It could also be a guilt thing. She could feel guilty for having gotten too close to you before she was about to get married, and the detachment is just her way of making it up to herself.
Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
- Start date
No offense.... but...
Why do men and women try to be friends? It never works. One always ends up liking the other a little more and it turns into someone getting hurt. Women don"t make good friends for guys, guys dont make good friends for women. The one cadveat is if you are only interested in fucking people of your same sex.
My guess is she was more interested in friendship than you, and felt a bit like you were pushing for more. it probably "weirded" her out. I also think she was lonely/sad/etc for her fiancee being gone and was looking for male attention - which is where you came in.
I have always had a rule that I don"t fuck with other people"s girlfriends/fiancees/wives. Its not worth the hassle. Even if you "win"(can it really be winning?) any girl that would do that to her boyfriend will do it again, only to you. Girls like that are not the type of girl I am looking for and I absolutely HATE the line that everyone uses " BUT IM SO MUCH BETTER THAN HER CURRENT BOYFRIEND". No, you arnt.
I always tell my friends that are hung up on some girl with a boyfriend that if they do fuck her, they need to leave her and under no circumstance make a relationship out of it. I had a buddy who "successfully" broke up some girls engagement and then proceeded to get engaged to her a year after they started dating. They were literally on the way to their wedding when he found out she had been sleeping around on him. What baffles me is that he was actually surprised.
Why do men and women try to be friends? It never works. One always ends up liking the other a little more and it turns into someone getting hurt. Women don"t make good friends for guys, guys dont make good friends for women. The one cadveat is if you are only interested in fucking people of your same sex.
My guess is she was more interested in friendship than you, and felt a bit like you were pushing for more. it probably "weirded" her out. I also think she was lonely/sad/etc for her fiancee being gone and was looking for male attention - which is where you came in.
I have always had a rule that I don"t fuck with other people"s girlfriends/fiancees/wives. Its not worth the hassle. Even if you "win"(can it really be winning?) any girl that would do that to her boyfriend will do it again, only to you. Girls like that are not the type of girl I am looking for and I absolutely HATE the line that everyone uses " BUT IM SO MUCH BETTER THAN HER CURRENT BOYFRIEND". No, you arnt.
I always tell my friends that are hung up on some girl with a boyfriend that if they do fuck her, they need to leave her and under no circumstance make a relationship out of it. I had a buddy who "successfully" broke up some girls engagement and then proceeded to get engaged to her a year after they started dating. They were literally on the way to their wedding when he found out she had been sleeping around on him. What baffles me is that he was actually surprised.
Eomer
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I completely disagree. There"s plenty of girls I"m friends with that I don"t feel an overwhelming need to fuck, and the feeling is mutual. People of the opposite sex don"t HAVE to fall for each other.
Now trying to transition a friendship to a relationship or vice versa? That"s a whole different story. But it can be done as well. One of my closest friends is a girl I had an on-again, off-again relationship with in highschool and just after over a period of a couple years.
You"re out of the picture, and when he told his girl to jumped, she asked "how high?". He doesn"t have a reason to be angry with you, as you"re no longer a threat. He got what he wanted, and as far as he knows, this is the last time you"ll be in a social situation with his wife. He really has no reason to be angry at this point.Zindan said:
Eomer
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I think it"s more likely that hubby doesn"t have any idea what went on between you and her while he was gone. Considering she lied to him in front of you repeatedly. For all he knows, you work together and maybe grab lunch every week or two.Zindan said:
It"s far more likely that in the lead up to her wedding she may have been having second thoughts about it, and she got *this* close to cheating with you. I have a hard time with the age difference (38 vs 20 right?), but women"s minds are fucked and it"s not necessarily about physical attraction or lust or really anything to do with you, other than being there and available. She was freaked out about the wedding, and whether she consciously intended to or not, she put herself in a position where she could end it by cheating with you.
She sorted her shit out enough to go through with the wedding, and whether she realizes it or not (that whole thing with women operating much more subconsciously than guys), she"s guilt ridden about almost cheating with you and her reaction is to shut you out.
In your post you never once talk about how you feel about her. Which is telling enough in and of itself. She probably knows what"s up as well, and as per usual, most women"s reaction to men that like them if the feeling isn"t mutual is to shun them, depending on how much of a puppy dog the guy is.
Basically, you"re creeping her out as well as making her feel guilty. The friendship you had is most likely changed irreversibly and wasn"t what you thought it was to begin with. Move on and give her space. If she comes back around great, maybe you can re-establish your friendship. But I don"t know many friendships between significantly older guys and younger, attractive girls that are genuinely about companionship.
You might well be right, but I don"t know if I could close on it either. Especially not with the second girl standing right there. Certainly just saying "come over to my place tonight" wouldn"t do the trick, but who knows?Dabamf said:
brekk
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I"m going to go with the alternative theory that she was madly in love with you as well. Inviting you to the wedding as part of the wedding party was a reminder of what was coming and a hint for you to make some bold romantic gesture to tell her your true feelings before it was too late.
This isn"t some older woman being mature, its a 20 year old wanting her own version of every romance movie. You didn"t come through on your end, she went through with the wedding and now hates you for all eternity, because you had your shot and you blew it.
This isn"t some older woman being mature, its a 20 year old wanting her own version of every romance movie. You didn"t come through on your end, she went through with the wedding and now hates you for all eternity, because you had your shot and you blew it.
"It was nice being your friend, but I can"t do it anymore. I"d be lying to myself if I told you I was ok with just being friends"
Along those lines is what I have on my mind at the moment.
Too harsh?
Along those lines is what I have on my mind at the moment.
Too harsh?
Why say anything if you"re just friends? God damn you need to stop bowing down to girls. If you don"t want to be friends then just talking to her. It"s pretty flipping simple.
Zindan
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You are an evil man, brekk. haha.brekk said:
To respond to the rest here. Yea, I have feelings for her, and she knew it. We talked about all that many months ago, and she didn"t freak out. I have never tried to be more than just a friend to her, there would be no future for her with me...I feel absolutely that it is best for her to be with her hubby. He adores her and will do whatever he can to give her a good life. Yet I would be surprised if their marriage lasts more than 5 years, seen far too many such early marriages fail later on.
Eomer, I hope you are wrong, because if you aren"t (not that I would ever know), that would be just too depressing. I"ve done my absolute best to never let her think I wanted to more than friends. I"ve only hugged her once, and that was just to try and make her feel better on the night she told me stuff about her past.
Bah. I don"t know, makes me feel even worse now to think that she has some feelings of guilt at spending time with me (for whatever reason), or that the feelings I have for her made her suddenly change so much so quickly. Now I have to wait and see what she does, if anything, until she gets back in another week.
Eomer
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Well, let"s look at the facts. She"s 20 and probably has dated the same guy since highschool. She probably knows deep down that marrying him is a mistake and she"s giving up her shot at a "normal" life in her 20"s as a single or semi-attached girl. I really honestly can"t understand nearly anyone getting married before 25 these days. So right there, not a good start.Zildan said:
However more importantly, she struck up what appears to be a fairly serious friendship with a coworker significantly older than her, who confessed his attraction to her at some point, and despite knowing how completely inappropriate that friendship would be in the context of her engagement, maintained it. In fact, she went so far as to repeatedly lie to her fiance about it to conceal it.
Indeed, when the fiance was out of town and she was lonely, she spent a significant amount of time with this "friend". She was only one or two very teeny, tiny steps away from cheating on her fiance. Whether because she was genuinely attracted to you, or because she was looking for a way to sabotage her way out of her trap of a relationship is hard to say, and pretty much irrelevant anyway.
Yeah, I agree, it"s only a matter of time until she jumps ship on her fiance. Too bad you weren"t friends with him instead, so you could warn the poor bastard. He sounds like a nice enough guy. Which might be half the problem in their relationship.
Again, the best and really only option is just to write off the friendship as dead and gone. Unless you want to jump head first in to another couple"s (doomed) relationship.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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Well here I am again, the girl I had been seeing for 8 months broke up with me today.
Things were going good, or I had thought and by all accounts of family and friends she told everyone she was happy and saw a future with me. She was staying over about 3 or 4 nights out of the week.
She suffers from depression to the point where she just went on meds for it this week so they haven"t really kicked in for her yet, maybe things will change after that I dunno.
A brief rundown as I said, things were fine, we were crazy in love, she has a son who is 18 months old who from hanging around my own children grew to call me dada. We were looking at getting our own place together in Oct, we went furniture shopping bought a few things then today she says, "I love you but I"m not in love with you."
She goes on to say how she loves being with me, cooking dinner with me, hanging out, laying in my arms at night, loves how I make her laugh and smile , yadda, yadda, yadda. I go on to tell her I"m pretty sure those are the things that go into loving someone but she says she"s pretty sure though not 100% positive she doesn"t have those feelings for me anymore, it COULD be the depression but she doesn"t think it is.
Honestly, I love the hell out of her. At least with my ex wife I could hate the bitch after our split but with this, I just feel wrecked. She still loves me she says, can see herself with me 10 years from now with kids, but she says she wants to feel love and the deep passion that all her married friends supposedly tell her about, like life is one big romance novel.
I"ve never been in the situation where after a breakup I was left feeling so alone and broken. Call me emo or whatever I don"t care but I loved the hell out of this girl and her son. Now I"m sitting here crying like a little girl left to wonder "why?"
Yes I"m an emotional guy, whatever, I don"t care that people know I cry. I guess I just don"t know what to do or think anymore. She says if anything changes and she said she hopes they do, we can try things again but honestly, why bother if all this shit could just happen again?
Relationships fucking suck and I"m not a hit it and quit it kinda guy.
-sigh- Fuck.
Things were going good, or I had thought and by all accounts of family and friends she told everyone she was happy and saw a future with me. She was staying over about 3 or 4 nights out of the week.
She suffers from depression to the point where she just went on meds for it this week so they haven"t really kicked in for her yet, maybe things will change after that I dunno.
A brief rundown as I said, things were fine, we were crazy in love, she has a son who is 18 months old who from hanging around my own children grew to call me dada. We were looking at getting our own place together in Oct, we went furniture shopping bought a few things then today she says, "I love you but I"m not in love with you."
She goes on to say how she loves being with me, cooking dinner with me, hanging out, laying in my arms at night, loves how I make her laugh and smile , yadda, yadda, yadda. I go on to tell her I"m pretty sure those are the things that go into loving someone but she says she"s pretty sure though not 100% positive she doesn"t have those feelings for me anymore, it COULD be the depression but she doesn"t think it is.
Honestly, I love the hell out of her. At least with my ex wife I could hate the bitch after our split but with this, I just feel wrecked. She still loves me she says, can see herself with me 10 years from now with kids, but she says she wants to feel love and the deep passion that all her married friends supposedly tell her about, like life is one big romance novel.
I"ve never been in the situation where after a breakup I was left feeling so alone and broken. Call me emo or whatever I don"t care but I loved the hell out of this girl and her son. Now I"m sitting here crying like a little girl left to wonder "why?"
Yes I"m an emotional guy, whatever, I don"t care that people know I cry. I guess I just don"t know what to do or think anymore. She says if anything changes and she said she hopes they do, we can try things again but honestly, why bother if all this shit could just happen again?
Relationships fucking suck and I"m not a hit it and quit it kinda guy.
-sigh- Fuck.
brekk
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Give it a week or two. Depression + Depression meds leads to a lot of batshit mood swings, and fluctuations in libido/interest in love.
Well we all get sick eventually if we drink too much, its about finding that limit and drinking slightly less than it.Tarrant220 said:
that"s the point.Tarrant220 said:
but you"d be surprised how much kicking a few back with some buddies and checking out the local talent can help. but as others mentioned, if she just started taking meds this week and breaks up with you immediately after, see if you can ride through this week of hell and she may snap back.
Yea bro take it easy. You probably know this or not. Worst thing you could do is lock yourself up at your place or in your room and do nothing.
An idle mind, under normal circumstances, is a dangerous mind. An idle mind, in circumstances like these... We"ll you get the picture...
I"m gonna post my current dilemma, but I feel like shit because ya"lls shit sounds oh so much more serious. Makes my problems seem like... Nothing... Which is good, but I still need to get it off my chest.
---
This girl that I met and quickly showed interest for me in June started acting a little weird quite recently. Which really doesn"t surprise me. I wanna give you all some basic facts, but keep it as brief as possible. Tell me what ya"ll think.
More recently, about 2 weeks ago. I stopped calling her, facebooking her, texting her. Because she called me on a monday night about 4 times, so I would go to her house for a party/get-together... And I didn"t pick up or respond till the day after. Pretty sure she just wanted me to bring my hookah...
I"m pretty sure I am over here in the sense that, I"m ok with her not wanting to date me, go out with me or hook up with me for now, if ever. Even though when I hang around with her she sends extremely mixed messages. Sits close to me, pointing towards me, likes touching me, gets nervous around me...
My problem is, I want to demonstrate that I am fine without her being into me.
Ok, easy enough. Be indifferent, be distant and quite possibly avoid her.
This past monday, she sent me a facebook wall post: "Hookah monday?" and I responded about 3 hours later: "You reckon?"... She didn"t respond, a bit later I sent her a message on FB chat, saying "hi", no response again... I went to the gym, after I was finished I called her once, no response once again... Get home, shower and tell her: "we will be smoking at my neighbors, come if you want" I didn"t expect a response, so I just left it there for her to do whatever...
Yesterday, a girlfriend of ours, which is my neighbor and one of her best friends arrives from vacation. I was at my other neighbors house smoking hookah and having some beers. There was a party at the next door house, and we all hit it up... She arrives with my girlfriend neighbor and acts as if something were up. Like she did something wrong. So much, that I had to go: "You don"t say hi?" She waved and smiled, said she didn"t see me. Went to another part of the terrace to talk to her best friend. I continue smoking for awhile and go to them and say: "let me give your a proper greeting" and peck her on the cheek (its how we say hi over here
)... I sit and she"s all jittery and avoiding to make eye contact with me. I talk to my other friend about her vacation...
(God, I am fucking rambling on)
The thing is, I probably know why shes acting like that and she doesn"t have a clue that I know. She met this guy, typical scene guy. Think he"s in some emo punk band with a bunch of other emo punk wannabe rock stars.
To each his own, no, really.
I don"t know the guy, at all, but I know a friend or a couple of friends of his. All I know is that he uses some pen name for everything, FB, Twitter and people actually call him that. It really is a stupid name, but again, to each his own.
Why would she act weird if we"re just friends?
"Don"t know what kind of person I"m being.... I hope I"m doing the right thing. I feel terrible; I really didn"t mean to cause any harm." on her Twitter yesterday...
---
Even though I"vesurprisinglykept my cool about this. (Normally I"d be raging, confrontational, depressed and thinking about her 24/7) I managed to forget about her and get a girls number at that party after she left. Playa Vim is back, I guess.
Now my biggest problem right now is... Her bday is on friday, she told me I should go, I think I should go, even if it is for 30 mins to an hour at most. (Have a party at a friends villa that same night and its a long ass drive). Trust me I do not wanna hang at the bday, no certified poon there.
I bought her a pink hookah when we were on really good terms, she said she wanted one so... (The thing is freaking awesome, I"d keep it if it weren"t fucking fuschia/pink)
I"ve thought about giving it to her a couple of times, before and/or after her birthday and be completely indifferent about it. To make it seem as if I"m the "tough guy?" Which I can totally pull it off. My question is, what would you do in this situation?
And as far as telling her I don"t wanna be friends, I"ll just stop contacting and start avoiding her, maybe "forever".
(Sorry for the wall of text, I fucking tried to keep it brief)
An idle mind, under normal circumstances, is a dangerous mind. An idle mind, in circumstances like these... We"ll you get the picture...
I"m gonna post my current dilemma, but I feel like shit because ya"lls shit sounds oh so much more serious. Makes my problems seem like... Nothing... Which is good, but I still need to get it off my chest.
---
This girl that I met and quickly showed interest for me in June started acting a little weird quite recently. Which really doesn"t surprise me. I wanna give you all some basic facts, but keep it as brief as possible. Tell me what ya"ll think.
- Shes 19 almost 20.
- Broke up with her first "true" relationship in Feb, they lived together for 8 months, she started drinking and possibly smoking shortly after for the first time in her life.
- She showed interest in me quite quickly and to not waste any time I reciprocated. At first I saw her as a fine tush to bag, but then I started really liking her.
- We hung out quite regularly. I asked her out on a date she said yes, but because of stupid circumstances we didn"t go on the date, even though we did end up hanging out that night at a friends party.
- Time went by I got frustrated, stressed and extremely anxious. Told her I couldn"t stop thinking about her. blah blah blah... We got a little impersonal, but she kept inviting me to her house and to hang out, whatever.
More recently, about 2 weeks ago. I stopped calling her, facebooking her, texting her. Because she called me on a monday night about 4 times, so I would go to her house for a party/get-together... And I didn"t pick up or respond till the day after. Pretty sure she just wanted me to bring my hookah...
I"m pretty sure I am over here in the sense that, I"m ok with her not wanting to date me, go out with me or hook up with me for now, if ever. Even though when I hang around with her she sends extremely mixed messages. Sits close to me, pointing towards me, likes touching me, gets nervous around me...
My problem is, I want to demonstrate that I am fine without her being into me.
Ok, easy enough. Be indifferent, be distant and quite possibly avoid her.
This past monday, she sent me a facebook wall post: "Hookah monday?" and I responded about 3 hours later: "You reckon?"... She didn"t respond, a bit later I sent her a message on FB chat, saying "hi", no response again... I went to the gym, after I was finished I called her once, no response once again... Get home, shower and tell her: "we will be smoking at my neighbors, come if you want" I didn"t expect a response, so I just left it there for her to do whatever...
Yesterday, a girlfriend of ours, which is my neighbor and one of her best friends arrives from vacation. I was at my other neighbors house smoking hookah and having some beers. There was a party at the next door house, and we all hit it up... She arrives with my girlfriend neighbor and acts as if something were up. Like she did something wrong. So much, that I had to go: "You don"t say hi?" She waved and smiled, said she didn"t see me. Went to another part of the terrace to talk to her best friend. I continue smoking for awhile and go to them and say: "let me give your a proper greeting" and peck her on the cheek (its how we say hi over here
)... I sit and she"s all jittery and avoiding to make eye contact with me. I talk to my other friend about her vacation...(God, I am fucking rambling on)
The thing is, I probably know why shes acting like that and she doesn"t have a clue that I know. She met this guy, typical scene guy. Think he"s in some emo punk band with a bunch of other emo punk wannabe rock stars.
To each his own, no, really.
I don"t know the guy, at all, but I know a friend or a couple of friends of his. All I know is that he uses some pen name for everything, FB, Twitter and people actually call him that. It really is a stupid name, but again, to each his own.
Why would she act weird if we"re just friends?
"Don"t know what kind of person I"m being.... I hope I"m doing the right thing. I feel terrible; I really didn"t mean to cause any harm." on her Twitter yesterday...
---
Even though I"vesurprisinglykept my cool about this. (Normally I"d be raging, confrontational, depressed and thinking about her 24/7) I managed to forget about her and get a girls number at that party after she left. Playa Vim is back, I guess.
Now my biggest problem right now is... Her bday is on friday, she told me I should go, I think I should go, even if it is for 30 mins to an hour at most. (Have a party at a friends villa that same night and its a long ass drive). Trust me I do not wanna hang at the bday, no certified poon there.
I bought her a pink hookah when we were on really good terms, she said she wanted one so... (The thing is freaking awesome, I"d keep it if it weren"t fucking fuschia/pink)
I"ve thought about giving it to her a couple of times, before and/or after her birthday and be completely indifferent about it. To make it seem as if I"m the "tough guy?" Which I can totally pull it off. My question is, what would you do in this situation?
And as far as telling her I don"t wanna be friends, I"ll just stop contacting and start avoiding her, maybe "forever".
(Sorry for the wall of text, I fucking tried to keep it brief)
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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to the first part.....it"s what I am really hoping for. Honestly, I care much more for this girl then I ever did my ex wife. I"m a total wreck and she stated before it would be all the depression stuff. 2 days ago she was almost 100% sure it was the depression, today she said she was almost 100% sure it wasn"t. I really hope when the meds kick in things straiten out.brekk said:
As it stands right now I just want to call her and tell her how much I care for her, but I know it wont do anything.
And as for the drinking thing, I don"t think you understand, a single shot or beer will cause me to throw up violently within minutes.