An update of sorts to my previous post weeks ago, where I vented about how a girl I was good friends with (but had much more than friendly feelings for) made me feel like shit during her wedding.
Everything I thought might happen is about to happen. At the wedding I saw how she reacted to a guy we both worked with, a guy I knew she had a huge crush on just from how she looked / acted towards before the wedding.
Once she got back form her honeymoon, we had a long talk about how I saw things during the wedding/reception. She explained what was going on with her to make her be so not herself. About 2-3 weeks prior to the wedding she started to have panic attacks again. She went through a phase during her teenage years where she suffered anxiety and panic attacks, but they ended.
Yet they start up again, and they affected her in a bad way. I accepted what she had to say because it was plainly obvious that something was bothering her that day (she had a series of attacks throughout the day), but I was disappointed that she couldn"t really answer why it was just me that she ignored that day...but oh well, she still thought of me as a one of her best friends.
Since then a lot has happened, some stuff I am only finding out now (as of today in fact), we"ve been taking an Art class together, she"s asked me to come watch her ride at some rodeo"s (small local ones), and even offered to teach me to ride (awesome). Skip forward to last Tuesday...when stuff starts happening.
That day starts off with a txt from her telling me how much she appreciates my friendship and all that I have done for her, for the support I"ve given her. That she just wanted to let me know that I was one of her two best friends ("excluding her husband") and that she knew I would stick with her since she was going through a confusing time. That was rather unexpected, but cool to hear. She then calls me up and asks if I would meet her so she could give me a report to hand in at our Art class. I go meet her and one of the first things she says is that she is thinking of leaving her hubby because he has become such a control freak. Uh oh.
I don"t talk to her until Thursday when she comes to class. She sits down next to me as usual, and says her and hubby are taking a "break". I was kinda stunned, I knew that they had issues, but didn"t expect it to blow up like this so soon. We bail the class right after we finish taking a quiz. That is when she starts to break down, and she asks if I will go with her to talk with her dad about things. Lots of talking goes on about what caused the "break"...and come to find out later that night her, her hubby, her dad and her step-mom all got together and talked things out. So the "break" ended...sorta.
Saturday comes along, a day she had asked me to come to a rodeo to watch her ride. We are both working, we take our breaks and have a good lunch where we agree to have her drive us up to the rodeo after work. During our last break it is clear she is feeling way down, so I tell her to just go home and rest up before we head to the rodeo and say I will try to take off early too. We both get out of there early and she asks that I come over and hang out with her until we need to head up to the rodeo.
I say I"ll head over after go home and change, she says she"ll leave the door unlocked and to just come in. I get home, change then drive over to her place and walk in...sadly I didn"t catch her in a state of undress. She was just sitting on the couch watching tv. Nothing happens really, we start to watch Housebunny (gotta love Anna"s ass), I look through her honeymoon album with her next to me pointing out stuff.
She asks my opinion on what color of shirt to wear, standing in front of me giving me a good view of her chest (she always wears tight fitting t-shirts and has perfect breasts). Once the shirt color is decided she heads to her room and changes without shutting her door. Then she asks what pants to wear...same thing happens, she picks a pair then goes to change without shutting the door.
Ah rambling now. Anyway, nothing happens. We have a fun time driving up, miss the exit we needed to take, but finally get there. Rodeo is fun, she rides great. Lots of her family show up, and her hubby"s parents show up too. I hang out with her dad mostly, just talking about stuff. Things wrap up, and just before her and I start to drive off she gets a call from her hubby.
The call lasts like 15min, of her mostly answering question after question...felt bad for her. Oh...he called her while we were getting gas before we left, and she never mentioned that I was with her. While talking with the hubby"s parents, they ask if I was able to drive up here without getting lost (hard place to find), and I unthinkingly say that I rode up with her...which made the hubby"s mother get an odd look on her face. Anyway, during the call with the hubby she tells him that I am with her...but he doesn"t seem to be phased by it, she even mentions that he seems comfortable with me now.
We drive back listening to music, everything seems ok, except she is reluctant to go home, saying she wants to just drive around some more. She tells me that I will have to come over sometime and try to beat her at Super Mario Bro. on the NES she got the day before (she loves Super Mario). Ok..will stop rambling and get to why I am even writing this.
Sunday. The day from hell. This was the first day that she was to be working and the guy I knew she had a huge crush on would be working in her area too. I was kinda curious to see what would happen. Stuff happens between them. Apparently sometime during the previous week, she had called him up and asked whether he had feelings for her or not. He says he does.He had txt"d her a few times during her absence telling her how he missed having her around at work. Ugh.
To end this. Those two spend the day together, and they discussed their mutual attraction and how they both believe they would hook up IF she wasn"t married. Of course he tells her that he doesn"t want to come between her and her husband...yet he keeps txting her telling her he has feelings for her. Her and I had met by chance later that night, and I kinda unloaded on her about how she acted that day with the guy. She tells me a lot about what went on, and I tell her how seeing her behave like that affected me..because it did. It sucked.
Today. I ask if she wants to skip the Art class and go talk about stuff. We spend the next 3hrs having some lunch, then at the ranch taking care of her horse, all the while talking about what is going on with her. From my PoV it comes down to how she feels like her hubby wants to control everything, and that she wants to have a fling with this other guy really bad. So she has made up her mind to leave her hubby and get with the other guy.....and still wants me to be her friend, even knowing that I have much more than friendly feelings for her.
I will admit that the thought of her being with this other guy upsets me a lot, I never had such feelings about her hubby. I guess it is just the thought that she could be with me, but chooses to be with the other guy. Sucks.
So what to do? I"ve never really been in a situation like this, which is a bad thing I guess. I have strong feelings for her, and would like to still have her in my life, yet I don"t think I can. How have you all done that? How have you walked away from someone you care for, is there some magic cure for getting this shitty feeling out of you?
