Alcestis said:
Butbecauseof that decision, that outlook, you"re doing your partner a great disservice. And that"s putting it mildly.
I spoiler ed this because your honestly going to ignore most of it anyway... but here it is.. your welcome to debate any point you take issue with. I
alwayswelcome debate.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
If you didn"t cherry pick and ignore most of my posts you would have seen how I got from point A -> B where causing a disservice was the opposite of what I was doing. I"m feeling generous so I"ll condense it for you.
1. Marriages fail 50% of the time
2. I don"t believe in gambling my married life"s happiness at 50% odds.
3. I found the most common reasons for divorce and went forth to find solutions so as to increase my odds of marriage success.
4. The only one in a questioned state here is the 2nd most common cause of divorce "infidelity"
5. In tackling this cause I came to the following conclusions
A. It is foolish to believe I could prevent all of the possible reasons a person might cheat. I can stop myself but not my significant other.
B. It is further foolish to believe I will find the right significant one who will never cheat. Doubtless millions had believe and done the same thing. Still 50% failure rate exists.
Therefore it follows that I must examine the nature of Infidelity itself.
In that examination I found that infidelity was either sexually cheating with someone else or falling out of love (or in love with someone else). The latter issue is easily enough dealt with I just need to give proper timer, loving care, commitment, and attention to my spouse. The former can be alleviated by the aforementioned practices but again I must refer to the 50% of marriages have failed number. Such a number is so high that I must assume that infidelity exists beyond those practices.
So again it follows that I still need to solve the problem of sexually cheating and its impact on divorce.Since I cannot guarantee or rely on luck to solve this for me I choose instead to accept it as possibility and choose instead to understand how I would deal with it should it occur.
There"s no need for detailed logic on this specific point other then I came to the conclusion that sex does not equal love.
This is a major realization because it fundamentally changes how infidelity can be handled in a marriage. Point of fact it means I have another entire line of choices from which I can decide how to handle and what to do should infidelity occur.
What followed was complex but came out to this in simpler terms.
Sex without love is not cheating.
Naturally concerns of medical nature (std"s and the like) mean different outcomes but that is a given. The logic is complicated but workable.
The final part of this was "How would I feel if she were to sleep around?" which as I already mentioned in my 30 year scenario was simply a drop of water to our ocean of memories. (in other words I don"t believe it would matter to me at that point for the bond is stronger then simple sex)
Something you have to understand is while this might seem sad, or disheartning to you it is comforting and warm to me. Logic is something that makes sense to me. Luck and emotionally made decisions are what get on my nerves. I don"t believe in waiting for things to happen. I believe in preparing and making changes so I can see my desired outcome. I believe in collecting and known information both good and bad so I can make a better decision.
