C"mere big guy. Join the club. It"s going to hurt like a bitch, and FoH will be here to mock you if you choose to share the details. Also, to give you awful lines when you want to start online dating up.Daelos said:
Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
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Cutlery
Kill All the White People
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TC is also completely right. How"s Xerxes working out for you again? Still stringing you along like a puppy dog?Eomer said:
I don"t have time to get into it, but it"s a pretty simple concept. If she"s still living at home, her parents get to have a say in what she does. That doesn"t mean they run her life, but it means that she has to listen to whatever bullshit they want to spew about whomever they want. My sister is currently in this situation right now with her being 22 and living at home and basically being unable to do anything that meets my parents standards. What"s the simple solution here? Move the fuck out. Once you do that, what your parents think no longer matters because it"s YOUR life, and they are not intertwined with it.
Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
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Yeah,Just take everything TheCutlery says in this thread with a grain of salt. The dudes fucking out of his mind. TheCutlery is to this thead what Lumie is to the general forums. Just pure amusement at the stupidity.
If you (Dyst) have truly been good to your girlfriend and give her every reason to want to stay with you, then it"s completely 100% on the girlfriend to make her parents stop being retarded.
She"s 22, lives at home still, it"s obvious her parents still control her to a degree and now they think they can control her in this situation, she just simply has to say. "Hey thanks for being there for the beginning of my life, but that shit"s done now I"m an adult, I can make my own decisions and deal with my own mistakes, if you don"t like it, keep it to yourself because this is the person I want to be with ..." and then MOVE THE FUCK OUT. Pretty important that last part happens, or else her parents will think they can rule her for ever. Eventually the parents will see that being with you is what makes her happy and that"s the most important that, either that or die. Whichever comes first I can"t say! It will ALWAYS matter what her parents think. Always.
Then again, that"s just the opinion of a dude who moved out when he was 17. and I love my parents never had a single problem with either of them. I just like to do shit on my own.
If you (Dyst) have truly been good to your girlfriend and give her every reason to want to stay with you, then it"s completely 100% on the girlfriend to make her parents stop being retarded.
She"s 22, lives at home still, it"s obvious her parents still control her to a degree and now they think they can control her in this situation, she just simply has to say. "Hey thanks for being there for the beginning of my life, but that shit"s done now I"m an adult, I can make my own decisions and deal with my own mistakes, if you don"t like it, keep it to yourself because this is the person I want to be with ..." and then MOVE THE FUCK OUT. Pretty important that last part happens, or else her parents will think they can rule her for ever. Eventually the parents will see that being with you is what makes her happy and that"s the most important that, either that or die. Whichever comes first I can"t say! It will ALWAYS matter what her parents think. Always.
Then again, that"s just the opinion of a dude who moved out when he was 17. and I love my parents never had a single problem with either of them. I just like to do shit on my own.
Unless you are really committed to the relationship I wouldn"t get involved with her burning bridges with the fam. It creates a large obligation. I LEFT MY FAMILY FOR YOU?! I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO!
Id just tell her to stop involving you by telling you about it. Its not a problem unless she makes it your problem (by telling you). And since you cannot resolve the problem its very inconsiderate and unfair.
Id just tell her to stop involving you by telling you about it. Its not a problem unless she makes it your problem (by telling you). And since you cannot resolve the problem its very inconsiderate and unfair.
To her maybe...
Daelos
Guarding the guardians
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Well, what details are there to spill. The story isn"t unique:Vvoid said:
We got together when she was 18 (I was just 19), the first year was long distance (the Atlantic between us), then she moved in with me. We lived together for 5 years, then our son was born (2005). Two years after that we married (2007), and our daughter was born that same autumn. In 2007 we also bought a house together, and have lived together since.
Mid-2008, according to herself, my wife started having doubts about the marriage. But she knew these things need time, and feelings come and go, so she stayed (never saying anything to me). At some point this spring she realized there was no love left for me, and at the same time she fell in love with a colleague. Since May, they"ve been holding hands, kissing, hugging when they could.
I never noticed anything amiss, until this summer vacation. The first week it struck me that I was always the one initating kisses, etc, and after I became conscious of that it became clearer that something was not right. I asked her about it. And that was it.
It"s a uniquely gut-wrenching feeling, and it will take time to get through.
Ha! Not 18 I"ll go for the half-age+7 formula, which puts it at... 23. Which means the tits will still point upwards, and I get to take a pic to send my ex to compare with hers @ 31 years and having nursed 2 kids.
I kind of like the idea of going crazy (eventually, when this pain has subsided). When we met, she was only my 2nd sexual partner (and still is).
Brad2770
Avatar of War Slayer
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I was in the same boat. 30 years old and only 1 partner. I am about to turn 34 and its close to 20 now. I still miss my ex, but I wonder why I didnt do something like this sooner (like in my teens). Hopefully youre not religious. That shit bothered me for awhile, like I had to tell God I was sorry every time I got my dick wet.Daelos said:
I know there are times, in this thread, i have said I was truly over my ex, but now that I KNOW I am over her, it didnt happen until this past March (4 years after I found out she was cheating and a little over three years from the final of the divorce). One day, I just knew I was done. Dont get me wrong, I still miss her, but I think it"s more of the things we did together. I miss the magic we had when we dated and when we got married. When i think about it, it was never actually her specifically that I missed. When you realize that and then realize it has a chance to happen again, you will be ok.
You really need to find something that keeps you busy, though. Going back to school is what helped me. I wish I had done it sooner. Also, if you have an office job; one that allows you to sit and think all day, get a new one. Get a job that allows you to work and keep your mind and body busy. Even for less pay. That shit will help.
And dont rely on alcohol or weed. I made that fucking mistake. That shit only made things worse...
I may not give the best advice, but if anything, I will surely share with you the mistakes I made and hopefully that could help you avoid heart ache and problems. My relationship wasnt as long as yours (5 years married, 7 1/2 years together total, 3 years more that I chased her before we dated), but I know how bad youre hurting and I am sorry. Again, if you want to know the mistakes I made and why I did them, I am willing to share.
Daelos
Guarding the guardians
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No religious qualms...Brad2770 said:
Strangely enough, I"ve already kind of worked my way to the same conclusion (thought-process-wise, but the message hasn"t reached the iron hand clamping my chest). After so many years, the relationship is more about the whole thing of being together; doing stuff, raising the kids, getting our careers on track together. The person that she is... I will miss, but.. This is tricky to explain. I think if we were splitting up from a 12 week relationship and not a 12 year one, I could leave her and not feel too badly about it.
But at the same time: That"s how it is. Most couples that stay together long-term will eventuelly be carried by the past and companionship, more than romance.
This is probably good advice.I work as a project manager, planner and problem solver. I"ve always been analytical of nature. I have in the past been able to control my emotions largely through logically working through why I feel that way and what to do about it. Of course, this torrent of emotions is pretty much uncontrollable, but I"ve spent quite a bit of time the last few days on planning.
Here"s my Plan for coping with this (I know, it"s bizarrely absurd to approach it like this, but we are all geeks here, right?)
1. Getting over her
a) Getting all the information on the table ASAP
b) Give myself 14 days (deadline: Aug 1st) where I will permit my thoughts to traverse whatever paths they want, give the emotions free reign. (Drinking is ok here). Pretty much just let the waves wash over me, and take it.
c) Starting aug 1st, I"ll supress the urge to think about it all the time, but give myself time to ponder after work and in weekends. Being prepared for some days to be good, and some days to be bad. And remembering when it"s bad, that it will get good.
d) Start going to bars and pubs, both to get out among other people and to start working on social skills (the only romance language I know is that of a long-term husband. I don"t think randomly squeezing the womans breasts will work for a while)
e) Goal for being enough over her that I can consider other girls: Jan 1st 2012. To be revised, but I think having a date in mind will focus the mind.
2. Sorting out practicals
a) Whatever is best for the kids
b) Getting the best possible deal economically
3. The future
a) Preparing myself for the meat market: Started 2 days after The Talk with a regular excercise regime + diet, to build up confidence and body for whenever I feel ready to use them for something
b) Restricting all expenditures to a bare minimum (I"m well paid, but have no savings)
Advice would be appreciated. Not so much interested in the mistakes, as the solutions ;-)
Brad2770
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Everything you said seems good. The only thing I think you shouldn"t do is try and supress the emotions. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to scream, then scream. I think if you let it stay inside, it only prolongs the hurt. You wouldn"t leave a poison in your body to destroy your insides, right? Get that poison out!
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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My sister inlaw moved back home after she graduated and she has free run of her life, she comes and goes and she pleases, does what she wants, her her B/F over whenever she wants and they let her live her life just fine. She"s not dependent on them, she could life on her own but she gets their whole upstairs of their house for $200 a month while working full time at a nice job. Not everyone is in that position.TheCutlery said:
Eomer
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lol, what? At no point has Xerxes ever strung me along. If anything it was the opposite. Within a month of dating she was asking where things were going etc., and when I more or less responded "meh" she went off and did her own thing and I met Anne pretty much the next week. Since then we"ve hung out occasionally as friends, whether grabbing a bite to eat or just hanging out smoking a joint and sharing a bottle of wine. Don"t get me wrong, I"d be more than happy to stick it in her again, but past that I"ve got zero romantic interest in her and honestly I don"t think she does in me either. Although the last couple times we hung out she was saying shit like "I"m so done with relationships" because she"d broken things off with her most recent guy, so maybe she"s trying to trick me. She operates pretty transparently though, that"ll be obvious soon enough if it"s the case.TheCutlery said:
lol, you honestly think it works that way? That if she moves out the parents" influence will just disappear entirely? That"s absolutely laughable. Domineering parents and their influence can reach across entire continents. Sure the distance will help, whether she"s across the street, town, or state. But if she truly is dependent on her parents now, it"s unlikely that moving out will make as big of a difference as you seem to think. Especially if she"s still within a reasonable distance from them. She"ll be over there a couple times a week for dinner, church on Sundays, mom will drop by to make sure she"s eating okay, dad will come by to fix that leaky faucet, etc etc etc. And every time they"ll be needling her about that loser boyfriend she insists on continuing to see.TheCutlery said:
Eomer its just that TC and I take pity on you because you cannot possibly happy without the burden of children and a wife. Some people may think being so emotionally needy that you have to get married at 19 and immediately pop out kids to fill some emotional void as massive psychological baggage but TC has shown me the light that dependence upon others to fulfill your life is healthy.
I dunno Eomer, I"ve been following your story for what...years now? and sometimes I think you"re gonna end up with Xerxes and you just haven"t realized it yet =0
How prepared are you for the moment when the new car smell wears off her new interest and she wants to reconnect with you?Daelos said:
Cutlery
Kill All the White People
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And that has to do with what, exactly? Because the way it"s portrayed, it sure seems like the problem here is grade A douche bag parents. Let that sink in for a little while. Parents that aren"t grade A douche bags don"t cause the BF of their daughter to come to FOH and freak out because things might not work out. Little perspective here, please. It"s fantastic that your parents aren"t assholes. This guy"s girlfriend"s clearly are, therefore, this really has no bearing on the discussion.Dandain said:
Uhh, worked that way for me after I told them I didn"t wanna deal with their bullshit anymore, so uhhh, yeah, I guess I do. And it does.Eomer said:
And come the fuck on. Xerxes is back in your life right now for what reason exactly? Be honest with yourself. What would you tell someone else who"s ex just happened to be "Stopping by" to smoke and drink? Err, nevermind, you"ve proven you don"t have the expertise to answer that question. But everyone else does, and they"d tell you to put that bitch on ignore because she"s just jerking your chain, and you"re letting her. You have ZERO power in this, and never have. You"re just hoping she"ll throw you a pity handjob some night when she"s too drunk to realize what she"s doing.