lost said:
Sounds like the basic principle, if she"s doing it to him (bf in this case), she"ll do it to you. I would have handled it just like you did, but it would have been interesting to see you notgiveafuk and see where that played out (seems like a fwb situation), of course it doesnt seem possible since she was throwing it in your face trying to come to the party.
Yeah that"s what was most weird if nothing else. Why even show up, unless you"re incredibly socially naive, stupid, or looking to play games?
It"s one of those situations where they made the absolute worst possible decision for themselves. Had it just been as simple as "oh, I got tired last night, let"s meet up another time" - who would"ve questioned that or known any better? Sure, once alcohol is involved, anything could happen in one"s mind. But it"s mind boggling the decision made
Props that the other girls at work saw it, that certainly cant hurt you in the long run. Maybe they"ll talk amongst each other, oh hes such a good guy, then try to hook you up with their friends or something? who knws
That"s another story actually... one of the girls involved and I have a back story, then when this new girl came around... well let"s just say she hated my guts
And yeah, it surprised me how she acted that night before and after the whole ordeal. Made me feel like a huge asshole all along (oh well, I"m used to that anyways )
As for the other replies, do you think he"s really in a situation to tell her off when they work together? I havent been in that situation in a long time but I remember I got an ex a job with me, and she proceeded to get her previous ex a job there and her other guy friend.. and holy shit, I learned my lesson there.
Now *that* is a brutal fucking story I"m sure
Eomer said:
I agree with this. When I read that particular part of the story, that"s exactly what I thought as well. That part could have been handled much better.
Yeah it wasn"t the best move in hindsight, though it"s not the exact quote which comes off a lot better, or at least that"s what some of the other girls around have said about it. Then again, I suppose, all women have ulterior motives
lost said:
While she wasnt his to begin with, she was the one promoting the continuance of the whatever it was by asking to go out to dinner or future dates (supposedly), but where I agree with him getting pissed is leading him on via flirting/dates, failing to mention she was bringing a guy to the coworkers party and expecting it to be okay last minute.
And not just a guy, but clearly one they had some history (on-going it seems) after changing plans up and being untrustworthy.
And again, why qualify it with me? That"s another confusing point - why the fuck ask if it"s okay? Then get ultra defensive if I even imply no?
Dandai said:
Emphasis on supposedly. I"d be interested to hear her explain how much she was advertising how available she was.
It"s a good point, and normally I wouldn"t be so sure in a situation like this because of where, but again - quite a few outside people to the whole deal (more objective people, I"d hope) all saw it, plus the egging on all night (from females, no less). That actually surprised me as much as anything (we"re obviously all close to one another as coworkers)
Perhaps it would have been better to have stopped contact after she hung up on him.
Either way I think we can all agree she"s not relationship material from the getgo.
Like I said, bad move on my part (well, it"s fucking 1:30 AM and i"ve had some drinks - almost nothing is a good move at that point) for making any contact afterwards, but I kept it quick and simple and never bothered following up afterwards or any other shit that could have made it worse.
Any time I"m not sure how to proceed, I ice the chick for a few days. If/when she contacts me again after the third or fourth day, I give her a neutral reason for the cold shoulderplusa reason that always involves putting her feelings first ("I felt like I was putting too much pressure on you" or "I could tell you were having a rough week so I wanted to give you a little space" etc). Ya this isn"t 100% foolproof. You have to have established at least a modest foundation of romantic intent before hand. However, when you do start talking again, she"s going to be more emphatic and enthusiastic (unless you waited too long).
I dunno how I feel about that in a situation like this. Could work if I"m still legitimately interested, but it"s a lot easier I suppose if I weren"t forced to see her again cause if it fails, I"d just go about and say... fuck it
lost said:
Now that I think of it, it kind of sounds like he was second choice, backup you could say.. "need to have lunch, need to have dinner" soon as she"s single. Rebound etc, then someone else was quicker to the punch.
Dandai said:
Well, I don"t know that I would say that he was the second choice all along, but I definitely get the feeling that another dude approached her with far fewer reservations than he did and she happily directed her attention at him instead.
Well I knew she was pretty insecure in a lot of ways (and probably latched onto the first guy with fewer reservations), but the fact that her plans apparently changed in the span of 2-3 hours to attaching onto an old flame (my guess as to this guy) is something completely the fucking opposite of what she had been saying all day, makes me almost think bipolar
Then again, when you"re on the rebound, old flames make sense in a situation like that (which is my guess on who he was, as I"ve never met him), so I"m pretty glad I"m not involved in more drama which could only lead to greater material for this thread
Eomer said:
I"m not disagreeing. But as Tenks said, both his response on the phone (he knew exactly who "we" was) and his text after she hung up were super passive-aggressive. I can"t say that I"d have handled it any better in that situation.
Well, I knew exactly who "we" was - because I saw that shit happen and saw right through the earlier BS. It probably could"ve been handled better (sadly, its always in hindsight), and it was certainly a dick move, but hey so it goes. Sometimes putting your foot down might be the only choice about it
Hell, probably much worse. But looking at it objectively, the best thing to have done would have been to just come right out and say "yeah it"s not my apartment so it"s probably not a good idea, cya Monday" and then just act like nothing happened but make it obvious he wasn"t going to give her the time of day any more while being civil about it. Not to game her or anything, but because she"s a twat and not worth his time. He still has to work with her come Monday.
Again, I"m not really sure how else I could"ve handled it better other than not responding with the text or whatever. Being straightforward about not playing games and shit was what I figured would be the best option in a case like this, especially if I"m correct in that she"s used to having guys say "yes" to everything (she definitely has the spoiled princess vibe) and just manning up about it.
Worse thing that happens is they go back to being co-workers on a strictly professional basis, without much weirdness. Best thing is she throws herself at him when she sobers up and realizes she was a twat about it, Chewie hits it and leaves her hanging because she"s a twat.
As it stands, now it"s going to be super awkward at work AND he likely has no chance of poon without a heroic recovery.
As I"ve said, at this point, I"m not even worried about the poon - just more of the former, which is alleviating any awkwardness about the situation that can seep into work. It"s her loss anyways, and if she"s being an emotional trainwreck because of the breakup + all this other shit going on afterwards... well at least I didn"t hop onboard the crazytrain.
As for the awkwardness, thankfully it"d be one-on-one kind of awkwardness, since the office in general is a lot lot closer and supportive of me (and I always knew the other girls resented her, and all those feelings came straight out after the whole incident - felt good knowing who has got your back).
I guess we"ll see how it goes when we do see each other at work. Best thing I can do is just not even bring it up - she can always use the classic "it"s chill" excuse about what happens, which makes you look like an ass. On the other hand, she was the one who acted defensive right off the bat and everyone saw what happened (her original story for the night too... well she had let everyone in the office know hours in advance, then changing it in 2-3 hours? yeah, good luck rationalizing that one with people)
Haast said:
Truf.
If you have to work with her, I"d recommend treating her as if you"d never spoke with her outside of work previously. Respectful and professional, yet distant; focus only on work stuff. The message should be very clear.
Yeah, like I said, no reason to go out of my way to be an ass on this, since it can only make myself look worse in front of a bunch of people who have had my back the whole way.
If she wants to "patch things up" after a bit, beware of tarp. You"ve seen enough to know better.. unless you are really hard up and want to make work horribly awkward when things inevitably go south. Which would make some fucking great material for this thread.
Heh, that"s kind of why I"m tempted about saving this card, for those days when I think work is going horribly boring and I need something to stir the drink
Tenks said:
I"m hesitant to say this because I don"t know the entire story but it seems like he almost friend zoned himself. She was giving all the signs and making all the moves and it seems like he wasn"t pushing back enough. Hanging out with a bunch of people from work does not constitute a date. Meeting for happy hour with co workers isn"t a date. Going out to dinner, one on one and making your feelings and intentions knownisa date. Forcing her to do all the stuff, honestly, guys should be doing is the best way to make a girl rapidly lose interest.
I hear ya. Looking back, I could see where I should have been more aggressive and direct (the coworker thing was definitely a factor, and the fact that I made myself disinterested to avoid more drama w/ the entire boyfriend situation). Then again, it just happened all within a period of 4 days or so after having known each other for months before so it was more a surprise to me how quickly shit unfolded/hit the fan since I had pretty much not cared for a period of time
Camerous Valde Unus said:
OMFG Do I ever have a story for you all but I can"t post it right now they are in the car waiting on me but LOL!!
Get help. Now.
