Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
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Sometimes I feel I can better express myself when I"m alone, clear headed (not being pressured by someone sitting infront of me) and write down my thoughts toward the breakup etc, but then I would still see them and attempt to talk about what I wrote down, rather than send it to them. So it"s still pretty cowardly to do, after 2 years too.
Maybe it"s cowardly, but probably done that way because the alternative was too hard/painful, and most likely not what she even wanted.
Just from the snippet posted (assuming you didn"t post it all), she gave you the out you wanted but didn"t take (also cowardly, btw). Have you been in a relationship with someone who you loved but they didn"t love you back? If you stay, you"re selfish for staying because it"s where you want to be; even when you"re not wanted. They"re also selfish for not caring enough to let you go as soon as they lose interest in you, gain interest in someone else, or whatever the reason may be.
Chances are she was hanging on to some pathetic sliver of hope that you"d stop her, tell her she was wrong, etc. But it never ends that way, so she probably wrote the letter knowing you"d take your Get Out of Jail Free card and run (unless she"s retarded), rather than the alternative ending - but that does not mean she wanted it to happen (maybe she did, lol).
Shit goes sour and more often than not, it"s easier to check out or start exploring other options than to figure out what the problem is and fix it.
At least you only wasted two years, I guess! You (Brekk) should have had the decency to end it when you wanted to. I"m assuming you"ve been distant, cold, "not available", etc. which is what led her to end it FOR YOU.
The great news is you got what you wanted and didn"t have to lift a finger. Well played, sir!
Just from the snippet posted (assuming you didn"t post it all), she gave you the out you wanted but didn"t take (also cowardly, btw). Have you been in a relationship with someone who you loved but they didn"t love you back? If you stay, you"re selfish for staying because it"s where you want to be; even when you"re not wanted. They"re also selfish for not caring enough to let you go as soon as they lose interest in you, gain interest in someone else, or whatever the reason may be.
Chances are she was hanging on to some pathetic sliver of hope that you"d stop her, tell her she was wrong, etc. But it never ends that way, so she probably wrote the letter knowing you"d take your Get Out of Jail Free card and run (unless she"s retarded), rather than the alternative ending - but that does not mean she wanted it to happen (maybe she did, lol).
Shit goes sour and more often than not, it"s easier to check out or start exploring other options than to figure out what the problem is and fix it.
At least you only wasted two years, I guess! You (Brekk) should have had the decency to end it when you wanted to. I"m assuming you"ve been distant, cold, "not available", etc. which is what led her to end it FOR YOU.
The great news is you got what you wanted and didn"t have to lift a finger. Well played, sir!
brekk
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@Rav:
Just for a little more perspective on the situation.
For quite a while there has been a total lack of effort on her part to hang out or do anything. It was nigh impossible to come up with a night where we could see each other that would not get cancelled. She on the other hand would spur of the moment invite me to do things at stupid hours. Like inviting me to go bowling 40 minutes away at 10:30 at night. Some how this made the constant cancelling okay, because I turned down her random invites as well.
When I wasn"t there she"d constantly txt me about missing me and this and that. When we"d talk on the phone she"d be sad because she missed me. But when I was actually there I felt like an inconvenience. She didn"t seem excited anymore to see me. I can"t say who started the vicious cycle of disinterest but we we"re both to blame for the deterioration.
Sex was another thing that went downhill. Used to be the one night a week I"d go see her at school we"d fuck like rabbits, we couldn"t get enough of each other. Since late last year it had gotten as bad as 1 in 4 visits where we"d have sex. More than once we went over a month. Hell, as it stands last time we had sex was late June.
The couple times we spent a night talking more recently mostly for me to vent my frustrations she finally admitted that she"s been dealing with depression for many years. She emphasized that I had nothing to do with how she acted and why she was sad, disinterested, etc. But it didn"t make it easier that she was willing to leave me in the dark second guessing myself and wondering what I had done to push her away.
I should"ve broken up with her 2 months ago, but I didn"t want to. I was really hopeful that some of my venting to her about how I felt might change or improve something. The past month whenever I saw her I had an internal ultimatum that if it didn"t get better this night that was it. And I kept talking myself out of them.
And for the record I never started exploring other options until it was over. I wouldn"t do that, even if shit was on the rocks. And that was the entire letter minus a PS thanking me for recently fixing her laptop.
Just for a little more perspective on the situation.
For quite a while there has been a total lack of effort on her part to hang out or do anything. It was nigh impossible to come up with a night where we could see each other that would not get cancelled. She on the other hand would spur of the moment invite me to do things at stupid hours. Like inviting me to go bowling 40 minutes away at 10:30 at night. Some how this made the constant cancelling okay, because I turned down her random invites as well.
When I wasn"t there she"d constantly txt me about missing me and this and that. When we"d talk on the phone she"d be sad because she missed me. But when I was actually there I felt like an inconvenience. She didn"t seem excited anymore to see me. I can"t say who started the vicious cycle of disinterest but we we"re both to blame for the deterioration.
Sex was another thing that went downhill. Used to be the one night a week I"d go see her at school we"d fuck like rabbits, we couldn"t get enough of each other. Since late last year it had gotten as bad as 1 in 4 visits where we"d have sex. More than once we went over a month. Hell, as it stands last time we had sex was late June.
The couple times we spent a night talking more recently mostly for me to vent my frustrations she finally admitted that she"s been dealing with depression for many years. She emphasized that I had nothing to do with how she acted and why she was sad, disinterested, etc. But it didn"t make it easier that she was willing to leave me in the dark second guessing myself and wondering what I had done to push her away.
I should"ve broken up with her 2 months ago, but I didn"t want to. I was really hopeful that some of my venting to her about how I felt might change or improve something. The past month whenever I saw her I had an internal ultimatum that if it didn"t get better this night that was it. And I kept talking myself out of them.
And for the record I never started exploring other options until it was over. I wouldn"t do that, even if shit was on the rocks. And that was the entire letter minus a PS thanking me for recently fixing her laptop.
ToeMissile
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I see. Well, you still should have ended it when you wanted to, ya" know? I"ve ended it for someone and it stings with the kick of a rainbow wasp. Was it for the good, yep, probably. But it still sucks ass.
FWIW, there are mornings when I truly and utterly despise being a woman! :O
FWIW, there are mornings when I truly and utterly despise being a woman! :O
There are mornings when I truly and utterly despise being a woman trapped in a man"s body.
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No, not really.
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No, not really.
tyen
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Zehnpai
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Mine talks in her sleep. I"ve almost built up a tolerance to it but every few nights I"ll get woken up at like 2 AM with her pushing my shoulder and muttering how we have to go back to Oman or whatever she"s dreaming about.Heylel Teomim said:
Fortunately years of working and playing MMO"s have trained me on how to function with only a few hours of sleep. Only problem is our cat invariably hears her talking and comes to investigate, which usually means him leaping onto my face or him face ramming my manchest.
Eomer
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If you care, read the spoiler. If not, enjoy the picture.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:So some outside perspective would be appreciated. I"ve known a girl named Kim for several years. She also tourguided with the ski company I do in the winter, so I know her reasonably well. She"s fun times and we get along well. She dated another guide for the past 3-4 years, and they broke up several months back. He dumped her, not really sure the reasons why. I don"t really give two shits either way about him, we hung out on trips but I wouldn"t consider him much of a friend.
I"ve run in to Kim several times over the past few months, at first just coincidentally. We joked we were stalking each other. Prior to the Folk Fest a couple weeks back (sounds lame, but it"s actually a highlight of summer here, great beer gardens and good music) she had been texting me that she"d be coming, did I know anyone with tickets etc. We ended up meeting on the Saturday and spent a good portion of the time hanging out, but she was there with a dude that she said she wasn"t dating but just messing around with a bit, she laughed and said it was her rebound etc. He was a good guy actually, so I gave them space when the evening was getting late and he was getting touchy feely with her.
Since then we"ve been texting back and forth a bit. Last week she texted me on Wednesday and asked what I was doing for the weekend, I said I had plans but what"s up? She said she wanted to go somewhere for the weekend, maybe to BC. Like we"d go together or something. I said well great, I was going with a couple other people she knew (two other ski guides) to the mountains to downhill mountain bike and go do some whitewater rafting, and that she was welcome to join us. She asked if was just a guys thing, I said no that a couple of the guys girlfriends were coming as well (as far as I knew at the time). As it turns out all the other girls cancelled the day before, and I found out when the rest of the crew showed up late Friday night. I elected not to tell her, whoops.
So she showed up Saturday afternoon (she lives only a couple hours away and wasn"t planning on biking or rafting, just coming out for some drinks/hot tubbing) and of course immediately realized she was the only chick with 6 guys (3 of whom she knows well). She laughed but didn"t seem to care too much. She asked if all the beds were taken, which they were, but then was like "oh so you have the double bed in that room? Okay that"s cool". Alright I think, it"s on. Long story short many drinks were had along with some weed and perhaps other vitamins and minerals, most of the crew decided to head to the local bar at around midnight but she and I stayed behind. She says she"s tired and hops in to bed, I do as well, but I get shut down. My memory is very cloudy so I don"t really recall any of the conversation, just that she wasn"t going to mess around. Maybe some light cuddling, but I don"t think we even kissed.
We both get up early the next day to clean up the house we rented, we hug and she heads home. She texts me a bit about road construction delays on the highway, I text her at a gas stop how goddamn hot it is on a bike, she comments she"s tanning in a bikini and melting, I respond I"m picturing her all oiled up, and she sends me a picture of herself tanning (see below). That"s about the extent of things.
This past weekend and in previous texts she"s also asked me if I want to go camping next weekend and again in a couple weeks (both trips are with other mutual friends). So what"s the verdict? Just a girl looking for some attention or friends while going through a break-up? Or is she interested?
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:So some outside perspective would be appreciated. I"ve known a girl named Kim for several years. She also tourguided with the ski company I do in the winter, so I know her reasonably well. She"s fun times and we get along well. She dated another guide for the past 3-4 years, and they broke up several months back. He dumped her, not really sure the reasons why. I don"t really give two shits either way about him, we hung out on trips but I wouldn"t consider him much of a friend.
I"ve run in to Kim several times over the past few months, at first just coincidentally. We joked we were stalking each other. Prior to the Folk Fest a couple weeks back (sounds lame, but it"s actually a highlight of summer here, great beer gardens and good music) she had been texting me that she"d be coming, did I know anyone with tickets etc. We ended up meeting on the Saturday and spent a good portion of the time hanging out, but she was there with a dude that she said she wasn"t dating but just messing around with a bit, she laughed and said it was her rebound etc. He was a good guy actually, so I gave them space when the evening was getting late and he was getting touchy feely with her.
Since then we"ve been texting back and forth a bit. Last week she texted me on Wednesday and asked what I was doing for the weekend, I said I had plans but what"s up? She said she wanted to go somewhere for the weekend, maybe to BC. Like we"d go together or something. I said well great, I was going with a couple other people she knew (two other ski guides) to the mountains to downhill mountain bike and go do some whitewater rafting, and that she was welcome to join us. She asked if was just a guys thing, I said no that a couple of the guys girlfriends were coming as well (as far as I knew at the time). As it turns out all the other girls cancelled the day before, and I found out when the rest of the crew showed up late Friday night. I elected not to tell her, whoops.
So she showed up Saturday afternoon (she lives only a couple hours away and wasn"t planning on biking or rafting, just coming out for some drinks/hot tubbing) and of course immediately realized she was the only chick with 6 guys (3 of whom she knows well). She laughed but didn"t seem to care too much. She asked if all the beds were taken, which they were, but then was like "oh so you have the double bed in that room? Okay that"s cool". Alright I think, it"s on. Long story short many drinks were had along with some weed and perhaps other vitamins and minerals, most of the crew decided to head to the local bar at around midnight but she and I stayed behind. She says she"s tired and hops in to bed, I do as well, but I get shut down. My memory is very cloudy so I don"t really recall any of the conversation, just that she wasn"t going to mess around. Maybe some light cuddling, but I don"t think we even kissed.
We both get up early the next day to clean up the house we rented, we hug and she heads home. She texts me a bit about road construction delays on the highway, I text her at a gas stop how goddamn hot it is on a bike, she comments she"s tanning in a bikini and melting, I respond I"m picturing her all oiled up, and she sends me a picture of herself tanning (see below). That"s about the extent of things.
This past weekend and in previous texts she"s also asked me if I want to go camping next weekend and again in a couple weeks (both trips are with other mutual friends). So what"s the verdict? Just a girl looking for some attention or friends while going through a break-up? Or is she interested?
Camping just the two of you, or with other people?
Kind of sounds like she"s not looking to get into another relationship. Friends with a side of light flirting, maybe. Might as well go camping and see what happens, that would give you a better answer. In any case she sounds like a fun person to hang out with.
Kind of sounds like she"s not looking to get into another relationship. Friends with a side of light flirting, maybe. Might as well go camping and see what happens, that would give you a better answer. In any case she sounds like a fun person to hang out with.
Eomer
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Oh yeah forgot to mention she lives in Calgary, I"m in Edmonton, about a 3 hour drive apart. So it"s not quite as simple as asking her out.
But like I said, she"s asked me about hanging out several times, but never actual date type things; she was the one that initiated the meetup at Folk Fest (albeit she brought a dude, heh), asked me if I wanted to go to a lake with her last weekend, when she left Sunday morning also asked me if I wanted to go to the lake (and actually when I was semi-complaining I wasn"t looking forward to driving 600km home on my bike she offered that I could crash halfway at her place Sunday), and has asked me about the two camping trips coming up.
And yes I think too much. I just figured I"d get some outside perspective on it.
From where I stand I think it"s a function of her liking me as a friend, not having many friends in Calgary and also from her having been very dependent on her previous BF not knowing what to do with herself.
But like I said, she"s asked me about hanging out several times, but never actual date type things; she was the one that initiated the meetup at Folk Fest (albeit she brought a dude, heh), asked me if I wanted to go to a lake with her last weekend, when she left Sunday morning also asked me if I wanted to go to the lake (and actually when I was semi-complaining I wasn"t looking forward to driving 600km home on my bike she offered that I could crash halfway at her place Sunday), and has asked me about the two camping trips coming up.
And yes I think too much. I just figured I"d get some outside perspective on it.
From where I stand I think it"s a function of her liking me as a friend, not having many friends in Calgary and also from her having been very dependent on her previous BF not knowing what to do with herself.
With others. First one is this weekend coming up and I"d miss a friend"s stag, although not a really good friend. But my stripper meter is pretty low right now, and while I enjoy camping the probability of poon vs. friendzone has a strong influence on which direction I choose. The other trip she mentioned is for her birthday, and I think I"m free that weekend. So might do that one and not the one coming up.Awlbiste said: