Girls who broke your heart thread

Fine.

Went and saw my girl, her family doesn"t much approve of us being together. We get found out, she goes home, and I hide in the woods for a couple hours, waiting for them to leave. They don"t, her father shows up, so I go out to meet them. He hits me a couple times, I hit him in the gut before his brother grabs hold of me. Get hit one more time before I book it barefoot down the road, tearing up the bottom of my feet.

I end up running to her mom"s property, unwittingly (we met up down the road) woo woo. I talk with her uncle a bit, he"s calm and rational. Her dad shows up back at the house, starts saying something about criminal trespass, so I get up and start to leave, as the sheriff pulls up. I get called back to tell them what"s going on, they talk to the dad, I get put under arrest for criminal trespass and spend the night in jail.

Moral of the story is: Don"t piss off hicks who will stick together and corroborate a story to land your ass in jail. Bailed out this morning and have a court date for June 9.

Spoilered my foot.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

ToeMissile said:

I imagine people who have crabs don"t think it"s a joke. Anyone care to share their experience?

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Spoiler Alert, click show to read:it"s only funny once you"re rid of the little fuckers. Imagine mini ticks all down... you get the picture. The unusually funny part is finding the first one on your woman"s eye brow. Central America wasn"t the cleanest place in the world

This thread reminds me of Henry Rollins

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So I got a question for all your armchair relationship experts...

What do you guys thing about a large age discrepancy in a relationship. I"ve met a girl that I"m older than, but when I initially guessed her age after hanging out with her for a few days...I was way off (by about 6 years and I am usually pretty spot on with ages). Had I known her age initially I might have been a little less eager to move forward, but now that we"ve spent some time together, I hate bailing on the fact of age alone.

So...Good thing, bad thing, depends on the people involved? Your thoughts or experiences please...

... come on now. That sounds like a possibly hilarious, "I accidentally an underaged girl" type story.

To your question. I can"t offer any personal experience on a large age gap. Most people I"ve spoken with say it"s relative to the ages themselves, even if the number of years is the same: there"s a difference between a 42 and 48-year-old dating vs. say, a 24 and 18-year-old. Depends on the people and the details which we are lacking. Not knowing anything, I"d say you"re probably a cad to bail solely based on ageif everything else is perfect. Needs clarification.




Vatoreus: Damn. That"s some pretty amazing stuff you"re putting up with for this chick.

avgeek said:

So I got a question for all your armchair relationship experts...

What do you guys thing about a large age discrepancy in a relationship. I"ve met a girl that I"m older than, but when I initially guessed her age after hanging out with her for a few days...I was way off (by about 6 years and I am usually pretty spot on with ages). Had I known her age initially I might have been a little less eager to move forward, but now that we"ve spent some time together, I hate bailing on the fact of age alone.

So...Good thing, bad thing, depends on the people involved? Your thoughts or experiences please...

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Little Women gives the rule for marriage as half the husband"s age plus seven years (so a 32 year old guy would marry a 23 year old), which is a fairly traditional standard if you wanted one as a maximum. I really think it depends on the individuals though, any general guidelines are only going to apply to your "average" person. If she was acting "old" enough to make you mistake her for much older, it is quite possible she is more emotionally mature and therefore it is kind of irrelevant.

avgeek said:

So I got a question for all your armchair relationship experts...

What do you guys thing about a large age discrepancy in a relationship. I"ve met a girl that I"m older than, but when I initially guessed her age after hanging out with her for a few days...I was way off (by about 6 years and I am usually pretty spot on with ages). Had I known her age initially I might have been a little less eager to move forward, but now that we"ve spent some time together, I hate bailing on the fact of age alone.

So...Good thing, bad thing, depends on the people involved? Your thoughts or experiences please...

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How about some actual numbers so people have a clue what you"re talking about.

To me, a large age gap would most definitely cause problems. Hell I am different than I was 2 years ago, and 2 years from now I"ll be different than I am now. But it depends on the person and the age difference, and the maturity level of each. In short I wouldn"t let age alone determine anything. The only reason age matters is for what it implies. You may find out in time that you can really tell that she"s 6 years younger than you originally thought, but if you couldn"t tell then it doesn"t matter at all.

I got nothin really interesting to report. Been out w/ the same Korean girl 5-6 times now but its over the course of like 1 1/2 months. We have an awesome time when we are together and, especially recently, she acts like we are an inseparable couple when together. But when we are apart, it seems like she doesn"t make much of an effort at all, and I am only able to catch her free 1-2 times a week. But when together I can tell by her body language and some of the things she lets slip after a couple drinks I know she is completely in to me. And my reads are almost always dead-on.

A Korean male friend of mine has given me a lot of assistance dealing with a Korean girl. The difference is huge. There so much more trust-building its ridiculous. I thought I was past that point after the dvd room but he tells me I still have a little way to go to get her to trust me. He said to be relentless, ignore how she acts and just show all my interest. This is totally counter to what I do with American girls, but I"ve followed it anyway and it"s all been really solid so far. When I do what I typically do, I feel her pull away, but when I ignore her lack of effort and just push push push I can feel her come around again.

That said, I fuckin hate it and it"s such a pain in the ass. I"m still evaluating HER, yet the only way to get closer and be able to do that is to basically show that I"m completely in to her and get her to feel close enough to me to not blow me off whenever it suits her. He said he expects to get blown off routinely for over a month, and he just keeps his mouth shut about it. And then a little bit later when they are together officially the girl is all over him and he is the one that has to create distance and hang out with outside friends. I know that I really enjoy spending time with her and she"s definitely not a typical Korean girl in a lot of ways, but that"s about all I know. Yet I"m forced to put in more effort and show more interest just to get her to come around. And from what I can tell, every fuckin Korean girl is like that. This girl is the biggest mold-breaker I"ve seen so far and even she is like it a little.

The most difficult part about it is that after being here for 2 1/2 months, the newness of everything has completely worn off and I"m at a point where I see nothing but insanity everywhere. It"s a pretty typical and temporary phase of living in a different culture from what I"ve read. But I"m at a point where this chick is one of the few things I actually look forward to, and when plans fall through or she oversleeps the day after her bday and misses our appointment it makes me wanna dropkick a small child.

And god damn their ideas about sex are from the 1950s. It actually does benefit the girls because there is no "oh I don"t really like her that much but I"m gonna keep in contact just to maybe hook up." There is no man horny enough to tolerate all the headaches if he doesn"t actually like the chick. I both like her a lotandam dealing with my longest dry-spell by a factor of 4, and both things combined are STILL barely enough to keep me from giving up out of frustration.

ToeMissile said:

sounds pretty old school and repressed if you ask me.

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Well, it was published in 1869. It wouldn"t be a standard I"d recommend necessarily (though considering the number of mid-life crisis marriages that violate the rule I could think of worse things...) but the question is so nebulous giving what was once a social standard might be helpful.

Oh God, a real relationship you can"t game! OH GOD!

avgeek said:

So I got a question for all your armchair relationship experts...

What do you guys thing about a large age discrepancy in a relationship. I"ve met a girl that I"m older than, but when I initially guessed her age after hanging out with her for a few days...I was way off (by about 6 years and I am usually pretty spot on with ages). Had I known her age initially I might have been a little less eager to move forward, but now that we"ve spent some time together, I hate bailing on the fact of age alone.

So...Good thing, bad thing, depends on the people involved? Your thoughts or experiences please...

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I dated a girl who was 18 when I was 22 and it was horrible. Though a college freshman versus college senior are light and day in terms of maturity.

Alcestis said:

... come on now. That sounds like a possibly hilarious, "I accidentally an underaged girl" type story.

To your question. I can"t offer any personal experience on a large age gap. Most people I"ve spoken with say it"s relative to the ages themselves, even if the number of years is the same: there"s a difference between a 42 and 48-year-old dating vs. say, a 24 and 18-year-old. Depends on the people and the details which we are lacking. Not knowing anything, I"d say you"re probably a cad to bail solely based on ageif everything else is perfect. Needs clarification.




Vatoreus: Damn. That"s some pretty amazing stuff you"re putting up with for this chick.

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I suppose my original post was a bit vague.

I am 29, she is 18. We"ve been spending a ton of time together the past month or so, I guess a good description of the relationship thus far would be "perfect". When we first met I hadn"t really considered her age based simply on the fact that she acted like a 24-25 year old. When her age did come up I was thrown off, but the friendship and attraction was already there. I guess, personally, I really don"t have an issue with the number, but I have absolutely no personal experience in being with somebody that much younger. When I talked to one of my female friends I got the riot act about dating a child and how I would end up being her dad...which is what prompted the question here.

I am 31 and dated a 19.

She acted childish in certain aspects, but no more than some of the older women I dated. If youre happy (and its legal), then continue on.

Glad i"m not the only 30ish guy around here. I"ve been dating my gf for a year and a half and things are getting a bit rocky(we"ve always had our issues, they seem to be manifesting now though). And if we end up breaking up i have to say i"d be a bit nervous getting back into the dating game at 30.

avgeek said:

I suppose my original post was a bit vague.

I am 29, she is 18. We"ve been spending a ton of time together the past month or so, I guess a good description of the relationship thus far would be "perfect". When we first met I hadn"t really considered her age based simply on the fact that she acted like a 24-25 year old. When her age did come up I was thrown off, but the friendship and attraction was already there. I guess, personally, I really don"t have an issue with the number, but I have absolutely no personal experience in being with somebody that much younger. When I talked to one of my female friends I got the riot act about dating a child and how I would end up being her dad...which is what prompted the question here.

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Hey man, if it"s working keep rolling with it. Just keep in mind that the chances of the relationship surviving for more than a couple months are VERY small, unless either you"re extremely immature or she"s extremely mature, or a bit of both. That"s a huge chasm of age that you"re jumping across there.

And maturity aside, when it comes to large age differences, just as important is where you are in your lives and what you have in common. As thoroughly documented in this thread, I dated a 21 year old when I was almost 28 a few months back, and in hindsight I"m glad it didn"t go further than it did. I"m settling down, established in a career, not looking to party every third night and so on. She has no idea what she wants to do with her life, waitresses/bartends etc, wants to go travelling to Australia for at least a couple months, lives with her parents, you get the idea. It just wasn"t going to last long term, in all likelihood. Now I"m dating a girl who is almost 25, and everything makes a lot more sense.

I can"t imagine dating a girl under 20, that"s for sure. I remember when I was about 23 or 24 I dated a girl who was just turning 19, and she annoyed the shit out of me. People do a lot of growing up in their late teens and early 20s.

avgeek said:

When I talked to one of my female friends I got the riot act about dating a child and how I would end up being her dad...

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Eh, that"s a common reaction with girls, I"ve noticed. Some can"t fathom the idea of a mutually beneficial relationship even with such an age discrepancy.

If she"s 18 right now, she"s on the brink of entering college in the fall. Needless to say, a new environment changeseverything, especially for a female freshman. I echo others above: if it"s legal and you both like each other, go for it. But do it for the fun. Don"t even think about "serious" until you"re further than all of one month in. If you"re dating for the long-term, I"m gonna play the overwhelming odds in my favor and say put her on hold. Sorry. =(

Alcestis said:

Eh, that"s a common reaction with girls, I"ve noticed. Some can"t fathom the idea of a mutually beneficial relationship even with such an age discrepancy.

If she"s 18 right now, she"s on the brink of entering college in the fall. Needless to say, a new environment changeseverything, especially for a female freshman. I echo others above: if it"s legal and you both like each other, go for it. But do it for the fun. Don"t even think about "serious" until you"re further than all of one month in. If you"re dating for the long-term, I"m gonna play the overwhelming odds in my favor and say put her on hold. Sorry. =(

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I suppose right now I -am- in it for the fun, I have no idea what the "long term" will be, but we are enjoying each others company right now. I don"t have it in my sights at the moment to marry this girl and spend the rest of my life with her, but if that"s what happens...it happens, to early to even think about it right now. On the plus side, she is fairly settled right now, she doesn"t like to go out, drink, party, etc, she likes hanging out at home with a couple of friends or going out and doing small simple stuff (movies, coffee, that type thing)...all of which mesh well with a 29 year old that is long past the party phase.

Ah, I meant "long-term" and "serious" as in, "don"t put much (if any) emotional investment into the relationship". There"s always going to be outliers, but I assume that most mature guys at 29 aren"t interested in the flitting around, serial 6-month-monogamy of their younger days, hence using those terms. Apologies if that was confusing. I wasn"t truly proposing you think of marriage or anything of the sort. xD

Alcestis said:

Ah, I meant "long-term" and "serious" as in, "don"t put much (if any) emotional investment into the relationship". There"s always going to be outliers, but I assume that most mature guys at 29 aren"t interested in the flitting around, serial 6-month-monogamy of their younger days, hence using those terms. Apologies if that was confusing. I wasn"t truly proposing you think of marriage or anything of the sort. xD

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lol, I think I knew what you ment, I guess I just wanted to clarify that I"m not already thinking about marriage. You are correct though, I am far from interested in a "fly by night" relationship, I"m in it for as long as it works, which, hopefully, will be a while...cause she"s a really great girl.

Dabamf said:

stuff.

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Seems like you"re figuring it out, that"s pretty much how I found the average Korean girl. In a lot of ways it"s opposite to what our NA standard dating procedure would be. Cultural differences are pretty interesting, your experiences remind me of a seminar I ran in Korea about the whole interview/resume process in North America and how to prepare Koreans for it. For instance, through my students I learned that while interviewing for a job in Korea it"s poor form to make any kind of eye contact with your interviewer, while in NA it"s the complete opposite. In Korea, you"re supposed to show that you"re obedient and subservient and will do whatever your employer tells you, where as in NA I basically was trying to show them that it"s important to show that you"re confident, and strong and can think for yourself. Also all my students seemed to make jokes about how they were only in it for the money in our mock interviews, as in Korea I guess its important that you value finances, where as I had to constantly remind them that in NA you shouldn"t really bring up your possible income until the end of the process and that you should be trying to imply to your possible employer that you"re actually looking to work because you"re "passionate" about it.

In retrospect, I kind of realized that our process is a lot more.... dishonest? than the Korean counterpart, and in a way it was a bit refreshing that they were so open.

Anyways, seems like your Korean buddy is advising you well, you"re lucky you don"t seem to have a girl that expects 10 texts a day as some of my buddy"s claimed. I miss Korea, goodluck man.

Oh, quick tip for those of you in Korea with/looking for chicks... (the teaching English thread reminded me somehow)

Take them to the Olympic park. The Koreans LOVE their parks, and this one is their king. They"re really proud of the whole Olympic thing too, so they"ll likely be really happy to go show it off to you. It"s in the middle of Seoul, but you can be in a spot where you"re surrounded by trees and feel like you"re in a forest, miles away from the city. It"s actually a really awesome place, and if I had lived anywhere near it, I would have gone there a ton.