it)

i'm not giving you fluff, just info, sorry, take care godspeed.
This. Did it last summer with my dad, whole thing cost about £700 all in.

Godspeed into the great beyond pal, and good luck
 

Borzak

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Sorry to hear it. I looked into just recently. Cremation is normally cheaper depending on where you live. They don't have a crematorium here and have to send you out some distance away. Not a problem in a real town. I have a plot due to family starting the cemetary and cremation still came out much cheaper.
 

moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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Donating body to science would probably be cheapest. I would assume your relatives just tell them where your body is and they would come claim it?

Alternately schedule a trip into the mountains and don't come back. Let the scavengers do the rest.
 

ver_21

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I know my organs are fucked, thanks chemo, but I suppose I could ask if they want this worn out husk.

Upside--cadaver penises are relaxed and completely flaccid and appear larger than they were in life.

Downside--they might only get a prosection.

Alternately schedule a trip into the mountains and don't come back. Let the scavengers do the rest.

I kinda like this.

Good luck, Jx3.
 
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Locnar

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Journey well Sir.

Others have already said it, direct cremation. IF they let you just be buried in the ground somewhere unmarked , i'd want that way, but they dont. I don't see the point in a grave taking up space and neither did my mom when we went through this a few years ago.

Traditionally on Greek Islands they have a good compromise. You go into the ground in your families spot, for 7 years. Then they dig up the bones and put them in a small container in a building for remembrance or whoever wants to visit and the plot is ready for the next member of the family to spend their 7 years in.

Direct cremation that I dealt with a couple years ago was less than 800 all up and I did not have to do anything but let them pick up the remains from the house and then a week or so later go to the storefront to pick up a cardboard box of ashes. Ashes can be spread anywhere you choose.

Good advice to give away your material stuff and wrap up loose ends. I have a relative (my bio Dad) who is PLANNING on leaving a complete mess because he wants people fussing over him for years to come. I hope hes changed his mind since i've heard that.
 

Denamian

Night Janitor For Life
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Donating body to science would probably be cheapest. I would assume your relatives just tell them where your body is and they would come claim it?

Alternately schedule a trip into the mountains and don't come back. Let the scavengers do the rest.

When one of my uncles died his body was donated to science. We got his ashes about a month later but it didn't cost a penny.
 

Seven Out

Trakanon Raider
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My father died of cancer two years ago, he wanted his body donated to cancer research since no one wanted his organs. They returned his ashes to us about 6 months later. They even performed a service for all those who donated if wanted, but we dumped him in the ocean ourselves at a family thing. Cost us nothing.
 

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
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Talk to your family about the service. Funerals aren't for the person who died, they're for the family. It's good of you to give them permission to not have a service and that you're not expecting anything, but at that point it's their money and they can do what they want with it. For some people a funeral is really important to get closure and it's a good time for the family to get support from friends and relatives. Just sitting at home alone after losing someone isn't a good feeling. Ditto for the grave. Some people want a stone to go visit, others don't, but it's for them.

I think trying to take care of things as much as you can while you're still here is an honorable idea, but I have never understood people who try to control what happens after they die. WTF do you care? You're not even going to be there. Not saying you're like this, just in general. Whatever is done, it will effect your loved ones, not you, so their feelings should be taken into consideration.
 
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Hoss

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Is it too late? Jx3 Jx3 you want a memorial society. Check out the funeral consumer's alliance to hook you up with one.

That goes for everyone actually. They will keep you from getting fucked over by funeral homes.