STFU,
there are far better girls out there than your pos of a gf.
i suggest getting a new one.
there are far better girls out there than your pos of a gf.
i suggest getting a new one.
Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
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I really appreciate the words of encouragement, everyone. Definitely helps as I struggle to stand firm.
Part of me thinks of the opportunity of being single, having all the freedom I could ever want, and I get excited about that thought. But that excitement doesn"t last too long before I get the empty feeling in my stomach and yes I"ve been quite the wreck the last week... staying in and listening to emo music, feeling sorry for myself.
I know what you"re saying, and in my mind there have been countless times when I"ve thought to myself "wtf are you doing with this girl? ". But I"ve always convinced myself that she"s actually what I want... against my better judgement.
So whether it"s lack of self confidence, fear of the unknown, whatever it is, it must be psychological.
It"s a psychological flaw. From what I"ve been told by my mom (as lame as it sounds) I"m the type of person that yearns/needs to be needed. So when I met her, and heard her sob story, her cries for attention, it played right into what I was looking for. I grew up raised by a single mother who went through a handful of unhealthy long term relationships that lasted far longer than they ever should have. I"ve been looking for my happiness to come from other people rather than from myself.Ravvenn said:
Part of me thinks of the opportunity of being single, having all the freedom I could ever want, and I get excited about that thought. But that excitement doesn"t last too long before I get the empty feeling in my stomach and yes I"ve been quite the wreck the last week... staying in and listening to emo music, feeling sorry for myself.
I know what you"re saying, and in my mind there have been countless times when I"ve thought to myself "wtf are you doing with this girl? ". But I"ve always convinced myself that she"s actually what I want... against my better judgement.
So whether it"s lack of self confidence, fear of the unknown, whatever it is, it must be psychological.
Yeah, let her go. I"m OK with guy friends, partly because I like the kind of women who have more guy friends than girlfriends, but that shit is a bit much for me, and if I made clear I was not comfortable with it and it went forward anyway, that would be the beginning of the end if not the end itself.
Yes, first serious relationship for both of us.Awlbiste said:
Until I moved out here, she refused to have friends. I actively tried to get her to go out with girlfriends of hers. All the friends that she had before we met she pushed away, and then she claimed that when she tried to make new friends that nobody liked her. Which was probably just to justify me not being able to have any.
So now she"s making friends, having a good time... what I tried to get her to do all along when I was there. I obviously wouldn"t want her making friends with someone to replace me, but I didn"t chain her to the kitchen sink by any means. But now, the one time when she does something that I"m not comfortable with, and I tell her so, all of the sudden I"m being controlling and she just doesn"t know if she can be in a relationship like that. Despite the fact that the only time she hasn"t been a controlling insecure psycho is the last month when she suddenly wants to do all the things she told me I couldn"t. Like I said, I thought I could fix her. It backfired.
The update on the situation is this:
Last night I told her that if she goes to this guys house tonight (or anytime for that matter), then that"s it.
So she calls today and asks if I"d be okay with it if she took her girlfriend along with her too, so that it"s not just her and him.
As if I"m suddenly supposed to forget what the original plan was... I told her "no, I"m still not okay with it" and she flipped out.
Last night I told her that if she goes to this guys house tonight (or anytime for that matter), then that"s it.
So she calls today and asks if I"d be okay with it if she took her girlfriend along with her too, so that it"s not just her and him.
As if I"m suddenly supposed to forget what the original plan was... I told her "no, I"m still not okay with it" and she flipped out.
Your reply?STFU said:
EDIT: Yeah, regardless, I"d dump this whole situation and focus on YOUR life, not her.
This. And spending time with this dude is obviously more important to her than your relationship.Evelys said:
Sorry, my edit was late... I told her no I"m still not okay with it. She doesn"t understand that it"s the whole premise of the situation, and changing the details isn"t going to change how I feel about it.
I guess what"s pissing me off the most about everything is how she acts so oblivious to what I"m feeling... like I"m being ridiculous.
If she was just straight up saying that she doesn"t want to be with me anymore, that would be a lot easier than having her act like I"m the one in the wrong. Essentially what Ravvenn said:
I guess what"s pissing me off the most about everything is how she acts so oblivious to what I"m feeling... like I"m being ridiculous.
If she was just straight up saying that she doesn"t want to be with me anymore, that would be a lot easier than having her act like I"m the one in the wrong. Essentially what Ravvenn said:
I don"t care what she tells her friends, really, it"s the fact that she herself believes all that. Know what I mean?Ravvenn said:
Lithose
Buzzfeed Editor
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A boundary was reached. She enjoyed your reaction but she is afraid of losing you. She pulls the boundary back a little so she can get the same level of reaction without the risk of loss. Some people have said that "she wants this guy". No, she doesn"t. If she did, she would be fucking him already. I"m sorry to put it so bluntly, I"m not trying to hurt you or make you feel bad but that is how it is. If she was attracted to him and really "wanted" him, while also having you on the side, then she would be having an affair and keeping you in the dark. This would be especially easy given your long distance relationship.STFU said:
She wants your input. She wants the man to tell show her how important she is by acting like some great ape, beating your chest and showing that your feelings for her are passionate. If that sounds psychotic, it"s because it fucking is but that is what is happening here. Your anger during an argument isSTILL attention, it is STILLpassion. Just like a kid who breaks something so they can be yelled at and get attention--we don"t grow out of that, we simply learn to repress it.
Sometimes, when we are at our weakest, that "need" for any kind of attention rears it"s ugly head. We start to do stupid things that will make the person we want attention from angry.Everyoneon this board has done it to some degree, if they deny it, they are lying. It"s usually subtle or small, guys might poke fun at their GF to get her worked up, the girls might bitch the guy out over something small. In the end, you want an argument, you want to be the center of attention. We all do it. HOWEVER, your girl friend though is pushing it to the extreme. That restraint that normal adults have for this kind of thing is totally gone with her. She is like a junkie with it, trying to suck it in from every angle by creating a fucked situation.
She knows exactly what she is doing. man. The only solace you should take from all this is that, in some fucked up way, she really does want you, not him. Because like I said, if she really wanted him, she would be doing him without you knowing.
Now, is that enough for you to put up with this shit? That"s your choice(No). Girls like this tend to get WORSE as time goes on and they start think the guy is bored with them. Look at how her behavior changed when you went from 24/7 super man to long distance relationship. You even said it yourself...
The change was so sudden.Do you think that extreme change in behavior was coincidence?
Oh, that"s bullshit. Ask ANY girl on this forum if they think it"s acceptable to go another man"s house alone.Fuck the drinks or food, just leave it as "Go to his house and spend a few hours there."STFU said:
It isn"t. It"s so far out of the realm of what"s acceptable that there is *NO* possible way she thinks it is acceptable. She knows it"s not. She is testing you. Her behavior makes is super obvious, especially with how she is "incrementally" pushing things to see what you"ll react to and what is too far.
Edit: She really doesn"t. Raven is 100% completely correct in her assessment. This girl knows how to garner attention. She will get huge amounts of negative attention from you and huge amounts of positive attention from them. In the end, it doesn"t matter if it"s negative or positive, it"s the amount that matters.STFU said:
Just get rid of her. Lithose is right with his question, there"s no normal circumstance where what your girl is doing would be considered acceptable. Also, consider this. If you give into her need of emotional drama this time, rest assured next time she needs her attention fix, she"ll do the same fucking thing. Maybe not the same man, but similar behaviour calculated to arouse your emotions. Do you really want to be tied to a woman who is willing to manipulate your feelings of jealousy and possessiveness every time she needs her dose of drama? She"ll play you like a piccolo if you give into her now.Lithose said:
Erronius
Macho Ma'am
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I"m not even sure how this is even a question. It sounds like youKNOWshe"s a headcase in a handbasket, yet you seem reluctant to just call it quits? Fuck dude, what are you getting out of this other than heartburn? IMHO you had reason to consider breaking up if for no other reason than long range relationships rarely work, and with all of this on top of that you still are beating around the bush. I mean from what you"ve said it sounds like you were a bit leery of her in the first place before you moved - sounds like easy accessible voodo poonanny to me, or it was....before you moved.
Maybe you"re just young, I dunno, but I would have called it quits by now. Needy girl that"s going to play games with you? Fuck it dude, unless you feel enough for her to have her move out there with you (it doesn"t sound like you do, not even close) do yourself a favor and cut yourself free. There really isn"t any need to settle for someone who is going to push to see what is acceptable over and over again. I wouldn"t go to some random woman"s house with or without guy friends while my woman was out of town, that"s just asking for trouble. I"d stay home and send that bitch smiley faces. Assuming, of course, that I thought highly enough of her to want to stay in a relationship with her. Does this girl think highly enough of you to do the same? Doesn"t seem so. 5am? Christ dude. What seems sketchy to me, is that she didn"t tell you until she was already over there and what,was going to use the weather as an excuse? Did you talk to anyone else back home, was the weather bad? Sounds to me like she was playing both sides - she gets to hang out with dude she wants, the weather means she can stay regardless of your feelings, and she gets to play headgames with you. If she"s just being a young party girl (or whore), you have to ask yourself if you want to be the guy that she puts through the wringer as she grows up, or if you want to find someone else more mature. Just my advice, don"t feel like you owe her or are beholden to put up with her juvenile shit ad nauseum. Do yourself, her, and every subsequent guy that will date her after you a favor, and drop her. Send her the message that that shits not okay, and that she just can"t waltz through life oblivious to the needs of others. She"ll have to learn that lesson eventually, unless she ends up with a procession of men w/o enough spine to put their foot down (in which case she"ll just walk over BF after BF after BF).
Think a woman would think it"s cool if while she was out of town, her BF was hanging out at some random skank"s house all night? FUCK NO. Also, don"t fight this dude (as someone mentioned earlier). You"ll just be empowering her more (omg I"ve got guys fighting over me) and you can"t be sure he even is in the know about you at all.
I"m not normally a powderkeg over this stuff, but Jesus dude, be a man. Few women are going to be able to respect you if you don"t respect yourself. If you act like a floormat, women are going to treat you like one.
GET. THE. FUCK. OUT.
Maybe you"re just young, I dunno, but I would have called it quits by now. Needy girl that"s going to play games with you? Fuck it dude, unless you feel enough for her to have her move out there with you (it doesn"t sound like you do, not even close) do yourself a favor and cut yourself free. There really isn"t any need to settle for someone who is going to push to see what is acceptable over and over again. I wouldn"t go to some random woman"s house with or without guy friends while my woman was out of town, that"s just asking for trouble. I"d stay home and send that bitch smiley faces. Assuming, of course, that I thought highly enough of her to want to stay in a relationship with her. Does this girl think highly enough of you to do the same? Doesn"t seem so. 5am? Christ dude. What seems sketchy to me, is that she didn"t tell you until she was already over there and what,was going to use the weather as an excuse? Did you talk to anyone else back home, was the weather bad? Sounds to me like she was playing both sides - she gets to hang out with dude she wants, the weather means she can stay regardless of your feelings, and she gets to play headgames with you. If she"s just being a young party girl (or whore), you have to ask yourself if you want to be the guy that she puts through the wringer as she grows up, or if you want to find someone else more mature. Just my advice, don"t feel like you owe her or are beholden to put up with her juvenile shit ad nauseum. Do yourself, her, and every subsequent guy that will date her after you a favor, and drop her. Send her the message that that shits not okay, and that she just can"t waltz through life oblivious to the needs of others. She"ll have to learn that lesson eventually, unless she ends up with a procession of men w/o enough spine to put their foot down (in which case she"ll just walk over BF after BF after BF).
Think a woman would think it"s cool if while she was out of town, her BF was hanging out at some random skank"s house all night? FUCK NO. Also, don"t fight this dude (as someone mentioned earlier). You"ll just be empowering her more (omg I"ve got guys fighting over me) and you can"t be sure he even is in the know about you at all.
I"m not normally a powderkeg over this stuff, but Jesus dude, be a man. Few women are going to be able to respect you if you don"t respect yourself. If you act like a floormat, women are going to treat you like one.
GET. THE. FUCK. OUT.
You really need to get rid of that girl. She is probable being so honest and up front about hanging out with him, so you won"t think she is lying. "ooo i didn"t sleep with him! I don"t like him like that! Why would i lie when i have been honest this entire time!" But she has actually been getting drilled out. She is also 22...she still has about 4 more years before she even starts to grow up. i would suggest jumping ship like everyone else has said
Jorren
Maximum Derek
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More ore less this. The second I saw that she and "her gfs" went to his place and ended up staying over I pretty much assumed she was hooking up.eli809 said:
Fuck, y"all are in your mid twenties, dump her and move on. That you moved away to "help her grow" is laughable. Now you are getting bent over her actions?
Lithose, Koivu, Erronius, eli, Jorren... I agree with a lot that you said.
And I appreciate the input. I"ll give an update later as to what happened. Because I did give her an out (that I obviously probably shouldn"t have even) in that if she didn"t go tonight, we could maybe work things out. But even if she says she didn"t, how the heck am I supposed to know if she did or not.... the circle of trust is broken! But she"s given every indication that she"s going to, no matter what I think or say.
Anyways... I really do appreciate everyone"s input. It has helped a lot to get some unbiased opinions. +nets all around.
For now, I"m going to take Ravven"s advice and go out and get hammered (and turn off my phone)!
And I appreciate the input. I"ll give an update later as to what happened. Because I did give her an out (that I obviously probably shouldn"t have even) in that if she didn"t go tonight, we could maybe work things out. But even if she says she didn"t, how the heck am I supposed to know if she did or not.... the circle of trust is broken! But she"s given every indication that she"s going to, no matter what I think or say.
Anyways... I really do appreciate everyone"s input. It has helped a lot to get some unbiased opinions. +nets all around.
For now, I"m going to take Ravven"s advice and go out and get hammered (and turn off my phone)!
Leadaas
Dindu Nuffin
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Posted this in August. Figured I"d update it. Hung out a lot with this girl trying to figure out if she actually liked me or if I was just a needed catalyst to end her engagement. Things were going well and one day while tailgaiting she gets pretty drunk and tells me she wants to date me. I only saw her briefly that day so decided it was time to do as was suggested here and man up, kiss her, and let the cards fall where they may.Leadaas said:
Went over to her house the next day to help move her couch and did just that; kissed her, told her its stupid we aren"t dating yet, and told her I was taking her to a movie once we were done with the couch. At this point she calmly tells me that I am confused and she is not interested in that kind of relationship whatsoever (and by that I mean she flips out and tells me to leave lol). So anyways, all I could get out of her is that she doesn"t want to date a good a friend in case we break up and become not friends anymore or some shit. She refuses to speak on it now.
Well that was in October, we still hang out often but I stopped calling her to hang out just the two of us as it messes with my head a bit even though she"s been very careful not to get too touchy feely with me recently. So today she"s over at the house as her, me, and the roomates (living with 4 people right now) are going to a hockey game. While I"m getting ready she walks into my room with one of my roomates and they tell me that in the last month they"ve started to kinda like each other and if I"m cool with them going on a date. I think I just stared at them dumbfounded for a minute before saying something like "sure why not you don"t need to ask me that."
So I"m not entirely happy that out of all the single guys she could pick she has to choose my freakin roomate for her first post-engagement date. Unfortunately this roomate is the one guy out of the bunch who I wasn"t close friends with before, so he isn"t aware of how much I liked her other than her and I being really good friends. Going to try hard not to punch him in the face I guess. Anyways, that"s all I got. Women confuse me, I came up with an excuse to ditch the hockey game tonight, and now I"m getting ready to chug a bottle of Jack, a bottle of penicillin, and I"m off to find a 20something bar trash to make my penis happy for a few hours.
Well, I hope you didn"t value that friendship, Leadaas, or wanted any kind of respect from her, because you"re not just on the backburner, you"re that cookie sheet that she accidentally burned something on so badly that not even an SOS steel wool pad could get it all off, so now it sits in the back of her cupboard, gathering dust and the droppings of cockroaches, one day hoping that it will be called upon once, just once, to prove that it can still cook. In reality, even when she"s down to no dishes whatsoever to bake on, she"ll go to the store and buy a box of cookies before before using you.
Get drunk, get laid, and mourn your friendship, because it"s pretty much over, and you don"t have a shot with her at this point.
Get drunk, get laid, and mourn your friendship, because it"s pretty much over, and you don"t have a shot with her at this point.
Why do you let her play games like this in the first place?Leadaas said:
Your big mistake was staying around after she said no. You should have stayed away for some time to make her miss you.
Anyway, my suggestion: Do this now. Simply be less available. Dont hang out with her, take your time to answer texts or calls if you do, etc.
Or just remove her from your life.
You might want to start looking for a new place to live. Shit is going to get stupid real quick. Hold it together and cut her out of your life.