Girls who broke your heart thread
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Tarrant
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Everyone has a past, you either gotta accept it and move on or don"t and be an insecure bitch which any normal woman wouldn"t find attractive.
Stop reading to much into pictures. If you go out of your way to make her do this and that to try to get her to the same "look" she had in those pictures you"re changing the dynamic of your relationship. She"s happy with you and the way things are, switch things up to make her feel something else you may find yourself pushing her away. Remember, you say she looked happier in those pictures...yet the dude is her ex and she"s with you, not him. Shouldn"t that tell you more then any other assumption you"ve come to?
Also, stop being an emo bitch.
Stop reading to much into pictures. If you go out of your way to make her do this and that to try to get her to the same "look" she had in those pictures you"re changing the dynamic of your relationship. She"s happy with you and the way things are, switch things up to make her feel something else you may find yourself pushing her away. Remember, you say she looked happier in those pictures...yet the dude is her ex and she"s with you, not him. Shouldn"t that tell you more then any other assumption you"ve come to?
Also, stop being an emo bitch.
Well, just as far as this notion goes, he actually broke up with her, so I"m not sure that comes into play.
Saying there"s more community in WoW than EQ? ... Yeah, you lost that long ago, bud.Zehn - Vhex said:
Here"s my question, and please try to answer in earnest and honestly. It"s really a question that gets asked countless times, but hopefully I can phrase it better, enough to where someone can understand the question fully to provide a good enough answer to do it--so far I haven"t found a good enough one provided by anyone, from message boards to online friends to real life ones, male and female alike.Dabamf said:
If you have to act in a certain way, certain behaviors, for whatever length of time, a night to weeks or months or maybe even years, which is not the way that you want to act or behave, to obtain the outcome you want always worth it if makes you not be yourself or act yourself? You see so many people in this thread, in clubs, in coffee shops, everywhere in life, acting how they don"t want to act and behaving in way that"s not themselves for, to put it bluntly, sex. Is it worth it in the end? I urge you to think long about this before you answer.
If you sum up all the time that you spend getting a hot girl, in a club or elsewhere, for example, you might see that the amount of time you spent doing things that caused conflict with yourself, ie, behaviors you didn"t wanna do or wouldn"t do otherwise, was far greater than the amount of time you spent after you got the girl or maybe even the amount of enjoyment in the end?
I hope I"m being clear because while the question isn"t new, trying to explain in terms of time might somewhat be. Think about the amount of time Eomer, for example, spends dealing with the women he wants in his life rather than being with the women he wants in his life. And to do this, he has to take on some weird personality and do stuff that is pretty absurd and is the opposite of what he wants to do: playing hard to get, little communication, no txts, having extreme confidence for no real reason all the time, flirting with a girl"s friends, on and on. I"m saying the amount of time spent doing this things is much greater than the time you spend actually with the girl herself. And even if the amount of time and enjoyment is more, is it really worth it in the end, requiring that you have to be someone you don"t really wanna be?
Now, if you enjoy the hunt or playing the games, then of course it"s worth it because you enjoy it. My question is, if you don"t enjoy it and wanna communicate with someone, wanna txt someone, wanna be nice to someone, and don"t wanna flirt with her friends, is it worth it to do all these things, to do, as you said, experiment, because maybe in end, you invest more time than you get and you lie to yourself?
Hopefully I can get a good answer. I haven"t so far yet.
The idea is not to act like something you are not in order to get the woman you want.Kilivek said:
The idea is to act like something you are not in order to become that person AND get the woman you want.
Lets use a simple example: You are fat.
If you run a few meters you sweat like a pig. You can comb your hair and get nice clothes, but in the end you will still be ugly - because you are fat. You have a characteristic that is bad. Now you can either stay fat and disgusting or you can work on yourself. In this case it means no more fatty food and doing sports.
After two weeks of eating healthy and doing sports you will still be fat and still sweat like a pig when you move. Improving yourself takes time. At some point you will no more be fat and disgusting.
What works with your body also works with your mind. In the beginning you act like you dont care, you try to read her and you pretend something. After some time you dont act, you simply dont care. You dont need to try to read someone, because it is obvious to you. You dont pretend -- you are.
The answer you are asking for is the progress itself. You are not wasting time, you are working on yourself.
Think about it, if being yourself doesnt get you the woman you want - what is the next logical step? Improve. If you play a video game and die... do either stop playing or try harder after respawning, adjusting your tactics according to what you have learned?
You make it sounds like Eomar (your example) has to pretend to be a completely different person, just because he shouldnt constantly text spam the girls. I dont get the attitude behind your thinking. When you learn how to ride a bike... you fall down after a few meters. Do you either try not to fall down next time or keep falling down because that is who you are and you dont like acting like you are someone else (someone who can ride a bike in this case)?
It is not acting, it is improving. Even PRETENDING to be very confident will improve you. Because you seem to be more confident you will get positive feedback (because being confident is a good thing) and because you get positive feedback you actually become more confident...
Hey. I hate brushing my teeth. Seriously, I fucking hate it. Some weeks ago I threw up while brushing my teeth because I cannot stand the taste of toothpaste. Right now I am using the one for kids with strawberry taste.
Not joking. Everytime I touch my toothbrush I feel hate and disgust. Yet I dont expect to get very far if I would stop brushing my teeth. It would be "me" and very natural and so on for me not to brush my teeth. But I am pretty sure my girl would leave me at some point and I wouldnt get another one with fucked up teeth.
Thats the way our world works. I will brush my teeth, eomar doesnt textstalk woman, Dabamf experiments with cheesy lines in the subway, projectoffset doesnt act like an emobitch, Galiem has to get rid of his trogdolyte and brad finally used the law to see his son.
We all didnt want to do these things, but realized its for the best.
^^^This, pretty much.
Of course, if you are actually doing all this, then it"s for someone you think is worth it, someone you"re willing to change yourself for (not necessarily for the better in general, but for the better for the relationship). Putting it bluntly and saying it"s for sex is incorrect, in my opinion. There is no reason to change yourself for something as trivial as sex. If you"re undergoing any of the above shit, it"s for longer life goals than just getting some pussy.
Of course, if you are actually doing all this, then it"s for someone you think is worth it, someone you"re willing to change yourself for (not necessarily for the better in general, but for the better for the relationship). Putting it bluntly and saying it"s for sex is incorrect, in my opinion. There is no reason to change yourself for something as trivial as sex. If you"re undergoing any of the above shit, it"s for longer life goals than just getting some pussy.
This was me for a long time, minus the actual hurl scenario - but that"s not to say that I didn"t come close many times. Fact of the matter is, I cherish my teeth, as anyone should (looking at you, crack addicts), and I hate bad breath - therefore I powered through it and now it"s rarely a problem for me. I"m used to it.
I think his argument is what if you don"t view this confident asshole you are "pretending" to be as an improvement on yourself? What if you fucking hate these douchebags? Is it worth becoming what you hate just to get with some broad?
I think the answer depends on each unique situation. Personally, the peacocking and douchebaggery aren"t for me. But you can still "experiment" within your own boundaries to be the asshole she wants while still keeping yourself.
I think the answer depends on each unique situation. Personally, the peacocking and douchebaggery aren"t for me. But you can still "experiment" within your own boundaries to be the asshole she wants while still keeping yourself.
I"m not talking about exercising or eating healthy or doing well at your job. Certainly, finding a girl/sex is motivation for those things too, and I don"t say those are bad. Obviously, you should brush your teeth for your own benefit, not a girl"s. But I do agree that is improvement, regardless of why it"s done. (I might question why just that is motivation for improvement, but I digress.)Inconsiderable said:
I"m talking about interpersonal behavior. The post above said it correctly. The person you act like is essentially the person you become. And the amount of time Eomer (only using him because he posts so often in this thread) spends dealing with the women he wants to be with by jumping through interpersonal circus hoops is more than the time he actually spends with them. And yes, you should reflect on the person you become--the asshole with misplaced confidence is one example.
Confident asshole? Huh?BembianEQ said:
Nobody is supposed to act like a confident asshole. It prolly works to a certain degree, but this is not the kind of personality you want to become. To go back to our Eomar example... does being confident make him an asshole/douchebag? Does not being easy/creepy with texts make him an asshole/douchebag?
The key traits you want to "learn" dont include asshole.
I am also talking about interpersonal behaviour, but thats a difficult topic (mainly because of my limited english skills). Easy examples that follow the same logic help here. You can also learn to be better at interpersonal behaviour.Kilivek said:
I dont get what you see as annoying circus hoops and being an asshole, etc? What is he or any other real example doing that is so bad? I fail to see what is oh-so-evil. Care to list some examples?
Your original post quoted me trying to persuade Eomer to experiment with games, so I"m gonna assume that"s what you"re talking about.Kilivek said:
Inconsiderable summed it up pretty well. Learning new things is a massive part of making yourself a better person, and learning how women behave and what they respond to is part of that. You can"t know what works and what doesn"t if you don"t experiment a little. I suggest Eomer fuck with this girl a bit because I expect he"ll learn a LOT from doing so. I don"t suggest it so he"ll trick her into falling in love with him. What he learns from playing games with this one might help him understand his future wife. You don"t learn things if you just do the same thing you always do.
Most regular followers of this thread know I had some scheme to use Korean to start up a convo w/ girls on the subway. Turns out I actually did it twice and stopped wanting to do it bc it was just a bit too fake and I felt like a douche doing it. But who knows, I could have had a lot of fun with it and met a lot of cute new girls. That didn"t turn out to be the case, but I had no way of knowing until I tried.
There is no harm in trying new things, especially if your normal route isn"t working. Eomer could fuck with this girl"s head and see her do a complete 180 and be all over him. I guarantee that would make something click with him, and that knowledge/understanding could (and probably would) translate to his NATURAL interactions with other girls.
Trying new things you may not be comfortable with is all part of learning, which is all part of making yourself a better person. Doing things out of character can also expand your mind and make you a more dynamic person.
Why do your significant others" have pictures of themselves on Facebook with other men? I don"t really care if they"re old. If my ex (hypothetical scenario, he"s too stupid to use something as high-tech as Facebook) put up pictures of us, I"d un-tag myself and probably take an extra step to ask him to remove them.
I think it"s inappropriate and disrespectful. Unless it was a fly by night pseudo-relationship and they remained good friends (like he"s her stand-in gay until she finds her own), there"s absolutely no reason for such pictures to be available online.
Perhaps I"m old, and this is a new thing that"s accepted by the younger crowd. I know I"d be pretty upset unless it was some old high school shit (since that"s like, decades ago). I"d never ever do that, it"s shitty. Plus, I set fire to old pictures and imagine it"s them, so I couldn"t anyway. I have 2 pictures, an obituary, and a newspaper clipping of an ex that I have kept, and that"s because he died. Otherwise, I see no reason to hang on to stupid memories and certainly not publish the goddamn things. That"s absurd.
Your girlfriends are retarded.
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Eomer, go for the spanker. I like her look more. Even if she"s crazy, you should do it. She has amazing lips (that sounded really gay). She doesn"t have a crazy eye or anything, right?
I think it"s inappropriate and disrespectful. Unless it was a fly by night pseudo-relationship and they remained good friends (like he"s her stand-in gay until she finds her own), there"s absolutely no reason for such pictures to be available online.
Perhaps I"m old, and this is a new thing that"s accepted by the younger crowd. I know I"d be pretty upset unless it was some old high school shit (since that"s like, decades ago). I"d never ever do that, it"s shitty. Plus, I set fire to old pictures and imagine it"s them, so I couldn"t anyway. I have 2 pictures, an obituary, and a newspaper clipping of an ex that I have kept, and that"s because he died. Otherwise, I see no reason to hang on to stupid memories and certainly not publish the goddamn things. That"s absurd.
Your girlfriends are retarded.
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Eomer, go for the spanker. I like her look more. Even if she"s crazy, you should do it. She has amazing lips (that sounded really gay). She doesn"t have a crazy eye or anything, right?
Personally, I think it"s because she was in a relationship with the guy for so long. (Plus, our relationship isn"t "I"ve met the parents" official, in addition to it being in a somewhat static place at the moment...both due to the distance there is between us, which I will rectify soon) In any case I asked her if she could modify the privacy settings of the specific albums so that they"re hidden from me, and she obliged. So at least she"s willing to compromise to some extent.
Seananigans
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Asking her to do that just shows weakness. If I"ve learned anything from my recent break-up and current attempts at getting back together, its to stay the fuck away from any actions that make you look weak or undesirable. It can often be very hard and torturous but its almost always best to keep that shit inside and move along with some confidence.
Didnt we agree that you stop being an emo bitch?projectoffset said:
Nope. She just likes partys and taking pictures. Its not like those pictures look special in any way, they are just random party pictures of two or more people (in my case). Most of them are even before they had something or after they split up, but when you have the same friends you still see each other when hanging out or partying. Personally I never moved from friend to girlfriend or from girlfriend to friend. I usually skipped being friends in favor of sex and after breaking up, I tend to not seeing them again. My girl is different.Ravvenn said:
The pictures are not the problems, it is us being emo bitches.
Eomer
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I don"t think I spend some inordinate amount of time either trying to get with chicks, or dedicating time towards behavior modification or something. Nor do I try to be someone else. I"ve never read one of the "gaming books", other than some articles here and there. I"m not consciously trying to "game" when I"m out with any of the girls I mention here or otherwise. I"m not trying to be someone who I don"t want to be at all, nor am I trying to be someone other than myself (which is a moving target anyway).Kilivek said:
But that doesn"t mean it"s not worthwhile doing some self-analysis from time to time to evaluate what works and what doesn"t when dating, or seeking advice either here or from friends.
I dunno, how do you expect some convincing, final answer to a completely subjective question?
Yeah, so any guy who is good or even decent with women has to be a stereotypical douche bag with a popped collar? C"mon, even the so called "gamers" that supposedly "teach" it all each have their own schtick, based upon their own personality, physical attributes etc.BembianEQ said:
You don"t have to pretend to be anybody other than who you are.
I"m not sure I follow? By not say, texting Chuck for the past week I somehow spent a week jumping through interpersonal hoops instead of just texting or calling her? You know how much time I supposedly spent on Chuck last week after our date? Zero. Unless you count thinking about her a couple times while I jerked off. But that"s a sunk cost anyways, so to speak!Kilivek said:
haha, she does have kinda sorta crazy eyes I guess, but it"s hard to say. I totally goofed on the weekend, I actually forgot I was supposed to call her Saturday before lunch, and didn"t realize until Sunday afternoon after driving home from hockey when I thought I should pick up a sandwich and oh shit I forgot to call that chick. Will call or text her or something tonight, whoops. Make up a story or just be like "whoops, I forgot?"Requiem said:
As far as her look goes, I"m not sure if I"m as much of a fan. I"m a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy most of the time, I mean I wear nice jeans and t-shirts but I"m not the kind of guy that has 10 pairs of shoes and five blazers (I have two identical but different colored Tsubo"s that I have been wearing every day for 3 years now), and she"s the kind of girl who gets all gussied up to go out to clubs etc, and it"s not my thing or scene at all. Then again, that"s strictly from Facebook creeping, so who knows if that"s a regular thing for her or not.
Not asking her shows lack of communication, which is quite a bit more unhealthy.(What kind of bitch immediately thinks I"m a weak pussy when I open up to her with an issue? That"s not really someone I care to have around either way) I don"t know what the deal is with this "superman" mentality some of you have here, but that"s not something to apply in every situation, ffs.
Regardless, I had asked her to do that before I even posted about this in the first place, as the post was more about memories resurfacing, not about me creeping all over her ex"s pics every day.
Regardless, I had asked her to do that before I even posted about this in the first place, as the post was more about memories resurfacing, not about me creeping all over her ex"s pics every day.
Are you kidding me? How immature is that. The relationship happened and it was good while it lasted. For whatever reason your significant other and you broke up. So now you"re going to actively go around trying to erase the past on facebook (aka: the most serious business in the universe) just to spare your emotionally fragile future boyfriend of seeing you with another man? So is he supposed to just assume you"ve never had a boyfriend before him? Give me a break. God damn people take this shit way too seriously. I"ve never gone through and un-tagged a past girlfriend in my life and it would just affirm to me she is a psycho if she actively messaged me pleading to take them down.Ravvenn said: